LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories

A Grieving Father's Climb Toward Tender Mercies: Eldon Buchanan's Story - Latter-Day Lights

• Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley

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When a father's greatest nightmare strikes his family not once but twice, can Heaven still find a way to spark hope?

Idaho rancher, husband, and devoted father Eldon Buchanan returns to Latter-day Lights to share the sacred tender mercies that steadied him after losing his son to suicide: Feeling the invisible strength of his son hoisting boulders for his memorial, a climb up Mount Borah where the Northern Lights felt like an embrace from Heaven, and a New Year’s graveside visit where impossibly perfect snowflakes drifted down on him, as though signed by his boys’ own hands.

In this raw retelling, Eldon shows how the Savior’s love reaches through depression’s deepest shadows with quiet, unmistakable reminders: You are seen, and no child slips from His grasp.

If you—or someone you love—are wrestling with grief or suicidal despair, Eldon’s witness offers heartfelt advice and uplifting reasons to keep going: Even shattered hearts can experience miracles, and sorrow can be transformed into an unshakable testimony—that Christ never leaves His wounded ones alone.

*** Please SHARE Eldon's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode, visit: https://youtu.be/9IqH01jFAZc

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To WATCH Eldon's first episode on Latter-Day Lights, visit: https://youtu.be/3phtG9B-2Gk

To WATCH Eldon's second episode on Latter-Day Lights, visit: https://youtu.be/aSJ6p0aDI00

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Scott Brandley:

Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.

Alisha Coakley:

And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.

Scott Brandley:

On today's episode, we're going to hear how one man's path to healing after losing two sons to suicide is reminding him that the Lord is aware of us in our hours of need. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad that you're here with us today and we have a special guest, Eldon Buchanan, for his third visit on Latter-day Lights. We're so glad to hear it this, Eldon for his third visit on latter day lights.

Eldon Buchanan:

We're so glad to hear with us elton. Thank you I.

Alisha Coakley:

I didn't have any plans of being on for the third time, but events in my life come about that.

Alisha Coakley:

I have some more things I would like to share yeah, yeah, eldon, you you've just I mean like we're not, we're just getting started, and I'm already starting to feel emotional because you have just been on, scott and I, as heart and mind and, um, just like the things that that you're going to discuss today, the things that you've gone through already and that you continue to go through, you're just such an inspiration to us and so you are our most visited guest. Oh yeah.

Eldon Buchanan:

And I assure you this is the last one. I'm not going to have a fourth one.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah. And if we do have a fourth one with you, eldon. Let's make it all just miraculous awesomeness.

Scott Brandley:

Let's make it a happy party.

Alisha Coakley:

Let's make it so just wonderful and big and happy, and that's what I'm you. But I, I love that you're willing to come on here and that you took the time to like really wait until you were ready to share it, because I think that that's really really important and I just, I don't know, I just I love that, I love that I know you and I love that you're our friend and that you're here today, because I think that a lot of people are going to be able to get a lot out of your story. So thank you for joining us again.

Eldon Buchanan:

That's kind of you saying thank you.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah, yeah. So why don't you give everybody a little reminder of what you do for a living, a little bit about you and your family?

Eldon Buchanan:

As was said, I'm Eldon Buchanan, and in two months I'm going to turn 67, and I think, how in the world would that happen? I guess your only option is either die or keep aging. And so, anyway, it comes quicker than you think, but I'm still in good shape. In good shape like, but uh, as I was, I grew up on a dairy farm up in meridian idaho and I, in my first story I talked about the death of my father and that and anyway, that's where I got agriculture in my blood, and so 1984, I was able to start my dairy farming career, and then then we moved to Smithfield.

Eldon Buchanan:

We were there for 33 years and our dairy was known as Buchanan Dairy, so it was a family affair, and so that came to an end in 2018. And these last several years I've been transporting trailers around the country and so forth. I'm still doing that, but kind of at a slower pace.

Alisha Coakley:

Mm-hmm. Wow, and you have a new wife, denise, right.

Eldon Buchanan:

Yes, yes.

Alisha Coakley:

Yep, and she's awesome. Yeah, she is. You love Denise, she's great. And then you have. How many kids do you guys have?

Eldon Buchanan:

Well, leslie and I had four children. We had two sons and then two daughters, gotcha, and now we've just got two daughters left.

Alisha Coakley:

Gotcha. Wow. Well, we're going to go ahead and turn the time over to you and let you kind of fill us in. I know the last time that you shared, you shared about your dad. You shared about the loss of your son, curtis, when he was. How old was he 14?

Eldon Buchanan:

No, he was 11. He was from turning 12.

Alisha Coakley:

That's right. He was really, really young when he, unfortunately, you know, passed away from suicide, and so you, you went through that and do you want to kind of just give, give everyone just a little recap, starting from there and then, and then let us know, like, where you're Well.

Eldon Buchanan:

I uh, if I can just give a little quick recap of of one and two of my stories there, and so on my first one, I talked about, uh, my growing up years. My mother struggled with alcoholism when I was younger and and then she fortunately, when I was 14, she was able to overcome that and we had a blissful family life. I'm grateful that I had those four years of such a happy time in our family.

Alisha Coakley:

But then my father died of a heart attack at the age of 51.

