LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories

Reflections on Faith, Trials, and a Difficult Mission: Adam Harmon's Story - Latter-Day Lights

• Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley

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What do you do when your spiritual journey feels harder and more unfair than you expected?

In this episode, Adam Harmon takes us on an introspective account of some of the difficult challenges that he faced on his mission, along with some the powerful lessons he learned along the way that ultimately helped him to find empathy, strengthen his faith, and discover his true character.

Adam’s story is one of perseverance and faith tested by fire. From overcoming childhood leukemia to grappling with the unexpected struggles of missionary life, Adam opens up about moments of doubt, frustration, and self-discovery. Yet, as he reflects on these experiences, he reveals how even the hardest trials can bring us closer to the Savior.

By the end of the discussion, we explore the positive outcomes of Adam’s journey—how his trials have shaped his understanding of God’s love and the power of perspective. This is more than a story of enduring hardship; it’s a testimony of hope, resilience, and the beauty that can come from trusting in the Lord’s plan. You won’t want to miss this heartfelt and enlightening conversation.

*** Please SHARE Adam's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/l0XboV2QJcU

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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.

Scott Brandley:

Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley and I'm Alicia Coakley.

Alisha Coakley:

Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.

Scott Brandley:

On today's episode we're going to hear how one man's struggles on his mission led him to discover that success is not found in what we get from serving, but in who we serve. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today. We're really excited to introduce our special guest, adam Harmon, to the show. Welcome, adam. Thank you for having me.

Alisha Coakley:

Thanks so much for reaching out. We really appreciate it. I have to say I am like I'm very excited about your story in particular, because I feel like it's something that a lot of people struggle with, which is callings and the purpose of them, and how do we move forward when they're not going quite the way that we think that they should go, and so I just thank you for real for reaching out and spending some time with us today, because I definitely think it's a topic that's needed to be discussed. So you're awesome.

Adam Harmon:

I'll try not to disappoint too much.

Scott Brandley:

Well, Adam, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Adam Harmon:

So I'm 35 years old, I was born in Rexburg, idaho, and I lived here my entire life. But when I was 11, I was diagnosed with childhood leukemia. I I successfully conquered it, got remission. I've been clear since 13 and a half years old and I grew up in the church. I am one of seven children and I'm the first one who fully served their entire mission. So I graduated a couple of years ago with my associates in history, and I am married to a wonderful woman and we just brought home a 10 and a half week old golden retriever puppy who is uh currently uh giving us uh, lots of fun eating everything everything except his own food that is the way it always goes.

Alisha Coakley:

That is absolutely the way it always goes. Yeah, good luck with that. Puppies. I I almost feel like that puppies. I I almost feel like I feel like they're. They can really teach you if you're ready for parenting, right, like it's a, it's a good step to know if you're really ready to take toddlers and on the house, in the house, because you have to just love them. You like they're not going to be obedient, you just have to love them, you know so wow, I'm going to have to take your word for that, because I don't have any pets.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, scott doesn't do pets. One day we're going to get Scott some cats.

Scott Brandley:

No, definitely not a cat, maybe a golden retriever.

Adam Harmon:

They're cool, they're friendly, happy energetic, very energetic, maybe a golden retriever they're cool I look, they're friendly, happy, energetic, very energetic, and he loves to pounce on you, especially if you're laying down those bounce, bounce, bounce just wait till he's like 50 pounds, then you'll right, right, there you go yeah, awesome.

Scott Brandley:

Well, adam, uh, why don't you share your story with us and tell us where it begins?

Adam Harmon:

All right. So I guess it begins when I was 13 years old. That's when I fully read the Book of Mormon for the first time, got to test one of it. I read it in three days and I was. I was sick at the time, like I was, I was sick as a dog. So you know, I'm just like you know what. I'll read it, and not just because of the fact that I had cancer at the time I was at the final stages of it, but of my treatments. But I read through it all and I got my testimony to that. The testimony of Joe Smith came a little bit later, which you know I. I kind of thought it was weird at the time that you don't gain the testimony of everything at once. You gain testimony bit by bit. But as an adult I'm like well, that makes complete sense.

Adam Harmon:

But I always knew that I wanted to serve mission because I grew up in a very uh faithful, devoted family. When it went to going to church, my uh parents always had the missionaries over. They were every single day. We did our scripture study. Everything was as you expect when you're growing up as a member of the church and as one of seven kids, you know there's. You definitely have to do your best to kind of rise above everybody else if you want to get noticed.

Adam Harmon:

But but when it came time to do my mission call, I did so without hesitation. The only thing that I was a little hesitant on was I was going to be the first member of my immediate family who had actually served a full mission. Both my dad and my older brother had had to come home early from their missions because of medical issues, and my cousin, who lived closest to us and who I was closest with, also had the exact same thing. He had to come home early because of knee issues he got while serving his mission and then he eventually got back out there and finished his full mission. But there was a lot of pressure on, you know, to actually serve that full mission and, you know, do what needed to be done. But a lot of my missionary idea of what a missionary was was, you know, people's testimonies were like, oh, how great my mission was. And also movies such as other side of heaven and God's army. That was really, I mean, good movies. But they, they definitely give a very certain view Glasses kind of view right yeah.

Adam Harmon:

And I did try to go out with the missionaries a couple of times, but something always came up where we weren't able to go out. When I got my call at the actual my dad's birthday in 2007, I actually gave it to him as a birthday present.

Adam Harmon:

I didn't open up my mission call, I gave it to him so that way, you know, it could be a present to him, so that way he didn't feel like he was being one up on his birthday, like he was being one-upped on his birthday. And so my mission call was to the Denver South Mission, which at the time took the southern portion of the Denver metro area. It shot west across the Rockies, went out to the Utah border and then it went south past Grand, grand junction, montrose area, and then it went up and took in this really small town in wyoming that would have like 300 people and when missionaries would go in the area they would make news articles about it because there's nothing else going on in the town. So I did not go to that town. So, but that was fine with me.

Adam Harmon:

But my, my mom had wanted me to actually put in for going on a mission the day after my birthday. That's my 18th birthday. She's 19, yeah, 19, because this is before they turned 18. Everybody thought I was 18 when I went down the mission because I was a very small gentleman. Well kid, gentlemen, not yet. I had a lot of maturing to do, which which contributes a lot to the story, but, uh, I, being person, I felt like it going out right on my birthday was not a good idea, maybe, maybe just because of the fact I'm december 24th, so christmas eve, baby. So I I highly doubt that the uh, that the church presidency would be like okay, christmas, you're in the mission, you're in the mtc, go for it yeah but for.

Adam Harmon:

But for some reason I felt that if I'd gone right away, that would have been a bit of a mistake. So so I set it for a couple months afterwards and I entered the MTC at the end of February of 2008,. And I had a really good time in the MTC. I didn't do as much preparing for the mission as I should have. I did not save enough money, which became an issue later on in my mission. Not even later on in the mission, Very quickly I ran out of funds.

Scott Brandley:

That I had saved up.

Adam Harmon:

By the time I got out of the mission field I had only saved up $500. At that time it was $10,000. You had to save up $10,000. Well, I wasn't as diligent in saving money as I should have. By the time I was done with my second area, I was completely out of money and so I had to rely strictly upon what the church was saying for your monthly allotment. But that's obviously jumping a little ahead in the story.

Adam Harmon:

But when I left the MTC I had this. I actually had a bit of a panic attack about three nights before I left the MTC. A bit of a panic attack about three nights before I left the MTC. Because we were shown reality show television program that they had made for some missionaries that were out of the mission field at that time, and it wasn't us I don't remember which mission was, but everybody in the MTC. We got to go watch it and they were kind of showing, you know, going out knocking doors, your companionship studies, your inventories and stuff like that, and I had a full blown panic attack. I had to. I went to bed with a prayer, like I'm. For some reason. I'm really freaked out right now, can I feel? Can you please help me feel better, which, by the time I woke up in the morning, I was completely fine, which, yay.

Adam Harmon:

When I entered the mtc, they, they said at that you're always going to have at least one member of the uh quorum of 12 or one of the uh first presidencies show up and deliver devotional there. That didn't happen for me, so I was like, well, that's kind of bummed out. Come to find out, though, that about six months before his calling Neil L Anderson Elder, neil L Anderson had given a devotional to us. So I'm like, oh so I got it before he became an elder, before he became a member of the Quorum 12. That's cool, okay so, but I didn't know that until later. I think it was the next general conference that it was announced, but, but, either way, it made me feel kind of good afterwards.

