LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories

The Miracles of a Mother’s Heart amid Endless Adversity: Nicole Gustad's Story - Latter-Day Lights

• Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley

Share episode

Can miracles find their way to the most wounded hearts?

Mother, wife, and soon-to-be author, Nicole Gustad, entered the world with a hole in her heart. Baffling doctors with her condition, this turned out to be the first chapter of a story woven with trials. From surviving open-heart surgery as a baby, to walking through life with clubbed feet, to bearing the unimaginable loss of her infant daughter—Nicole’s unwavering faith in God illuminated her path through the darkest valleys.

Faced with her greatest fear—passing on her genetic conditions to her daughter, all while grappling with her own health challenges—Nicole never questioned why the Lord placed so many trials in her path. Instead, she chose to rise above them as a survivor. With unshakable faith, she witnessed miracles and signs from her loved ones turned angels, trusting fully in the plan of salvation and the purpose behind each hardship.

Nicole’s story reminds us to never doubt the enduring power of a mother’s heart. In this soul-stirring episode, she shares her testimony of resilience and hope, and the miracles she’s witnessed through her steadfast faith.

*** Please SHARE Nicole's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/gEsrxq5fKxA

-----

Keep updated with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/latter.day.lights/
Follow us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/latterdaylights

Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.

Scott Brandley:

Hi everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.

Alisha Coakley:

And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.

Scott Brandley:

On today's episode we're going to hear how a lifetime of health struggles and surgeries has taught one woman that Heavenly Father is always at her bedside and will never leave her alone. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today and we're really excited to introduce our special guest, nicole Gustad. Nicole, welcome to the show.

Nicole Gustad:

Hi. Thank you, Scott and Alisha for having me.

Alisha Coakley:

You're so welcome. We really appreciate you reaching out to us and being willing to share our story. I know Scott and I we've been watching as the show grows more listeners and reaches different places and stuff like that, and so we're interested. How did you come across Latter-day Lights?

Nicole Gustad:

First of all, I started listening to podcasts during COVID, during COVID time, probably like a lot of people did, and I was struggling a lot then like my life, but I needed something. I needed more. We weren't going to church, you know the temple was closed.

Nicole Gustad:

I needed my spiritual upliftment, so I just started Googling for healthy, clean LDS podcasts and, you know, I slowly came across this is the gospel and come follow me for us. And then you and I love my story. I, I, um, even though it's been hard, um, I am who I am because of my story and, um, and I know who I am because of it, and so that is why I'm here and that is why I started listening to podcasts and, and you, Awesome.

Nicole Gustad:

You took over come. You took over the. This is the gospel that is. I don't know if you know that one, but you both.

Alisha Coakley:

I have heard of that one, so we're in the lead for that one. Huh, yes, you did so, but you both.

Nicole Gustad:

yeah, I, I have heard of that one, so we're in the lead for that one. Huh, yeah, yes, yes, you did so. Um, it was very a good one and it was just personal stories, like you and and so yeah, so here I am so, so I actually took a course from the lady that did.

Scott Brandley:

This is my gospel um talked about. She talked about podcasts actually how funny that was the one that was teaching.

Alisha Coakley:

I didn't know yeah I learned something new today her name's.

Scott Brandley:

Her name's karen lay yes, karen lay, yeah and it was so sad when she ended.

Nicole Gustad:

It was just like, oh, but she was going on for better things, which is good for her so, yeah, that's too's too funny.

Scott Brandley:

We're actually um, I'm trying to get her on the podcast cause.

Nicole Gustad:

I'd love to hear her story. Yeah, you could tell her if she inspired me to do mine.

Alisha Coakley:

So there you go. Oh, very cool. Well, Nicole, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Nicole Gustad:

I live in South Carolina. Lived here for two years been married for 27 years Just congratulations.

Nicole Gustad:

Thank you. This last month I've been blessed with two daughters. My oldest would have been 25. She passed away and then thank you, and then my second just turned 21. We have, as you saw, getting ready. I have two cats and they are my children at home now. I love them dearly. I was gone on vacation for two weeks and they've missed me, and now I'm doing this and it's like I want to be with you. I have to wait, so I am like I said to you earlier. I am a missionary for family search. I love it. Awesome, um, and yeah, so that is me.

Alisha Coakley:

I love that, that that's so cool. Yeah, scott loves cats.

Scott Brandley:

That's a lie.

Nicole Gustad:

Most people don't.

Alisha Coakley:

I do. I've got three of them and a dog. And you know I tell my kids I have three kids and so I'm like whoever leaves first, first you have to take an animal with you, you know. So eventually we'll only be left with one maybe, but I don't know like my oldest cat he's getting he's getting up there in age so he may not make it to. You know, move out, but we'll see what happens. But then I started thinking when I was like, do I really want to not have a pet? I don't know. So I'm like you have to have a, have a pet. I may stop with the cats because they are very hairy. I feel like I have hair everywhere. I might get one of those little naked dogs, I don't know, put sweaters on it or something that feel like a cat. We'll see what happens. We can never get any pets for Scott.

Scott Brandley:

If I want my pet fix, I'll go to my mom's house. She has pets and I'll I'll pet them and we're good for you know a couple weeks how my family is.

Nicole Gustad:

I'm the only one who really likes pets. I have a nephew that likes pets, but they don't like to come here because of them and I'm like, oh well, that's your loss.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah right, my husband claims he doesn't like our pets. Yet if you look at his phone, you'll see that he has more pictures of our pets on his phone than anything else. Oh, how funny. Literally anything else it's always like he's always sending me more pictures of our cats sleeping in random positions or our dog doing something silly and I'm like, yeah, you're, you're that person. You do like him, you're you're you're a fur parent.

Scott Brandley:

He won't admit it or he likes to admit it or not? Well, awesome, Nicole. We're super glad you're on the show and we're excited to hear your story. So why don't we turn the time over to you and tell us where your story begins?