Eldon Buchanan:

And anyway, that was a hard time in my life and I struggled there and fortunately, as I share these things, it's been easy for me to see how, where God is of me and us in our lives. So in the summer of 78, I was blessed to meet a wonderful woman by the name of Leslie Raleigh. She was a blessing in my life and I'll always be grateful for that. We had 39 years of marriage. We had four children together Now we have 10 grandchildren and we were able to start our dairy farm business business. And anyway, then then the second one, the second episode. I talked about how we got into financial problems on the farm, and that was in 2008. And I went long haul trucking in an effort to keep the farm going which you know I went out with pure intent.

Eldon Buchanan:

But, you know, over a nine-year period, living out there on the road by myself in a truck, and then the advent of new technology led me down a road that I will forever regret, when I was on the road truck and I'd listened to a lot of books on tape, and I'd listened to one by Elder Maxwell, neil A Maxwell, and in that book he talks about how us as humans sometimes willingly impale ourselves upon the bed of afflictions.

Alisha Coakley:

And that's exactly what I did to myself.

Eldon Buchanan:

And I don't even understand why I would have done such a thing. But we're free to choose our choices but we're not free to look at the consequences that follow. It cost me my marriage of 39 years, cost me my church membership, cost me my farm, cost me relationships and that you know. I've experienced pain in my life, but it was during that time and still I carry pain in my heart over all that. But I have never anguished like I have then, like I talked about my own struggles with depression, thoughts of suicide. I remember first time I thought of in my own life.

Alisha Coakley:

I was about 18 years old.

Eldon Buchanan:

It was after the death of my father, and so I've had that struggle for 50 years now that I've struggled with depression, thoughts of suicide. You know, over the years I have sought help for that, and there was one time it was in 2018. That's when I was hauling RV trailers and I had gone up into Alberta, canada, up there to Cardston, close by where you grew up, scott.

Eldon Buchanan:

And I wanted to see the Cardston Temple. I'd never been there, so I drove over there and this was after Leslie told me she wanted a divorce and moved out, and I sat there and looked. I was on the west side of the temple and I was looking at it and I began to weep in what the temple stands for, things of eternal nature. And then, when I drove around the West, on the South side, I was sitting there crying, and I have, like I said, I've never felt such anguish, sorrow and remorse in my life. And you know, I was feeling the weight of sin, my actions and loss of my marriage, church membership, everything. And as I was sitting there it was just like I don't know, just kind of opened up to me, gave me a tiny insight what it must have been like for our Savior Jesus Christ when he was in Gethsemane and on the cross, what it must have even been like for him, because what I was dealing with was literally crushing me.

Eldon Buchanan:

So it gave me more insight and thought, or, you know, gratitude for our Savior, jesus Christ Then. So I tell about, you know, I decided I need to get away and so that's when I hooked on to my camp trailer and drove to Alaska and I just wanted that alone time to be with God and to myself. And the funny thing is and this is where I, you know, in spite of you know our sins or whatever we do I've come to know that God, our Father, is always aware of us. God, our Father, is always aware of us. So when I went up to Alaska in three months, I did not even have this on my radar, but I returned home with this cute blonde by the name of Denise and I didn't meet her in Alaska and she has been a blessing in my life, enormous blessing.

Eldon Buchanan:

It's not every man that can say that they've had two wonderful women bless their lives, but I have with Leslie and Denise. They've both been wonderful blessings in my life, anyway. So I think that's about wraps up those past two podcasts and, scott, when I was listening to your podcast, when you're talking just this last week, you talked about, you know, some of these experiences that come into our lives. They're not necessarily meant just to be kept to ourselves, right you?

Eldon Buchanan:

know, that really doesn't benefit anyone if we don't share them. So you know, I've always bore my testimony and the testimony I have of our Savior Jesus Christ, but anyway. So that's one of the reasons that I wanted to share this experience that taught me even more. So let's start on with the story with Bryce. I need to first I need to be with my nephew, chris, who's like a son to me. Things were hard for Chris, so he came to live with us when he was 17. And Chris and Bryce became just like brothers. So I went up yesterday and spent some time with him. I had him take me over to see his dad's grave there in Boise and we sat there and I let Chris just talk about whatever he wanted to, and he was very open and honest with me about things. After he was done, I told him. I said Chris, you're in a very good spot, or a beautiful spot, because it's in these deep trials of our lives is when we can truly come to have a relationship with our.

Eldon Buchanan:

Savior Jesus Christ, in a way that perhaps no other way brings that about for us, and so that's what I shared with them, and so, then, that's the foundation I want to build upon on this story how God is indeed aware of us, so my son Bryce.

Eldon Buchanan:

Before I got on here I had a good cry and so I hope that I can keep my emotions in check. But when Curtis died he was a year and a month and a half from turning 12, but he was 11 and Bryce was a 7 year old boy and Andrea was 5 and Melanie was 2 and a half weeks old, and you know I've thought about that. It pains me to think that Leslie and I are a complete family here in this mortal sphere. We only had for 2 and a half weeks because you know after.

Eldon Buchanan:

Curtis died. Melanie was only two and a half weeks old. So anyway, bryce was seven and I kept him very close to me and we developed a very beautiful father son relationship. We had a close relationship. I loved having Bryce work with me and anyway, it was about two years ago.

Eldon Buchanan:

I ran into Bryce up at the car wash in Smithfield and we started talking and the subject of Curtis came up and Bryce just broke into sobs. I've never seen a grown man sob like he was sobbing, literally just sobbing, and I just sit there and put my arm around him as he cried, and I'm grateful that I was there to witness that, because I was able to see just how deep that pain was in him over the death of his brother Curtis. So anyway, but even with that, the last time I saw Bryce in it's he passed away on march 29th of last year, but it actually it's been two years since I've seen him, as two years ago this month that I had seen, saw him, and it didn't end well, and so that at least I sent him a text letting him know that I loved him. But but anyway, so I had not seen Bryce for 10 months.

