LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
Popular LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" gives members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints the opportunity to share their stories of inspiration and hope to other members throughout the world. Stories that members share on Latter-Day Lights are very entertaining, and cover a wide range of topics, from tragedy, loss, and overcoming difficult challenges, to miracles, humor, and uplifting conversion experiences! If you have an inspirational story that you'd like to share, hosts Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley would love to hear from you! Visit LatterDayLights.com to share your story and be on the show.
LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
Leaving the LDS Church and Coming Back! It's Never Too Late: Tonya Wirf's Story - Latter-Day Lights
Have you ever felt like you’ve strayed too far from God to ever come back?
In this episode of Latter-Day Lights, Tonya Wirfs shares her personal story of walking away from the Church with her family, and how, through God’s grace, she found her way back.
After years of feeling disconnected from the gospel, Tonya experienced a spiritual awakening that reignited her faith and testimony.
Join us as Tonya opens up about the difficult struggles she faced, the steps that helped her heal, and the deep understanding she gained of God’s unconditional love.
Her story is a reminder that no matter how far we drift away from God, it’s never too late to return to Him.
*** Please SHARE Tonya's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/HJ7hC6Wwxj0
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To LISTEN to Tonya's podcast, visit: https://www.5minutehabitsformom.com/
To LEARN more about the "I'd Be Happy To" game, visit: https://sites.libsyn.com/477189/site/id-be-happy-to-challenge
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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.
Alisha Coakley:And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.
Scott Brandley:On today's episode, we're going to hear how, despite times when she walked away from God, one woman discovered that God will never walk away from her or let her stray too far from His love. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad that you're here with us today and we're really excited to introduce our special guest, Tonya Wirfs. Tonya, welcome to the show.
Tonya Wirfs:Hi, thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, thanks so much for reaching out, for offering to share your story. I always love when Scott and I don't have to do the work to find people and when they just, like, come to us. It makes our job so much easier, and we get some really amazing stories that way too, like ones that we wouldn't have had access to if we just had to wait for them to come speak at a fireside. That was local or something like that, you know. So thanks for being brave and for reaching out. We really appreciate it absolutely. Yeah, very cool yeah, that's I.
Scott Brandley:that's one thing I love about this podcast is, you know, a lot of times people, when they have experiences in their lives, especially like spiritual experiences, they typically only share it with their family or their ward. So this really gives people a chance to share their story on a larger scale so more people can benefit from it and be inspired by it. So we really appreciate you reaching out.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, absolutely appreciate you reaching out. Yeah, absolutely so, Ms Tonya. Before we get into our story today, why don't you tell the listeners just a little bit about yourself?
Tonya Wirfs:Yeah, so I have five kids. I live in the Kansas City, missouri area and I actually also have five step kids.
Tonya Wirfs:So we have a lot of older kids that's why they don't all live with us and I love to go for walks. I love to read, and I like to read classic books or personal growth books, and I love to read with my kids. We like to play games a lot, I love to watercolor, and those are some of the things I really enjoy. And then I also am a coach, so I homeschool my daughter my youngest daughter and then I am a life coach, so I help moms with their habits and being able to create simple systems in their homes and free up time and energy so that they can really flourish in the business that God has given them. And I do that through five minute habits, so just breaking things down smaller, and I really love that.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, that's awesome. Wow, I wish, see, my kids are like old, like one's like getting ready to go on a mission, the other one's driving, and then the 11 year old thinks she's 18. So I feel like I kind of missed that, that realm of parenting, when life coaching for parents was, like, you know, more accessible. You know like we didn't really have that back in my day, right, but I think it's so neat, like it's so needed to. You know, I feel like in any, any area of life that you want to improve, I am like a hardcore advocate of get yourself a coach. You know like there's something powerful that happens with accountability, even if your coach maybe doesn't have like the most amazing credentials yet, or, you know, maybe they're just starting their business, or something I felt like I love. I love just any type of coaching. I know Scott's an advocate too. He, he likes to have mentors and coaches and things like that too, so it just helps so much. So that's what you do.
Tonya Wirfs:Yeah, thank you. I love that. You know that I just it's so valuable. I completely agree.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, so so will you give me a freebie? Will you give me one of your one five minutes back to making parenthood easier.
Tonya Wirfs:Yeah Well, so what's the thing you're struggling with the most right now?
Alisha Coakley:Oh, I think the typical one is just getting kids to do their chores without me nagging and reminding them $5 million, oh, okay.
Scott Brandley:Well, I want that one too.
Tonya Wirfs:I I have a really good one and I can send this to you. But there's um, it's a little game and it's called I'd be happy to, and so you like, print off. It's all free and you just print off these tokens and any. You're teaching your kids basically anytime you ask them to do something, to say I'd be happy to, and they have to say it with a smile and you give them a token and then you have this list of things. You know, things that they can earn, or snacks or little. You know your kids are older, so you're gonna you have to do it different than if you had little kids. But but that has worked really well with my kids and it's also helped me too, because then I'm like, when they ask me to do something, I'm like, oh, I'd be happy to, and they like that response much better than I feel like doing that.
Tonya Wirfs:That's really it's really easy and I I can send you, um, I have a podcast episode about it and then I with the link to get to it, so I'll hook you up later.
Alisha Coakley:Okay, I'll take it. I love it.
Scott Brandley:We'll put it in the notes.
Alisha Coakley:Now, is this your own podcast that you have, or do you have? Were you a guest on another podcast?
Tonya Wirfs:No, so this is my podcast. It's five minute habits for mom.
Alisha Coakley:There you go. We will definitely share that link too. So, listeners, if you want some more tips, go head over to Ms Tonya podcast as well after this more tips, go head over to Ms Tonya podcast as well, after this Awesome, cool.
Scott Brandley:Well, we're really excited to hear your story, Tonya, so why don't we turn the time over to you?
Tonya Wirfs:Okay, well, I. So I, I grew up in the Midwest, in the Kansas city area, and my parents got divorced when I was about three years old. They my a member my whole life, but my mom joined the church when I was a baby and maybe before that, because they got sealed in the temple when I was about two months old. And then I grew up mostly with my mom and when I was about five my dad moved out to California and so I didn't have him around and I didn't have that strong influence, you know, with the gospel at that point. And but I was baptized when I was eight. You know, I would I remember like going to primary with him and hearing the music, and I can look back now and remember that. You know, my testimony started building then, even though I didn't know it, and I had that, those stark differences. You know, my testimony started building then even though I didn't know it and I had that, those stark differences, you know, because mom's house was a lot different than dad's house and so I think that kind of helped me see that a little bit as a kid. But things really shifted for me when I was about 14. I things were, there were some just some things going on with my mom and it was best for me to go and live with my dad, and he was very active in church, and so I I had definitely already started getting into some trouble and hanging out with the wrong crowd, making choices that weren't good for me. And so in that year that I lived with my dad, I really my testimony really deepened and strengthened, and I don't know if I realized it then, but I can look back now and see that that was a huge building block for me. And then, you know, and I was, and I'm kind of I'm one of those people that I'm either. I think I'm a little different now but for a lot of my life I was either all in or I was all out. And so when I was all in, I was all in and I was, you know, going to church and doing all the things.