Nicole Gustad:

Well, thank you, Scott. Where my story begins, I guess it starts like when I was talking to Alisha on the phone. It starts when I was born. I was born in the early 70s and I was born really sick. The doctors didn't know why. I just kept getting sicker and sicker. I had pneumonia seven times before I was one. My mom would take me to doctor's appointments after doctor's appointments. I wasn't thriving, I wasn't growing. They just couldn't figure out why. Well, my great aunt I guess you would call her suggested to my mom to take me to this one doctor, and so my mom did. Don't know what kind of doctor they were, she doesn't remember and they found out that I had a hole in my heart. It was the size of a quarter pretty big hole for a baby for a baby gosh

Nicole Gustad:

yeah. And so, um, because you know it's size of a fist, of a normal heart, and the baby's heart is even smaller. So I kept getting sick and they're like we can't wait any longer, we need to do surgery. So we decided, they decided to do surgery and my mom had been taking the missionary lessons, introduced her to the church and she wasn't a member yet and, um, but she felt something was there. She knew it was good. Um, she was raised Pentecostal. I'm pretty sure I want to say it was Pentecostal um but never fully went.

Nicole Gustad:

you know faithfully, yeah, and where was this? It was in LA.

Alisha Coakley:

In LA.

Nicole Gustad:

okay, in LA yes, so it was northern LA area actually, but my surgery ended up being in LA Children's Hospital. The surgeon at the time found out my mom was taking the missionary lessons and he was a member of the church and he's like anyone I know that is a member I offer a blessing to. Can I give your daughter a blessing? And she had the faith already and she's like, yes, anything to help you or my daughter. I need something, I need. I'm willing. And my dad accepted also.

Nicole Gustad:

My parents were married back then and so he gave me the blessing and in the blessing it said according to my mom's faith and her desire to have me, I would be made whole. To my mom's faith and her desire to have me, I would be made whole. So he proceeded with the surgery. I survived, as you could tell my mom it's funny. I just went to see her and she told me it did take me a while to start growing and build my strength. Even after my surgery I guess I wasn't still thriving like they would like, but eventually I did it and I'm here. At my age I was very grateful for my surgeon. I'm grateful that my mom had the faith and I'm here. I so fast forward till when I was about five. I had another surgery and there was a lot of just issues and stuff and I did great during that one and it was for my ears. My ears used to stick out and so I had them pinned back.

Scott Brandley:

Okay.

Nicole Gustad:

Then, as I got older, when I was 12, I was playing tetherball in school and I twisted my ankle really really bad. My mom had to get me from school. She took me to the doctor. They said it wasn't broken, but I needed to stay off it and I didn't know what was going on because all I knew was hurt. It was just really really, really painful, really painful. Well, they decided to do some type of surgery on my foot, because I remember my aunt coming to visit me in the hospital. So I know I had something done, but I don't remember what. So that was another one that I had done and it never was the same. After my feet started to curl, they started to have like club feet and just I would just fall for no reason and my mom would take me again to doctors. They tried to test me for everything. Nothing came about. Nothing came about.

Nicole Gustad:

I went on with my life, did very well and I did the best I could for school. I had a lot of learning disabilities. I tried really really, really hard, but at the same time I was really blessed with a lot of friends, friends worth my lifeline. They gave me the strength that I needed to just be me. They, if they knew, they didn't care how I was. Um, I knew I was different. Um, but I didn't know how I was different, if that makes sense.

Nicole Gustad:

Um, my, all my friends were smart. They were really, really smart. I had some smart straight-A friends. One of my friends was valedictorian of our class. She was one of my best girlfriends and they just loved me for me, who I was, and I was just always so grateful for that because because, like I said, I knew I was different. I knew I had my struggles. I kept things really private. When I got older, we moved from one town to another and I was in the fifth grade and my mom decided to help me back from school that year because she didn't do it when I was in kindergarten. Like you know, most kids get held back when they're in kindergarten and I was so nervous. I'm like mom, but I don't want anyone to find out. I don't want to be laughed at. You know anything?

Nicole Gustad:

And she's like no, you'll be fine, you'll be fine, nobody will know. Well, no one knew. In fact, my friends today just found out not too long ago and they were shocked. They were like, really we didn't even know that. So we went to this new ward. My mom let me back up my mom did join the church. We joined the church.

Nicole Gustad:

I joined when I was eight, like a normal eight-year-old, and when I was 12, we moved to another town and it was in Santa Clarita, california, and we were having new beginnings and, of course, parents were invited and my mom came and we were just learning about the program, personal progress and all that fun stuff, grass, and all that fun stuff. And afterwards the young woman's president was talking to me and my mom and getting to know me. Well, I had siblings also. They were all older. My one sister was three years older. I don't know where she was at this time but, like I said, I was there. And the young woman's president somehow my health came up. I don't remember how or what, but my mom's like yeah, nicole had open, is a heart surgeon and she's like oh, really, where at? And she's like la children's hospital.

Nicole Gustad:

Now, mind you, you do not stay in touch with your heart surgeons you stay in touch with your cardiologists and, um, you know, you never see your heart surgeons again. Well, um, well, so his wife actually ended up being there and he's and my mom was like, well, what's your husband's name and your dad's name? And like Glenn Walker, what's your husband's name and your dad's name? And like Glenn Walker, and she's like my mom was like I think that was Nicole's heart surgeon. Well, fast forward, it was my heart surgeon. He was coming to pick up his wife at new beginnings that night and I got to meet him again.

Nicole Gustad:

That's cool and he actually remembered me, he actually remembered my case and he was so excited how well I was doing and thriving and I'm a member of the church because, you know, back then my mom wasn't, my mom was still investigating, then my mom wasn't, my mom was still investigating, right. Um, so we were talking and visiting and he told me that he was in the la temple presidency. And as we were talking, I was just teasing and I'm like you're still in the LA Temple presidency when I get married, will you marry me? And he's like, of course I would love to, I would love to.

