LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories

Holding Onto Hope After the Hardest Goodbye: Larissa Dagley's Story - Latter-Day Lights

• Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley

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How does a parent stand back up when every corner of home echoes with grief?

For EMT, educator, and loving mother Larissa Dagley, tragedy began at her teen son Cody’s shooting incident—a moment that left Cody drowning in relentless nightmares and bullying for the remainder of his life. Overwhelmed by guilt and depression, Cody took his own life almost 2 years later, plunging Larissa into a darkness so crushing, she feared her heart would literally break. Yet in the midst of excruciating grief, Larissa trusted in a Savior who heals more than sins: He mends shattered souls and whispers hope into the loneliest nights.

In this heart-wrenching episode of Latter-day Lights, Larissa recounts tender mercies, spiritual impressions, and Cody's messages from the afterlife that proved Christ never left her side. Her story offers hard-won lessons on suicide awareness, the power of compassionate words, and the healing reach of the Atonement.

If you or a loved one is wrestling with depression or suicidal ideation, Larissa’s witness reminds us that no grief is too deep, no mistake too final, and no family too wounded for the Savior’s unfailing light. Tune in and learn how, even after the worst pain imaginable, Christ can guide us from storm-tossed anguish to a sunrise of lasting peace.

*** Please SHARE Larissa's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode, visit: https://youtu.be/7KzVWU4Oi80

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Scott Brandley:

Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.

Alisha Coakley:

And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.

Scott Brandley:

On today's episode we're going to hear how the healing power of Jesus Christ is helping one grieving mother to find peace in the passing of her son. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today. We're really excited to introduce our special guest, larissa Dagley, to the show. Welcome, larissa.

Alisha Coakley:

Thank you. Yeah, thank you so much for reaching out to us. I'm not going to give away you know, really any spoilers or anything to what you wrote, but I will tell you. When you wrote me your letter, when you wrote us your letter, I was the one that did intake and I read it and I, oh my gosh, like I was sobbing my eyes out, but at the same time I just felt the spirit so strong and I was like I, I don't even need to do a phone call.

Alisha Coakley:

I'm like 100%, Larissa's story is going to just bring so much light to people and so, um, it took a lot of courage, I know, to bring that out and and it's kind of weird because we we just did another episode with a very similar storyline um, as far as like the end result, but, um, it's. It's evident to me anyway, and I'm sure to Scott too, that even in the safety of the gospel, we are, especially our, our, our men are struggling with their mental health and and we're struggling with seeing suicides rise and things of that nature, and so, um, as hard as this episode I'm sure it's going to be. I think that there's just a lot of people out there who, who can find some peace and from and some healing from it. So thank you so much for being willing to come on and to share all of this with us right now. I know it's real and raw and really hard, but we appreciate your courage to do that. So thank you.

Larissa Dagley:

You are so welcome. Thanks for letting me.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, of course. So before we get into all of that, you know heavier stuff that we're going to be talking about today. We would love to know a little bit more about you. Who is Larissa? Tell us you know where you live, what you do? Little background information.

Larissa Dagley:

I. I live in Starley, wyoming, in a low community called Auburn, wyoming and um. I'm currently um a substitute teacher, but I served as an EMT for 20 years and I retired doing that about three years ago and I love love spending time with my family and my grandkids and my kids and I, yes, and I love camping, I love riding the four-wheeler and the side-by-side and I love snowmobiling and I love doing crafts. I make a lot of wood crafts like tall painting crafts oh, that's cool.

Alisha Coakley:

That seems very appropriate for your neck of the woods like really super fun outdoor stuff. And then when it gets too dang cold, yes, exactly, exactly. I love that awesome. How many, how many, uh kids and grandkids do you have? I have six children and nine grandkids wow, now you just need 12 pets, then you have six, nine, yes that's right.

Larissa Dagley:

That's right. We have three boys and three girls. So I said we're like the Brady Bunch.

Alisha Coakley:

Oh, that's fun, Very cool. So how long were you an EMT? For 20 years. 20 years, that's a long, that's a long career.

Larissa Dagley:

And then now substitute teaching. Which one is harder Depends on the day. You know. I would say, say I would say being a substitute teacher is harder even though I love the kids yeah, yeah, with the ent you can just sedate them. Strap them up, you know, turn the sirens on a little bit louder if you need to yes, there was a few scary incidents, but for the most part I really really, really loved and enjoyed doing it. Oh, that's awesome.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah well, larissa, why don't you? We'll turn it over to you and tell us where your story begins.