Tonya Wirfs:And then, when the next school year started, I decided that I didn't. I wanted to go back and live with my mom. I just missed her. I had lived with her most of the time and I missed her, and I didn't ever have the intention of not going back, you know, not going to church anymore. But when you're in a different environment, little by little you start to slip back. You know it's just like with food or anything else that we do. You know what we're surrounded with really does matter. And so I went back to live with my mom, got back in with not a very good crowd of kids and just gradually started down that same path.
Tonya Wirfs:I was on before, and then I ended up, at 18 years old, pregnant. I had to go tell my mom and dad hey, you're going to be grandma and grandpa. And that was really, really hard for me. And I can still see I mean, I'm 43 years old now and I I love my daughter and adore her but I can see how not following the commandments really has impacted our life. I mean, I can still see the effects of it today. And you know it's she's 24 years old. You know those. There's just things that stick with you that you know from the choices that we make.
Tonya Wirfs:And so after that, it took a few years, but when I was about 23, I, I had been, um, you know, I I was like a drink socially and you know, but I wasn't like a big partier, but I but definitely wasn't living my life, um, in alignment with the gospel at all. And I was one of those people that, like the missionaries, would knock on my door and pretend like we're not home, you know. And and then, and then there was one night I was out with some friends and we were out drinking at a bar and I just had this experience of like, even through all of that, I just had this spiritual experience of like you don't belong here and what are you doing? Like, why are you here? And you know where you need to go? And it was just. It was just like that. And my husband at the time was not a member of the church and not interested in the church at all, but, like I said, when I'm in, I'm in, and when I'm out, I'm out. And I was back in and I started the ball rolling. I called the bishop and went and met with him and, and the week right before I went back to church, the missionaries came to my door and I answered the door and they asked me. They said have you thought about going back to church? And I was like you know what I have and I will be there on Sunday, you know, and it was. I was just so excited and it was just really great.
Tonya Wirfs:And then, about a year later, we went to the temple, received my endowments, I ended up getting divorced from my first husband and pretty quickly, within the next year, ended up getting remarried again to a member in my ward. And then, you know, we, it was just. I thought that everything was just going to be great. Right, we have these misperceptions sometimes and, um, and at the time I didn't realize how depressed that I was. It wasn't until I started to come out of that that I began to realize that, um, but those years were really hard. I mean, there's some good memories, but the years that we were married were really hard. We were married for about 13 years and we had four kids together.
Tonya Wirfs:And there was a point in I was about 31 years old so that would be about 2012, when I just hit that place where I was like I can't live like this anymore. I had talked to my dad one day on the phone and I was telling him all the things that were going on and that I was struggling with, and he was like I don't even recognize the Tonya that I knew growing up. I, I don't recognize you anymore. You're just, it's not you and that really hit me and I knew I needed to do something different. I was tired of just talking about doing things different and I knew that I needed to make some big changes and start actually doing them. And so that's when I started my first business, which was an essential oils business, and I got out of my shell.
Tonya Wirfs:You can't go teach essential oils classes in your jammies, you know you have to get up and get ready, because most of the time I'm like the end of the day still, like in my you know pajamas or workout clothes and just feeling like a hot mess. And just you know, I have all the kids around me, everybody, just it's just, it was a mess most of the time, and so I started allowing God to really help me pull out of that, and so it was a really good thing. But it also got me started on this path of you know, like energy, work and things like that, cause I was in the essential oils world and um and everything started out innocently enough and then, over time, some of just some of the new age stuff and things that I was getting into. It wasn't all bad, but it just it. It weakened my testimony and I didn't realize it and I was going to those things instead of going to the temple. Or you know not that I did go to the temple, but I was. You know what I mean. I was going to those things more than I was going to the temple. Or you know, not that I did go to the temple, but I was. You know what I mean. I was going to those things more than I was going to the Lord and my I wasn't relying on him in the way that I needed to. Obviously, I didn't realize that at the time.
Tonya Wirfs:And I know there was about a year, probably like 2014 or so, where I was really struggling in my testimony and I remember talking to friends and they're like, no, just stay here, stay with us, you know, don't walk away. And I'm, you know, just kind of in that limbo land. And and then we, we moved out to Logan, utah, the whole family for in 2015. And then, when we came back, things just really some just things happened in my marriage and my testimony was in a weak place and I, we ended up walking away from the church and that was really hard. I was thinking about that this morning, how I remember, like when I decided to quit wearing my garments and that was just a pivotal moment, it was. It hurt Like I I was making. It was almost like the whole thing feels almost like an out of body experience, like I was there and I was making these decisions, but there were. Probably my spirit was like Tonya, what are you doing? Like. But probably my spirit was like Tonya, what are you doing? What are you thinking? This isn't you.
Tonya Wirfs:And so we lived that way for a few years and then things really started falling apart in my marriage and I think that probably would have happened whether I had left church or not. But there are definitely things that if I would have stayed in, I would have done differently for sure, and I remember it was in the fall of like 2017. I is when we ended up separating and then our divorce was final in 2018. Is when we ended up separating and then our divorce was final in 2018. And so I I look back now and I realized that I had like a relationship addiction from the time I was young, just trying to fill in for some. You know things that were missing in my life, and so I would always I was always in a relationship, you know, jumping into a new one.
Tonya Wirfs:And so, even after we separated, I was, you know, in a couple of relationships after that and in 2000, early in 2019, earlier that year I had started I got went on an antidepressant because I was still really struggling. I was just so overwhelmed being by myself with the kids, and I think that took the edge off enough that I could feel the spirit a little bit more. And this is where I see God in my story. Even though I was not living my life in according to his you know, living my life in the gospel and the commandments he will work with anything. He will work with us wherever we are. And, you know, even though I was living, you know, I had a boyfriend and things like that. He still through them. He brought me back to the Lord because I had felt like the Lord was far away and that I wasn't worthy of being in his presence, and so these relationships brought me back to the Lord. And then I hit a place where I was just feeling like something's got to change. I'm just things just don't feel right.
Tonya Wirfs:And a friend had recommended this book to me and I listened to it for like probably five or 10 minutes, and it was just about how we can actually become like Christ. And just this light bulb went off and I was like, well, I don't need this book. I know where I need to go if I want to become like Christ. And so that was, you know, that second big light bulb moment for me, and this time was a lot more painful because I had been to the temple, I had broken my covenants and I knew that. It was, you know, the first time. I was like, you know, a little slap on the wrist and no, you know, it wasn't a big joke, I hadn't been to the temple yet. And so this time I knew it was going to be a bigger deal, but I was just like, I just knew it in my whole being. So I made an appointment, went and met with Bishop Like. Probably a week later we had disciplinary counsel.
