LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
Popular LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" gives members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints the opportunity to share their stories of inspiration and hope to other members throughout the world. Stories that members share on Latter-Day Lights are very entertaining, and cover a wide range of topics, from tragedy, loss, and overcoming difficult challenges, to miracles, humor, and uplifting conversion experiences! If you have an inspirational story that you'd like to share, hosts Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley would love to hear from you! Visit LatterDayLights.com to share your story and be on the show.
LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
Unexpected Loss, Emotional Infidelity, & Learning to Love & Forgive Yourself: Sheri Ramirez's Story - Latter-Day Lights
Can you imagine losing your husband when you're only 22 years old?
In this weeks episode, Sheri Ramirez shares her heartbreaking story of young love, and the tragic loss of her first husband to a rare kidney disease.
She also opens up and shares her struggle with emotional infidelity in the midst of trying to cope with the overwhelming challenges and trials of life.
Fortunately, through her faith, therapy, and her family's love and support, she has been able to find self-love and forgiveness, which has given her the ability to have the courage to share both her story and her light with others.
*** Please SHARE Sheri's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/mml_j7nCFoA
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To VISIT Sheri's website, visit: https://www.sheriramirez.com
To FOLLOW her on Instagram, visit: https://www.instagram.com/saltyselflove/
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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
Hi everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.
Alisha Coakley:And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.
Scott Brandley:On today's episode, we're going to hear how one young widow's journey through loss and infidelity has shown her that, no matter what we're going through, god's love for us is very real. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today and we're really excited to introduce our special guest, Sheri Ramirez. Sheri, how are you doing today?
Sheri Ramirez:I so good. How are you?
Alisha Coakley:we're doing fantastic good now I'm just going to preface our viewers. If you see Sheri moving her hands around a lot, it's because she's she knows how to sign, so but she's not going to do it for the show. She said she's you know she wants a break. That's okay though. So she might be very handsy and I might be very talkative, and poor scott will just I don't know what you're going to do.
Scott Brandley:Sit here like a bump on the log. My normal job.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, exactly. Oh well, Sheri, we're really excited that you reached out to us. I, like I said you know earlier, before we started recording, scott doesn't really know anything about your story. I wish that I had had tissues when we were on the phone call. So just another little shout out to our listeners If you don't have tissues and you might want to grab some. Um, it was just a. It was a beautiful call. I think it lasted a really long time too, didn't it?
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah.
Alisha Coakley:It was a hot minute.
Sheri Ramirez:It was a good call, though I felt super pumped after yeah, me too.
Alisha Coakley:It was so awesome and that's just a true testament to you. So I'm excited to get to know a little bit more about you and to hear more of your story in depth. But before we get started with that, do you want to tell everyone just who is Sheri?
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, so, Sheri Ramirez, we currently have a family of five, so I have three children and my twin boys will be 11. God be with me. My daughter is eight and she got baptized this year, so that was super special for our family. This is our first full year in Florida. Before this, we lived in people are probably going to wonder where in Utah, so I'll just say Taylorsville, utah. But we lived in different states throughout our 12 years there. My husband grew up in Utah, so that's a really short way of saying that's how we ended up there for the last 12 years. But my dream has always been to be back to the beach, because I grew up in California up until I was 18. So I teach here at the School for the Deaf in Florida and I do life coaching on the side. I'm super excited. I just got that certification and it's something I'm super passionate about. That's a little bit about me.
Alisha Coakley:Awesome, now we're in Florida, because that was kind of like my stomping grounds for a long time.
Sheri Ramirez:St Augustine.
Alisha Coakley:Okay, so you're like the pretty part of Florida.
Sheri Ramirez:North yeah.
Alisha Coakley:Beach thing. There you go. I like that part of Florida. I don't love where I was from. I was down in Southwest Florida, like the Fort Myers, Naples area and stuff like that. So it's just so humid there. I don't know it is. I'm not meant for humidity. My hair does this Mufasa thing and it's just not pretty.
Sheri Ramirez:So I'll take it over the snow.
Alisha Coakley:Really See, I'm all about the snow.
Sheri Ramirez:It's really see, I'm all about the snow, it's glittery and beautiful.
Alisha Coakley:I love it. Too cold for me, I was ready for some warmth. Oh, what about you, scott? Are you a sand or snow kind of guy?
Scott Brandley:I've never really lived on the beach so I can't really say, isn't it though? I mean yes, I mean I've gone to the beach, but living there I mean I've. Yeah, I mean I like the. I've stayed in oxnard, by the beach one with where my brother-in-law used to live and he kept his windows open all the time and there was that breeze coming through the house. That was cool. I could, I could get used to that less uh heat throughout the year for sure. Yeah, that's true, awesome.