Larissa Dagley:

Okay, my story begins on a beautiful August day, my son, cody, and I Cody, who was 15 years old at this time we had went to Idaho Falls, idaho, and had come back and spent a really fun day down there together and came back in the evening and I had gone out into our field to change the water and Cody came out and said mom, you've got an ambulance call. And so I decided to go on the ambulance call and when I came back home, cody um, my husband, had let Cody? Um go squirrel hunting with his cousin and this cousin that he had gone squirrel hunting with him and this cousin had been best friends since they were toddlers and they always wanted to live at each other's house because they just loved spending time with each other. But this cousin was a year older than Cody and when he got to like driving age, this cousin had kind of gotten other friends and hadn't spent maybe the last two years very much time with Cody. So I know Cody was probably really looking forward to going squirrel hunting with him.

Larissa Dagley:

And a short time later my pager went off for someone who had been shot, and so I decided to first respond to the scene because I had a jump kit and I knew that I could get there before the ambulance could get there. So my husband, who was also a first responder, but he was a first responder for work he asked me if I wanted him to come, which he never did. I mean, only one or two other times during all the calls I've gone on has he ever asked to do that. So I said, yes, come along. And then, when we arrived on scene, I found a young girl who was crying. But as I did a rapid assessment on her, I couldn't find an entry wound or an exit wound of a bullet. So I was really confused as to why we were called to someone who had been shot. And then the sheriff's deputy that was there, who I knew really well, he said he told me that she was involved in the shooting accident that had just happened down at the river, and so her family members wanted us to load her in the ambulance and take her on in the hospital.

Larissa Dagley:

So we did, and well, my husband, I helped load her up, but then my husband, since we first responded to the scene, had her own private vehicle, and my husband wanted to go home and I had a strong feeling that we needed to go to the hospital. And he says, well, let's just go home. And I thought, how am I going to convince him we need to go to the hospital? And he says, well, let's just go home. And I thought, how am I going to convince him we need to go to the hospital? So I just said, um, I says, how about we go help clean up the ambulance and then we can go home? He says, okay, so as we pull into the ER, my husband said there is Brandon's truck, and Brandon was Cody's best friend, cousin growing up, okay, and and I said, um, no, it's not. And he said, yes, it is. He says, look at the decal in the window. And I said you're right, it is his truck.

Larissa Dagley:

And so, um, we hurried into the through the ER doors and as we walked to the doors, first thing I saw was my nephew standing there and he was standing sideways and he looked both at my husband and I and he said Cody is the one that shot him. And I can't describe how that felt. But I then looked over to my left and I saw Cody sitting in the corner and he had his hands on his head like this, and he had been sobbing and I immediately ran over and put my arms around him and I was hugging him and telling him how much we loved him. And then, um, a short time later, I went in back into the ER where this um young man was that Cody had shot.

Larissa Dagley:

And as I went in there the young man looked at me and he said tell Cody that it was just an accident. He said Cody was the safest one of all of us. He always had kept his gun on, was telling us to keep our guns on safety. And and I found out later that they'd been down there and they'd been squirrel hunting. And then some other friends had called him and asked him to come down to the river. And then we went down there. Cody went to move his shotgun out of the one person's truck, put in his cousin's, and had accidentally left the safety off and the trigger went off and this young man was on the other side of the truck and it had shot him in the side and in the arm and stuff.

Alisha Coakley:

Okay.

Scott Brandley:

But he was okay.

Alisha Coakley:

Yes, any like serious damage or anything at that time.

Larissa Dagley:

They life flighted him out and he of course had BBs, all and it, and it caused a lot of severe damage to his arm, but he did survive. So after this shooting accident happened, cody um, I noticed was having a lot of nightmares. In the middle of the night I would be woke up and, um, I could hear him in the other room. So I'd go in there and I would find him standing at bed going, ah, ah, like this. Because he was so scared and just I knew he was having nightmares from what had happened, from the post-traumatic stress, and so I'd try to comfort him and I'd try to put him back in bed and try to get him to go back to sleep. But I did that. I couldn't tell you how many times in the next 22 months that I would hear that.

Larissa Dagley:

And we had talked to Cody about trying to get him into counseling and he didn't want to go because he didn't feel that anybody could understand what he went through and and we didn't know the kind of counselor. We only live in a small place, we weren't familiar with what that, you know. We were familiar with what they could do here, but it wasn't what we felt, what he really needed and anyway, and um so um. This went on and he continued to have these nightmares and one morning I even got up and I found blood in the sink in the bathroom where he'd been thrashing around in his sleep and giving himself a bloody nose.

Alisha Coakley:

And he was what? 15, 14, 15? How old was?

Larissa Dagley:

he when this happened.

Alisha Coakley:

He was 15. He was 15 when the shooting accident happened. Okay, yes.