Tonya Wirfs:I ended up being disfellowshipped for a year, but as hard as that was, you know, to sit there with my kids and not be able to take the sacrament, I was just so happy to be there and I knew that the Lord was watching over me and I can look back at that time and I just see how like there was. It was just a slippery slope. You know how it was, just like these flaxen cords and these. You know I was just had gotten all tied up and I'm, because of this experience, I know what it's like to walk with the adversary. And that's not, he's not somebody I want to be walking with and the Lord like really brought me out of hell, like out of this really horrible place, and since then it's just been just incredible what he has been able to do with my life. I mean, I just feel like I really, because I've been in such dark places and I, he, I see things so much differently now, like I really resonate with Paul and Alma the younger. I mean I didn't do the same things they did, I wasn't like actively fighting against the church, but I, I can resonate with how hard that would have been for them and just how, when you, when it happens this way which I don't recommend, you know I don't recommend doing it this way but when it does happen this way, this has made my testimony just resolute. Before, during the time I was inactive, the second time, I remember just thinking how could I have stood up at that pulpit and bore a testimony of Christ and now it's just not there anymore. I could never reconcile that and it just I'm just so happy.
Tonya Wirfs:So it was in 2019 is when we started coming back and I, you know, my son had he wasn't hadn't been baptized when he was eight, so he ended up it was a convert baptism baptized when he was eight. So he ended up it was a convert baptism, which actually was a huge blessing because he was had needed to have the discussions with the missionaries and there was this one missionary his name was Elder Burkett, and he just really clicked with my son and I. I know that, like at some point in his life, like that will be a pivotal, you know, time in his life that my son will look back on. We all do. We just loved him and he was with us for a while and so I can look back and I can see all these places where the Lord was there, even though I didn't realize it, like we had. You know, they were so called.
Tonya Wirfs:I think this was right around the time the changes were being made, the ministering brothers and sisters. So you know, I had a home teacher this only time in my whole church life where I had like a faithful home teacher that came and visited us every month and he was kind of that bridge. And then I look back at my second youngest daughter and she the whole time. I think it I really think it started around the time we left church and then she would ask me every single night to sing her. I am a child of God and and I did that that whole time, you know, while we weren't going to church, and when we started coming back I noticed that she didn't ask me to sing that song anymore. So like it was, you know, just these little things that the Lord was there. He's always there, he's always working things out for our good.
Tonya Wirfs:And I've had so many times, even still to this day, where I'm like I wish that I hadn't made that decision or had to go through that, but at the same time, if I can help even just one person with the experiences that I've had, then it's worth it, you know, and I really feel like it will be helpful for my family.
Tonya Wirfs:I and not that there's anything wrong with always staying on the straight and narrow path. I think that's great, but a lot of people don't, and so if they can have someone that they can connect with. That's like, yep, I've done that, or I understand that, or, yeah, I can really just empathize. It's given me this ability to empathize with people in a way that I wouldn't have had before. I remember not too long after I started going back to church, I had gone to a stake release society meeting and I was talking to a friend who was really struggling. Her husband had left the church and she was in a place where she, I know, where you know that you've had a lot of things and that you haven't always stayed here and and that really helped her to feel like I could be understanding of where she was and she needed that.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, so oh, go ahead, Scott.
Scott Brandley:I've got a question too. Go ahead, I'll go after you.
Alisha Coakley:Okay, well, I might steal your question. You don't know, but I, you know, scott, I've got a question too. Go ahead, I'll go after you. Okay, well, I might steal your question. You don't know, but I, you know, I'm wondering because I do have.
Alisha Coakley:I have family and friends who, who were all in with the church, and then they either completely left the church or they've just stopped going, you know, like they've just not wanted anything to do with it, and while that always makes me like super sad for them, and it makes me even more sad for the kids who were used to this routine, and then, all of a sudden, because the parents are going through whatever they're going through now, the kids are forced to follow them on that journey, right, and, and it's always like just broke my heart and I, for me, I think I've, I think I'm a little more sensitive to it, just because I grew up in a really inactive family, and so I had to like fight to get to church and I had to find my own rides and I would go. You know, when I was six years old, I would like ride with someone, and then we went. We didn't grow up in Utah where we could just, you know, always have churches around. It was like very limited membership, you know, there were very few people, and thankfully I had a best friend whose um, whose mom, was always there to love on me and just to take me to church, and so it really was like my huge saving grace, um. But I remember being a kid and wanting to increase my testimony and wanting to have that home where we said prayer and we had family home evening and my parents would go to church with me and and I didn't have to sit with with, you know, non-family members in a pew on Sunday, and there were all these things that like hurt me so much as a kid because my parents didn't want to go to church, you know.
Alisha Coakley:And so so from a mom's perspective, I'm wondering did you see changes in your kids? Like, did your kids? Were they like woohoo, now we don't have to go to church? Or were they? Were they kind of like wait, what's going on? Or did they stay really quiet? Or you know, like what did that look like as a parent with your kids changing so much and then changing back right, going back once you've established a new routine of not, you know, we're not going, and now it's we are going. How did that? How did that affect them? I guess?
Tonya Wirfs:Oh, that's a good question. So, honestly, I don't remember a whole lot about that time when, when I left, I just was not in a good place and I know it affected them though and I can see that now in some things and you know it was a pivotal time in their childhood. I know it affected them like the way that they looked at me too right, because I was always solid. And then to see me know occasionally smoking or you know, going like drinking occasionally or you know like I know that it really did affect them. I can see that and I think it shook them. I can see that in like, especially my older kids. But coming back, honestly, they just really embraced it. They really did. I mean, I didn't make my son get baptized, I encouraged and invited, but I didn't force that. I wanted it to be his decision and they really embraced it. And I mean there were some times where things were tricky, but overall they really did embrace it. Okay.
Scott Brandley:That's cool. That was one of my questions, Alisha, but my other question was it seems like when I had two families leave the church when I was a bishop and part of what, like I felt, was like they were free, you know, like they had this idea that not going to church was going to make them free. Was that something that you thought and like? Can you explain?
Tonya Wirfs:Yeah, yeah, that's a good question. I think I do remember thinking that in some ways at that point oh, like now I can wear whatever I want, I can wear tank tops again, and you know I can. Now I can relate with this friend or that friend, and it's interesting because while it was a little bit fun for a minute, it was flat, like there was just there, was nothing there and it really wasn't freedom. It's just, you know, a lot of times people think freedom is doing whatever I want whenever I want to do it, and I have found that is absolutely not freedom. I mean, when we follow God's commandments, that's when we have freedom.