Nicole Gustad:

Well, life went on. I graduated from school, very hard, but I did it. But I did it. I always wanted to go on a mission. Mission was my dream. My patriarchal blessing even says that my mission, the desire within me, will grow and that I will want to go more and more. And I did. I remember when I was 18 and I was like, oh, I just wish I could go on my mission. I wish I could just go on my mission now. And of course I had to wait. I went to college, my first year, very, very hard for me, but I did it. I even passed, which was shocking. I went to Rick's Um and then after Rick's I went back home and I was young and it was difficult but it was necessary. In our home my dad ended up dying when I was 18.

Nicole Gustad:

He had lung cancer never smoked a day of his life. He was a professional handball player and one day he came to pick me up and he just fainted and we're like my mom's like tell me, you need to come in the house because this was not like my dad. And he went to the doctor and they found it the cancer. And they found it the cancer. He ended up living 18 months and he never accepted the church. He never joined but he was very accepting of us VN members, which I was very grateful for, but he was a very difficult father. He was verbally abusive, but he was a very difficult father. He was verbally abusive. He would always like to also take us out on Sundays, like to a ball game, to the movies, because that's what he loved, right, and he wanted to share that with us. And then, finally, when I was about 13 or 14, I was like Dad, I can't do it anymore. I know it's wrong and, believe it or not, he was very gracious about it, very accepting, and I was very grateful for that. But it was very hard because, like I said, he was very verbally abusive and I was very scared of my dad. But it went well and he truly did respect me afterwards for that.

Nicole Gustad:

My mom did remarry and I ended up loving this man. He was my stepfather, his family was my family. He had a nephew that came to live with us and he ended up becoming one of my best friends. We were very, very close for all hours, watched movies for all hours in the day, just have a lot of fun together, and when we would go up to Utah and visit that's where they lived. I would hate the Colt. I would hate the Colt being from Southern California and he would tease me and he's like you're going to go to Mississippi I mean Rapid City, south Dakota, you're going to go to Rapid City and I'm City, south Dakota. You're going to go to Rapid City and I'm like, no, the Lord wouldn't do that to me, not with my feet, because I was still having feet issues.

Nicole Gustad:

And he's like no, you're going to go to Rapid City, South Dakota. And I'm like no, the Lord wouldn't do that to me, he knows me better than that. So fast forward now until when I did get my mission call. Finally was the day that I got my mission call and I opened it with my sisters and they didn't do what they do now, big old you know. Whatever they do, it was just me and my sisters. And it said you are hereby called to serve to the Rapid City, south Dakota, michigan. And I was shocked.

Nicole Gustad:

I was like, oh my goodness, matt Jinks me. The Lord truly has a sense of humor that I'm going to Mississippi, I mean Rapid City. So I hurried and called Matt up His name's Matt, and I'm like, guess where I'm going? And he's like where? And I'm like Rapid City, south Dakota. And he just laughed and laughed and laughed.

Nicole Gustad:

So I got all ready, was going to go to Rapid City, south Dakota, got the negative 32 degree down jacket, I had the boots, I had everything. My sisters got me ready for my mission and I was in the MTC. My companion was going to Johannesburg, south Africa, and I was going to South Dakota and all the elders were going to Ohio. And we were in class one day and someone called me over the intercom to go to the office. And I'm like, okay. So I went by myself to the office of the stake of the presidency, the MTC presidency, and one of them called me in and was like we were rethinking of your mission call and we feel that we need to send it back up, that we didn't know why, but we just really, really feel strongly. And so I'm like, okay, you know, I'm willing. I didn't care where I was going, I was willing to go to Rapid City. I was, you know, I was dressed, I, and it was March, mind you. And so I was going in the winter, I was ready. And go to Rapid City? I was, you know, I was dressed, and it was March, mind you. And so I was going in the winter, I was ready. And he's like no, I just feel like we need to send it back up, so it's a profit. And so I'm like okay.

Nicole Gustad:

So I was waiting all over again for my mission call and I went back to class and everybody's like what happened, what happened class? And everybody's like what happened, what happened? And they're like wow, so every day we come in, have you got it yet? Have you got it yet? You know where? I'm like no.

Nicole Gustad:

So, literally, I was waiting for a mission call all over again to see if I was going to go to rapid city south. So I was waiting and then finally, about a week later, they call me back into the office and they read me this scripture and doctrine and covenants, and it was about change. And that change happens and it changes for a reason we don't know always why, but it's still from the lord and then his secretary comes in and he's like you've got a call and you need to take it now. And i'm'm like, oh my gosh, am I ever going to know where I'm going on my mission? And I was just so anxious and just like, well, just tell me before you go. And he had to go right then. So I looked down on his desk and I see you are reassigned to the Mississippi Jackson mission and I felt the most overwhelming peaceful feeling come over me that I knew that's where I was supposed to be, that I was supposed to go to.

Nicole Gustad:

I mean not Rapid City. I was supposed to go to Mississippi Jackson mission. So he comes back in and he's like you're going to Mississippi Jackson Mission and you leave in three days and I'm like I didn't know anything about the South. I'm from Southern California but not the South. I didn't know the weather Right Totally different worlds.

Nicole Gustad:

And I said I don't have anything for the South. I was like, yeah, and he's like, and so he's like, excuse me, he's like, do you have sisters or do you have family here? And I said, yeah, I have sisters here. I called them up on a pay phone. They were out in the MTC in the front. They could come, pick you and your companion up and take you shopping. So I literally had three days to change everything out for Mississippi Jackson mission. And I learned at that time that truly the Lord has a sense of humor, that he was truly testing me to see if I really was willing to go to Rapid City, south Dakota, and have the cold and the miserable Because I was going to be on Indian reservations. I would have learned and you know, sue, I mean all this stuff just out in the field. But when I got to Mississippi, I knew, without a doubt, that I was there for those people to serve, to bless, to teach and to grow. And I did, and to this day I'm still friends with some of those people.