Adam Harmon:

But I got out into the mission field and I was put up with my trainer, and at the time, like I mentioned earlier, I only had an idea of what the mission experience was from such movies as God's Army or the RM or movies like that, and I asked my trainer when we were leaving. I'm like, so are we? How exactly are we living? Are we living with a bunch of other missionaries, such as in God's army, or are we living by ourself? What, what is it? Oh no, no, we're living with some members. We're living in their basement. Oh okay, I didn't know at that time that missionaries could live with the members. I didn't know at that time that missionaries could live with the members and I'm like, oh well, that's cool. They were a really good couple, the Browns, really good couple.

Adam Harmon:

We were near downtown Denver and when I got on my mission I was an extremely shy individual. I was extremely introverted, and a lot of that had to do with the several years that I had to not go to school because of chemotherapy, and at the time that was when chemotherapy was still three and a half years for boys and only three years for girls. They were experimenting with new medicines to bring it down. But for basically three and a half years either I was not in school completely or I would have to take days off of school or not attend the social events. So I lost a lot of that critical social development. So it was extremely hard for me to do the open your mouth OYMing. That was so important.

Adam Harmon:

This was only a couple years after preach, my gospel first came out. We had the second edition of the book and my, my, my trainer mentioned after a week that I wasn't progressing as fast as he wanted me to progress with being more social, more active, with talk to people. And I explain, I'm doing my best. I'm doing, but it it's hard for me, but I'm definitely trying my best. So about uh, not quite before we had our first transfer, which we stayed together for two transfers, he took me to this outdoor mall that there is in downtown Denver. It's called the 16th Street Mall and it's just this massive mile-long street that's just all shops and stuff like that that you go shop at. And we're just kind of walking around and I'm just kind of following my trainer because, well, you're the trainee, you're supposed to follow them and follow their example.

Adam Harmon:

He's not talking to anybody and I'm like, ok, I guess we're not talking to anybody. We go to a raw store and he's like here, go in here and look for some ties. I'm like, well, it's not P-Day or anything like that, oh, don't worry about it. Oh, okay, an hour and a half later I'm like our what, what's going on here? And he's like he's like, oh, just just go buy some ties, okay. So I go buy some ties, using up very little of what I have left and using quite a bit of what I have left, and we get back to our members house and the entire time I'm sensing that my trainer is steaming, like you can almost see the steam coming out of him because he was so frustrated. I'm like I don't know what you're upset about, but okay, whatever, we got home an hour of me being chastised because I'm not progressing as fast as you want me to.

Adam Harmon:

He says Elder Herman, this was a test. You failed this test. You are wasting my time. You're wasting the time of our companionship, our stuff. You're not focused on what I want, what you should be focusing on. You are wasting. You're wasting the whole point that we're out here and I'm like I didn't realize that this was a test. If I had known this was a test, I could have have said some. I would have done something, but I just was doing what you were doing because that's what I was supposed to do. No, no, this is this is a test. This was a test and you failed.

Adam Harmon:

So he storms off to the shower and I noticed in his planner and I wasn't snooping, but he had laid in such a way that I think he was kind of trying to get me to see it, but he had laid in such a way that I think he was kind of trying to get me to see it. For the past two weeks, every single day, he wrote in this mission planner I am the only one who does any work, I'm the only one who does any work. And this really kind of bummed me out and I'm like all right, well, for the next week, I'm going to do everything, which which I did every single place. He went to and said oh, don't worry, I'll take care of this, I'll knock all these doors. It wouldn't. It didn't please him at all, it didn't make him happy or anything like that.

Adam Harmon:

And I'm definitely trying to make up for what I feel is is I I assume that it was all my fault, that that I should have been on top of this stuff. I should have recognized that this was what I was supposed to do about. At the end of the week he said Elder, we're going to be splitting up with some other missionaries. I'm going to be with the district leader, you're going to be with his companion. I'm like okay, and the companion mentioned that he had heard about this test and he's like so what do you feel about it? And I unloaded you know my feelings about it. I'm like it kind of stinks, and I just shared my version of what's going on and I don't remember exactly what I was even said or anything like that, but basically I felt like I was not being given the opportunity to advance like he wanted me to.

Adam Harmon:

I don't know if it was or not, but you know, when you're 20 years old, when you're 19 years old and everything is you know kind of other people's reasons, false faith. And the next day when we got back at the end of the night, my trainer, he sat me down again and for an hour he got after me for telling this other missionary how I felt, because this was not in his mind. What he told me is elder. You claim that I never give you any chance to do so. That is not true. In fact, everything you said is a fabrication and basically, in his mind, I had no reason to complain for any treatment that I received, because I should be progressing on a timetable that was his timetable, not not my timetable, maybe not even the lord's timetable, but at his time pace, and that any claim on my part was disrespectful, it was not being genuine, it was not being authentic and these double whammies really, really got me and I had.

Adam Harmon:

I have a clear memory it's one of the few memories I have of of we were going along and he was berating me as we were walking past a past, a supermarket of. I just had this mental image of my mind of taking my backpack, going over over to the nearest trash, can throwing my backpack into the trash, can getting on the next bus and getting out of the mission Because introverts are not very good, I guess, at handling when you're being berated like that. And that was my go-to. Thought was all right, well, you know what. I'm doing my best, but I feel like crap.

Adam Harmon:

But in my mission we had the temple, the Denver temple, in our mission and if you're on the Denver side of the Rockies, the third Wednesday of every month you could go and do a temple session at the temple as a mission and they reserved it specifically for the missionaries. So we went there. We were going through our session and we got to the slasher room and I had a very strong impression of Elder. You are not doing your best as a missionary. You are not doing your best as a missionary. You need to be doing better. You are not being who I want you to be.

Adam Harmon:

And I just had this mental impression and, if you recall from earlier, I had that mental image of throwing away my backpack. That was exactly what I felt. That the impression was about that I had to leave, that I could not be a missionary. I actually wrote in my journal about that, about that prompting and the interpretation I got of that prompting, and I actually cried myself to sleep and next day I called my mr president, I told him what happened and I'm like I'm I want out of here. It it's not, it's not working out. I don't feel like I should belong here.

Adam Harmon:

My mission was like don't don't do, don't do anything rash, but let's, let's just take some time, let's just see how things actually progress. And the next uh transfer we had a uh zone conference up in one of the mountains and all the people in mission that failed on that half of the the mission we got to go attend and he sat, he sat me down, he took me aside, he sat me down. It's like so tell me what's going on, what do you feel and what just like, and let's try to work through it. And I explained to him. You know how I feel, I get all get all red face, you know, because I'm not very good emotional, you know not not to looking like I'm about to explode like a cherry I I discovered later that that they were going around taking pictures of the zone covers. They took a picture of me having this discussion with my mission president about me wanting to go and I had not changed my mind and it was put on our mission DVD that was given to every single missionary. Beg on, wow.

Adam Harmon:

Now they did not put the context in yet because nobody knew the context except for me and my mission president. But everybody just probably thought that I just said with soul overcome by the Spirit. You know that he was trying to comfort me. I am probably not exaggerating and saying I'm the only missionary, maybe one of the only missionaries in the church, if not the only missionary, maybe one of the only missionaries in the church, if not the only missionary in the history of the church, as photographic evidence of them trying to convince their mission president to send them home wow and I.

Adam Harmon:

I actually tried to see if I could find that picture, because it's one of those scenes that you talk about that I could like share, you know, because it's one of those pictures that you talk about that I could like share, you know, because it's one of those pictures that it's like no way that you can't find that Unfortunately, we moved into our new place not too long ago. It's probably not one of those pictures that needs to be shared anyways, but I didn't realize this until afterwards and it was actually a really good idea that it was really good that that happened afterwards and my my mission president called my family to try to rally this is my part and they were all very, very hard on me for wanting to leave the mission so hard that the that it kept on driving me closer towards leaving and the only people I could turn to that was like that was willing to sit down, listen to me was actually members I was living with and there and I shared with them. I felt to close enough to them that I shared some of the letters that they've been sending me, which were very, very uh um vocal in how dare I want to leave the mission when I be when everybody else had already gone. So there's definitely a lot of guilt tripping my and. But that definitely helped me a little bit to talking with these members. But it wasn't until a couple of weeks later that I made the decision on whether I was going to stay or not, fully made the decision and I'd got a new companion. He was the best companion for me to have at that time and he didn't know what that thing. He learned later, though, but we and he didn't know it that day. He learned later, though, but we.

Adam Harmon:

I was given a DVD right before I left the MTC. That was a burned copy of the Joseph Smith Prophet of the Restoration movie and this is when it was still not being shown outside of like the visitor centers, temple visitor centers and also the MTC, outside of like the visitor centers, temple visitor centers and also the MTC. But one of the missionaries I knew in the MTC knew the person who projected it to the one night they showed it at the MTC, which I had to miss because I got really sick that night. But we went over to a member's house who she was a Jewish convert and we shared the movie with her and I got hit with the biggest burst of spiritual um encouragement that no, I was not supposed to leave, I was supposed to stay, and that it actually wasn't until a couple weeks ago that I was thinking about it, that what it was was that I had misinterpreted the spiritual prompting that had been given the temple and at the time I didn't think of that. It wasn't until until now.