Tonya Wirfs:I have freedom now in a lot of areas and that definitely was not freedom, like being able to do whatever I wanted whenever, and the connections I made were shallow and it, it just um, it definitely wasn't what I thought, but at first and I've heard other people talk about this it feels free a little bit because you no longer in that wrestle, because most people have been wrestling for a period of time with that decision, and so you're no longer in that wrestle and um, and the spirit kind of withdraws a little bit. You know you've made that decision it's. You know, god's still there, but I, he never, ever um interferes with our agency. He always gives us that. So but yeah, I definitely it's not freedom, but I did. I do remember thinking that it would be.
Scott Brandley:So now that you've gone through it and you look back, can like, does it? Can you see where, like it's almost in my mind it looks like it's freedom, but it's actually bondage?
Tonya Wirfs:Yes.
Scott Brandley:I haven't lived through that, so I can't. But but that's what it seems like from my perspective.
Tonya Wirfs:Yeah, absolutely, and it's just well. It's like, and it happens. You know, god works little by little, but so does the enemy. He works little by little, he. You know, it's not like he came up and presented hey, Tonya, try this.
Tonya Wirfs:You know it was like these little things over time and then gradually then it's like then he had me. You know, and, and it took things getting really bad for me to wake up and be like whoa, I, I don't want that and I so that's why I can really advocate, especially for, like our youth, just how critical it is. You know to keep the law of chastity and you know there really is purpose and safety and freedom in that, because otherwise it's bondage and you're no longer making your choices anymore. You know you lose that gift of agency. That's exactly what Satan is wanting from us. He's wanting to take our agency and we, when we don't follow God's laws, that's exactly what we're doing is we're handing it over to him and we don't, and you don't even a lot of times realize it until it gets really bad.
Alisha Coakley:I really like how you you talked about, um, just being in that, in that place of indecision, where you're like, oh, I, you know, like I'm doing this, but I kind of want to do that and I'm wondering about this and I'm wondering about that and and it really is, um, I've had a few different times in my life, particularly one where, uh, I was in that state of indecision on whether or not to divorce my husband. You know, we went through our rough past and stuff like that. And I, I feel you like, the being in the indecision is so terrible that any decision that you finally make, that like stops that indecision feels like freedom and it doesn't mean it's the right decision, but it's, it's a decision is being made and now, all of a sudden, you're like, okay, now I can be, like you were saying, all in on this decision and I don't have to sit there and battle with the what ifs and should, I, would, I, could, I, you know, will, I, will, he, will, they will, whatever, and and I think that sometimes that's where Satan gets us right Like sometimes he's not telling us that everything is all wrong, he's just kind of like, like you said, like just the flaxen cord. It's just like a little thing like oh, it is 100 degrees outside, it would be really nice to not have to have an extra layer on, it would be really nice. Let's just stay in our workout clothes all day long, rather than changing and putting our garments back on after we work out. Or let's just hang out in our swimsuit cover-ups and stuff like that, because we might go back outside in like four or five hours and it's totally fine.
Alisha Coakley:We start justifying and then we start like oh yeah, that feels really good, doesn't it? And why do I have to have sweaty garments on? And why do I have to have sweaty garments on? And why do I have to, you know, and I don't know? Like things like oh, church starts so early in the morning and it never changes times because we're in a weird ward that doesn't ever want to go to church at 11 o'clock, and so it's like Satan really gets you. He really gets you with like these little tiny like what, ifs and should I send maybes and and, and he just kind of pings, pings, pings, and, and I think that that's where we we start slipping right, like that's where we start kind of entertaining the idea of something different.
Alisha Coakley:And so if we were just to make the solid decision, you know and and almost I've said this before like, like, when we have those little what if? Thoughts and when we have those moments of you know, oh, I just wish this, or I just wish that, instead of assigning that voice in your head to yourself as your thoughts and your intentions and your beliefs and your wants and your desires, just give it to someone else. You know, you can call them Satan, you can call them, you know, uh, who? Clarissa has a name. What's Clarissa's name? She had a name for hers, like Miss Dakota or something I don't know.
Tonya Wirfs:Like your evil twin.
Alisha Coakley:Exactly Like, flip it around and be like I'm having a conversation with someone right now who's trying to make me think that it's me, but it's not me. You know, and I think that once you switch back to that, that decisions being made right where there is no more what ifs, it just makes things a lot easier. You know even who was it Dean Graziosi.
Alisha Coakley:I don't know Scott, you know of him. Anyway, he's like this entrepreneur guy or whatever, and he I believe it was him who said he made a decision a long time ago that what he was going to wear every day was the same t-shirt and the same pair of jeans. So he got like 10 pairs of the same shirts and the same jeans because he doesn't want to have to make that decision unless he's going to a special event or something like that. He's like why am I going to waste time making a decision Now? I don't have to stand there and think, well, do I want to wear this, do I want to wear that? And so he literally wears like a black t-shirt and blue jeans all the time, and now that's not for me.
Alisha Coakley:It would save a lot of time making decisions. My husband would appreciate it. But I think the same can be applied to the gospel right, like if you just make the decision like we're doing this, I'm doing this or I'm not doing that, there is no what if or should I or?
Tonya Wirfs:will.
Alisha Coakley:I just make that decision and you? You'll be surprised how much weight is lifted off of your shoulders from not having to be an indecision. Yeah.
Tonya Wirfs:Well and being really committed to it.
Tonya Wirfs:You know, like just I was just talking to my husband about that earlier.
Tonya Wirfs:He he has an addiction that he deals with and he was just talking to our new bishop who was encouraging him to make a list of the things that you are going to do and the things that you're not going to do and when you can stick to that and be in integrity with those things that nobody else is going to see In your private time. That was one of my favorite quotes from this last conference about talking about being in you in your private time. That was one of my favorite quotes from this last conference about talking about you know, being an integrity in your private time, like what you do in that time matters when people aren't watching and when, when you can get integrity and keep those commitments and those promises that you make that are just between you and god nobody else would ever know and you're keeping those, like to me, that's when the magic really starts to happen and we think life just starts to feel really good because you're doing what you say you're going to do and those decisions that you've made.
Scott Brandley:You know you're sticking to them yeah yeah, I've, I got another question for you about flaxen cords and the word of wisdom. So, since you kind of brought it up already, I've noticed that when, when a lot of people fall away, one of the first things they do is they start drinking coffee. They start drinking um, it sounded like you smoked a little bit too, but like can you kind of talk to us about the first time, like you did that when you made the decision not to come back? Like how did that? How does that happen?
Tonya Wirfs:That's an interesting question. I haven't thought about that for a while, I think it's just almost like. For me it felt like, okay, these doors that were closed are now open, and so I did drink coffee and I wasn't ever like a big drinker that I loved and that I didn't feel as connected with. But now that I'm, you know, living this different lifestyle, felt like, you know, this would help me connect with them. So I remember, you know, more socially drinking, but it did. It felt weird, you know, because it had been years since I had done that.