Nicole Gustad:

Um, and I left my mission. I left my mission, president and his wife. I grew, I knew that's where I was supposed to go. I knew it, um. So I came home from my mission, I went back to UVSC when it was UVSC instead of UVU, I think, now whatever it's called and my next dream, of course, was to get married. I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a family.

Nicole Gustad:

When I was little I would always tease my mom and say I wanted 15 kids. That definitely changed, but it took a while. It didn't happen right away. I was able to go back to my mission and revisit, feel like there's blessings to have stateside missions, because it's so much easier than you know traveling overseas or wherever else. So I went back to visit families and did a lot of wonderful things. Well, finally, I met my eternal companion. We met on a blind date. We met on a blind date. We've been married for 27 years.

Nicole Gustad:

Last month and, um, I was blessed to get pregnant. I was so excited. I didn't have any issues. I um, I um, had a wonderful pregnancy and then, when I was four months pregnant, we did the ultrasound to find out if it was a girl and a boy, and everything else. Well, again, let me back up a little bit. When I had my heart condition and surgery, it was my biggest fear to always have a child with health issues, you know, just because of mine and everything else, and the doctors would tell me don't worry about it, you're the only one in your family. You know there's no chance. You know, don't worry about it. Well, they detected a heart problem with our sweet daughter. Problem with our sweet daughter. She, they didn't wasn't a hundred percent sure of what she had. She, they knew she had either pulmonary atresia, with a VSD, and ASD, which is a hole in her upper and lower chambers, and a leaky valve. They didn't know how she would be born.

Nicole Gustad:

They asked if I wanted to abort and I said no, I'm keeping her, no matter what. We will get through this. I did and we will survive this. So the nine months went, had appointments after appointments, had a perontologist which is a specialty oh, what's it called OBGYN and just to make sure everything was okay when she was born, she was going to be born at University of Utah and when she was born she was born perfectly healthy.

Nicole Gustad:

She did have heart issues, but when she was born she was born healthy. She was taken away from me, of course, to get everything checked and made sure everything was okay, and she was. We were able to take her home at five days old and she thrived. She did great. She seemed like a normal, healthy baby. She cried, she tried to sit up, she did everything she could to please everybody else. She was a pleaser at a little thing.

Nicole Gustad:

When we were at one of her cardiologist appointments, her doctor, her cardiologist, was really really, really good and she looked at her Alyssa was her name and myself and she's like can I test you for something? And I'm like what, what do you want to test us for? And she's like I don't want to tell you now, because the internet was just coming, you could start Googling things and this was in 99. And she's like I don't want to tell you yet, I just want to test you first. And so I said so my husband and I are like okay, you can test us.

Nicole Gustad:

Well, it came back that we had a genetic disorder and it's called D George syndrome. It's rare. It was more rare 25 years ago. It's a whole umbrella of problems. It could be muscular, it could be heart. It's health, it's immune, it's feet, it's anything under the sun. And this is what we had. It is the closest sister to Downs.

Nicole Gustad:

Most people, of course, know what Downs is. Come to find out. You could have autism with it. I am very lucky, I'm very high functioning. You also could have schizophrenia, which I'm blessed to not. You can battle with depression, which I do, and I'm sure it has to do with all my health issues. And so there's just a lot of unknowns, a lot of unknowns. I was shocked, especially when my doctor said never to worry about it, that it wasn't hereditary. But unfortunately it was. It was even greater chance that we would pass it on, since I had it and our oldest daughter had it. So Alyssa had her first open heart surgery. She did great. She got a valve replacement, they fixed her holes, they did whatever else they needed to do. She did great. She came home on oxygen only and she did great. She kept thriving and growing and doing great. Meantime my feet were getting worse. I forgot to mention before Alyssa was born I think I did have one surgery on my feet.

Nicole Gustad:

I've lost track how many I've had on my feet Because just to be able to walk um, because the club feet makes it very, very, very difficult. I would trip, I would fall, and I have the best husband in the world for me. He adores me, he's the best nurse and he takes care of me.

Nicole Gustad:

So Alyssa was doing great. We were living in Utah and my husband just finished his degree and being an airline mechanic, so he got his first job in Oregon. So we moved up to Oregon and you know we're a little family, you know nothing, nothing really different, other than a sick child, but we were doing great. We were loving life and doing great. We took our daughter to a heart appointment and her her valve started leaking, so her new valve. So she had to get another valve replacement. And it was really neat. It was in Oregon, like I said, and she had one of the oldest surgeons do her surgery and it was the one who discovered the pig valve.

Nicole Gustad:

I don't know what it's called procedure, and so he did it. His name was Dr Starr. He was 87 years old. He could walk the halls and beat the nurses even at his age, and Alyssa did great.

Alisha Coakley:

How old was she at this?

Nicole Gustad:

point she was a little over a year at this point. At this point she was a little over a year, almost two years, and she did great. She came out of surgery. I remember her looking at me and wanting me to hold her and all normal baby stuff and doing just great. Well, she got out of the hospital and was growing and thriving.

Nicole Gustad:

My husband, like I said, worked for the airlines. He worked for SkyWest. He was gone all the time and it was hard. He worked nights. I was home with Alyssa by myself and my feet and just you know, kind of having a hard time. Well, he's decided that he would um start applying and looking for other places, hopefully getting a better shift. And he got a better shift. We thought in north carolina and it was a swing shift and so we're like, okay, let's do this, let's go cross country. My husband was from the Midwest. I'd never been outside of the West other than Mississippi, of course, and we're going.