Adam Harmon:

Obviously, 2020, hindsight is 2020 but I, uh I, after we finished the movie, I had to go into this members bathroom. I sat over her, over sink, and I just knew that no, I was not supposed to leave, I was supposed to stay. And then, a week later, we had president interviews. My mission president asked my companion to stay and that's how he learned that I had been struggling with going home. When I told him about the circumstances of having the DVD, he told me Elder missionaries don't go to hell for having bootleg DVDs.

Adam Harmon:

Elder missionaries don't go to hell for having bootleg DVDs, but there had already been stuff sent in motion. But he told me at that time that he had originally been thinking about putting me in leadership positions. However, because of what had happened, he was having to reevaluate that and that that was going to be pushed off. So I overcame the first hurdle and you know all recommitted to it to being a missionary and this first couple of transfers I was really really dedicated to, you know, being super dedicated to the work and being as obedient as I possibly could to it. You know, just, I mean you're, you're a missionary, you're supposed to be this representative christ, you're supposed to, you know, be doing all the stuff that you're supposed to be doing. Before I left this area, they sent me west across the, the mountains, closer to Utah.

Adam Harmon:

I had heard of missionaries who were being disobedient. There had been four missionaries that were caught at a game store playing Magic the Gathering on a day when they weren't supposed to be played and everyone's like, oh man, you know how could they do that? At the time I thought that was a very rare thing. That changed after I got transferred to my next area and that's because the next missionary I was with had zero interest in working. And this was my third companionship, my fourth transfer, and he. This was a completely new area. I was sent to the city of montrose, which is 60 miles south of the grand junction, and we would do very, very little work. We would daily, daily he would take us and I had no, no idea of the area or anything like that.

Adam Harmon:

So I'm just following him along. He took us to the local church house and he would take hour-long naps in the pews. And what do I do? I'm the junior companion. Am I supposed to say anything about it? We got into arguments over it. He's one of the few missionaries that I got into verbal implications with and because he asked me one day well, elder, elder, harman, what do you think we should be doing right now? And this is after one of his, uh, airline naps, which he talked in his naps, which was always funny because there's always phone conversations he had in his naps but and I said well, let's go tracting, elder, you and I both know how much we like tracting, so we're not going to go tracting, um, but, elder, we're supposed to be tracting. I think there's much better ways that we can spend our time, which was to go over to a member's house that didn't mind missionaries visiting and not going anywhere. But there was one point where he actually did come across this idea on what we could do as a missionary couple to advance the work, which I thought was a really brilliant idea. I was fully on board with it. We talked to our district leaders about it. They were on board with it. We talked to our zone leaders, they were on board with it. We talked to our district leaders about it. They were on board with it. We talked to our zone leaders, they were on board with it.

Adam Harmon:

At the time we covered not only Montrose but also the town of Gunnison. Gunnison is clear up in the Rockies. It's 60 miles east of Montrose, gunnison, up into the mountains, and there's a population of 600 people. Except when Western State College is currently in session and everybody goes there because of the skiing. It's a really good skiing place. They get at times 41 below zero and my companion had learned that I had that DVD that I mentioned earlier and he's like we need to go up there because there needs to be missionaries up there and we didn't have our own vehicle. But let's go up there, let's go knock doors, which I'm like hallelujah, hallelujah. But let's set up a thing where the keystone of our being up there is. We are going to show property restoration to investigators and church members in the church. We're going to project it up there so that way we can show people, especially people who aren't members of the church, what we think about Joseph Smith and kind of what Joseph Smith was thinking of in a very short, very easy digestible setting. And so we get everything worked out.

Adam Harmon:

It was a time it was a job and a half because we had to work out with the, the, with the ward that we were mostly in, the montrose ward, and also the uh ward up in uh gunnison, and they were ecstatic to have us up there. We, we drove up there, we were stuck up there for a week, but it all worked out well. We were. We had a family that immediately volunteered to take us while we were there for the week. They had a really big cat that was 25 pounds, an orange tabby. He was a beast.

Adam Harmon:

But we, halfway through the week I get this phone call. I was carrying our cell phone because my companion, even though he's a senior companion, he didn't want to carry phones at the time when there was split phones and only one person had a cell phone and I see that was a mission present and I'm like oh, that's cool. So I answered the phone, he asked us where we are, what we're doing, and I tell him what was going on and he's like oh, okay, hangs out the phone on us, hangs out the phone after we finish and I'm like, well, that's kind of weird and I told that to my companion. He's like I don't know why you'd be calling us. So we finished our time up there. It passed with flying colors the presentation, and maybe it's because my companion took an hour and a half nap before we used the second pitch. We had a very fun discussion with a couple of non-members of the church on the gift of the Holy ghost. It basically became a round and round and round circular argument with them. It was like it was like come on, just, it's not that hard when you think about it. But you know it was good.

Adam Harmon:

But we, we get back in the shortly afterwards we change out to missionary, my companion with a new missionary and we will go back to. There is an aftermath to that phone conversation that I have with my mission president. But my new companion, he shows up and he asked me okay, well, where, where's? Where's our lunches, where's our dinners? And I'm like, well, we were gone for a week so we didn't have anything set up.

Adam Harmon:

My companion was my companion tells me, elder harman, when I saw your picture up there that I was going to be stuck with you, I I cried. Now you're telling me that you don't even have any food for me and I'm like, well, I'm not the member You're supposed to be feeding us. So he made me pull out our member list and he started calling every single member on the list for one of us to give us lunch and I'm like I'm like that feels like you're a little entitled. But you know, whatever, he's listening to daniel and every single day in our companionship we were together for two transfers. He complained about me to every single person, member and nonhip. We were together for two transfers. He complained about me to every single person, member and non-member. We would be in the middle of the meeting with the investigators and he would tell the investigators that how I had tried starving him when he got there because I didn't have food set up for us oh my gosh and he and one day turned to me.

Adam Harmon:

it's like and this was after he uh, laid into me a little bit at one of the members' houses and he's like, elder, do you think I should stop being so mean to you? And I said, well, I think it's a good idea. Well, because you didn't say no definitively, I'm not going to stop what.

Alisha Coakley:

Oh my gosh, what oh my?

Adam Harmon:

gosh and there was. There was a member couple it was in another ward that we had been friends with, but he, flout said no, we can't go visit them, which you know. It made sense because they weren't in our ward, not our area, and I and the members came up to us and said that and asked us about it. Well, why haven't you guys come visit? I'm like. Well, my senior companions said that we should probably stay in our own area. The zone leaders were with us and they immediately tore into me about how dare I put down my companion in front of the members?

Alisha Coakley:

Oh my gosh.

Adam Harmon:

And I'm like I'm getting on my shell a bit more. But I'm like I'm not even going to dignify that with a response, because I've been dealing with this for, at that point, two and a half months. I'm not even going to deal with that, I'm not even going to respond to it. I'm not going to dignify that with a response. The follow-up to the phone call happened during this time and my mission president he sat both me and my companion down. He's like, elder Harmon, you and your companion rocked the boat on my mission, my plans for the mission. You went up there to this town and you threw off my entire timeline. Now they're wondering where the missionaries are at, why they don't have any missionaries. And you know what? I don't even know why you guys were even up there to begin with, but why were y'all even up there? Well, because this was our area and at this time I didn't have that one companion with me to uh, back up, back me up, or anything like that. And I'm just like, well, this was part of our area, we needed to cover it. No, elder, you need to be doing exactly what to what I want us to do for the mission should. This is not. This is not acceptable for you guys to just to do whatever you want to without advising me or your or your leaders.

Adam Harmon:

Well, we asked our zone leaders and district leaders that that did not help my castle or anything like that. But this was also shortly before this. I had reported what had happened to the zone leaders and, well, I reported to my district leaders, they sent up the ladder and we I got called about a week before this uh president interview meeting and I was told that I had, uh, no proof that this had happened, that they had happened, that they had talked to the other missionary and that, as far as I could tell, I was trying to cause trouble for this other missionary and I needed to, and I needed to was I need, I need to stop trying to harass this other missionary. I just needed to, you know, focus on my own stuff and I'm like, all right, whatever, uh, that's, that's not true. But you know what he you were.

Adam Harmon:

He was closer to the mission presidents and his assistants. They were able to talk to him face to face and he remained an extremely popular missionary throughout the rest of his mission and he was known as the missionary that you go to if you needed a good deal, any stores or anything like that, because he's really good at making connections, really good at connecting with people, and me not so much. I never gained that ability, much to my chagrin. But this this president's interview came afterwards, where he already had this idea that I was causing difficulties with other missionaries. Then I made it even worse for myself because in our ward we had a member who owned a danny's and we had a member who owned the bowling alley and they would allow us to eat free once a week. The missionaries the missionaries up in grand junction learned about this and decided to make a weekly mecca trip down to go visit and partake of the this bounty oh geez 60 miles outside their district and I I raised my concerns to them, to mission leadership, about these guys are coming down here.