Alisha Coakley:Well, thanks so much for that. And so you're teaching and you're doing life coaching. You've got your three kiddos at home, right, yep, yep, and you just moved to Florida.
Sheri Ramirez:Yes, lots going on. You're not busy at all. Yes.
Alisha Coakley:Lots going on. You're not busy at all.
Sheri Ramirez:No, never.
Alisha Coakley:Very cool, all right. Well, ms Sheri, we're going to go ahead and turn the time over to you.
Sheri Ramirez:Why don't you tell us where does your story begin? All right, my story begins. Let's start when I met my first husband. This was when I was deciding to go off to college and I wanted to get out of Riverside, be away from mom and dad going off to college, but I was the first of five to go off somewhere different, so it was a big deal for our family to kind of drop someone off and have them be on their own. I was excited, though I was ready to take charge of the world and figure out who I was. So I was. I didn't know anyone. I kind of dated around a little bit. I actually there's a little full circle here. So I actually met my current husband first. If we're starting from the beginning, Wow, really Okay.
Sheri Ramirez:We have a full circle. We dated briefly though, my current husband, who I never thought I'd marry in my life, when I was 18. Like there's no way. He's so immature, he is deaf, but I was learning sign language and that's what I was going to college for. So I actually met him first online and we met on a blind date, which was super awkward, which it was something fun to write about in my memoir as I went back in time and reliving this naive little girl you know, just jumping into the world but I had never met a deaf boy before. You know, just jumping into the world, but I had never met a deaf boy before. I met deaf girls in camp, a girls camp up in Big Bear, california, and that was what sparked some fire inside of me, like it was this language that I had known at some other time. I don't know what it was, but I knew at that time, when I was about 12, that I had to learn this language.
Scott Brandley:Wow.
Sheri Ramirez:And I just knew there was going to be at some point I'd learn this language. My high school didn't offer it, so that's where college comes in. Okay, so this is where I'm about to start college, so I meet him first and it was kind of like, well, I don't think this is going to be a long-term dating scenario, but something drew me to him. It was something innate inside of me that I'm just like I just I can't pinpoint it. I know he's going on a mission that was what it was. He was going on a two-year mission, so he wasn't seriously wanting to date, but I still was like I don't know what it is Just beyond him teaching me sign language. I was so drawn to him as a person, even though we were both young and he was just immature, I was still drawn to him.
Sheri Ramirez:Then I think, about a month later. So this is where I met my first husband, ryan. Totally different person, very mature. He was about five and a half years older than me. I was just like whoa, this older boy. I'm very intrigued with him too. Amidst being intrigued by both of these boys, there was something inside of me that was like well, just see where both of them go. So there was kind of knowledge that everyone was kind of open to, knowing that I was young and dating around. Both of them kind of knew Dante was like that's my current husband, dante.
Alisha Coakley:Okay.
Sheri Ramirez:He was like whatever, I'm going on a mission, yeah, exactly Fine. But as things got more serious with Ryan, I had to figure out how to officially just cut things off with Dante, even knowing he was going on a mission. I still wanted to keep in touch or write to him because we had developed some sort of a connection and it was. It was kind of romantic, I would say. It wasn't super involved because we both knew he was leaving, but he was always someone in the back of my mind.
Sheri Ramirez:I never forgot about him and I seriously started dating Ryan, dating Ryan, now Ryan. I learned one night when he decided to tell me a few months into us dating and we were getting more serious. He let me know that there was something different about him and I always felt there was something different about him. He's such a bright spirit and he was always so optimistic about life and I never knew what it was obviously because I didn't know.
Sheri Ramirez:He let me know one night. He said I have a chronic kidney disease, and I was blown away. I'd never met someone with a kidney disease. This was super new to me, especially being an 18 year old girl and just venturing into college, but he was so fascinating. Everything that he did was so positive and feel like he was led by the spirit in so many things that he did, and I felt that spirit right away.
Sheri Ramirez:There was no denying how much I loved him, probably from soon after I met him, and so that was something that I was okay exploring to figure out if I could handle something like that. And what did that even mean? Someone who has a chronic kidney disease, what kind of life do they live? So he got to share with me about dialysis, which I also didn't know about, but this machine that cleaned his blood and he depended on it unless he got a transplant, wow yeah.
Sheri Ramirez:And as things got more serious and I was very committed to him, he one night we had had a conversation and I verbally let him know that I felt like he was the right person and this was after so much back and forth. I'm just not sure Is this like the person that I'm supposed to marry. That's a huge decision, but that was what I came to college for Boy crazy, that's the thing. But I prayed about it a lot and I felt inspired that he was the person that I was supposed to marry. So I let him know. This was when he was on dialysis, so I didn't know when he'd get a kidney disease or get a kidney transplant yeah, kidney transplant.