Nicole Gustad:

Alyssa was doing okay at this time. Her platelets kept dropping and they didn't know why. They just kept dropping and they would give her blood transfusion and they'd come back up and then they would test her for things and everything was negative. So they're like you could go was our family, our ward, our bishop was amazing, get there. And Alyssa was really sick.

Nicole Gustad:

Um, we were asked to give a talk, you know, on Sunday, and we didn't know who was going to hold her. Like, cause she was only used to me, mom and dad, and I had a friend hold her for me and she did fine and she would just always hold her head to the side. She just didn't have any energy, she didn't have any strength. Um, and we finally took her to the hospital and they again had a tester for everything under the sun, because the hospital in arizona, I mean Oregon, did not bring anything or didn't give us any of our records.

Nicole Gustad:

We're like why? And poor thing, she had to have leukemia testing, hiv testing because of her blood transfusion, just everything, and nothing came positive. And we're like what is going on? Well, she finally had another heart cath because they could tell things were going on with her heart and she just wasn't going to make it. After that they said they don't know what's going on and there was nothing more they could do. So family came. I really didn't want anybody to come, because I wanted my whole heart with her. I didn't want to worry about anybody else.

Nicole Gustad:

But my sister didn't listen. I'm very close with this sister. She is my savior, she is my everything. I have two really good sisters, but this one we're very close and she came, and then my husband's whole family came and meanwhile, when we were in the hospital, we were deciding whether to take her home or not, to let her die at home, because you know, hospitals aren't fun.

Nicole Gustad:

And she had been in there for a few days and my family was there and the next day we were going to take her home and she just wasn't going to make it.

Nicole Gustad:

We could just tell she necessarily wasn't going to make it at home tell she necessarily wasn't going to make it at home and all the nurses that had helped and took care of her. Every one of them came in to say goodbye to her and she looked at every single one of them. By this time she was a little over two. She never walked, she could say mama and dada, but really that's about it. She loved Sesame Street, she loved Elmo and Ernie, but she truly was a pleaser. She, like I said, she looked at every one of those nurses and thanked them in their own way and none of them left there in a dry eye.

Nicole Gustad:

As the night went on, my family was exhausted from the travel and they wanted to go home fresh and up. And I'm like go home but come back. If you want to say goodbye, come back early, Come back early. And my sister-in-law decided to stay. She didn't want to leave us for her and we just had a great night talking, remembering, loving on her. She was sleeping in and out very peacefully, very peacefully. She didn't seem like she was in pain at the time.

Nicole Gustad:

And one thing I forgot to mention is I don't have a good singing voice, but I always sang to her and my song to her was Teach Me to Walk in the light. Never knew why, but it was a very sweet, tender song for me and at this point I just started singing it to her just to feel his love and that it was okay. She was just resting and we were wanting my family to come back. They finally came back and she again looked at every one of them and said goodbye in her own way and thank them for loving her and just being family, and you could see it in her eyes. You knew what she was doing.

Nicole Gustad:

She then looked at my sister-in-law and then looked at my husband and then looked at me and then looked at my husband again and then looked at me and then passed away and it was so peaceful. There was no wailing, there was no you know. Of course there were tears, but they were peaceful tears. She suffered a lot in her two and a half years of life and she just needed to get a body and I had that testimony. I had that testimony because of my mom, because of my leaders, because of my mission. We had the best love and support of my members, my ward family. My mom ended up coming out. My sister had to go because she had kids, young kids, but we had all the love and support.

Nicole Gustad:

Like I said, I had the best bishop at the time. He was very patient with me. He talked with me many times to comfort me, give me blessings, and I'm a survivor. I had great friends that let me have their babies when I needed a baby to love because my arms were empty. She was my joy. So after Alyssa died, I had another feet surgeries. I had several. Like I said, I've lost track, to be honest, how many surgeries I met in my life. I'm 52. And I'm now? I'm between 40 and 50 now.

Scott Brandley:

Wow, wow.

Nicole Gustad:

Mainly on my feet and as spread to my knees. They can't figure out now what's going on with my right knee. I fast forward a year and I was ready to adopt. I wanted another baby. My husband was a little more hesitant, he was a little more scared, but I didn't care. I wanted that child. So we decided, a year after our daughter's anniversary, we would put it, file it for our paperwork. This was when the church did adoptions. So I was blessed and we waited. You know, just like everybody else, we waited. It was hard.

Scott Brandley:

It was hard having my arms empty.

Nicole Gustad:

It was hard because people would ask me, why aren't you having more of your own? And have to tell them them. This is why, you know, new members in the ward didn't realize we had lost and why don't we have?

Nicole Gustad:

a baby. You know, why aren't we parents or this, and that it's very sensitive, very, very sensitive. Yeah, but I was getting to the point at my end and I was like Heavenly Father, I'm done. I've waited, I've gone through so much. I want another baby. It was a righteous desire and I was ready. I had this dear friend and she wanted to offer to be my surrogate and I didn't know if the church did admit back in the time because you know again, this was 21 years ago. And so she asked. I said, if you want to ask, I would not not take it, you know, but since her and her husband were sealed, the child would be born under the covenant, so they couldn't do it that way. So I thought that was very sweet that I had a dear friend willing to just offer that to me.

Nicole Gustad:

That's what I mean, that is one of been one of my biggest blessings, not only my husband, but the dear friends that are so dear to me in my life. So that weekend I got on my knees and I prayed. I'm like, heavenly Father, I need this, I am ready, I am sad, I am tired, I want this baby. Well, literally that Friday I don't remember what day that was, it was probably Wednesday but that Friday we were told not to go out of town. And we're like, why? Why? Like I can't say anything, but just don't go out of town and be by your phone. And I'm like, oh great. So I was excited. I'm like, oh great, so I was excited. I'm like am I going to be a baby? What's going to happen?