Eldon Buchanan:

And you know, there were some things that I don't know took place in Bryce's life, that I don't know. He struggled with a lot. He struggled with depression. He struggled with numerous things in his life that weren't going like he wanted them to go. On March 29th of last year I had got home late the night before and then I had to get up. I got up about 9 o'clock that morning. It was Friday and I was going to go up to Preston to get another trailer and I saw that I had missed two calls from my daughter, andrea, and two calls from a different individual.

Eldon Buchanan:

So that raised the alarm on me a little bit.

Eldon Buchanan:

So I went out and fed the horses before I left and as I was standing out there by the road, I saw a sheriff's truck drive by out on the main road and then he came around. So that concerned me. He came around, drove in there and asked me if I was Bryce's father. I said yes, I wanted to know if I had seen Bryce. And I said no, and they were concerned about him. They didn't know where he was at, he hadn't gone to work, they didn't know where he was at, he hadn't gone to work. And anyway. So I called my daughter, andrea, and was on the phone with her and you know I thought, like Bryce, like his father, just need to get away for a little bit and blow off some steam, but anyway.

Eldon Buchanan:

so I had started going up towards Preston. I got up to Richmond and I was on the phone with Andrew back and forth.

Alisha Coakley:

And I'll never forget.

Eldon Buchanan:

Andrew began just screaming and telling me that he'd been found and he was dead of a gunshot one. And uh, I, literally I just had to, uh, I began to physically shake and I had to pull off the side of the road, off onto another road. And I just and andrea was concerned with me with my struggles with, you know, the same demon, and she said, dad, you've got to hang in there, and so I promised her I would. So I pulled off, you know, the side of the road. As I, just trying to wrap my brain around this, I did not know how to process the death of my son, bryce.

Alisha Coakley:

I dearly love Bryce.

Eldon Buchanan:

Anyway, as I sat there, I called Denise and she didn't answer. And I had talked to Andrea and I promised her that I wouldn't do anything foolish. But as I sat there, I did not know who exactly to turn to. Leslie and I, being Bryce's parents, I didn't have that option to turn to Leslie anymore, and I just didn't know what to do and anyway. So I probably could have handled this better, but I didn't. But I was dealing with a major crisis in my life.

Alisha Coakley:

Like I said, I didn't know how to process the death of my second son, bryce.

Eldon Buchanan:

You know I seriously thought about going into my life and joining my two sons, but I knew I couldn't do that. In fact and I need to throw this in I was up to standing at the graves of my two sons just recently and I told them. I said, curtis and Bryce, you robbed your father of this. I was supposed to have been the one that was dead of suicide and buried not both of my sons and anyway.

Eldon Buchanan:

but so I decided just you know, people handle grief different. I'm one that prefers to be alone and anyway, so I didn't talk to Denise and then so I just sent her a text telling her that Bryce was dead. I decided to go out by Mount Bora out in Idaho, and we'll get to that story a little later. Mount Borah.

Alisha Coakley:

It's out there north of the heart of Idaho.

Eldon Buchanan:

And so I just sent a text to Denise and to my daughters, told them not to please not worry about me, but I just needed some time. So I turned off my phone for two and a half days and I drove out there towards Mount Bora and I drove up as close or high as I could to the base of the mountain and I mean I knew I couldn't get to the top, there was too much snow, but I wanted to climb up to a mountaintop and I want to, denise. I'm glad I remembered this, denise. Every morning she gets up and reads the scriptures.

Eldon Buchanan:

And after I've shared this story about me climbing Mount Mora, a man asked me. I shared my testimony and he said why did you feel the need to climb a mountain? And so Denise came across this in her scripture study and she shared it with me. And it's out of Nephi somewhere. And it came to pass that after I, nephi, had been in the land of Bountiful for the space of many days, the voice of the Lord came unto me saying Arise.

Eldon Buchanan:

And Just a quick comment about some possible symbolisms going into the mountain To commune with the Lord, it requires effort to climb up the mountain. Similarly, it requires effort for us to live worthy of inspiration and guidance from God. Symbolically, climbing up into a mountain could also represent drawing closer to heaven or closer to God. So anyway, for whatever reason, I felt the need to be in the mountains, and so I climbed up as high as I could. I climbed up to a mountain peak that was lower than the rest and just poured out my heart to God and asked for strength to help me endure this I couldn't even hardly comprehend how this could have even happened.

Eldon Buchanan:

And anyway. So you know, in my second episode I talked about some of the problems I dealt with and you know, the time I laid on top of a mountain about froze to death, thought the same thing. I thought. You know, I'm going to go up here and I'm going to just spend the night on the mountain. I crawled under this log when it started to get dark, but again just shiver and I thought, ellen, this is stupid, All you're doing is torturing yourself. So I didn't have any light, so I tried to find my way back down off the mountain in the dark and I finally made it back to my pickup and I just spent that night and the next day there in my pickup and walking around just trying to absorb this. I mean, I just couldn't understand or even grasp my mind around the death of my son Bryce. How do you put your mind around that that both of your sons have died of suicide 32 years apart of each other?