Alisha Coakley:So or if he'd get one right Like yeah. Yeah.
Sheri Ramirez:I. I had no idea. So he was actually the next day. It was maybe one in the morning. He called me at a weird hour so I was thinking like this is not good, he's calling me at such a weird hour. But he actually called me to tell me that the hospital had called him up to say they had a transplant for him. God was like you're going to commit first, because that's going to be the ultimate test of committing to someone who has a disease and there's no for sure way of knowing how long their life is going to be or just pretty much testing my faith in trusting God.
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Sheri Ramirez:So I was super grateful for that moment, even though I didn't expect that to happen, it was a beautiful experience for him to be able to get a kidney transplant.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, did you talk to your family about this and like what was their kind of take on it? Because that I just, you know, I have a daughter myself and I think, gosh, like I don't know what advice I would give her if she were dating someone who could potentially lose their life really early on or have a lifelong medical um, you know, big medical thing right To go through like that. I mean it means he may not be able to be the sole provider. It means that you're going to have to always have really good insurance on you. It means you know what I mean Like you might end up being a caretaker and like you can't really plan things because you can't go too far from the hospital, just in case. I mean like I can just see how many complications you would have to plan for before going into it, especially it being what you said 19 at this point it was 18, 19.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah. So like what did your family and friends think? Like what, what kind of advice did you get, or did you? Did you just kind of make up your own mind?
Sheri Ramirez:No, I love this question, I think at the moment, because I feel like I was shielded with naivety and I wasn't super worried about too far into our life. However, it was in the back of my mind. I remember talking with my mom and she did bring up questions to me. However, I feel like she's always been one to let me go with my gut and I'm usually the type of person that I don't really ask for opinions, I just do Right. So I believe that she knew that about me, but she was really good at asking me those questions and it also gave me more time to ponder Now with my dad. He is usually the same. He has an old fashioned sense where he does want to know are you going to be provided for?
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Sheri Ramirez:So that was actually his ultimate question. That was his question, like in every relationship that I've experienced if it got serious, like you know, are they going to be able to take care of you that type of thing, you know, are they going to be able to take care of you that type of thing? So I I believe my dad was more so like unsure about it, but I knew that I was going to make the choice based on what I wanted to do and I felt like this separation to being in Utah and then being in California. I felt more so like I was really on my own and I was now venturing into this new life, my adulthood, on my own, and everything would just work out. Feel like I had such a shield of it's all good, everything will just go into place. Yeah, that's where I was at. Okay, yeah, okay.
Alisha Coakley:So so he's on the list. They have a kidney. Is that in like an immediate thing, Like he's got to go to the hospital immediately, right?
Sheri Ramirez:Yes.
Alisha Coakley:Okay, so take us, I guess yeah.
Sheri Ramirez:He was taken in and prepped and the kidney took. So that was super exciting for us. I had no idea what to expect, but I was hoping for the best and it worked out really well. His kidney did live on for quite a few years. We ended up getting married and he had his kidney and after we got married I was about a year in.
Sheri Ramirez:We were living in Utah. I let him know I'm super homesick, I don't like the snow, can you please take me back to California. And at that time he had conveniently but inconveniently lost his job. They were downsizing and so right before the year mark of being in Utah together married, we ended up moving to California and that's kind of where everything shifted and we were really out of place. There was no plan. We moved in with my parents. That was an experience that I'm grateful is past. That I'm grateful is passed. Yes, but it gets a little tight when you're living in a home with your two youngest teenage siblings and parents. So it was a time that we were really trying to figure out how to provide for ourselves in an economy. That's a little bit more. The price range is a little higher out there A lot higher in.
Sheri Ramirez:California yeah.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, yeah.
Sheri Ramirez:And I feel Utah has gone up quite a bit in it has now, so I felt like it was significantly cheaper in Utah. And then going to California, I was like Whoa, I've never lived here as an adult. I only lived here, you know, under my parents' roof. So that was super eye-opening. And insurance I did not understand at that age the responsibility that I was taking on with a husband who had this chronic illness, that I would always have to make sure I'm getting jobs with insurance. I had no idea how difficult that would be and how it could limit things. When I was looking for job opportunities, it was always number one do they have good insurance? So that's how I landed at Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach a little while after we had moved there. That was where I finally felt like I was able to provide for my husband.