Nicole Gustad:

Well, the call came the next night, our sweet daughter was born and we were able to go pick her up the next day, and it was Sunday. And I'm like I don't have anything. I have nothing. I literally had, you know, 12 hours notice. And they're like and this is how obedient I've been my whole life that I asked can I go get a car seat? I mean, on a Sunday, I didn't know what to do. You could go get some things. The Lord will understand Go. So we were so excited and our daughter, hannah, was born. The birth mom handed her to us and she has been our everything. She has just been so fun. She has been healthy overall. She didn't get her first stomach flu until about five or six and I truly was blessed with that. I adore her. She is now 21.

Nicole Gustad:

Unfortunately, she's inactive, but she has her choices and I have learned that. But I feel one day I hope that she will be back. I have that faith, but she has been everything I had. Like I said I had been through many surgeries when I, when Alyssa well, when Alyssa, when Hannah, was 12. So let me back up my, like I said, my sister.

Nicole Gustad:

I have sisters and brothers and they have kids. They all have kids. They all both sisters had children Alyssa's age, the daughter that passed away, and my sister, amber, had a daughter the same age as my, hannah, and they were close. They always kind of bet heads a little bit but you know, they just each had their own personality, own personality. Well, I told you that my mom had remarried and he had a nephew that was like my brother, his name was Matt and very close, and he had kids more Hannah's age and they were her cousins. They truly truly were her cousins through and through. She was right in the middle of the girls and they played, they loved life together and were just great friends and kids and cousins. Well, matt had issues, matt had a lot of demons. Matt had issues, matt had a lot of demons and he ended up committing suicide and it killed me for a while.

Nicole Gustad:

It was very, very, very, very hard. Didn't realize how hard it was on my daughter until later in life, but I've had some really wonderful experiences with him. I know he's all right. I know he has had a lot of repenting and doing what he needs to do up there to be forgiven. But it really damaged my daughter's soul and more than I thought, and it really was hard.

Nicole Gustad:

The reason why I'm sharing that is because I've just had a lot of hard things. I've been through, like I said, several surgeries. Several, I mean several painful surgeries, to just to be able to walk.

Scott Brandley:

40 is more than. 40 is more than several. Yes, exactly More than several yes, exactly.

Nicole Gustad:

More than several. Yeah, but I'm here. I'm a survivor.

Nicole Gustad:

I for a long time I thought I was alone I thought I was the only one to go through a lot of hard things. And why is the Lord keep throwing me these hard, hard things? But I'm still here. I am still strong in the gospel. It is by everything I have tender mercies like there's no tomorrow, for instance. I would like to share one of them with my daughter.

Nicole Gustad:

Like I said, I sang Teach Me to Walk in the Light. It was just our song. I don't know why. Well, I do know why, but I didn't know at the time. And every Mother's Day for many, many years we would sing that song and I knew it would be from my Alyssa and my Heavenly Father that they're aware of me, that they are there for me, that I am not alone. Another one was not too long ago. I, alyssa's birthday is January 5th, right after Christmas, and my friend and I here love to go thrifting, even though we don't need anything sometimes, we just like to go, look and have fun, and I live in South Carolina now and South Carolina is a great place for it. We went to the temple for Alyssa's birthday one time, just a couple years ago, a few years ago, and I always say to my nieces and my close friends I love you the mostest. It's just I say it instead of I love you more, because everybody says I love you more and so I say I love you the mostest and I we were.

Nicole Gustad:

She was looking at jewelry because she needed a necklace. She was looking for a silver necklace. She's like Nicole, come here and I'm like what she's like's like, look at that. And there was this bracelet. And in one side it said love you. And I asked the guy I'm like can I see this bracelet please? And he pulled it out and it was a heart and I always do the purple heart emoji. That's my nephew will laugh, it's just my symbol of cause. I love purple. And on the other side it said the mostest.

Scott Brandley:

And again this was on.

Nicole Gustad:

Alyssa's birthday.

Nicole Gustad:

So, I have these tender mercies and gifts that I do hear him. I hear him often. You don't, you don't necessarily think about it because it's an everyday thing, but it is truly from him. When I would hear teach me to walk in the light every Mother's Day, I was like is that really happening? Am I really getting that blessing? And then when I started to notice it and tell people a little bit more, it was like it is it, it is there. And one time I didn't get it and I got it on my and Relief Society instead, instead of sacrament. And then then this last time I didn't get it, but I got it once in june and once in july, so I got kind of made up for it and right I know it's probably silly, but it's my way of, like I said, knowing I'm not alone.

Scott Brandley:

Mm-hmm.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah.

Nicole Gustad:

And that these miracles really do come when needed. I struggle with a lot of pain, a lot of pain with my feet and with my knees, and I have to hear him. I have to rely on him because I don't know why I can't get it taken away. I don't know why I can't get better, get better, but I know because I have a testimony of him and I could share it, and I'm not afraid to share it. There's been. This is just like I know. I've been a long time and this is just bits and pieces.

Alisha Coakley:

Right.

Nicole Gustad:

Bits and pieces of my miracles.

Scott Brandley:

Mm-hmm.

Nicole Gustad:

And I know it's because of President Nelson when one of the last things that my daughter went to we lived in Arizona at the time and he came to speak to the youth President Elson, and that's when his message was about hearing him and ever since then I truly, truly try to hear him and he is there. I've been through therapy many times and my last therapy I've loved. All three of them I really have, but this last one was amazing and I highly recommend therapy. It helps. It helps, that's all I have to say. It helps and I know one day I'll be perfect and I hold on to that.

Nicole Gustad:

I hold to my covenants so dearly, especially the initiatories, that I will be perfect one day. I will be perfect one day and that is why I'm here to share my story, to believe, to share that he is there and you're not alone. I am actually writing my story. I've wanted to write for a long time but just put it off, put it off, put it off, and I'm finally at the point where I'm writing it. I don't know if it will be for my family, I don't know if it will be ever published, but it is for me.