Eldon Buchanan:

Anyway, so then I, like I said I shut off my phone. I didn't even have a signal. So I decided to drive back down where I had a signal and I sent a text to Denise just telling her I was okay not to worry about me. And then I turned off my phone and Denise I think she said she contacted the police or something. They pinged my phone and I was out by Arco Idol. But then I drove out to the desert further out there and spent a Saturday night out there and I remember going for a walk off in the desert to a small hill and I just wailed.

Eldon Buchanan:

I just couldn't understand how my son Bryce was dead and I just prayed to the Lord. And then I came back and I laid on the toolbox in my truck and just stared up at the stars in the heavens. That brought me a little comfort, but I knew that I finally had to go home. I had to face the music. So Sunday I knew that I had to go home, so I planned on heading back home and so I got back home and then we had to plan for Bryce's funeral, and then that was another painful experience. But anyway we got through the funeral and my daughter, Melanie, suggested that I build a memorial here at our place which I did.

Eldon Buchanan:

There's a picture of it that you'll be able to see. Anyway, there's a picture of both mine and Leslie's two sons, curtis and Bryce, hanging there pictures of them. Then there's pictures of Andrew and Melanie. I wanted to build this memorial I had before Bryce even died. I had been out in. I had to take a trailer to California and on my way back I broke down by Battle Mountain Nevada. You know where that is, I'm sure, Alisha. So while I spent waiting for somebody to come and help me, I walked over towards the mountain.

Eldon Buchanan:

You know, I was out there three or four hours and I found some beautiful rocks that were quite beautiful, and anyway, I gathered up some small ones to bring home, to give to my grandchildren. And so I had an experience. After Bryce died, I wanted to go out there and gather some of these bigger rocks, but it was dark by the time I got there. And so I drove up the mountain a little ways and all I had was the headlights from my truck, and as I was going up the mountain a ways, there was something that stopped me a little ways and all I had was the headlights from my truck. And as I was going up the mountain a ways, there was something that stopped me, and I got out to see what it was, and there was this rock that had flipped up. I couldn't it was too dark for me to see where I'd originally gotten these rocks. So this rock that stopped me. As I got out there, looking around, there were all these beautiful rocks that I could see surrounding me.

Eldon Buchanan:

And I thought perhaps that's why I was stopped there. So I started to gather up these rocks and I finally uncovered a big rock. I mean it was huge.

Eldon Buchanan:

And I said I'm not going home without it. I'd loaded all the other rocks but it was so big and so heavy I could not lift it in the back of my truck. And I tried numerous times and I felt like Bryce was out there with me. That night I talked to Bryce while I was blowing these rocks and different things. So I told Bryce I said I need your help to load this rock, bryce, to take home to put on this memorial for you and Curtis. So I tried one more time and I still couldn't get it in the back of the truck. So then I said, bryce, let's do this together. And then, after I said that I was able to get the rock in the back of the truck I mean, bryce was a big, strong man, but anyway, I feel like that was kind of a tender mercy.

Eldon Buchanan:

And so, anyway, I got that memorial built. And now to move on to Mount Bora. I talked about it a little bit in my second episode. Anyway, mount Bora is the highest peak in my native state of Idaho. It's north of Arco, idaho, up by Mackie, idaho, and I had climbed it once as a 16-year-old Boy Scout and, anyway, for whatever reason, I had a desire to climb it again. It was after that experience I had out in Malta, idaho, when I was out there in that place, when I came home, I wanted to climb the mountain and that never happened until after I married Denise and I still felt the need to climb it. One day it was in June of 2019, I decided I was going to go climb Mount Bora. And it's steep. It gains altitude to over 5,000 feet and four and a half miles, I think.

Eldon Buchanan:

But, anyway, as I started up there not real well prepared I just carried a bottle of water with me, but I finally made it up to the top. That was close to the top of the mountain, but it had too much snow on the top there to make it up to the top, so I told Denise and others that I'd made it to the top, but I actually hadn't. I took pictures from there. It looked like I was on top of the world, but I actually had not made it to the top. So that desire did not leave me. And so then there was. I was coming back from Oregon one day and I stopped in Meridian to pay respects to my parents' grave, and I it would have been it was june 24th of 20, 23, as I stand there and that would have been my father's 99th birthday, had he lived.

Eldon Buchanan:

So I thought so I thought, well, I'm gonna go climb mount bora. It was just kind of a spur of the moment thing. I thought I'm gonna go climb it in honor of my father. So I went off and I got there to Mount Bora later that day and so I climbed up there and I spent the night. Up above this tree line there's a place called Chicken Out Ridge. You've got to crawl across it and you don't want to fall off either side of your toes, and I was starting to feel the effects of that high altitude and I was feeling shaky and dizzy, and so I didn't dare go across that. So I fired my pistol in the air six times in honor of my dad's what would have been his 99th birthday. But that desire would still not go away, that I wanted to get back to the top again.

Eldon Buchanan:

So he didn't make it that time, and then it was after Bryce died. It was in August what was August 24th, I believe and at this time I told Denise I was going to go and that I needed to do this. And so the other times I've been there was in June and there was still too much snow, so this was in August, a better time if you wanted to climb to the top. So I was well more prepared this time and I took a pack and I offered a prayer to God that I could feel my two sons with me on this father and son journey, as well as my father, because it would have been my father's 100th birthday at that time.

Eldon Buchanan:

So, I prayed that I might have that blessing. So I got up there to Mount Bora towards evening 5 o'clock or so. So I started to hike up the trail again, which is, you know, through the trees and stuff, but after you get up above the tree line. There's a place that I had you know, laid down and rested before.