Larissa Dagley:

Yes, yes. And then, um, anyway, so, um, about a year later, um, I had this flash in my mind and I have this dream. And it was just a flash and I saw the front end of this truck and I saw Cody laying on the road and I knew that he was dead. Two days before Cody died, I was sitting there and I'd gone to an ambulance. I was with one of my friends who was an EMT and I told her. I said I keep having it on my mind that Cody's going to die and I kept having an impression that we needed to buy a cemetery plot. When I talked to my husband later, he had mentioned the same thing, that he'd been having that same impression. And then my mom called me up. She goes have you guys ever considered getting a cemetery plot? And I thought, oh my word, I wish people would quit doing these things. You know what I'm saying.

Larissa Dagley:

And then, the day before he died, I was kneeling down saying my prayers and I prayed and asked Heavenly Father to bless Cody with a desire to serve a mission in this life or the next life. And I didn't remember saying that prayer until the next day, after I learned that he had died, and then I remembered those words that had came out of my mouth. He had died, and then I remembered those words that had came out of my mouth. But, um, what ended up happening is Cody, um, I had, I had, like I said he hadn't been hanging around with his cousin, who they were like best friends growing up, but he had and he was home all the time. So he, I mean, so I'm saying he, cody was a really good kid, he really was. He wasn't a wild kid but um, but he had um, asked me this evening if he could go down to my brother's and hang out with his cousin's younger brother, who him and his little sister would go hang out with. So I told him it was okay. And then his sister got off work that night and I called him up and asked him if he could go pick up his sister from work. And he says, mom, because I would, except I can't because I don't have enough gas. And then I remembered the car didn't have enough gas, he couldn't go get her. And so he had come home prior to that night and earlier in the evening, and when he's getting ready to go out that door, I hugged him and it was the last time I hugged him. I remember his body felt so warm as I hugged him. I just remember thinking that he felt so warm. I told him that I loved him and then he left and I didn't realize that would be the last time that I would be hugging him in this, in this life anyway.

Larissa Dagley:

And then, um, I guess what ended up happening is his cousin, who was an older brother, came home and Cody had went with him and his cousin took him down to some friend's house and while they were at the friend's house, somebody had brought up the shooting accident and told Cody that he had ruined his friend's life and Cody started sobbing. And so Cody stepped out on the porch outside and his cousin stepped out there with him and he asked him if he was okay. And he says yes, because I just need a little bit of time to myself. So his cousin went back in the house and then Cody went over and shot himself. And then, about 3.12 in the morning, my pager goes off for a 16-year-old who had been shot and I thought I knew Cody wasn't 16. I knew he was 17 at this time, anyway, and my husband, he he said what was that address, which my husband never ever has asked me that. So I got out of bed, I pushed the repeat button on my pager and it was blank, there was no repeat address. And then, um, my husband gets up and goes and gets on the computer and starts looking, and my husband never does this either. This is really unusual behavior. And anyway, and then, as I lay back down and I was trying to sleep, I thought please, please, don't let this be Cody. And I said if it's not Cody, please give me a feeling of peace.

Larissa Dagley:

Well, about a little after five in the morning, my husband was up getting ready to go to work and I was still in the bedroom and I heard voices in the living room and I said and I thought I wonder what was going on. And then my husband, I could hear footsteps coming down the hall really fast, and so I got really scared and my husband burst through the door and he said Weiss, he, he got, that's my nickname, he calls me, he goes, he goes, cody is dead. And I said please tell me, that's not true, please tell me that's not true. And he said I can't. And then he said do you trust the lord? And I physically started shaking and I remember my body was just shaking and quivering and then I went in the living room and there was my brother, the coroner and three of my EMT friends who had been on the call. And one of the EMTs knew my brother, so he called my brother and asked him if he could come over with him to come see us.

Larissa Dagley:

And anyway, that was very, very devastating and it was really difficult because Cody and our family was like like in the Waltons the movie If You're Old Enough, like I am right, the Waltons were at the end John Boy Walton would always say, um, you know, he'd say good night so and so, and then they say you know, I mean, but that was kind of our house. Cody did this thing in our house that he'd holler good night mom. And then I'd say good night and he'd say I love you. And I'd say I love you, then he'd go on to the next person, so till I go for everything, and I don't know how many nights he did this. That was kind of a tradition in our house, anyway.

Larissa Dagley:

And so after this happened and we found out that he had passed away the first day, I couldn't go to the mortuary. I couldn't. And I didn't know if it was because four months prior to that my neighbor's son had committed suicide and I um, and so I called another emt and asked him if he'd come help me clean up in the garage where their son had shot himself, and so I didn't know what my son was going to look like. So the next day we went to the mortuary and the mortician wanted my husband and I to go in first, and I wish that we wouldn't have done that, because our daughters were with us, because our sons hadn't arrived yet, and I wish we would all went in together, because when I saw my son I screamed and I learned later that I traumatized my daughters because they said, mom, we will never forget that scream and I am not a person that screams. But it just came out and I screamed.