Adam Harmon:

They are taking advantage of our members, which these other elders would argue with me.

Adam Harmon:

They're like why do you have a problem with that? It's not like it costs the Denny's owner anything to feed us for free. Yes, it does is for free? Yes, it does. But if a meal is 15 and there's 20 missionaries which it was 20 exactly that were coming down here, 15 times 20, that is over 300 that is immediately gone and wow, obviously it's easier to recoup. But you know those losses in the bowling galley because they're just providing buying the bowling pins and stuff like that. But again, that money goes towards paying their electricity, it pays towards doing that stuff. So I have perhaps an over active sense of what's fair and whatnot.

Scott Brandley:

So I'm like this is.

Adam Harmon:

This is wrong. I got called by the assistants the day after I made the report and said that I needed to keep my mouth shut, I needed to stop trying to cause issues for other missionaries, that I was crazy if I was to say that these missionaries would come down that far to take advantage of our members. That obviously was not not the case. I needed to keep my mouth shut. After I got done with the phone conversation, I made a decision. I was not going to force any missionary to work harder than they wanted to work, because when I had tried to, it had always backfired me and it only caused more troubles. And I was not going to and I was not going to make any complaints, make any reports on other member, on other elders. Is that, or sisters, poor behavior? Because again, it had not. It had fired back for me.

Adam Harmon:

I was the one who got in trouble. That they might have been. I'm sure that they got to mention of hey, elders, you know let's, let's be more, let's be considerate, you know let's. But I felt that I was the only one who got any punishment at all. I don't know if it's true or not, but that's how I felt and that was the tone of the messages that I got. So we I finished up the rest of my transfer, the mission. The members stopped feeding us because they were so tired of the negativity that was coming from my companion towards me that they're like there's no point in us feeding them because they don't bring a good spirit to our house, to our homes. I understand completely that my bank account is definitely appreciated, but you know, whatever I understood, and I just then, I understood now that you cannot bring things into your home that brings down the spirit you can use it to your home.

Adam Harmon:

That caused division and this was obviously causing division. So they had to cut out the negativity. And afterwards I got transferred back over to Ward's Denver and I got called a week afterwards by that companion who told me that he was glad that he got the new companion that he had because he was Polynesian, and all the members, because they wanted to feed the Polynesian everybody was signing up for it to feed them meals. And, like my gosh, I'm like that's not exactly what happened, but whatever. And so at this time I want to make clear that at this time I was not counting every single thing that happened to me as like even a balance check book on, like all the stuff that was done wrong to me, what was right.

Adam Harmon:

But at that time I realized that my mission was not what I expected it to be Like. Where was for me? It's like, where's the discernment that shows my mission president and the mission leaders what, what is correct and what isn't? Because isn't the spirit of discernment supposed to be? You be that they know what's going on and what. Why do I feel like? Why is? Why is the companions I'm getting being so resistant to, you know, trying to work, why are they actually going out of their way to put me down or anything like that? And I had just talked up to you know what. I didn't actually know what a mission was like, so you know what, whatever. But, like I said, I had made that decision that you know what I was going to, mind my P's and Q's. I was going to work as hard as any other, as my companions would. I was going to. I wasn't going to force anything because I knew that I would not survive the mission if I did not learn how to play almost office politics with these people.

Alisha Coakley:

How long had this been at the like? How long were you on an admission at this point?

Adam Harmon:

So at this point, one, two, three, four, five, six transfers. I was with the, I was with the one elder for three transfers. Elastic Companion Well, no, actually, no, no, yeah, it was six transfers, but I was the two without the one companion. The last companion who was always complaining about me, at one point we were getting into so much he had to stop in the middle of the street and to pray. He had me pray for his spirit to come back to us because I was obviously the one causing all the problems. But whatever, for uh, as soon as I prayed I felt a lot better before, but beforehand I wanted to punch him more than pray. But yeah, so six transfers a week and a half, that's about nine months.

Adam Harmon:

I'm nine months into my mission and when I went back towards the Denver area over, I was taken over by my companion, about five weeks into our, into our companionship, which again, he, he wasn't. He wasn't a big worker, but he, he worked every once in a while. So you know what I'd take it as it was. I would just focus on, you know, be being as good as I could be with the circumstances. So we went over to another missionary's apartment and the, and there was a canadian missionary there and he asked me in his uh canuck accent to if I cared if he had a music player. And inwardly I said no, I do not like this at all. But I said but again, I'd already said you know whatever. So I told him you know what, I don't have a problem with that. He goes back to his room, brings out a laptop, opens it up and proceeds to play the movie Gladiator on his movie on his laptop. Wow, and I'd already learned by experience that reporting stuff did not work. Now, that was two experiences, just two experiences. Who knows, if I had to report this, if I reported any of this stuff down the line, maybe they would take it more seriously.

Adam Harmon:

But we gain even the church. We gain reputations, and reputations are extremely hard to break, especially once you get first impressions or everything. First impressions are everything, and I already had given off the impression that I was a hard-to-work-with missionary. Therefore don't keep your head down, because it was not going to go well for you. So my companion decided that, since I was good with the movies, we were going to go out there. They watched some movies with the pornographic material on it. There was all this other stuff. They watched horror films, very graphic horror films.

Adam Harmon:

I had to go into another room and I felt sick to myself because I'm like I know this is wrong. Why don't they realize that it's wrong? I want to say something. I was, I was too, I was too concerned with you know how like about what would happen to me if I said something, then just taking that initiative and saying something, and it didn't help that at the time, the war that I was in was a very combative war, and what I mean by that is they loved arguing with me, and so did the other missionaries. They loved arguing with me.

Adam Harmon:

We took a member out one night to one of our investigators and we were sharing the first lesson, and the commander was with. He was really good at sharing the lessons about teaching, and so I shared mine to back up between the doctrines. After I shared mine, which was, I believe, was the plan of salvation, the member says now I know what the Lord of Harmon told you, but I'm going to tell you how it really is and proceeds to tell them exactly what I had told them beforehand. And, uh, I bit my tongue and I'm like I I'm not gonna engage with this because I'm I'm supposed to be representing christ. I did, and arguing with this uh member from this uh investigator is not gonna bring this person christ so did they ever come?

Adam Harmon:

I don't think they ever did join the church, maybe afterwards, because you never know what happens with the person after you leave their orbit. But the it got so bad that during a mission president interview I was telling I was sharing with my mission president what was going. He said Elder, I'm going to give you permission to fight for respect Because they do not respect you. You need to fight for respect and there are ways you can go about doing it, but they cannot be treating you like crap all the time. So it's one of the few words I ever felt like I had to be that with.

Alisha Coakley:

And.

Adam Harmon:

I don't. I'm not sure why they they weren't really that way with the my companion, the one that came afterwards, which was a fun individual by himself. But a lot, a lot of my problems I felt was that I never gained the ability to really connect with people on my mission by the end of my mission, that I never gained the ability to really connect with people on my mission by the end of my mission. I never. I didn't really have that many. I didn't have any friends from the mission because while I got to better at talking, I never became better at connecting with people and with and during the during the war beforehand missionaries actually war missionaries didn't like going out with me on splits because they we'd have like an hour and a half six people you go visit we'd be done like 20 minutes me and them, because I just could not to, I could not connect with people on that level. So I think that also carried into my interaction with other people, because it was so hard for me to do so. They had a really hard time connecting with me as well. And and again, I was still trying to keep my I still keep my head on underwater, you know, just to make sure I didn't get hit to on get hit on a boomerang, you should say from consequences. But afterwards I became a safe missionary for Disable Me Missionaries to be around, because I would not risk myself by trying to cause trouble cause trouble, as david said, and I never felt good about it. But there were missionaries that that were really, really good workers. I would mirror them if you, if you were a really hard worker, I would be a hard worker as well. If you were not a hard worker, I wasn't going to be. I wasn't going to work hard either, because I didn't. I didn't want the drama. I did. I did not feel that I needed the drama and I had seen with other missionaries that a lot of missionaries who are disobedient were very successful. They're very successful at baptizing. They're very successful at, you know, getting people to come to the gospel. That sorry. They're very successful at getting people to come to the gospel, sorry.