Eldon Buchanan:

And anyway, as it got dark, as I stopped and looked at the stars, there were three stars brighter than the rest I should have a picture of it and there was one that was further out, and then there was two back behind just a little ways, and I thought perhaps that represented my father and my two sons that were there with me. So then that I stopped there and slept for a little bit, and then, as soon as it got light, I started heading towards the top of the mountain. So then I was able to get back to that spot that I'd been to previously, where I had taken those pictures, and said that I'd made it to the top of the mountain, and I thought at that point I was just exhausted. I thought it was still quite ways to the top, but this time I could make it because there wasn't any snow.

Eldon Buchanan:

And at first I thought maybe I'll just call it good and say that I've made it close to the top. But I said no, eldon, you came here to climb it with your father and sons and you need to do that. So I set out for the top of Mount Boough. The elevation is 12,662,. I believe there's a picture of me at the top, but as I set out there I could see some people gaining ground on me and they caught up to me.

Eldon Buchanan:

And anyway, there was a girl from Florida. She was in her early 30s and then another young man that was, I don't know, in his late 20s and I visited with them and I told them that I was 66, about they were half my age, and I said I'm up here trying to climb this at this age, which they were impressed by. But anyway, there was other hikers up there, but most of them were half my age.

Eldon Buchanan:

So, those two got ahead of me and got up to the top five minutes before I did. So, as I got up there, we congratulated each other and, you know, one gal made a sign for us to hold up, you know, at the top of Mount Bora, which I did. And so, as we were up there, on the top there's a book that you can sign. And so each of these two signed the book and then they handed it over to me and I was writing in there for a little while. I probably wondered what I was doing.

Eldon Buchanan:

Anyway, I said I assume you two climbed it for a very different reason than what I did. And I told them why I was climbing it. I said I was climbing it because in honor of my two sons that have both taken their lives, and then my father. And then it was getting it was probably 2 o'clock and it was getting a little later still quite a ways back down. So they asked me if I was ready to go and I said, no, I'm going to stay up here for a little while. I thanked them for that and so they went on their way. While I was up there, I knelt in prayer, pleaded to God for numerous things Well. Towards the end of my prayer, I asked the Lord if he would bless me with a gift to take down off of the mountain for my efforts, for you know, climbing up there.

Eldon Buchanan:

I thanked him that I was able to fill my father and my two sons with me but I just asked for it, that I might have a gift to take back off the mountain for my efforts climbing it, and I left it at that. I didn't ask for anything specific, anyway. So I started my way back down, and about halfway up I had brought my pack and I got rid of it because I thought I could never get the top carry in this pack. But once I got back down to my pack I was able to rest and it was getting later in the evening, so then I got headed back down. I thought my goal was to go back to this place. I'd stayed just above the tree line, so I made it back down there and it was dark by the time I got there and I thought, well, I'll just lay down and try to go to sleep until I got light and finished my journey in the morning down the rest of the mountain.

Eldon Buchanan:

I laid there for probably a half an hour and I couldn't sleep and I thought I might as well just keep walking instead of just laying here. So I put on my pack and started down and numerous times when I'd get tired and fatigued, I'd just lay down on the trail there and just rest for a little bit. It was at 12.42 am, I had stopped and I was getting. I'd just laid down there and looking up at the stars, and I was just getting ready to leave, and I was looking over to the west, the sky, the western sky, and it began to look different. It started to turn green a little bit and as I sat there and watched this, then, all of a sudden, these beautiful red lights I mean it was the northern lights that came and I was just. I sat there and wept, I mean, and realized this is the gift that I'd asked for, these Northern Lights there's beautiful pictures of it.

Eldon Buchanan:

And then you know, there's one that shows me where I was on the trail when I took those pictures. But I was just. You know, as you'll see from the pictures, how beautiful that was. But I was just so touched that the Lord was mindful of me and sent that tender mercy to me. So anyway, I was, you know, when I shared that with my daughters and others, the people were in awe about that. But then, so then we had another very beautiful tender mercy. So then we had another very beautiful.

Alisha Coakley:

Tenor.

Eldon Buchanan:

Mercy. It was on New Year's Day and I had hoped that this new year would be better than this past one. At about four o'clock, denise and I met Andrew and Melanie and their families up to the grave, particularly Bryce, because we were honoring him because the following day he would have turned 40 years old, and so we were there and put some balloons and were there in honor of Bryce paying honor to him. And as we were standing there it began to lightly snow. You feel it get colder. And all of a sudden these beautiful snowflakes began to fall upon us. And I mean just beautiful, and you'll see pictures of them. I mean they look like they're not even real, they're so perfect.

Eldon Buchanan:

And as we stood there we were just literally in awe of all these beautiful snowflakes falling on us. And then what became even more interesting to me? So, after I researched snowflakes a little bit, it said it takes an hour from where a snowflake is created up in the sky, wherever. It takes an hour for that snowflake to fall to Earth. And then it said this perfect six-sided snowflake is very rare to see and there are only like one in every thousands of snowflakes, this perfect snowflake. Yet we had hundreds of them falling upon us as we sat there and we were just literally all in awe. I mean the chances of that happening while we were standing there at the graves of Curtis and Bryce. The chances of winning the lottery were greater than that happening right there as we happened to be standing there.

Eldon Buchanan:

And anyway, that was a beautiful experience for all of us Brings us up to about now. But in closing there's one experience I want to close with. So I have my little farm out here and I have a couple of horses and I made our barnyard that is close to the main road that goes through and I put a pathway there for people to go coming to from church or wherever, so they don't have to go clear down to the corner. Then I've got at the end. There it says a gate that says Welcome to Buchanan Lane, so people feel free to come in there. There's a lot of people on the outside that like to see the horses and stuff.