Larissa Dagley:

But immediately, when I saw my son's body, there was four inches of a total bright light over his body and there was an immediate feeling of peace. And I immediately thought and that light above his body left as quick as I saw it and there was an immediate feeling of peace and I thought to myself I wouldn't bring you back if I could, because I knew how much he was suffering and I thought now he is at peace and now he is free from that mortal suffering in this life. But in the days that passed it was so hard telling our children that that their brother had died. Because I they're just like. When I told my husband, I said we've got to wait a couple of hours because I says that's only two more hours that they can have peace in this life before their lives will be turned upside down.

Larissa Dagley:

Yeah, but there were family members that had um, that were really struggling with Cody's death, and Cody um, uh, gave them a message, each of them a message, and told them that he's okay and that he is where he is supposed to be. And my husband kept saying afterwards he kept saying it was an accident, it was an accident, it was an accident. And I kept saying in my mind, I kept thinking why does he keep saying that it wasn't an accident? He killed himself. And then one day I was in my bathroom. I looked up at the ceiling and I was just sitting there thinking about my husband keeps saying that it was an accident and the spirit came over me so strong and bore witness to me that it was an accident.

Alisha Coakley:

Really.

Larissa Dagley:

Yes, and bore witness to me that it was an accident, really yes, and I've told very few people that because I thought if I tell people that they're going to think, oh yeah, you just don't want to deal with it. He really killed himself and I don't understand it, I can't explain it, but that's all I've known. I thought that's all that I need to know. You know I'm saying, and in fact when people, people ask me how he died, I just say he committed suicide. And anyway it was hard because those that had been there that night we told our nephew he says tell them to please feel like they can come to the viewing or funeral if they want to, but we're not angry at them. Please just tell them that they can come if that would help them. Anyway, and we don't know whether they came or not because I don't even know what they looked like, to be honest with you. But I hope they did come so that they could have some peace.

Larissa Dagley:

But at our son's funeral I felt a strong depression, that I needed to talk and I felt really bad because there was something I was told to say that I didn't say.

Larissa Dagley:

I was told to say that you need to each love each other and if you're in a home where there's not much love shown, where people don't say I love you, then start being the one to say it, because everybody needs love. Everybody needs to be heard that they're loved. And I thought I was so thankful that that was one regret that I didn't have that Cody was. I always told Cody a lot that I loved him and how proud I was, and I was so thankful that that was one thing that I didn't have to regret. But I did feel, um, after cody died I don't know why, but I went through a period where I felt like I wonder if he loved me, even though he told me all the time when he was alive that he loved me felt like I wonder if he loved me even though he told me all the time when he was alive that he loved me.

Larissa Dagley:

But I went through that period of wondering did he love me? And then one time a good friend called me up. She was at the fair and I ran into her and she said, larissa, I had a dream and I was on the phone with you. And she said and Cody told me, tell my mother that I love her. And she didn't know I'd been feeling that way. So I knew that was a message that Cody was telling her to tell me that he does love me and anyway.

Larissa Dagley:

And then we had several experiences afterwards where we would know that cody was here, there's a light in his bedroom that would come on, and we would know. And I've noticed and it still does sometimes. I know I notice when I'm struggling or having a hard time that his light will come on in his room, his lamp, and we'll say cody's here. That's what we, that's our thing, is cody's here. Well, and it's not a light, just turns on by itself. You know, I'm saying never has, and I've also had. We've also been up right after he died in the garage. It was dark and it was dark, and then I was talking and all of a sudden the light comes on in the garage so it's it's kind of his little way of letting us know that he's there, right, and then. And then we'll smell sometimes this really really sweet pine smell, because he loved outdoors, walking by his room. All of a sudden we'll get a really really sweet pine smell walking by his room and I'll know that he's there.

Larissa Dagley:

But after all of this stuff, um, we came to the point, um, um it was. It was so difficult there. It was um excruciating agony. The pain was so severe that I literally didn't know if I could survive the physical pain of it and the emotional pain. And I had two sweet, dear moms come and tell me that had lost children and they said that it never gets better and I thought if it doesn't get better I am literally going to die. I thought I literally can see now why people die from a broken heart, right, and I was so scared and they had good intentions and they were wonderful people. But I just thought I don't know if I'm going to survive if this doesn't get any better.

Larissa Dagley:

And then one of them told me that they, about two months after their son died, that they could feel when people stopped praying for him. So I was so terrified that two months after my son's son died that I was going to just totally feel abandoned and I didn't know what to expect. I was terrified, I'm not going to lie. I was so scared. But when the two-month mark came, it was okay. It was, I mean, it wasn't okay, but it wasn't as bad as what I was thinking it was going to be.