Adam Harmon:

And when I was hardworking, I very rarely saw success. If I was not hardworking, I did not see a lot of success. So for me I began to wonder well, if I have have righteous intentions, should that not be enough? Why, why do I have? Why are things not happy for me when they're happy for other people. And I probably at the time started feeling more and more like me, me, me, like I was told before I went out on my mission that things were going to happen for me, like I was immediately going to be filled with the gospel, with the spirit to the point that I could open my mouth and talk to people. The lord wanted to make up all my shortcomings. If I just had a good spirit about me, I would have these missionaries that we would be united in our work for Christ. I wasn't seeing that and maybe it was just and it probably was. I was focusing so much on my on what was me, because things aren't happening the way that I want them to that I wasn't seeing all the opportunities that were coming along. But I never really felt unhappy Once I decided to stay on the mission. I was fully committed and I never again felt like I was going to leave the mission. But I felt afterwards that by doing so, while I was not leaving, I was also accepting the fact that it was going to be hard. I was also accepting the fact that it was going to be hard and that things weren't going to go the way that I had wanted to.

Adam Harmon:

Now, roughly about this time we're approaching about the year mark I heard from some missionaries that they were going to be going into the Gunnison area and I reached out to them and I said hey, elders, so I had this DVD that I took up there to show the members. You guys can make a copy of it, but can you please bring it to me? And they're like oh well, what DVD is it? Oh, joseph and the Prophet of the Restoration. They put that on DVD. Well, I had ways. They're like yeah, yeah sure, we'll get it, we'll bring it to you when we have our next zone conference, next conference comes around.

Adam Harmon:

I go up to them and ask them hey, so where's my DVD? Oh, we're sorry, elder, it broke. It was shattered by the time we got up there and I'm like, and they're like well, we thought that we wanted to bring you something broken. I said to them well, even if it's broken, I would like to have you brought it, just so that way I could see it. Because, but you know what, whatever, a month later, and well after the one-year mark, I'd heard that these missionaries were making copies of this movie for other missionaries and I called them. I'm like so. So, hey, elders, I hear that I hear you're making copies of this movie no-transcript. So, elders, you told me you didn't have a copy of this dvd while you were up in gunnison. But well, well, what do you mean? Well, I mean exactly, that is that my dvd that you guys have I got.

Adam Harmon:

I got the copy. I don't get my copy and I am 100 certain and I've for for myself. I don't actually know if it's true or not, but I believe they stole that DVD that helped keep me on my mission and that that was a really, that was a really rough one.

Adam Harmon:

I did some other stuff that got stolen from me. I had my. I had 14 months worth of photos stolen from me because my camera got stolen from me. I had my uh, I had 14 months worth of photos stolen from me because my camera got stolen.

Alisha Coakley:

Oh no.

Adam Harmon:

I had oh my gosh.

Adam Harmon:

I had a, uh, pocket knife that I bought. I had that stolen. I had, uh, I had a birthday cake that, uh, that a Sabon missionary decided to eat everything except for a quarter piece after my mom had sent me was confinable and he was like, well, you weren't eating it. It arrived last night. My birthday is today. I couldn't eat it today. Oh no, With that one I just kind of I've always kind of laughed about it. At the point I was just like, come on, man, but I know enough about Polynesians now to be like, well, he had no reason to believe that. That wasn't. Okay, it's my birthday cake, why are you eating my birthday cake?

Adam Harmon:

But for the remainder of my mission, as I said, I kept my head down. I did not push any missionaries to work hard. I did not. I worked as hard as they would work. And by the last my second to last companion I was put with a missionary who had just barely come out. He came out when he was 21 years old. Missionary who had just barely come out. He came out when he was 21 years old and the reason that he the only reason he came out, was because his catholic girlfriend said that it would be a good idea for him to go on a mission and I was the junior companion in our relationship. This, uh, this missionary who just come out on a second to this was a second is a second transfer I was a junior cabanon, not him.

Adam Harmon:

I never made the senior cabanon and he spent he spent the entire time complaining about how he wish he had, how he wish he had not come out on the mission. And he told me one day, while we were tracking he was one of the few that I actually forced to track because I'm like I'm about to go home, I'm really tired of I'm really tired of not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, so let's go track. And he told me one day he wanted to, he wanted to commit suicide in our shower, that he wanted to take his tie and hang him, hang himself and drown. And he the thing was was that that wasn't serious. I knew it wasn't serious because the way he was talking about it he always was complaining about stuff like this and I told him elder, you signed up for this. When he came out, what did you think it was going to be? I realized that. I realized it's hard, but you need but you need to buckle down and focus on because on the fact you're here and just do your best and that was something that I'd also heard, but from much uh darker place, almost around this time, I met my uh mission brother, which, uh, for those people who are listening to the podcast or anything, you don't know what that is that is your, your mission trainer is, your is your father and your uh mission brother is the one who was trained by him. So then you have like a mission grandfather, so forth, and sisters have the exact same thing, just the opposite genders.

Adam Harmon:

And I went up to meet him and I was excited. I'm like, I'm like, hey, I, I know he had to. He had gone home about six months before that and I went to go say hi to him and this missionary looks at me. He's like how's like, how do you know me? Well, I'm like well, I know your trainer because your trainer trained me. I'm the only person he trained. No, I was trained before you. It was a transfer after he got finished being trained. Well, you're not on the posterity tie. I'm like well, I've got the posterity tie. We compare posterity ties.

Adam Harmon:

I had been excised from my trainer's posterity as far as my mission brother was concerned he was the only child and I threw my posterity tie away before I came home Because my midget trainer, which I knew he had brought to me. I didn't realize that he had so many problems with who it was that he was going to dissolve me and to me, I didn't realize that he had so many problems with who it was that he was going to disown me. And for me it's like why should I keep this memory of somebody who does not care about me? Aww, and so I and I have nothing against this other missionary. I really don't, because his relationship with my mission trainer was his own and I don't regret him any good experience that he had with him. But I wish that I had a similar experience with him.

Adam Harmon:

But my last transfer I was really kind of down in the dumps because just all this stuff that had been happening at this time I was, I begin to wonder if the mission actually been worth it. This uh one missionary, he that I've been with, he had moved on and he was caught by his uh, his own leaders taking a shower at one o'clock in the afternoon and they called me. They're like you didn't teach him this, did you? I'm like nope, I didn't teach him that, okay, we just want to make sure, and I was.

Adam Harmon:

I wasn't sure if it had been worth it going out there on a mission. I I had very rarely seen any success, the few we had, like a couple baptisms. And one girl was found because I went back after a band that I had been with before and said that she wasn't worth going back. I went back and we got her baptized. But when I looked at all the bad stuff that had happened, just how I was feeling, those bright spots did not seem nearly as big as the dark spots. Just the depression that I had. Well, I don't even know if it's necessarily depression because I never got to that point, but I nearly died several times. We had a gas leak in one of my apartments that nearly killed me and my companion.

Alisha Coakley:

Holy cow.

Adam Harmon:

And we had a lot of other stuff that happened that just led me to believe that, well, sure, I was out here, but what good was I doing? We had, about three weeks before we were going to go home, we did missionary splits. I put my companion with the district leader and I took the district leader's companion and we went over to this house for dinner. The digital age companion and we went over to this house for dinner and the family was. They certainly did not live in an environment that you would go, oh, this is like a christ-like environment, because they, they were a messy family, they, they weren't too bothered with like cleaning up or anything like that but it. But you know, some of the most habits people are people who are who live in that messy surroundings. And there are people who live in really clean surroundings that are completely depressed and but we had dinner with them and as we were wrapping up dinner, in comes the their daughter and her boyfriend. As soon as they walked the door, they immediately start getting into it, the family just tearing them apart because he wasn't a member of the church, the daughter had left the church because of him and they were. They were, uh, just not good. They had a very adversarial relationship with their family. So I look at the mission I was and we both agreed with our eyes that we should be going and I said is it all right if I share with you a final message before we leave? And they said, okay, they're like yeah, sure, and the non-members are like all right, whatever. I shared with them the Second nephi scripture about uh, we, we preach, we teach christ, we preach christ and we did scenes that our children may know to, who may look to him and mention for their sins. Right, and we finished, we gave a quick prayer and we left. We afterwards.

Adam Harmon:

So we got back with our companionsanages and we went back to our different apartments and I was at my bed and I was. It was not the focus of my prayer, but as I was praying, in the back of my mind, I'm like this mission wasn't worth it. But look at what I've done. Where are the baptisms? Where were, where were all the good missionaries that I was with? Why was I put with all these missionaries that did not want to work? Why is the missionary that I'm with right now watching graphic horror movies in our living room? Why is this stuff happening. Why is my mission so bad?

Adam Harmon:

I got a phone. We got a phone call and my companion answered the phone. He came into there. He's like hey, elder, it's for you. And I was a little perturbed because I'm like I'm in the middle of breaking, not that I'm in the middle, right and all right, whatever, give me the phone. So I took the phone.