Sheri Ramirez:And right before finding this job, something significant happened. It was very devastating, but I got a call when I was a nanny and my mom called me on the phone and she said hey, I'm taking Ryan to a nephrology specialist down in San Diego. Um, something's wrong and I don't feel like his kidney transplant is actually filtering his blood through his body correctly. So we need to go see this specialist and I'm just in tears. I have these three children that I'm nannying and I'm just shocked. So their family came home and I was able to leave and go see him at the hospital. But I remember sitting with him on that bed. We were just so devastated that this kidney that we had hoped would bring us through so many more years had died. That was really devastating for me. It was really devastating for me, for him. I know that he blamed himself for that kidney dying. I know that because he had felt like someone else had been able to give him life and now it was gone.
Sheri Ramirez:That's really a big loss for him.
Alisha Coakley:Was it that he, I mean, was he not just taking care of himself? Or is it just something that happens sometimes, like sometimes?
Sheri Ramirez:it works and then it just doesn't. Yeah, we weren't given a ton of information and it could be that they told me all the medical terms as to why it could have died, but I feel like it. It just wasn't taking anymore Gotcha.
Alisha Coakley:And.
Sheri Ramirez:I his last kidney transplant that he had. That I was told about when he was, I believe, around 17. He had that also for a couple of years and then it died as well. So I don't know.
Alisha Coakley:This was his second transplant then.
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah.
Alisha Coakley:Wow Okay.
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, that was a big turning point of we did turn to God. At that point I remember feeling his closeness and not quite understanding why I was questioning why this was the life that was happening now, when I had been so faithful in saying yes and trusting that everything would be okay, and in my young mind I just felt like that was somewhat the end of life, because I didn't know what that would look for. Would he ever be offered another kidney transplant when he'd already had two that had failed?
Scott Brandley:Yeah, it's scary that's rough, being that, being that young and being faced with that reality yeah, yeah.
Alisha Coakley:And then does that mean that he goes back on dialysis again until he can maybe get another kidney, or yep? Yes, oh yikes, were you guys close to like a dialysis center and stuff, or?
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, they have a lot of dialysis centers, so we were able to find one near us and it worked out well. However, his dialysis is like three days a week and it was four hours each. So it's almost like this part time job that really takes away from being able to provide financially as well. His body would get sick, with headaches that were super excruciating and debilitating, and then he would get queasy quite often. So he would be vomiting and people at his workplace would be like why is this kid always vomiting? So it was a little bit embarrassing for him to be working I think at the time he was working at Chipotle to have to go in the back door and vomit to be able to keep going. But he tried really hard to be able to find a job, to also be working along with me, working with insurance and making sure that we were staying afloat, which kind of happened.
Alisha Coakley:Gotcha. So what happened after that, after that news?
Sheri Ramirez:After we had heard that news he was told just live life that you like. You have always lived on dialysis. He had a specific diet that he had to watch and make sure he wasn't eating too much salt and drinking things that weren't good for his body like monsters was his favorite thing and I at that time I felt so lost. I kind of pushed myself away from my family. My brother was on a mission. I stopped emailing him and I just remember trying to find any type of connection with people, maybe my age. I felt like there were no couples in California married that were the same age as me. I think at this time I was about 20, 21. And I felt super lonely. I remember binge watching TV shows and feeling like those were my friends.
Sheri Ramirez:I just felt so alone in the predicament that I was in and it felt like nothing would change it. This is the point where I started reaching out to male connection within my hospital and this is where things get a bit muddy. But I felt like it stems from not having the connection with my father growing up he was not emotionally available for us and, I believe, from being able to heal and do lots of work on myself. I was just grasping for that to fill it up after not having that for so long and also being so lost into. How do I feel connected with myself? How do I figure out who I am? We had stopped going to church. We had stopped doing everything.
Sheri Ramirez:I feel like his disease really debilitated him and he had headaches very often. So this left me craving adventure and being able to feel youthful. I felt like as the caretaker. I was constantly going in and out of the emergency rooms with him or trying to make sure he had what he needed and then, when he couldn't drive, getting him to dialysis. There was just a lot of responsibility that I was not ready for and my escape was feeling that rush of dopamine doing something that you're not supposed to do.
Sheri Ramirez:This is where I started connecting with two of my co-workers at my hospital and I realized after the first time it was wrong and we had gone past a point where it was mostly just text and back and forth. So it was emotionally connecting with someone. And once it got a little further, my bells rang in my head and I was like okay, that's it. I talked with Ryan. That was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced, beyond many other things, but having to tell your spouse that you've crossed the line and it's this person that you work with, so you're going to be seeing them every day.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah.