Tonya Wirfs:And the other thing that was a lot of value is that because I had that stark contrast of so many years where I wasn't drinking, or drinking coffee or smoking, you know, I could really see how it felt in my body and so, like drinking coffee, I would drink coffee and coffee so addictive and for at least it was for me and you know I would it wasn't something that I could just do in moderation, like drinking alcohol.
Tonya Wirfs:I could do in moderation even smoking, you know, I could smoke occasionally and just it was. That was never hard for me, um, but but coffee I had to really watch because if I start, I noticed that it made me really mean and grouchy. Like I would get really grumpy and impatient with my kids when I would start drinking it on a really mean and grouchy Like. I would get really grumpy and impatient with my kids when I would start drinking it on a regular basis. And once I started drinking it then it was really hard to dial back in and quit. So yeah, it's interesting. But I think that's another thing where you know Satan kind of comes in the back door and then the more that he can get you doing those things that are, you know, not keeping your commitments and covenants, then he's got you just a little bit more and it makes it just a little bit harder for you to make that decision to come back.
Scott Brandley:Was there a time, like when you first started doing it, where you would have a conflict even though you'd made the decision to like leave the church? Or were you just like? I forget it, I'm just doing it honestly, I don't.
Tonya Wirfs:I don't remember. Um, I definitely remember feeling that when I stopped wearing my garments, um, I but with I don't know, I don't remember. I'm sure there was probably part of me that's like Tonya, what are you doing? Why are you doing this? This is not you, but and I know my kids, I mean to this day they still give me a rough time about it. They're like you remember when you used to smoke on the front porch, mom, or you know, like they've got to bring all this stuff up Like, yes, I remember Thank you for finding everybody in the room about that, oh man.
Scott Brandley:What about, like other members of the church, that once you made the decision to leave and then did you do that in front of them? Like was how did what? Was that like being on the other side.
Tonya Wirfs:Yeah, um, so, um. I remember telling my dad and it's interesting I feel like I have good insight for that for someone who's going through this because I felt very judged and now I know and I realize that that's not what anybody was meaning to do.
Tonya Wirfs:But that's again where Satan will kind of get in your head and you know, make you think they're judging you, and I don't remember exactly what my dad said, but whatever he said made me just feel, you know, and I again, I know he didn't mean it to be that way, but the way I took it was just, you know, really negative and and there was somebody that said that he had said something about me, you know.
Tonya Wirfs:So I just, you know, allowed that to ruminate in my head and have bad feelings, and now I realize that that, you know, wasn't my dad at all, um, but definitely it's a real thing. So, like now I have such a heart for, like when we have you know, I've been in primary presidencies a couple times since then and for the kids who are inactive and for their families, because so it's, I feel like I can understand, like you know, in a way that someone who's always been an active member can't understand, like how to phrase things and how to say things. In a way, I mean, obviously I don't have any control over how someone else takes things, but I can, you know, I can know that that is a very good possibility that they're going to feel judged by me, and I can ask heavenly father to help me to say things in a way to hopefully minimize that.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I want to bring you around, because I'm sure that there's listeners who are like Alisha. Ask the question, um, because because I, like, I will be very loud about the fact that, um, I do, I love not all energy work, certain types of energy-esque work. I love certain types of those things, and and and, like Eastern and Western, you know, like I love kind of like learning from all the different faiths and religions and modalities, and and, and I'm a really big believer that all good comes from God.
Alisha Coakley:Right, however, you have to be so, so careful because, again, heavenly Father knows that Satan will get in there in the good and he'll start kind of just pulling you a little further, a little further, a little further, until, all of a sudden, you're no longer relying on God, You're no longer relying on the foundations of the gospel and you're no longer relying on the testimony that should be super sacred to you and super strong, and um, and you start kind of opening yourself up to a world of other things that, um, that do not produce good, you know, and so so I I just want to put a disclaimer out there you, you and I don't believe that, like, oils are bad, right, like it's right there.
Alisha Coakley:They come from the earth, they do good things, but there are certain modalities that definitely do take you away from the gospel, take you away from heavenly father um and put your faith in, your trust in those things and in not not in the creator of those things, right.
Alisha Coakley:So how for you and I do believe that this is one of those things that we need more information on right, because there's so much stuff coming forward now that it's really really hard to determine, like, what exactly falls into the category of bad energy work and what exactly falls into the category of um not being in line with the gospel, things like that, right. But for you, how did you like? Did you have any warnings when you were going through it, when you were opening up yourself to these other types of work and stuff? Did you have any inklings where you're like, oh, maybe this path isn't such a good one? Or was it more like you kept searching for good, searching for good, so all you saw was the good in it and you weren't listening to what the spirit was telling you was not good? How did that?
Tonya Wirfs:You know that's a good question. So I think there were some times where there was a specific podcast that I remember listening to, and it wasn't necessarily about energy work, but it was more like she was into like shamanism and things like that, you know, and I remember and just kind of like that idea of there's, because in that world there's a lot of and I'm not saying necessarily energy work, but just in the new age world there's a lot of. There's really no good or bad, everything is just neutral, right. And so, you know, I think I feel I remember one day, though, listening to this podcast and I can't remember now what it was, but I remember just that, almost like like there's, I took a step down. I remember that physical feeling and I remember, you know, being like, oh, I probably shouldn't do this, but I did it anyway. You know, I remember that feeling and just knowing like I'm not going in the right direction, but it was like a train that had already taken off from the station. So it wasn't, it wasn't just energy work, that was just a piece of it.
Tonya Wirfs:And what I have found is like I still love essential oils and you'll find them all over my house. I have found is like I still love essential oils You'll find them all over my house but I that doesn't ever replace God for me anymore. And it was. It's so easy, so easy. I have seen so many people fall away from the church through those these pathways, people that you know you never would have thought and I was one of those people that you never would have thought and I was one of those people that you never would have thought that I would have fallen away in the way that I did. And it started out innocently enough. You know of like there's. Have you heard of the book emotions buried alive never die right, like the concept that we have when we bury our emotions, that they come back in our body and I you know, causing physical illness. I still believe that is true.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, I do too.
Tonya Wirfs:But so there's. You know, it's not that there was enough truth in what I was doing that I, you know, I actually in a lot of things felt like God was guiding me into these things, and what I have found now is that I don't. I don't need those things. Like you know, going for walks and going consistently to the temple and being really consistent in my habits and prayers and, you know, and reading my scriptures, like and getting priesthood blessings and like I just don't need those. I just don't need those things anymore.
Tonya Wirfs:And you know, I still know people who do things and they're still active in the church and happy. And you know, it's none of my business what anybody else does. I just know for me that that I can see that that was a part of it for me, and so I'm really careful. I'm careful now about what I get involved in, what, and you know even what I read. I, you know, if I'm studying a new topic, I make sure I'm grounded in scripture and conference talks and you know things before I'll go outside of that and read other books, because I know that I'm not immune to being deceived and that's something I teach my kids all the time is like there's so many things out there that can deceive you, and they'll seem okay at first, and then you know, little by little, you can end up in a place where you're like, whoa, how did I get?