Adam Harmon:

It was the mom of this family. She was calling me to thank me that I shared that message, because she said that as soon as I shared that scripture and shared that message and prayed, the entire atmosphere changed. Shared that message and prayed, the entire atmosphere changed and that was the first time that they had not fought with their kids for an entire visit. Obviously, they had been fighting beforehand, but she thanked me for that and I'm like, oh well, he heard me and he said an answer to my prayers, even though that wasn't what I was saying at the time. But this one person thanked me. But I'm like I was running a bit off a high. The next two weeks before I went home I got extremely sick, like I was laying down on on the cow on our couch. I could barely leave to go to, to any meals or anything like that. Like I was that sick and, uh, as soon as I got home and was with family I got better, so it's probably just a homesickness.

Scott Brandley:

That was really but for two weeks I was sick two weeks ten days roughly.

Adam Harmon:

The last weeks I was sick Two weeks ten days roughly. The last day that I was in the ministry field we went to go see our mission president do our exit interviews and my mission president asked me so how are you doing? You've made it through your mission. How do you feel now? And I'm like you know what I feel good, you know what I didn't tell him was I was feeling good about the fact I was leaving, that it had been so hard for me that I was. I was waiting more for the opportunity to to go home because I didn't.

Adam Harmon:

I didn't have any friends on mission I.

Adam Harmon:

I had a few people that obviously were friends with me, with the members, but none of the missionaries were that friendly with me. I felt that as soon as I was going to go I was going to have this massive load off my shoulders. And after I told them that I was doing pretty good, and after I told him that I was doing pretty good and the members that I had been with and I'm I know I'm jumping back just a little bit, but the members I had been with and that first area, they they met me when I was about three months left on my mission and they told me elder, you look so happy right now. You look better than you did when you were with us. You finally found what you were looking for here and I'm like, okay, well, great, I didn't dare tell them that I had fallen below their expectations, that being a super heavy worker or anything like that. But that wasn't the point of that interaction. But the reason why I mentioned that is because my minister president said do you?

Adam Harmon:

remember when you went, why don't you go home? And I said, yes, well, I didn't tell you the time, but I remember when you went, why don't you go home? And I said, yes, well, I didn't tell you at the time, but I can tell you now. When I called your mother, your mother called me, told me all these plans that you're going to do when you came back home and that she would kick you out immediately if you got back home. You're not going to stay in her home.

Adam Harmon:

And I'm like at first I was like I I don't know, I'm not sure about that, but everything he was telling me was stuff that I had talked with my mom about before my mission, on plans of like, oh, when I get off my mission, you know, this is something that I'd like to do. I had friends that I made through the American Cancer Society as a junior counselor at a cancer survivor camp here in near Boise and they said that if I ever wanted a job I could go, that they would find me a place, they they would give me a job and that they would help me get to started on my feet. And generally it was meant for people who were getting right out of high school, but it was kind of it's kind of an open-ended offering and I'm like, oh well, I, I didn't tell him on that that was going to happen and and he's like and, elder, I'm really glad that you didn't, because I'm pretty certain that she was being that, she would being, that, she would have done so, and I'm like I'm like, all right, whatever, I don't. I don't know why you need to tell me this right now and I've always kind of wondered why he wanted to tell me that. Because I was about to go home. I didn't. I didn't need, I didn't need to have any any issues at home with my family, but it created issues.

Adam Harmon:

But when I was afterwards, after our mission reviews with the president, he's like all right, elders, you're going to get together, you're going to go out to go see anything that you guys want to go see, go visit places and stuff like that. The missionaries I was with I was with two other missionaries. By the time they were done seeing what they were seeing, I got to visit nothing that I had gone to as a missionary. I didn't get to see any of the families that I had been with. I didn't get to go see any of the areas that I had served in, and for me it didn't bother me that much at the moment, because I knew that I was getting out there. I was getting on the mission, I was going to be able to go home and have a much easier time of it.

Adam Harmon:

Well, I got on the airplane the next day still completely sick I I never got feeling better and we flew to salt lake. We were going to connect from Salt Lake and fly to Idaho Falls. I missed my connecting flight because I was vomiting in the airport bathroom and they told me they told me the gate agent. They're like well, we have something for tonight, they'll fly you out to Pocatello or you have to wait till tomorrow. So I called my mom and I said mom, what is my, what is my great grandparents Peacock's phone number? Why is that? Because I missed my flight. And they live, they live right next to the fairgrounds here in Salt Lake, and they're like okay, here's the number, they'll call them. They came pick me up at the airport and then I, from there, got a ride with my mom the next day back out to where I'd hope.

Adam Harmon:

And I felt completely relieved afterwards when I was able to take off my my mission tag because I'm like and I felt completely relieved afterwards when I was able to take off my mission tag Because I'm like you know what I am, I'm good, I'm done with this, everything's good. What I didn't realize was that just because I started a mission didn't mean that I was going to get all these blessings that they said. Next thing I know I wasn't getting jobs. I was having a very hard time getting a job. I wasn't getting any girlfriends or anything like that.

Adam Harmon:

Dates I could get dates but I had girls who would slip off in all the dates because, well, I want to go with I want to go with someone else and I always, after a while, as I started thinking back on this, I started blaming everything that was happening to me on the fact that, oh well, I must be being punished because I didn't do, I didn't force the issue with the other missionaries, I didn't, you know, I didn't make things happen when.

Scott Brandley:

I was out there.

Adam Harmon:

How many people did not get the gospel? Because I was, because I didn't force Elder so-and-so to be, to be like, ok, we're going to go work, I don't care that you don't want to work, let's go work. And I would ranting to myself about, especially when I was feeling really, really low, and there were a few times when I would think about just that, where my life wasn't where it was at and how my mission wasn't what it was supposed to be. I'd get a little suicidal and it's like. It's like how would you get suicidal over something like that? Well, I recently, I recently read this book called a why it's? Uh, by a member, a woman who was a member of the Dutch resistance. I have the book right here, called Dina. Her name is Dina Holgendorn. I had to, I had to check the name of it and she, she talks about how, at the end of World War II, after they had all the members of the resistance get together for a meeting where they talked about okay, well, this is what we were doing over here. This is what we were doing over here. This is what we were doing over there. They learned that 25 of all dutch resistant members were killed. And then the leader of the dutch resistance, they he brought a letter he's like. So I have a letter that the jewish community who have just returned from the american, the uk, wishes to to read to you, and it was a letter lambasting the resistance for not protecting their property. We left Amsterdam and our homes were in nice condition. All our stuff was there, but as soon as we come back, all our stuff is destroyed. Why didn't you, resistance, protect our property? The Dutch resistance, including this woman. She says that they were sent medals of honor by Winston Churchill to congratulate them for the job all done against sailor. They had a public ceremony where they, where they took the medals off their off their off their lapels of lapels from them and they threw them on the ground and vowed to never help a Jew again. Because because we did what we, we we suffered so much, we did all the stuff that we should have done.

Adam Harmon:

And you guys who were able to flee the country are complaining that we didn't do a good job and in some ways I I felt like that as well. It's was like, well, I had those good intentions. Why didn't anything happen the way that I wanted it to be? And it wasn't until about 28, when I was ranting and raving to myself. I was by myself at work. I was cleaning a hotel, I worked as a consultant at a hotel and one night I'm just ranting and raving to myself like why am I always being punished for, you know, my mission not being exactly the way that it's supposed to be. Why, why, why, why, why. And I heard a voice as clear as day say stop it. Things happened. You're angry, but get over it. And at that moment I immediately felt I was immediately done, being being holding on to grudges, grudges on me and said you know, this isn't affecting anybody else. This didn't affect anybody else and me I was.

Adam Harmon:

I found myself being extremely petty, the missionary that had complained about me. I one day met him at a DI when I was working there. He was with a girl and I asked the girl if he had told her about all the girls that he supposedly had hung out with in high school. I did it because I was being petty, I was not being mature and when I was 28, I had a really big growing up process and that was one of the things that I had to. That was dropped, that I had to. Uh, that was dropped.

Adam Harmon:

That I had to learn was was I made choices, my own choices, that led to me having the mission that I had, not anybody else yes, there were other people that were there, but I made the decision to, you know, not push.

Adam Harmon:

I made the decision to always be a follower, very readily a leader, and how could I go complaining and blaming all other people when I also had a role to play in it by being an active participant or being an inactive participant, compared to depending on what it was? And one of the reasons why I kind of started having this revelation was because I started listening to other missionaries who had a rough time on their missions and a lot of them sound just like a bunch of whining, like my. My mission was so much, much, much worse than what you guys were having. You were just mad that, you know. No, you, your, mr president, didn't let you wear your name tag, however you wanted to then. Then I became a fan of hockey and I came across a term called embellishment, and this term is used for players who, when they have like a phallus coming on them, they then proceed to exaggerate what happened to them, so that way they can, so to make it sound a lot worse than it actually was.