Nicole Gustad:

It's for my children. It's for my posterity to know that they have an aunt who loves the Lord, to know that I will do anything, anything for him. I will suffer if I need to, as long as I can return to live with him and my daughter.

Alisha Coakley:

I love that. Wow, you know, it makes me think of in the scriptures where who was going to get thrown in the fire Shadrach, meshach and Abednego, I think that one and then where they had all of this faith right, like they knew, like God can put the fire out, god can stop us from being thrown there, and whatever it is, but if not, he's still God and and your story just reminds me so much of that, of like you're willing to do this stuff and you know that he can take away the pain and the health struggles and the you know all the bad things and make everything perfect and beautiful and easy for you. But if not, you can just see how much faith you still have in him and how much respect and love and you know perspective wise. I love that. That you're able to see those little tiny miracles and those little like nods, like God nods, I guess.

Nicole Gustad:

Yeah, I call them angel kisses. I don't know if it was from your podcast or someone else's, but someone called them that and I'm like they're my Alyssa kiss. You know, I'm getting my Alyssa kiss for the day or my Matt kiss you know for the day, because I know I know they are with me. You don't understand how much family is around you. Like I said, this is just a glimpse of my story. I went through COVID, a horrible experience, almost death. I mean horrible, but I knew my family was with me.

Nicole Gustad:

I knew it, and it's amazing how much we don't see that is really there, that is truly right in front of you.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, and it's cool to know that you also have things that you will see that all of a sudden, like with your heart surgeon and I know this is this is one thing, you told me about you told me about it on the phone but you didn't tell our listeners. I want to.

Nicole Gustad:

I, yes, I was thank you for bringing that up because I'm like I skipped that part.

Nicole Gustad:

So what I was telling Alisha on the phone is so I met my heart surgeon at 12 and I asked him to you know if he would marry me. Well, fast forward, 12 years later I think it was 13 years later my heart surgeon was the LA Temple president and I went to him and I asked him if he would marry me and my husband and he's like, of course I will and he, but he had a commitment. He actually had a reunion and because I got married the 5th of July and he's like I will try my hardest to be there and he actually left him and my leader young woman's leader Like I said, I had the best Left the reunion to come to my wedding, and he married my husband and I and he actually made jokes Like he actually touched my heart and everything. So, yes, my heart surgeon did marry me and we were friends till the day he died and his wife and I, who was my leader, are still really close, good friends.

Alisha Coakley:

So yeah, that's so cool, like to see, like I don't know I'm. I love thinking about how much we're going to find out when we move on. You know, like we're going to get to see all those little nods that we missed. We're going to get to see how all these connections worked out. You know, I think I'm sure from your heart surgeon's perspective, he probably never really gets to know what happens. You know, years and years down the road for him to be able to see this baby that he worked on, grew to be a young woman and now she's in the church and then all of a sudden she's married and she's married in the temple and he gets to be a part of, like such big life changing events. Like it's just so cool that heavenly father is like Aware of all.

Nicole Gustad:

And the neat thing was when we did adoptions, when we did our adoption for our Hannah, her brother, her, his son, so my young woman's president's brother did adoptions for the church too, and so he showed our profile also. So they were truly the whole family was a part of my life. To where I'm at, you know, and I I mean, I truly believe, and you might think this too but we had the best leaders. We truly I cannot say how I grew up enough I mean, it's part of my book how much fun we had and they wanted us to be youth and to get our testimony and to have that ground of these hard times, of having these trials, and that's why I'm here, that is why, and not and my mom, you know, don't get me wrong and my mom, and, like I said, there's so much more of my story that I didn't even tell Cause, like I said, I know I'm really long, but those were just the big points that I wanted to convey that, like I said, heavenly Father sees you.

Nicole Gustad:

You're not alone and miracles do happen. For instance, I was, my mom moved to Alaska and and she lives there with my stepfather. My mom married twice after my father and it and a missionary from my mission. His mom son went to Anchorage, if that makes sense. He's a missionary in Anchorage and I wanted to see him so bad I wanted to see him and I tried to get a hold of him through Instagram Messenger. He wouldn't message me back. There was no way. And she told her son you know she really wants to see you and I had an appointment to go to the temple in Anchorage. Anyway, long story short, he was the last one in this session, of that session that I was in that I got to meet this missionary son, and so all you have to do is hear him. Like President Elson says, hear him and ask and he will bless you.

Scott Brandley:

It's so easy when you have that many trials. It would be so easy to be bitter if you didn't have faith. Yep.

Nicole Gustad:

And.

Scott Brandley:

I don't know if I don't think you necessarily have to be a member of the church to have that kind of faith, but it does help having that eternal perspective, especially like when your you know your daughter passes or someone you love dies. I think that's really comfort. One of the really good, comforting things about the gospel right is that knowledge of the plan of salvation and that we can be families together Forever. Forever, it's so comforting.

Nicole Gustad:

I was actually promised that all I need to do is keep doing what I'm doing to see my daughter again. I was given that promise by my bishop and I'm like okay, and every time I do see a tender mercy, I'm like okay, I must be doing it well to get that blessing, to get that little angel, alyssa kiss, to one step closer, to see her again and my grandparents and my loved ones not just her, there's so many. And it's true, it's just true. And like you were saying about scriptures, we just was going over today at Sunday school how Shiblon was talking and he was supported in all of his trials and his troubles and he will be lifted up in the last day in Alma 36.3. That truly has always been one of my favorite scriptures and I remember liking that.