Alisha Coakley:here. Yeah, I really like that. Like Whoa, how did I get here? Yeah, I really like that that you know if you're going to study these other things, if you're going to learn about them, and not that you need to get like super into them, but just just having those conversations and opening up and I think especially even even I mean outside of like energy, work stuff or whatever else like you can look at like the history of the church. You can look at all of these like really taboo subjects that, uh, people are leaving the church because they found out this Saturday the other from the past, or they don't like the way that the church is spending or not spending, you know, tithing money or like all of these like really taboo subjects.
Alisha Coakley:I think, um, I think that it's one of those things where, like, our heavenly father wants us to be informed, he wants us to know about the truth of all of these things. He wants us to know where other people find him right, because we know that there are so many other churches and religions and faiths and and even non-faiths right. There's so many other ways that people can feel the spirit, they can feel God, and those are all great things. But there's a place where our Heavenly Father will give us the most tools, the most resources, the most truth for us to become our most complete self, and that is within the gospel, you know. So, while there are good things outside of there, I almost think sometimes, like you said, you were taking a step down right, like, yeah, you were opening up these new perspectives and these new things, but it was like okay, but you're not elevating yourself, you're actually just kind of stepping back or stepping down. So I really liked that you had said to be grounded first in your scripture study, be grounded in the gospel, grounded in your testimony, always kind of like check back in.
Alisha Coakley:And just for me, I always tell my kids, if you're going to research something, I want you to research it in such a way where you ask yourself how can this bring me closer to God, how can this edify the truth that I already know?
Alisha Coakley:I'm not looking to replace it or anything else, but how does this edify my testimony, how does this strengthen my testimony? And I think when you approach things like that, then all of a sudden you can see the things that aren't you know going to going to be in line with what Heavenly Father's plan is for you, and we've had guests on the show who have talked about going on the fringe and who have talked about doing things that were outside of, like, the normal scope of the gospel for them specifically, they feel that that was part of their path, because it brought them back. You know, it was almost like they didn't know what else to do and they had to go to these places because the decisions that they were making were not allowing them to feel the spirit where they were at, and so sometimes they had to go off course in order to get themselves back on course. Not that they were ever looking to get off course, right.
Alisha Coakley:Like they weren't looking to stray from the gospel, but it was just something like Alma, the Younger right, like obviously, sometimes, because Heavenly Father knows us, he knows we are just going to do some dumb stuff, like you said, like out of body experience. Why did I do that? Why am I doing that? Stop doing that, Alisha. But I think that he just knows that sometimes we're just going to do dumb stuff and that's okay, cause he's got a. He's got detours upon detours upon detours where he can bring us back. However, why drive down those roads that are under construction on a nice smooth highway? You know like you're gonna hurt your neck, you're gonna hurt your back, you're gonna have to pee and there's gonna be no place to stop. So just stay on the train arrow yeah, I think just using discernment.
Scott Brandley:But I love, like you know, anchoring yourself into the gospel and then just having that discernment and and judging everything that you learn because you should learn different things, right, there's good and bad things, like you said, but just having that discernment and judging everything based on the gospel, I think helps you stay rooted in the truth.
Tonya Wirfs:Yeah Well, and because I had fallen so far away, it took a while like for a long time, all I would read was scripture and conference talks, because that's what I needed to get anchored and solid. I mean, even now, as I'm, you know, working on my money mindset and, you know, living more abundantly, I a lot will go to conference talks. There's a lot of good conference talks and you know, and BYU speeches and things around that. It doesn't mean I can't learn outside of that, but that's where I want my foundation to be. You know, like or like, there's some scriptures that are really good around that and and I want that to be my foundation and then allowing God to take me, you know, to these other places.
Tonya Wirfs:And now you know, I'm, I don't know, like five or six, five years back in faithfully being in, back in church. And now I trust myself, you know, and it took a long time for me, you know, I I can always trust God, but can I trust myself? Because of everything that happened, I didn't, and now I do. I trust myself to make decisions.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, I really like that a lot, kind of telling yourself in the moment I am susceptible, I am gullible, I can be deceived, so let's keep me in a place where I'm limiting that risk and also letting me strengthen my own you know, my own testimony and my own knowledge of who I am and who God is and where I'm supposed to be, and stuff like that, before I allow myself to open up more to those those things that you know might be a little iffy, right.
Tonya Wirfs:Yeah Well, and I mean, we live in the latter days, we know that, and so we have to be so careful. I'm always telling my kids I'm like you know we don't have time to mess around, know we, we have to, not that we have to be perfect or anything, but we need to be really striving um, because satan wants you, you know and he's really after.
Tonya Wirfs:You know you can see it in the family and we we have to be vigilant and hang. You know I don't want my focus to be on him, but I think it's very important to pay attention to the fact that he is there. Like I was mentioning earlier, that's one of the things that kind of is in that sometimes in the personal growth world and, you know, in that new age world is that there's no good or bad. Yeah, just do whatever you want whenever you want to do it.
Tonya Wirfs:You know no accountability, you know it's whatever, just do your thing, and that it's really really dangerous.
Scott Brandley:That kind of neutrality is very dangerous, yeah, wow well, we went on a really big detour, but coming back um is there more of your story.
Tonya Wirfs:Is there more of your story? Yeah, so we'll get to the fun good parts now. So we let's see. So in 2019, I came back and I had a solid year where I was like, okay, I am not going to date anyone, I'm just going to be me and the kids, and I really needed that. That was very hard for me, but it was. It was exactly what I needed.
Tonya Wirfs:And and then, perfect timing, during when COVID started, God was kind of like starting to. Actually, he told my my dad was like I think you might want to consider like dating again and looking at getting remarried. I'm like I'm fine, I don't want to do that again, I don't need that. And but it kind of opened my heart and planted that seed, and so I um, that was when COVID had first started in 2020. And so I ended up, um, you know, doing some online dating and I ended up meeting my husband and we he lived in Nevada and I lived here in Kansas city and, um, but I was so careful this time. I mean the whole time I held it like open-handed, like if you know, if this God, if this is supposed to work out, then keep bringing everything together and if it's not then just make it all fall apart, and just that whole time he just constantly just brought us together together, you know, back together all the time. It was, it was really beautiful.