Adam Harmon:

So to make it sound a lot worse than it actually was, and I realized that I was embellishing it a bit because I was focusing so much on the negative that I wasn't focusing on the positive as much as it was. As a missionary, I actually enjoyed being out there. I enjoyed being among people, even if I didn't connect as well as other people, but the good times so outweighed the negative times that why were these moments of time overshadowing everything else? It's because I was embellishing what was going on and I was taking offense for things that might not even, might not even been meant to be offenses. But was there a lot of bad things that happened that were geared towards me? Yes, have I mentioned everything that's happened? No, but the thing is that it doesn't need to be, and I I recently was reading a letter that JRR Tolkien had wrote to one of his friends and he was explaining the point of what he was doing with his writing and, according to him, he was wanting to create an interconnected mythology where some stories are expounded upon and others aren't, but they all work together to for the greater whole.

Adam Harmon:

And and I was thinking about that and I'm like well, what does, what does my stories in my life, not just the mission stories. But. But otherwise, what type of mythology are they creating about my own life and which ones I'm not going to expand upon, which ones aren't? And I've, I've had other mission, I've had other callings where, you know it, there were struggles. You know it's it's very fun trying to find uh six, uh, single adults who want to help clean the church when it's your month. It's. It's always fun to be at the sunday school president and have and have people complain that you don't know what you're, what you're doing, that they make a much better sunday school president and teacher it.

Adam Harmon:

But but once I matured I realized that I don't have to take everything personally and I choose how that mythology, we shall say, of my own life is going to play out, and not mythology, as it doesn't happen. But how am I going to view myself, you myself, and is what I'm doing now going to make me feel good about what I did further down the line? And I didn't realize as a missionary that when I wouldn't push these people, how bad I would feel afterwards. And it wasn't necessarily that I was just mad at everybody else, I was mad at myself because I could just see in my mind's eye all these people that that had not been served, because I wasn't willing to magnify my calling. And once I came to that realization, it I was able to move fast.

Adam Harmon:

And I have tried to not only do that with my colleagues but also with the you know, my family, my marriage and stuff like that. Where it's it does what I'm doing now. Is that going to lead me to feel better about it or not? And do I think that? Do I think that the savior would be pleased with what I'm doing? And am I interpreting his promptings that he gives me correctly? Because we don't always understand what the interpretations are?

Adam Harmon:

We think we do, but unfortunately our guests of discernment are not always as where they should be yeah but yeah, so I I think that kind of wraps up my story, obviously, that if there's anything else that wants to be expanded upon, obviously. But uh, I'll leave my my testimony of that that, you know, we, we are, in ways, authors of our own destiny, and that the savior is there to help us fulfill that. What tolkien called a mythology. What is the mythology we want to create and are willing to take the initiative to let the savior help us, because he's the one who knows where our service is good for. We don't know who our service is meant for, and if we're willing to let him help focus us, we'll be a lot more happier than if we just focus, try to find that focus on our own, and I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen, amen.

Scott Brandley:

Wow, oh my goodness, adam, I mean, I mean, I went out, I served a mission and as you were talking, I was remembering some of the things that happened on my mission and I just look back and I think we were young like you know, like there, we were so young.

Scott Brandley:

When you go on a mission, I mean you're, you're, you're maturing, this is your first time playing an adult Right? And uh, I just remember like I, in some ways I was a lot like you or I really wanted to follow the rules, and I saw people doing things around me that, uh, you know that I'm just like what are you thinking? And I had a, I had a similar companion that did not want to work, he didn't want to be there, um and there, I could go on stories on that. But, um, I also knew, I also knew missionaries that went to movies and I'm like, what are you doing? Like, are you insane? And I had a really hard struggle with some of those things too.

Scott Brandley:

But I think one of the reasons why well, first of all, we all have agency, and I think that plays into it but also, like your journey is unique to you because God knows what you need in order to be you Right, in order, in order to for you to reach your full potential, you have to go through certain trials and struggles and you learn lessons along the way. Right, like as I'm, as I'm listening to your story, I'm like man, I'm sure Adam learned empathy, you know Cause I'm sure, like when you meet people that are being trodden down or treated unfairly today, you probably have a lot more empathy for what they're going through because of what happened to you, right?

Adam Harmon:

Yeah, yeah, and oh go ahead.

Scott Brandley:

So I mean, I'm just like and the more we do this podcast, the more I see this is is God gives people these incredible trials where you think how are you going to get? How do you get through that? How do you get through that and still have faith? How do you get through that and still believe that there's good in the world or that God's looking out for you? But somehow, when you look back through the crap and all this, all the hard things that you have to go through, somehow you see God in it Every time. Right, alicia, like don't you feel that?

Scott Brandley:

way I do and even when it's like so horrible like you had horrible things happen to you, like man, I just, if I were there, I'd just give you a big, huge hug because I can. I can see the intent of your heart, I can see that you're a good person and you genuinely wanted to do what was good Right. But you just kept getting like pounded into the dirt and I'm sure you asked yourself a million times like why is this happening to me? But you are a better person now, probably a hundred times better than than what you would have been if you wouldn't have had to go through that. So I said I just have respect for you, man, and I also feel for you, but I'm also like that's part of we have to go through that refiner's fire to become who we are meant to be, right?

Alisha Coakley:

So, anyway, yeah, and you know I I was thinking about it too, like just the amount of time. So you know, you went through all of this stuff and you said it was around the nine month mark when you was that then that you decided to actually stay, or was it earlier again?

Adam Harmon:

Uh, so it was earlier. That was. Uh, it was about three months in.

Alisha Coakley:

Okay, so like to make that decision and to and to not go back on it. You would have had every reason and, and especially after hearing it, like a lot of people would have been like, yeah, absolutely, I would have gone home. I would have gone home and not even moved in with my family after that. You know like I would have just as soon disowned everyone. You know, um, and and yet you still persisted, you still showed up. And so, even though you weren't showing up in the most perfect way that that you could have, I do think that you did the best you could at the time with what you had, you know, with with just your age, your experience, your knowledge, the feelings that you had. I mean, it's so hard, I think, sometimes to um, to be as good and Christ-like as we possibly can be when the feelings of our circumstances or our relationships are so heavy. You know, like there there really is this internal struggle that goes, goes hand in hand with um, just all of those like negative thoughts and feelings, and so the fact that you stayed, even though it wasn't pretty, even though you weren't feeling like the blessings were as loud as you know the hardships, um, that says a lot to you and I think that that that is kind of like one of the many things that I believe we we get sometimes when serving in callings, whether it's a two-year mission or if it's, you know, being a service coordinator or cleaning the building or whatever it is like. We have this opportunity to to, yeah, learn and grow for ourselves, but also just to kind of like be a piece of the puzzle for the, the bigger picture. You know, and, and I like that you kind of took some time, you look back and you're like you know what. There were moments like I did have moments that were good, I did help families out. There were, there were people who felt the spirit because of you know, the times that I did do things more right than others, and so it wasn't that you know you failed on your mission or you know that you did horribly. Um, it's just that you did what you could with what you had.

Alisha Coakley:

And I I think that one of the things that I'm learning, the older I get, is that the atonement is such a real thing that it literally can change our past. You know, like it can change that perspective that we have of the past and, just like you were saying, you get a clearer vision of all of the things you know. Um, I too had leukemia, and so I I look back at that and I remember being in that dark spot and being like really angry, like why would you do this to me? I've tried all of this stuff and I'm trying to be a good mom and I'm doing, you know, like me, me, me, me, me, right, like you get so focused on yourself that you can't see what Heavenly Father is trying to do.

Alisha Coakley:

And now, looking back, I can see where, because I had leukemia, my mom quit drinking. You know she was able to go to the temple and get her endowments and that eventually led to, you know, her and my dad being sealed in the temple to my, my brother and myself. And we've got two more sisters who are on the way and you know like they're. Like my mom made the choice right, like she 100% gets the credit for that. It wasn't anything that I did, but because Heavenly Father was able to use me and to put some hardship in there, knowing that that was the thing that was going to help my mom out, all of a sudden it makes my heavy thing seem a little lighter and, who knows, like I love that one day we're going to see it all. We're going to have that perfect knowledge of how everything worked together for not just our good, but for everybody else's good too.

Alisha Coakley:

You know, you're going to get to look back and you're going to get to see how you being there, changed generations, even if you don't feel like you did the most exemplary job. The fact that you stayed, you persevered, heavenly Father, like when you couple him with all of that, he can make up for all of that lack that we bring or don't bring, I guess, to the table. So gosh, yeah, I, and it's crazy that it took. I mean, it was almost a 10 year ordeal, from the time you got on your mission to the time that you finally were like, oh wait, what? So it's like that's a really long time to go through stuff on top of all of the other stuff that I mean just fighting leukemia as a child and doing. You know, having all those hardships like that is such an intense and that was almost the majority of your life. You know what I mean.