Larissa Dagley:

And then and I learned to never tell people that, never tell people that, because I learned different from my experience of the healing power of Jesus Christ and his atonement I learned that we go through hard times and I learned after he died. I found his journal and I came across a page in his journal where he had written that a teacher in high school had been harassing him, making fun of him, because of him shooting this person oh my gosh really yes, and then also there was several students his names he had written that would have been harassing, calling, calling names because he had accidentally shot this person.

Larissa Dagley:

And I'll be honest, when I read it for two days I was really angry, really angry. I thought how dare they do that to him. And then I forgave him and I thought I went and talked to one of the principals who was a good friend of mine and I asked him what I should do and he gave me advice of what to do and I went to a counselor and she says, larissa, she goes, you've got to do something about this. Because she says, you don't know how many students come in my office sobbing because of this same teacher. Oh my gosh. And so then I wrote a letter to this teacher I don't even know what he looks like. I wrote him a letter and I told him how I felt when I found what Cody had written in his journal. And then I told him that I had felt angry, but I told him, I forgave him and I told him that we needed to learn from this experience of what we could do different in the future and that how in the future maybe we could ask people how they're doing it, put our arm around them and just let them know that we care and that we're concerned and just check in on them and just build each other up instead of tearing each other down. And anyway, and I didn't want to deal with any of that at the time I didn't have energy to barely survive, let alone do any of that.

Larissa Dagley:

And then, um, that was hard too, because the school, the seniors, um, some of his friends that were girls, when they're seniors, they each do they do a tile and then, um, they get to create their own tile and then school puts it up on the wall for the seniors.

Larissa Dagley:

So this girl's asked if they could put a tile up for him and they told him no, they wouldn't allow them to do a tile for him.

Larissa Dagley:

And that was really hurtful. And I was thinking to myself it's probably because they think we don't want to glorify somebody who's committed suicide. They also have a little place out in front of the school that is a memorial where they put students' names who passed away, and they also wouldn't put my son's name out there and that hurt. And that hurt at first because, because I felt like they treated him like he didn't exist, yeah and and I knew they didn't understand suicide, right and anyway, and and this and so after that, um, I went to a lot of suicide training classes and took a suicide training course because I wanted to know what I could do different in the future to help people right and, um, and our school over here had the misconception at that time and that if you, um, if somebody commits suicide, you can't come into the school and talk about it because it's going to make others want to commit suicide.

Alisha Coakley:

Right which is not true.

Larissa Dagley:

It is not true. That's what I learned. It's not true Because if people are thinking about committing suicide, they're already thinking about it before you come. I mean, you're not going to give them the idea to do it. Does that make sense? Yeah, idea to do it? Does that make sense? Yeah. But I also learned that, um, to watch for the signs of suicide or somebody that has suicidal ideation, watch if, like, they're severe depression or they're talking about not wanting to be here anymore, they're talking about wanting to take their life, or or all of a sudden they're in severe depression, all of a sudden they start giving their things away and all of a sudden they become happy that's a very big.

Larissa Dagley:

That's a very dangerous sign and um, and I thought you need to look, watch out for this um, and so that was my desire is to help other people, to educate other people, and so I tried to do some things. I got a hold of a person in our county and tried to do some suicide things Anyway, and then I tried to hold. Last year I tried to do a. I got a hold of this other mother who had lost her son two or three years before that. I asked her if she wanted to get involved with me in trying to help people that are struggling with depression. Just a safe place to come talk. It was a free of charge, to just just support. You know what I'm saying. And we couldn't, we couldn't get in, we couldn't get anybody to show up. I did have one person afterwards contact me. So now I've been contemplating doing a grief support group where it's um, where you can support people that are grieving, because it is a lonely thing sometimes it's.

Alisha Coakley:

It's so neat, though, like I've actually I mean, I've been saying for years now that I wish that the church had a grief support group within the gospel right. Like I wish that we had a resource like that that could tie the atonement of Christ to those of us who are grieving, because I think a lot of people just think, oh well, you know about the atonement, so use it. Or oh, you'll be fine. Like, heavenly father, give me peace. Like people don't really understand until they're in it just how how much it really does affect every aspect of our lives. And I, you know, I mean we've got different support groups for like addictions and things like that but I really wish that the church would organize some type of grief group for the gospel, you know, because it's just, it's such a hard thing and, you're right, people don't want to go to it.