Tonya Wirfs:And so I've been remarried now for like three and a half years and and I'm not going to tell you that it's been easy because you know we're blending a family and that is one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do. But the heavenly father really helped me make sure the most important qualities were there with my husband and that has proven to work out really well. I mean, I've had moments where I'm like what was I thinking? Why did I get remarried again? You know God, you know like having these doubts, and but right now we're in a place where I'm starting to see things, you know, see things shift and see just these miracles. And God has just been so incredible and I've just found following his commandments and even the things that aren't necessarily general commandments to everyone, but his personal revelation to me, and becoming very disciplined. About two and a half years ago I started becoming really disciplined with my food and that has been a huge blessing, Like it has given me so much freedom, you know, it would seem to others like it's too strict. It's too. You know, I can't just eat whatever I want whenever I want to eat it, you know, but because God knew that this is what I needed and so it's just opened things up for me to be able to grow my business because oh, that's an important part that I think I forgot to mention.
Tonya Wirfs:So in 2016, when we had moved back to Kansas City from Logan, I remember just sitting in church one day in April and it was like my head opened up and I could. It was just like getting all these downloads from Heavenly Father of, like, the ways that he wanted me to serve mothers and cause I've always just had this huge heart for mothers because of all the things I've been through and I could just see this vision of what he, this work he wanted me to do. It was two months after that is when everything fell apart and we left church and the whole time that, the whole time that I was out of church, I'm still trying to like get this going and get this business going and it wasn't working, like it just nothing, nothing would click, nothing would work. And I know now it's because heavenly father didn't want me to share the message that way. He wanted me to share it the way that I'm sharing it now, and it needed to wait. And so it's been actually just about two years ago that because I have this little thing it's called a five-year journal and you write a few lines a day about everything that happened. So at the end of five years you'll have five years worth of memory. So I know it was two years ago that I yesterday that I hired my first business coach to start really bringing this business out into the world that God had put on my heart so long ago.
Tonya Wirfs:And I know that I couldn't have done that if I hadn't made those changes with my food and before that, if I hadn't come back to church. I mean, I know that all these things and these ways that he's helped me become disciplined have, that they're helping me to do his work, because he's given me a purpose and a calling and and like when President Nelson talks about that and I just feel so lit up, I know that before I came here that he gave me this work to do on this earth, and not that he wanted me to go down the path that I did or chose that for me, but he will work that all out to help me be able to do his work. That's all I want to do. I want to be a mother and a wife and I want to do this work and help bring his daughters back to him, help them with their habits, help them to be solid, because they're my lifeline Used to I'd go on vacation or things would get crazy and then I'd throw all my habits and everything would just fly out the window.
Tonya Wirfs:And now I'm solid, and it wasn't just in one day, it was a little bit at a time, and then I would have like some big leaps, but they were all preceded by these small and simple steps. And now I just I mean there's challenges. I'm sure there will be more to come. It's part of life. I mean, you know, with money and things like that, like something good will happen and then something not so great happens, you know, and it's really easy to focus on the not so great things. But God has just given me this ability and it's all through him. I couldn't do any of these things without him. The way I eat now, like I couldn't do that without him, it's all him. It's just literally all I've done is say, okay, I'm handing it over to you and I'll do what you ask, and I know the value of that now.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, that sounds awesome. I wish I could just get a download. That would be so helpful. I feel like I'm always like thinking of things, but it would be nice if I could just get it just in my head. That would be amazing.
Alisha Coakley:But it doesn't always happen that way I do love how, you know you talk about these, like these diligent tasks.
Alisha Coakley:I think that that's really what the gospel is kind of built on too right, like you have those, those primary answers like read your scriptures, say your prayer, go to church, take the sacrament, repent, repent, repent and then repent again, you know, and it's it's. Sometimes people look at it and they're like, oh, it's so redundant, it's so boring, it's so this, so that. But it's really because that's the way that we're designed, like, in order to to achieve success and growth and and to become, you know, like, like every bit of who we are supposed to be, we need to have those tasks that we do over and over and over again, so that we can build those synapses in our brains, you know, so that our brains can just get completely wired in tightly in order to, um, to see significant change in our life for the better and to put us in a place where we can actually network with other people and and help them, you know, to be better too.
Alisha Coakley:So I love that you've taken that.
Tonya Wirfs:And it just it brings so much joy. I mean people will think I mean they look at the way that I eat and they look at you know the way that I, you know I plan my week out every week and I manage. You know I work on my time and I always write it in pencil because I, you know, things change and I might need to change things, but doing these things and becoming disciplined that way, it really brings freedom and it has brought me so much joy. Like I, I love actually living my life. I love doing the dishes and the laundry and the you know just the day to day life with kids, whereas before it just so often felt like drudgery and it felt like, oh, now we've got to, you know, make dinner, I got, you know just life just didn't feel good. But that's such a big part of our life, is these mundane things? And honestly, like um, a couple of years ago I did a service mission in the temple for about nine months and I loved it. Once a week I would just go and I cleaned all the bathrooms and the Kansas city temple and it was just like my time with God. It was quiet and it was just. It was amazing and one of the unexpected blessings that I received after that temple service was that I was cleaning the bathroom one day and I was like I don't hate doing this anymore.
Tonya Wirfs:Like I, you know, like all of those things that we do in life, they really they can with.
Tonya Wirfs:When we invite God into it with us, they can be great. I mean, yeah, there's times I'm tired and I don't feel like doing things. I mean, but most of the time I can get myself back to that place with God because I've got, I bookend my day with him. You know, I start and end and then I'm because I've gotten solid in that I'm so it's so much easier for me to bring him in and allow him in. In all those other moments when I'm about to get angry at a kid and I'm like oh no, wait a minute, like picture, try to imagine what she's actually going through. The Lord knows exactly what she's going through right now. So how can I respond to her instead of just reacting, you know, in the old way that I used to and I'm not perfect, I still make lots of mistakes all the time but it's just given me this ability to be able to, you know, just recover and do so much things so much differently.
Alisha Coakley:So much things so much differently. Wow, I really like that. That analogy of bookending your day with God, you know, like starting and ending, I just I don't know. I think that's it's one of those like little things that so many of us don't do. You know, we get up and we're running late and so we rush, and then we're exhausted at the end of the day, so then we just fall asleep and it's like you've missed these opportunities where you can really check in with the Lord. And yeah, I think that you know, if anything, if if people could start bookending their days with God, it'd probably see a significant change for the better, you know.
Tonya Wirfs:Well, and usually what we're doing is we're getting on our phone first thing in the morning and then, you know, we're ending our day on our phone, because it's easier for our brain than taking that time. You know, and that's why, like when I work with with women, I help them start really, really small, you know, because a lot of times we think, oh, I have to go spend an hour and, yeah, that's great, you can work your way up to that, but you need to start really, really small and have those. You know, just get good at a couple minutes, five minutes, and then you can, you know, increase and deepen what you're doing. But trying to go too hard, too fast, we fall. You know, so many of us do that. I did it for years. I read all these personal growth books and I think, oh, you know, I'm going to go from here to here like that and fall flat on my face. And so it wasn't until I learned how to slow down.