Adam Harmon:

Yep, my family has never exactly been one to let go of graduates. That we can help, yeah, but not me. I find that we don't spend enough time, um, helping young people understand that to that not. We all don't have alma, the younger missions where everything goes right. A lot of us have the experiences of his brothers, of his friends, who did not have good missions. All the only reason that they had any success was because the king came out and said you know what? Guys, just leave them alone, let them do their thing, it's all kosher. As soon as somebody else intervened on their behalf, everything was good.

Adam Harmon:

But we I think we spend so much time on all the blessings that we forget that it is hard and we have to prepare people on hey, it's going to be rough and you're going to have to find strength where you didn't think that there was strength beforehand, and sometimes you're going to have to rely solely upon yourself not even on yourself, but on the savior and to get you through some of this stuff.

Adam Harmon:

And I think that I think that's one reason why we are having a lot of missionaries come back like myself, that are having a very hard time afterwards because I'm like, well, this isn't. This isn't one that I was taught in primary school. This isn't one I was taught later, up to the mission. Where are the single sisters? Like I'm pulling around the block for me because like it's her mission, but but yeah, but I don't know if that would necessarily scare them off or anything like that, but I I do think that sometimes we are so focused on the, on the good of it, that we forget that there is an other part that also is going to have to be contended with.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, there's that opposition.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah, I was going to say I bet you, adam, if we were able to get in the minds of all the other missionaries on our mission, we would probably see a lot of really hard struggles that they had to go through too. Probably see a lot of really hard struggles that they had to go through too.

Scott Brandley:

You just don't see it because you can't step in somebody else's mind, you can't step in their shoes and you don't know the battles that they're facing. Right, and I, if we could, you know, I think we would see things a lot differently.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, and I and.

Alisha Coakley:

I think we see what we focus on, you know. I mean, definitely if we're looking for negativity, if we're looking for reasons to to be a victim in our circumstances, like we're a hundred percent going to find those things, a hundred percent. But on the flip side, that also means we have absolute control to look for the positive, to look for the good, to look for the moments where you were able to feel the spirit or where someone did something kind, and and when we I feel like, when we can't see those things, we can look back at the things that had already happened in the past. So, even if it's not like currently, it's really hard for me to see this good or that good or whatever, I do know there is good and I know I'm supposed to be here and I know, you know, that this is going to give blessings and I just have to trust in that.

Alisha Coakley:

So I think, uh, yeah, I have a kid that's getting ready to go on a mission and he's my firstborn, you know, like we don't have. He. He's the first one in our entire family, on any lines, to actually serve a full-time mission for the church. My husband served a three-month mission when, but he was in like a non-denominational church, so it was like a teen mission trip. So he did serve like a three-month work mission when he was, you know 17. So he's got a little bit of you know understanding. But he's got a little bit of you know understanding, but it's a totally different realm where you're talking about two whole years of your life that you're going to be thrown into this, and so it's like there's going to be some really hard stuff and and I think this generation especially, their biggest struggle is more of the mental struggle than the physical stuff. You know what I mean. Like I think Scott and I are kind of in that like older, you know like older generation where, like we I we had a lot more tough physically stuff going on, you know, financially and and whatever else, like feelings weren't a thing that we were allowed to have very much of, and and now it's progressively kind of flipping to the opposite side and it's this whole new world that you just don't know how to navigate. So I do think that there's a lot of missionaries out there who, if they can use you as an example, if they can make that decision. You only have to make the decision once right, like realistically, you only have to decide one time. I am not coming home unless I'm drug out of my mission kicking and screaming Right, like unless heavenly father pushes me out completely or someone drags me out, like I'm in it. I'm going to do it, and I may not be smiling at the end and I may not, you know, I may not be without battered bruises and all the things, but I'm going to do it.

Alisha Coakley:

I think just that, like stalwartness is something that can bring us closer to the savior, you know, and can really help us to be able now. And she she gave me this analogy, um, and, and she was talking about how she goes on. These runs, right, and, and she'll get to the point, uh, on this one particular path or whatever, where it goes uphill, like she runs downhill and everything, and then she's got to go uphill and it's like at the end of her run and she's exhausted and she gets that hill. And it's like this moment where she's like I don't want to do this anymore, I want to call someone, have them come, pick me up. And instead she's shifted her focus and she says now, whenever she comes up on an obstacle like that, like a big hill or something that's going to be hard. She says, oh, hello, hill, I've been expecting you and I love that so much and she's like I. She's like I say that anytime I have an obstacle, come in my mouth in my life. Now, oh, hello, fill in the blank. I've been expecting you and it's like. It gives you the source of like.

Alisha Coakley:

It's okay when we have the hard stuff. It's okay when people are unfair to us. It's okay that our feelings get hurt and that we are not seen and not heard and not valued. It's okay that that happens sometimes, because the one who loves us the most, the one who has the most power, will never forget us. He'll never not see us, he'll never leave us alone, you know, without some type of help or resource and stuff like that, unless he has to leave us alone for a short period of time. So we can learn, it's always going to be for our benefit, always going to be for our good, and I love that. You know that you were able to see that and now you're able to move forward and, you know, be able to focus on more of the good things that you can do.

Alisha Coakley:

So thank you so much for that.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah, any final thoughts, adam, before we wrap things up.

Adam Harmon:

So, final thought, I would say that when we do have those moments where we are struggling and with our callings, or even outside of our callings, just in life in general, we're like, well, you know, I'm not feeling like I'm getting the most out of the out of this, we should turn to the savior and let him give us a paradigm shift, because he will help us shift our focus from us to those who need our service, because they're the ones who benefit from the callings much more than us, and as soon as we allow ourselves to focus on that, with the Savior's help, it'll help us overcome any difficulties that we're having with the feelings of inadequacy and as if we're not fulfilling everything that we should be, because it's all about them, much more than us yeah, love that.

Scott Brandley:

well, adam, man, it's been quite the podcast.

Adam Harmon:

man, I can't believe it's been almost an hour, almost two hours, like it went by fast yeah no, I, I thought it was uh like when I first was talking with the leash over the phone like the uh just getting to the point of talking about the uh, about uh debating over whether to leave it or not. That was like.

Adam Harmon:

It felt like almost half an hour just yeah and then with this like oh, that was like 15 minutes, 20 minutes, but no, I was. I was talking with my wife, who's not a member of the church, and I was, uh, which the mission also did help me with that as well. I'd be like you know what, sometimes the best people are not members of the church. But I'm just like you know, I've been trying to think of ever since I first talked about how do I succinctly tell a story, and she's like are you doubting that this was such a good thing? Are you having second thoughts? I'm like, well, not really, but it ended up being that it got taken care of. The spirit definitely helped out a lot.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, that's good.

Alisha Coakley:

Well, thank you so much for coming on here today and for sharing your story with us and sharing your insight, and especially sharing your story with us and sharing your insight and especially sharing like, just how, um, you know how we can get through hard things and then how we can change our perspective.

Alisha Coakley:

I think that that's something that's definitely needed. I know, uh, I myself have had callings where I have loved them and I've immediately seen where I was supposed to be in them, and then there have been a lot of other ones where I'm like, heavenly Father, you messed up, I am not in the right place at the right time. Same thing with you know, there's been certain words that I've been part of, where I'm like, nope, not feeling it, not supposed to be here, and I think it's just, it's a really great reminder that you know, if we get outside of ourselves and we focus on the others that we're serving and the others that are around us, we, we can really see where our need can be fulfilled. So hopefully, you and I and everyone who's listening today, can be better at you know, really, really looking at the people that we, that we're serving, and why we're serving them.

Adam Harmon:

So if all else fails, there's a bunch of scriptures that can help.

Alisha Coakley:

When all else fails turn to the truth.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah, Awesome Well thanks, adam again for being on the show and thank you for all our listeners out there. If you can help us by doing some five second missionary work and sharing Adam's story for those that might be having a hard time or have gone through a lot of opposition in their life, you know, hopefully this can help them and share some light into their lives.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, absolutely. And remember, guys, we love hearing from you. So if you have a story that you'd like to share and you want to be a guest on our show, head over to latterdelightscom, fill out the form at the bottom of the page and get a hold of us. We would love to hear from you.

Scott Brandley:

Awesome. Well, thanks again, Adam, for being on the show.

Adam Harmon:

Thank you for having me.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah, and thanks everyone for being here and we will see you next week with another episode. Until then being here and we will see you next week with another episode.

Alisha Coakley:

Until then, take care, bye-bye.

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Scott Brandley

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Alisha Coakley

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