Eldon Buchanan:

So I got home one evening and I drove back there and there was some young father with this little boy standing back there petting the horses, looking at them, and I didn't know who it was. So as I got out to visit with him, he told me that he was from New York City and that his wife was from Connecticut and they'd come out here to go to school. And so as I visited with him, he came out and told me he said I'm not a Mormon. I said, well, that's fine. So, but then I always enjoy talking to people that are not members of the church how they feel like they've been treated or accepted moving into a dominant LDS community.

Eldon Buchanan:

We talked about that just a little bit, and he told me that Then he came out and told me that he was an atheist and I put my hand on his shoulder and I said come here. So I took him over and showed him this memorial that I'd built and showed him my two sons there.

Eldon Buchanan:

And I said it's been through. The death of my two sons and the trials that I've experienced in life is how I've truly come to know and have a testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ. And it's funny, I was Lord Missionary at the Christ and it's funny I was in, I was a ward missionary at the time. And it's funny that the missionaries came walking by out on the, by the road, and I hollered at them, told them to come over and they visited with him and, you know, took his information. So we'll see where that goes, but anyway that.

Alisha Coakley:

I think that's about concludes this third episode.

Alisha Coakley:

Oh, alden, oh my gosh, it's so hard and heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time, and I can feel like even just a difference in the first time that you came on and you shared about curtis and your dad, to the second time, to the third time. Now, like I feel, like you have this I don't know strength about you, even just in the short like between the first episode and the third episode. Now you have this like very solid strength about you and your testimony where, like you know, you can see it Like you, can feel it Like your. Your pain is still very much there, but the amount of faith that you have in the Lord still, despite all of this, is so like I don't even have like a word for it. I don't know how to explain it all.

Eldon Buchanan:

Then, but you're just well, I don't even have a word for it. I don't know how to explain it, eldon. Well, I'm glad you mentioned that. I forgot an experience that I wanted to add to this. It was a couple of years ago when I was hauling RV trailers. I'd gone back to Indiana to get a trailer and I was coming back with it. I was out in the middle of Wyoming on this particular day and I I forgot to put up my DLT stickers on the windows on my truck. So anyway, while I was out there, the state trooper came up alongside me and then he backs off and gets behind me and turns on his lights and I thought, oh great, and I knew why he was pulling me over for not having my DOT stickers. As a commercial driver.

Eldon Buchanan:

But as we you know, he came around on the side over in the borrow pit and we started to visit. I had a very lengthy, good visit with this state trooper. He was probably I don't know in his late 40s 50s state trooper. He was probably I don't know in his late 40s 50s and he told me that he had lost his father a few years ago and told me how hard that was losing his father.

Alisha Coakley:

He said the thing that about did him in.

Eldon Buchanan:

He told me well it had been a year prior to when I was standing there visiting with him. He said he was dispatched on a fatality and he said I was stopped halfway there because that fatality was my daughter and then I. So after we talked about that, I said do you believe that you will see your daughter and your father again? He said when my daughter was killed, that's when I quit believing in God. And I said well, I can relate to you on both counts. I told him about the death of my father when I was a teenager and I told him that I experienced what bitterness was like.

Eldon Buchanan:

Then I shared with him about the loss of Curtis as a 34-year-old father and how difficult that was, but I told him, as painful as that was, that became perhaps the most beautiful experience of my life, simply because I came to truly know the Savior Jesus Christ through that. So I've had that. You know, from that experience on, that is what has kept me anchored to you know, because I have known, that we're we're.

Eldon Buchanan:

God is aware of us without a doubt, and that's that's what has sustained me. If I didn't have that, I don't know if I would have made it through some of this stuff.

Alisha Coakley:

Oh yeah, I don't. I don't see how anyone could have, honestly yeah.

Scott Brandley:

I mean to think there's people out there you know, like maybe this officer or other people, that when, when real difficult tragedies happen, they become jaded and they, they curse god, they, they lose their faith. Oh, without a doubt. And, and so you're actually, everything you've gone through. I don't, I can't think of anyone that I personally know that's gone through more than you.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, I agree.

Scott Brandley:

And I agree with Alisha. It feels like you have this quiet confidence in God, this faith, that I feel it more now on this episode than I have in the past, and even after you've lost your second son and I don't know how to explain it either, Alisha, but I feel the same thing and thank you for being willing to share it. Eldon, honestly, it's incredibly hard to have you go through it. We know how painful it is for you to have to relive it and share it, but at the same time, I think there are some mercies, some things that you've been able to get through that can help other people get through difficult things like this too.

Eldon Buchanan:

Well, and that's why I was willing to share these experiences, because, you know, I hope maybe it helps somebody else. But you know, as I go out and stand by this memorial I built to my two sons, I still continue to think how is this even possible? I never thought this kind of thing would ever come into my life. And anyway, you can either become bitter or become, you know. Turn to God for solace and help.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, can I ask how do you? I mean, you mentioned that everybody grieves differently, right? And one of the things that, one of the things that I'm in the process of myself right now is recognizing that, like, not only does every person grieve differently, but we grieve every person differently.

Eldon Buchanan:

Yes.