Alisha Coakley:

That's the weird thing. Right, like right. You're saying is you're here, you are, you're like come and talk, but it's like there's a weird stigma where people are like I can't come talk Because if I talk about it, it makes it too real, or it's too hard, or I'm gonna write each other, or my pain isn't going to be as big as someone else's, and so I don't want to turn on them or or no, I don't need it, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, and that's what him, that's what he loves to do is. He likes to tell us sweep it under the rug, deal with it on your own, you don't need to connect with people, nobody's going to understand you.

Larissa Dagley:

You are. You are so right, you hit the nail right on the head. That's exactly what I found too, and I found when I was going through the deep grieving part. I felt so alone, I felt so lonely and I thought I found out who my real friends were. But I felt I went in waves like this.

Larissa Dagley:

I mean it was just like the storm would come in really heavy and then all of a sudden the rainbow on the sun would shine again and then I feel joy, and then also the storm would come back in again and I'd feel this horrible. And I remember one day I had just been down for so long and I kept thinking, oh, I kept trying to pull myself out and I couldn't. So I got on my knees and I told Heavenly Father. I said, heavenly Father, I'm not going to quit. But I says I need your help. I says I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails and I said, please give me hope. And he did. He did give me hope and I felt being down like that it was so hard. And my husband, I could tell, was down and it was hard watching my family members grieve in the pain and I couldn't take it away from him and it hurt just to watch them hurt. Yeah, and you knew you. You knew they had to go through it just like I did.

Alisha Coakley:

And I can imagine it's even a million times worse as a mom, knowing that your role is supposed to be the nurturer and the supporter and the emotional you know help for all of the kids, and to just be dealing with all of that on your own, I can't even, I can't even fathom that on your own I can't even.

Larissa Dagley:

I can't even fathom right right what you know what, and it was. It was so difficult, but I um. The thing that got me through this is I read my scriptures and I stayed close to my savior and I thought I remember reading a thing that said be of good cheer and that says give thanks in all things. And I kept thinking well, I'm not in good cheer yet, heavenly Father, but I sure like to be. You know what I'm saying.

Larissa Dagley:

And then I remember praying to Heavenly Father and I said Heavenly Father, I can't thank you that Cody died, but I can thank you for the things that I learned, because at that time I couldn't thank you that Cody died, but I can thank you for the things that I learned, because at that time I couldn't thank you that my son died, because I honestly wasn't thankful that he died.

Larissa Dagley:

I knew Heavenly Father knew I wasn't thankful that he died, so I couldn't give him a life. But I did learn things and I learned a lot of things. And I learned Heavenly Father allowed us to experience the pain, the sorrow, the grief, that, the despair, because he knew if we didn't experience that we weren't going to grow, but he did help us and he gave us light throughout, even if the storm came back in sometimes that he allowed us to grow because he loves us and he knew that that's what we needed for ourselves and I and I learned that, um the experiences that we go through, that's how we can help others, and I learned that, um to don't judge others. Don't judge others what they're going through. Those students and that teacher that didn't know what Cody was suffering at home, they didn't know that he was having those nightmares and that he was just had post-traumatic stress. And even if they didn't know it, they should never have done what they did.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah.

Larissa Dagley:

We need to let our words build each other up, not tear each other down, and that's why we shouldn't judge others, because we don't know what they're experiencing. And I learned that you can go through really hard things. Most of us in this life are going to go through very hard things, sometimes more than one very hard thing, but we can choose to let it refine us, or we can choose to let it define us, and we chose to let it refine us and to learn and grow from it, and we wanted to help others that were going through similar circumstances to be there, even if you could just give them a hug or just know that somebody understands what they're going through.

Scott Brandley:

I like that. I think, as members of the church, you know, if we let the atonement play its role in our lives, it will help us. It'll help to refine us, like you said. I think that's one of the blessings of the gospel. I think that's one of the blessings of the gospel.

Larissa Dagley:

Right. You know it truly is. I agree with you, scott. Another thing I felt is that we need, like I said, so much that we need to help other people, but we also need to, as individuals, to realize our self-worth. We need to realize that, no matter what happens to us in our life, no matter hard things, whether we've been abused, whether we've been through horrific things, that our self-worth never changes in the sight of our Heavenly Father. No matter what mistakes we make, we can always repent and come back and the Savior is there for us.

Larissa Dagley:

That is what atonement is for, and I learned that the atonement of Jesus Christ was not just for our sins. I learned that it can heal a broken heart. Because it healed my broken heart. I can honestly say that I am very happy in my life right now and do I miss my son Absolutely and all of a sudden I can see something that also makes me start crying because it makes me think of him. We still have that, but I honestly can say I feel truly happy and I know it is because of the atonement of Jesus Christ that it healed my broken heart, my family member's broken heart, and I know I have a friend a short time after my son committed suicide. Her son committed suicide also and she wasn't active in the church.