Tonya Wirfs:And, and because the Lord never rushed, I mean, can you think of a time he was ever in a hurry? No, we're taught to model our life after him. He wasn't busy. And in a hurry, I mean mean, yes, he had a lot of things going on right, and there were times he was so exhausted I mean he slept during a storm, right but he, he was never in a hurry. And I that's what I'm I'm always checking in, like I don't want to have a hurried heart, I'm working on unhurrying my heart so that I can, I want to be with him. I mean, we have a responsibility right now to usher in the millennium and that starts inside of each one of us. It will happen as we are ready, and it's because we'll be able to resist temptation, not because we're going to all bind Satan up and he's not going to be able to hurt us. It's because we will be able. We will be resisting him and that comes through. You know those spiritual habits, those spiritual disciplines.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, I really love that.
Scott Brandley:That's cool, I like. I like that you're kind of become an advocate for helping. You know women to be more productive and that productive and they have a lot on their plates. I know my wife is overwhelmed 99% of the time and if she just doesn't even know where to start cause there's, it's just so overwhelming. You know, I'm sure there's. She's not the only one.
Tonya Wirfs:No, she's not yeah.
Alisha Coakley:Well, and it's hard for me to even fathom liking, cooking or dishes or laundry. I'm like, I know, I know, but it's so true. I mean, if I could actually enjoy it like my mom does. She's like one of the like she likes doing all that stuff and I just keep thinking, oh like, please just come live with me again, because you could take over. Please, lord, just let you know, let wealth and abundance fall in my lap so I can just hire someone else who enjoys.
Tonya Wirfs:But I totally get that. I mean, I felt like that for years. I remember just thinking I just need my business to get strong enough that I can afford to pay a housekeeper. But for me at least, I have found that and I might eventually pay somebody to come in and clean my house. But I think God knew that I needed that time. We need those tasks where you don't have to think, you know, because you know.
Tonya Wirfs:Another thing somebody has said to me before, which is that motherhood was made to be interruptible, right, like if you're doing the dishes and you get interrupted, you can easily come back and pick up and see where you left off. And there's all all these different tasks. If we can just break them down small enough, they won't feel quite so overwhelming. I used to hate cooking and I'm not I'm certainly not Martha Stewart now. Like I don't. You know it's not my favorite thing in the world to do, but I don't hate it anymore, I don't loathe it and you know I, I and I've been been able to get to the place where I am organized in it and I can, you know, have my, get my meals planned and it's.
Tonya Wirfs:It used to be really hard for me to do that, and now I can sit down and do that and it just makes life. I mean, that's a big thing. That we do is eat, you know. So when we can have that, not feel so heavy and so hard, then it frees up all this energy and space for us to do these other things that are going to bring so much goodness into the world, you know, and time for us to. You know, because you're right, scott, like we have so much going on, there's always things go with that overwhelm and the pressure that we put on ourselves to do everything in a certain amount of time and be able to go to bed at night and say, okay, what I did today was enough. It could have been more and it could have been less, but it was enough and leave today and today and then start over again you know, the next day.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, that's cool. I love this. I'm definitely going to have to go like check out all of your podcasts that you've done and and just kind of get some more tips and tricks and stuff like that on how to be a good mom, cause there's room for improvement.
Scott Brandley:My children, I need to learn how to be a better mom too, oh well, miss Tonya, is there anything that you'd like to leave with listeners?
Alisha Coakley:you know like any last words before we wrap it up today yes, I.
Tonya Wirfs:I just want you to know that you can never go any lower than the savior can pick you up like there's the enemy, will tell you that you have, that you're not good enough, that you've done too many things, that you can't come back, and I'll have little clever ways of saying that in your own voice. But you never, ever, can go below him. The Lord, he is always under there to catch you. He's gone below everything that we've ever done and he wants, he's always calling to us. He will never violate our agency and he will work anything that you've done and your choices you've made or things that have happened to you, that he can work it all out for your good. He can redeem those times in your life.
Tonya Wirfs:And I still don't understand how it all works. And I don't have to, even though I want to understand everything, but we don't have to understand it. He's always there, he loves us and he wants us all back with Him and he will show us just that one next step. We don't have to make it too big. Just that, what's that? That's the thing I'm always asking God, okay, when things feel way too big and I've gotten myself overwhelmed, I'm like, okay, what's just that one next thing? And he will always show me that one thing that I need to do, that I can get back with him.
Scott Brandley:And that makes all the difference.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, I love that. Well, thank you, Tonya, so much for coming on today, for sharing your story and for sharing, like I feel like there were so many good insights, like so many good nuggets that we got out of our conversation with you and lots of bumper stickers we can make One day. We're going to do that, like I don't know, if you guys are in the bumper sticker business, let us know.
Tonya Wirfs:Actually, I just found out that I think Missouri, or either Kansas City or Missouri, actually invented the bumper sticker. What?
Scott Brandley:a random.
Tonya Wirfs:That's interesting.
Scott Brandley:Oh, that's cool, we really appreciate your insight and even, like some of our direct questions, that we don't really ask very often, but it was nice to get your input and your thoughts on it, so we appreciate you playing along.
Tonya Wirfs:Yep, absolutely Well, thank you for having me here. This has just been really healing for me. I know that there's like pieces of my story that there was still kind of some shame hanging around, and just being able to recount all of these, these things in my life has just been really healing for me. So I appreciate you having me on.
Alisha Coakley:Awesome. Well, we, we loved it. We really did enjoy it, and I think we're going to walk away with a lot of good stuff from from this episode. So thank you so much for being brave enough to reach out, for coming on the show, for sharing your story, and thank you to all of our listeners for tuning in today. Guys, we really want to heavily encourage you guys to do your five second missionary work. Hit that share button, get Tonya story out there so that it can help other people, and go check out her podcast. Tell us again what's the name of your podcast, Tonya.
Tonya Wirfs:Five Minute Habits for Mom and it's on iTunes and Spotify and a bunch of other ones.
Alisha Coakley:Okay, perfect, Five. Minute. What was it called?
Tonya Wirfs:Five Minute Habits for Mom.
Alisha Coakley:Habits for Moms. Five Minute Habits for Moms. Okay, perfect, yeah, go check it out, guys, and make sure you comment. Let us know what you're taking away from today's story and if you have a story that you guys would like to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others, we definitely want to hear from you. So please head over to latterdaylightscom, fill out the form at the bottom of the page or, if you need to, just reach out to us directly. We do, Scott and I try really hard to make sure that we read all of the comments from videos, and, and, and. And. Uh, you know wherever we're streaming and whatever else. We do try to follow up on that. So drop a comment if you want to, and just say hey, I think I have a story, reach out to me and we'd be we'd be more than happy to do that. So, uh, with that, anything else, Scott?
Scott Brandley:No, I think we're good. Thanks so much Tonya.
Tonya Wirfs:Thank you.
Scott Brandley:Thanks everyone for tuning in and we will talk to you again next week with another story. Take care All right, bye-bye.