Alisha Coakley:

Scott, earlier that my um, my mom, was just um given a diagnosis of terminal cancer a couple weeks ago and originally we thought that we had 12 to 18 months with her and and then the doctor just came back a couple of days ago and said it's going to be more like three to six months now. So you know what was the difference for you between your dad, curtis, now Bryce, you know? Did you feel like it was each really super unique to each person?

Eldon Buchanan:

Oh, without a doubt it was I. You know, suicide is a different angle. During somebody's death accepting that One of those things you wouldn't wish upon anyone that has to go through it.

Alisha Coakley:

Do you feel like any of the times were easier than others, or was it just different?

Eldon Buchanan:

No, I wouldn't say they were easier. You know the thing I talked about the death of my father when I was 17. That was, you know, and it was all a sudden death. And anyway, the thing that caused me to become bitter there is all of the events that changed our lives forever. You know, our mother remarried seven months later and we had the farm. I had envisioned as a young 17-year-old that my life was set in stone, that I was going to be there on the farm with my dad forever and that we'd come close. So I experienced bitterness through that. So I experienced bitterness through that and you know, like I said, with Curtis, you know, being that death of our first child, leslie had just given birth to Melanie, on November 5th of 92, on November 22nd, two and a half weeks later, curtis dies. That's quite a range of emotions to go through in two and a half weeks.

Alisha Coakley:

Joy of a daughter, and then the death of your oldest child. Yeah.

Eldon Buchanan:

And so my cousin told me something, my oldest cousin. He told me he'd been a mission president and stuff and he said, let's see if I can get it right. He said, the more pain and experiences like we have here gives us greater capacity for joy. On the other end, you know, when my time comes to see my father and my two sons, you know that thought is overwhelming. I mean the joy that will replace the sorrow. And that time comes. Some people wonder. Well, you know, is there a next life or not? I've talked to some. They doubt it. Or, you know, wonder that's something I have, no doubt about that.

Eldon Buchanan:

I will see my two sons again, curtis and bryce, as well as my father and my mother.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah, that's. One thing I love about the gospel is the idea of having an eternal perspective.

Eldon Buchanan:

Oh, you have to have that, or if you don't have an eternal perspective, life would get unbearable.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, yeah, Wow, Gosh Eldon. Well, thank you so much again for coming on here today and for sharing your part three with us. Like I said, Scott and I, our hearts just go out to you and your family and, as heartbreaking and hard as it's been, like I, I just want you to know like we see you and we we know that you're going to do every bit of good that you can from every ounce of pain and bad that has happened, and so thank you for being that example to us.

Eldon Buchanan:

You know, as I was talking to my I'll call him my son, chris, yesterday, there's trials come into our lives. We don't just say, oh, I'd love to experience this thing in my life. But when they come into our lives which they do all of us and if we. You know, I was telling Chris the Lord. You know these trials.

Eldon Buchanan:

He doesn't necessarily take them from us, but he's with us as we go through them and it's what we gain and learn through the experience that uh and you know, in the end it's truly our trials that become a blessings to us and help to create us who we're god wants us to be yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Alisha Coakley:

Wow. Well, eldon, thank you so much again for all of that. Is there any last message that you'd like to give to our guests, maybe anyone who might be struggling with their own thoughts of suicide or has a loved one who might be struggling you?

Eldon Buchanan:

know mental illness and you know struggle with depression and all that. That's real. I mean, it's not just something made up. Like I said, I've struggled with it for 50 years of my life and you know I have sought help. To be honest, I've been on an antidepressant for 20 years, and so it was after the death of Bryce. I don't know if you've heard anything about it. I don't know if you've heard anything about it.

Scott Brandley:

I don't know if you've heard about that ketamine treatments I've heard of it.

Eldon Buchanan:

Yeah, and so I tried that and I feel like that has helped. But you know, I have not yet found just a total cure-all. It's something to deal with. And you know even Chris, all of us, we knew that Bryce was struggling, but we never, none of us, thought that he would ever fully go through with this. Right, I think that just because he became hopeless is what happened His life and everything became lost hope.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah, life's hard when you lose hope.

Eldon Buchanan:

Well, it is. It is You've got to have hope. Or if you don't have that, like you lose hope.

Alisha Coakley:

It is You've got to have hope or if you don't have that, like you have anything.

Alisha Coakley:

That's what Bryce lost, I know.

Alisha Coakley:

For us we had I think I mentioned this I don't know if it was on your last episode, but in a couple of the other episodes that we had and stuff I mentioned that we had we had a moment where we almost lost our, our son. Um, uh, about a year and a half ago he almost took his life too, and the one thing that saved him really was, um he, he had his own spiritual promptings and experiences and stuff, but the the thing that stopped him was reaching out to someone in that moment. Um, first he reached out to our bishop and our bishop didn't answer the phone. And then he reached out to the police, um department, which just happens to literally be across the park, Like we it's our house, a park, and then the police station is right across from us, and he was able to muster just enough courage to make not one but two phone calls until he could get ahold of someone. And I think that that, honestly, is the way that Satan gets us, is he breaks our connection to each other.

Eldon Buchanan:

Absolutely.

Alisha Coakley:

He makes us feel alone, because if we had at least one little connection in that moment, you know anything at all could be the thing that that keeps us here for a little longer.

Alisha Coakley:

Right, that gets us through one more, one more episode, or one more day, or one more month or a year or whatever it is. And so I know, for me, one of the things that I've really been trying to focus on since that has happened is being so connected with my, with my son, you know, knowing that he struggles with that all the time, constantly being like someone who is connected to him, um, and so I think, someone who is connected to him, um, and so I think, however, that looks right, like maybe it's a conversation, maybe it's sending little memes to each other, um, but but especially constant reiteration of I love you, I need you here, I'm so glad that you're where you are, and, and even when you struggle with stuff, you know, like that Super stinks. I hate that you're going through that, but I'm here with you, so let's keep doing life together. You know, I think just keeping that connection is something that could really help save a lot of lives.