Larissa Dagley:

And one of the firemen who we worked with came up to me one day and he said you know, he said it's interesting to observe you two and watch the difference to somebody that has a gospel in their life and somebody that doesn't. And he says the difference that it makes in your life. And I and I thought you know the gospel does make a difference in their lives. And I just want others to hold on, to hope. Don't ever give up. Don't ever give up, because you truly matter and if you don't think you matter, you matter to me and you matter to your Heavenly Father and I'm sure you matter to others. And to end this, I would like to share something that somebody gave me permission to share who had this experience, and they were a friend of mine and they were currently serving as a bishop at the time of my son's death.

Larissa Dagley:

My son died on a Friday and he was gone and when he came back Sunday morning before church, he was sitting there before a sacrament meeting and Cody delivered a message to him. And Cody told him because? This? Because he was getting ready to take some scouts in his ward up to the Yellowstone at this time on a camp out this coming week. The following week, and he, cody, delivered the message and told him to tell them to let their words build each other up and to not tear each other down and to look for the good in each other and to be sensitive to how others feel. And I thought he, of all people, knew how it felt to not be treated that way. And so I've tried to live like that, be better, more Christ-like like that and to think of others like that, and that's my story.

Alisha Coakley:

Wow, oh, just I, I hate and love these stories at the same time. I hate it because, obviously, with the tragedy and the hardship and at the same time, just seeing, like, how much strength you have and knowing that that you really are trying to do something with it, you know, like I love that you're trying to figure out some way to do a brief group or figure out some way to help other people to understand it. Even even to the point where you went and you educated yourself on suicide prevention. You know learning about how you talk about it and how to approach the subjects that people have been scared of and still are. People are so still approaching them. You know I love that and I assume we probably did the same course. I did a suicide prevention course too and I love that in that one of the things. I highly recommend it for everybody, whether you think that you have people in your family or in your circle who are struggling with thoughts of suicide or not. I just think that it it just brings us awareness and if you can go do it, go do it. But I, one of the biggest things that I took away from that is um is understanding that you need to ask a question in a way where they can answer honestly.

Alisha Coakley:

For example, if you feel like someone's thinking about taking their life, you don't want to soften the blow by saying something like are you thinking about hurting yourself? Right, when you do that, they're thinking in their mind if, if I follow through with this plan, then I don't hurt anymore. So no, I'm not thinking about hurting myself, I'm thinking about stopping the pain. Right In their mind. That's like the thought process. So you have to be really blunt and you have to say have you had thoughts of killing yourself?

Alisha Coakley:

And if they say yes, say do you have a plan? Have you thought about how you're going to do? And it's so scary because all the things in the past are telling us don't talk about it, because if you talk about it, you're going to make it all happen and you're going to make it all real. But it's like no, if they haven't even considered a plan, you know that they're far enough away from doing it that you can still help them out. If they actually consider a plan, ask them about the details, let them know, because they'll literally give you the information that you need to be looking out for. You know they'll tell you. Yeah, I thought I'm going to give my card to so-and-so, I'm going to give my jacket to so-and-so. You know what I mean, like when you do these kinds of things, and then I'm going to, I'm going to wait until after Christmas so that my mom doesn't have to. You know, mess up on Christmas, or whatever it is.

Alisha Coakley:

Like they'll tell you what to watch for and then you can open up another conversation that will help you. You know, make help them to help make future plans, right. I think that's one of, like, the big takeaways that I got was was help them build their own future, right. Help them feel that they have a safe place where you can talk to them and where you're not judging them and you're not trying to like, oh my gosh, you can't do that. You know, like you have to just like let them, let them speak, right, let them get it out there and let them see that it's not a shameful thing, and then say, okay, what do we want to do about this here? You know, because a lot of the times they just they just need to talk. You know, they just need to be able to vocalize it and all of a sudden it's not as scary when it comes out. Once it comes out, then we can have the conversations we can, we can find the resources, we can look for the help, and then you know that you've done everything that you can do, even if the result is still the same in the end.

Alisha Coakley:

You know, I just think I don't know there's so much more learning out there that we still need to do. You know so many things we don't know about mental health and suicide, but there also are a lot of resources that are available, that are helpful, that have saved lives, that have, you know, prolonged lives. Right, maybe they didn't even get to completely save them, but they gave them years on their life to to get through that. And so I just think you know it's, it's amazing seeing what you've gone through and seeing that you've been able to take the steps to try to make someone else's life a little bit, a little bit more at peace. You know to give them understanding and stuff. So I I just appreciate people like you. I just appreciate people like you.

Scott Brandley:

I really, really do. I was going to say I just really liked the end part of your story where you're talking about all the different lessons that you've learned along the way. I'm sure a lot of those lessons probably took a lot of time Right, A lot of reflection.