Nicole Gustad:

I put it in my Book of Mormon and that truly is how I live, that I know I will be lifted up and I will be perfect and I will have my family for eternity, as long as I keep going forward. I mean, we do all make mistakes, we will step back, but that's what the atonement's for, that's what repentance is for. But as long as we keep going, we will get those miracles. And just hold on, you're not alone. You're not alone.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah.

Scott Brandley:

Love that. I love that. Wow, do you know who Renee Brown is?

Nicole Gustad:

Who Renee?

Scott Brandley:

Brown Uh-uh Okay, renee Brown, uh-uh Okay, she's a psychologist, but she has a quote in one of her books that says darkness doesn't diminish the light, it defines it. And I was thinking about that quote and I came up with another part of the quote. So me and Renee Brown, came up with this quote together it says darkness doesn't diminish the light, it defines. It defines it. Suffering doesn't destroy our faith, it refines it I love that.

Nicole Gustad:

You need to send that to me please.

Alisha Coakley:

That's bumper sticker worthy. I keep saying we're going to start selling bumper stickers.

Nicole Gustad:

Yeah, that's like I might put that in my book. That is really good. Yeah, and that's how I feel. I mean, hearing him has been a huge gift to me. It's been who I am, and I wish I could share that with President Nelson because it's helped me survive. These last five years have even been harder these last four years have been really, really, really, really difficult and, like I said, I didn't even touch that, but as I hear him, it makes it easier.

Alisha Coakley:

That's awesome.

Alisha Coakley:

Well, I love that in your story, nicole, that you've lost count, like you haven't kept a running score list of all of the trials and tribulations that you've gone through, right.

Alisha Coakley:

But you are so good at pinpointing all of your tiny little miracles and I think just that in itself is like such a huge determining factor on how you are able to endure the things that you're going through, right. It's like, are you tallying up all of the trials and making sure that you can, like keep track of all of the unfairness and the injustice and and the struggle and stuff like that, or are you, like constantly focused on tallying up all of the blessings, you know? Are you constantly showing gratitude for all of these little miracles that are happening in these, these things that you do have in your life that are helping you to get through the things that you don't really need to like keep track of per se, and so I just think that's such a not just healthy, but it's just such a beautiful way to to endure, well, you know, to get through life when things aren't always going to be that pretty and that perfect, you know.

Nicole Gustad:

And that is one thing my sister, amber, always says she's like my mom would always go to cold count your blessings. You have so many of them and I would tell my sister be like Amber. Mom always says this, but I do that all the time and she's like I know you do. So it truly, it really makes a difference. It really makes a difference to count those blessings one by one.

Scott Brandley:

So yeah Well, Nicole, you are an inspiration. If anybody is refining their faith from going through suffering, I think you are a great example.

Scott Brandley:

I don't know if that's a good thing or not, spend my whole life, trust me, but I think from the, from the trials and things you've gone through, you can inspire people and provide hope. You know, and even if it's for your family right, even if you just write that book and it's for your family, that's going to inspire them and it's going to give them hope and courage when they go through trials and when they have suffering.

Scott Brandley:

And you know the people that watch this podcast. They're going to, they're going to hear your story and they're going to be inspired from it. So it's just, it's one of those challenges we have in life, right, we just have to go through some difficult times.

Nicole Gustad:

But those times can refine us yeah, yeah times, but those times can't refine us.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah.

Alisha Coakley:

Wow. Well, Miss Nicole, do you have any final thoughts that you'd like to share with our listeners today?

Nicole Gustad:

Just look for those miracles, look for those angel kisses. They are there. Your loved ones are there. They watch over you and they know your Heavenly Father knows what you need. Even if it's not what you think, he knows what you need.

Alisha Coakley:

I love that.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah.

Alisha Coakley:

Well, I feel like that's the perfect way to wrap up today's show. I don't think I don't think we need any any expansion on that. That was. I just feel so good right now, like my heart just feels all warm and happy and my cheeks are a little bit from smiling. And I didn't cut off all my makeup, just a little bit of it.

Nicole Gustad:

Thank you both for letting me be on today and sharing my story and if anybody needs anything or I'm here. Thank you, that's so awesome.

Alisha Coakley:

Well, we really appreciate you reaching out to us and not only being a listener yourself, but now coming on being a guest, being part of the Latter-day Lights family.

Scott Brandley:

We're so happy to have been able to spend this time with you today and to hear more of your story and your testimony, and I just I think it's going to definitely touch a lot of hearts, and so thank you so much for that Thank you, yeah, and thanks everyone for watching and tuning in to to listen to Nicole's story, and one of the best ways that you can help us get that out is to do your five second missionary work and hit that share button. So we can get this story to as many people as we can.

Alisha Coakley:

Yep, absolutely. And remember, if you guys have a story that you'd like to share, you know we want to hear from you. We would love to either see your comments If you want to post a comment on here and let us know you know what resonated with you and and if you do have a story that you'd like to share as well, uh, you can also go to latterdaylightscom and fill out the form at the bottom of the page, or you can email us at latterdaylightsatgmailcom. Um, any of those those ways. You can find us on facebook. Lots of just different ways to reach out. But if you're getting that little inkling, if you're getting that little, you know, that little tingling in your chest and heavenly father's kind of giving you the elbow nudging you reach out to us you know, don't be scared or be scared, but do it anyway, I don't care I was scared and I did it anyway.

Nicole Gustad:

Yeah, nicole survived, I survived we can do hard scary things like

Alisha Coakley:

going on podcasts it's, and I did it anyway. Nicole survived, I survived. We can do hard, scary things like going on podcasts. It's totally fine.

Nicole Gustad:

Tell your life Exactly.

Scott Brandley:

Awesome. Well, thanks again, nicole, and thanks everyone for being on, and we will talk to you next week with another episode from Latter-day Lights. Until then, take care, bye-bye week with another episode from latter-day lights. Until then, take care, bye, guys.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Scott Brandley

Host
Head Shot

Alisha Coakley

Co-host