Eldon Buchanan:

So that was an experience that took place, that I shared it on my second episode, and so I'm anxious to learn more about this or understand it better. When I talked about on my second episode on November 21st of 2017, the night that Leslie told me she wanted a divorce I thought my life was over.

Alisha Coakley:

And anyway so.

Eldon Buchanan:

I went home and slept in the trailer and Bryce was there with me because they were concerned about me and so I thought I was going to end my life. So I ended up crawling out of the trailer. I couldn't go out the front door because Bryce was there.

Eldon Buchanan:

And went to the house and then I came back. I didn't have access to a gun, so I was going to just, I don't know, end my life somehow, and right as I got to go, leave to go out, you know, there it was like three in the morning Bryce came out of the trailer. He didn't even know I was outside. Somebody had woken up. So the Lord used Bryce to intervene in my behalf. But why didn't anyone intervene in his behalf? I, but why didn't anyone intervene in his behalf.

Eldon Buchanan:

I don't. That's something that I'll look forward to understanding better someday.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah.

Alisha Coakley:

And it does give us comfort, I think, knowing that we don't have to have the answers in this life, because it will all be revealed.

Alisha Coakley:

Like it's to all be revealed to us in the end and it'll be a perfect understanding, no questions, no concerns, no doubts anymore. It'll just be. It'll just, we'll just understand, it'll make sense to us and because we have that eternal perspective too, we know that that was like a blip in time, you know that that's not the end of the story and so, gosh, I don't know. It's suicide and and depression and mental health is such a hard topic and there's so many unknowns. But I think the one thing that that we can hold tight to is that the Lord's there for us and even if he doesn't stop us or send someone to stop us in order to save our life, he still can work everything to our good. You know he can let us have that agency and love us exactly the way that we are, and be able to let our story be the thing that helps other people to find light and to find him.

Eldon Buchanan:

Yeah, you've heard people say that this mortal life is like a blink of the eye, but it doesn't always feel like it. It doesn't feel like it.

Scott Brandley:

It's a slow blink.

Alisha Coakley:

It's a little long sometimes.

Scott Brandley:

Let's maybe end on a more positive note. You've had a lot of bad things happen to you, but how do you do you do you try to find gratitude? Oh, absolutely your life oh, absolutely.

Eldon Buchanan:

That's one thing that I I mean I throughout my life. I look back and I can see the hand of god in my life. I always. You know my desire to get into farming. The chances of me getting back in that were slim to none, but it was through the hand of God that guided and directed that affair and so I'm eternally grateful for that. You know, that's one thing I do not understand. I don't know.

Eldon Buchanan:

I don't believe that God intended for Leslie and I to divorce, but I do believe that he brought Denise into my life. She's been an enormous blessing in my life and you know she's very thoughtful. She treats, you know, my children and grandchildren as though they were her own. She's very, very thoughtful.

Eldon Buchanan:

So she you know that, I think you know God not been mindful of me, my life could be not very good. Right, can not even be here, right, you know I've been. I have much to still be grateful for which I try to be every day of my life. I even thank the Lord for the hairs of my head. What's left up there? Scott, you're about worse than me.

Alisha Coakley:

Scott, I'll just thank him for the hair on his head.

Scott Brandley:

That's part of your head. Lots of pussy.

Alisha Coakley:

Okay, that's fair.

Eldon Buchanan:

I consider you two friends. I really do. You know, I haven't met you yet, scott, but I hope to someday. But Alisha do. I haven't met you yet, scott, but I hope to someday. But Alisha met you. I consider you friends.

Alisha Coakley:

Well, we love you, eldon, and you're welcome to come back Anytime.

Eldon Buchanan:

Next time, let's come with A better story, just something amazing and happy and great.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, we'll do that. Come with just something amazing and happy and great yeah.

Eldon Buchanan:

We'll do that.

Scott Brandley:

That sounds like a plan. Yeah, all right, we think of you as a friend too, eldon, and we really appreciate you coming on and sharing your story.

Eldon Buchanan:

Like I said, I think both of you are to be complimented for the work you're doing, you know who knows? How many countless lives of these stories have touched people and helped people. So I hope that you know what I've shared this time and my other times maybe helped someone.

Alisha Coakley:

I already know that they have, and they'll continue to do so. All right, mr Buchanan. Well, thank you again for joining us, for sharing your story, and thank you to our guests, too, for tuning in to another episode of latter-day lights. Guys, make sure that you do your five-second missionary work. You have no idea who needs to hear the things that we're spoken about today, who needs to have a little bit more light in their life. So just click that share button like comment, do whatever you can. Let Eldon know what your um, what part of his story really meant the most to you or stood out to you the most, and and um, as always, if you guys have a story that you'd like to share, you know someone who has a great story. We would love to hear it. So reach out to us. You guys can email us at latterdaylights at gmailcom, or you can head to our website, latterdaylightscom and fill out the contact form at the bottom of the page.

Scott Brandley:

Thanks again, elton, and thanks for everyone tuning in, and we will talk to you next week with another episode. Until then, take care.

Eldon Buchanan:

Thank you so much.

People on this episode

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Scott Brandley

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Alisha Coakley

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