Larissa Dagley:

A lot of prayer.

Scott Brandley:

Yes.

Larissa Dagley:

Yes they did.

Scott Brandley:

But that's. I almost want to like go back and watch that part of the podcast again, because it was very inspiring. All the lessons that you've learned and how they were all tied to the gospel. In the end, right, Every one of those things that you said could be tied back to the atonement or the or the teachings of the gospel, and that's just so important. You don't realize how important the gospel is in your life until something like this happens. But then also you don't see the lessons and the good that that can come through tragedy. But if you put it in the frame of the gospel, it changes your perspective.

Larissa Dagley:

It sure does.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, absolutely. It's interesting too because, I mean, I don't know if you've dealt with any other passings of people who are close to you after your son, you know, I know for where I'm at right now. Um, there's a clear line between the people that I lost before I lost my brother and then the ones that I'm losing now. Right, like the ones that are coming afterwards, having gone through the really really dark side of grief and staying close to the gospel, even though I know that that darkness is coming again. I know it's around the corner. Um, you know, with my mom's cancer and stuff, that, um, they've only given her a few months, and so I know that's coming. I can feel it build like building inside of me already, even though it hasn't happened. I I also keep telling myself over and over again Okay, Alisha, like you know what got you through the first time. So now I have an anchor, I have something to go back to, knowing that there's going to be something else.

Alisha Coakley:

Right, like that, it may not look exactly the same, it may not feel exactly the same, but dark is dark, whether you're in a cave or you're in a hole or you're. You know what I mean. Like it, it's, it's still. We're always going to have it Like. We're always going to have pockets of darkness that come into our life. And I love that, that with the atonement, we can always reach out for light there, and it doesn't mean that it's going to come instantly or that it's going to be super bright right away or that it's going to get us out of the hole or out of the cave or out of the rut, wherever. Wherever we're at, but we know that there's something that we can anchor ourselves to that will eventually pull us there to the light and I just think that um, that it's stories like yours, it's people like you who are willing to come on here and who are willing to talk about that.

Alisha Coakley:

Talk about about the hope in the hardship that will really shine that light and other people's in in other people's darkness, you know Right.

Scott Brandley:

Well, there's Larissa. You're funny. It's just so easy to say Larissa, because it's just that's what it is.

Larissa Dagley:

I know my mom spelled it wrong, didn't she?

Scott Brandley:

We really appreciate you being on the show. Is there anything you'd like to share? Kind of wrap things up any final thoughts that you have?

Larissa Dagley:

Hold on to hope. There's always hope, even when things are the darkest and seem the worst and it seems so long. Don't give up, hold on to faith and always have hope, because the sun always comes out after the storm and that light can shine bright through our savior, jesus Christ.

Alisha Coakley:

Well, larissa, thank you again for writing us, for reaching out, for being willing to share your story and for being willing to share a little bit of Cody with us. We really, really appreciate that and we hope that your family can continue to find peace and healing and joy and all of the things that that the Lord has in store for you guys as family, and through this you guys can help a lot of other people. So we appreciate you coming on and and being open with us today, and raw and real and um, and we appreciate all of our guests too, for our listeners too, for tuning in and um, as always, guys, we just ask you if you're listening to Larissa's story, if it's, you know, made an impact in your life, if it's brought the spirit to you during this last hour, like, please be sure to do that. Five second missionary work. Uh, hit the share button, leave a comment and you know I'm just going to say continue to.

Alisha Coakley:

I mean, even if it's been years, decades, like if you have the thought popping up in your head, pray for a family who's lost a loved one. You know, just let them know that that it's not just heavenly father that loves them, it's not just Jesus Christ that loves them, that you still love them and you still know that grief is one of those things that will continue to feel until we're reunited again. And it's a little softer and it's a little less frequent as the years go by, but it is still there and it is still really. There are moments where it's still really hard. So, a prayer here, a prayer there and a share as well. A share and prayer, that's all we're asking for. Well, share and prayer, that's all we're asking for.

Scott Brandley:

Share and prayer, and if you guys have a story that you'd like to share, this is the place to do it. So we invite you to go to latterdaylightscom and you can reach out to us there, or you can go to latterdaylightsgmailcom and send us an email. Again, thanks for tuning in. Thanks, larissa, for being on the show. It's been a treat and a pleasure to get to know you and to have you share your story with us, and we look forward to seeing you guys next week with another episode of Latter-day Lights. Until then, take care Talk to you soon.

Alisha Coakley:

Thanks guys.

Scott Brandley:

Bye-bye, talk to you soon. Bye, bye.

People on this episode

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Scott Brandley

Host
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Alisha Coakley

Co-host