Sheri Ramirez:I know he was devastated, Right, he said I know I should have let you date more. I feel bad for getting married when you were so young. And so he was blaming himself, which I was not expecting. I was expecting him to have anger and hate, but he didn't. I mean, this had so much light in him, unconditional love. So when I cut ties with that coworker, I felt lost again. I'm like well, where am I supposed to find happiness? And of course I'm not going to church, not doing all the things that could bring this light into my life, because at the time I just didn't feel like I wanted to connect in that way. And then the darkness kept taking over. And then I connected with another person who I worked with and I went through the same cycle over again. It's like throwing a grenade at your husband while you're telling him these things that are so painful and hurtful, when they didn't do anything.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah.
Sheri Ramirez:It was his disease that was overwhelming me. It wasn't him.
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Scott Brandley:Right.
Alisha Coakley:Gosh. Well, I can see how, especially like being so young and so married and your, your brain is in that honeymoon phase, and then, when the outside circumstances don't match the the inside expectations, how you can feel completely out of place. You know, like this is not what someone you know, a 20 year old, is supposed to be doing. This is something for like a 60, 70, 80 year old woman. You know, like that's the wife you know, or even motherly, I think. Sometimes too. You know, if you end up having to be a caretaker for a husband, it almost takes you out of that wife role and into that mother role, which can really complicate the intimacy and relationships and you know, passion and all of those things that, as a young, young bride, you were expecting to have. So I can see, you know, how it would be really easy to go and to have this, this emotional, you know, affair and and to just want to be seen in a way where someone can take care of themselves.
Sheri Ramirez:Yes.
Alisha Coakley:Where you don't have to be anything except for the person that's being chased, you know?
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah.
Scott Brandley:I mean, from my perspective, it almost feels like you were a prisoner in your own life and you were so young, you just didn't and you yeah, Like that would be really hard to be in that situation.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah.
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, I felt like I wasn't sure what to do to change the situation. I knew there also wasn't much to do, except for the obvious, which that came soon after. Now, all of this back and forth, reaching outside of my marriage that was about nine months worth of just turmoil and trying to figure out who I was, without having the gospel's influence on my life, but always knowing it was true. That's one thing I knew is I knew the gospel was true. No matter what was happening, I just didn't feel like I could live it. So I was living how I was choosing to live, and I learned that that wasn't really getting me anywhere.
Sheri Ramirez:Now something else happened that was pretty pivotal. Um, I was this is about three and a half years into our marriage Don Ryan, my first husband, ryan, dropped me off at the hospital to go to work and we were making things work. We had made a pact that I would change departments. I brought that up to him. I looked into everything and I found a heart telemetry position that was hiring. So I studied like crazy. I passed the test and I applied to the positions that were available and I was offered a position. So I felt like light was coming back in and my brain was stimulated in a productive way.
Sheri Ramirez:I feel like that was also missing when I had dropped out of college way back years before, because Dante was my piece to sign language and so when we stopped connecting I didn't feel confident enough to keep going and doing that. So I dropped out and so my mind I felt was understimulated and that's not good for me. I'm learning, I just have a very active mind. But I was dropped off that morning and I went about my day. We were sharing a car and at about 1.30, when I was into my shift, I saw my phone and Ryan text me, said I miss you, love, and I read it and put it in my pocket. I did not respond. At about 3.30-ish, when I was off my shift, I started calling him and he wasn't answering. So in my gut I just knew something was wrong.
Sheri Ramirez:I just knew. So our neighbor kindly went to our apartment and asked the landlord to open the door.
Sheri Ramirez:And he was found unconscious in our living room. So I was not there, I was at work and it conveniently worked out that that was the nearest hospital. So they did bring him to me. At the hospital that I worked at there was just so many swirling feelings that I didn't know what was going on. Was this it He'd been Superman every time he pulled through. There's no way that they were going to tell me that he wouldn't pull through this time. I felt like this was just another one of those times. But then also I had this overwhelming feeling His spirit's not in that body.
Sheri Ramirez:I saw his body come in in the stretcher. Spirit's not in that body. I saw his body come in and the stretcher and all the nurses getting all the wires and the plugs and machines hooked up. It was almost this eerie feeling, like he was above it, and I didn't want to believe that. But the doctor waited for my family to come because I was just there with my neighbor, a 22 year old girl with a husband lying on a stretcher. He said let me know when your family comes. So when they got there he said he is brain dead. He's only alive because of this machine. So I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, oh, did you guys discuss anything ahead of time as far as, like if that were something that happened, did you know exactly what what he wanted?
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, I knew that he was on the donor list, so he was able to donate organs, and that was something that was very beautiful for his mom to be able to experience as well, because they'd gone through a lot with his disease. For me, I was just imagining someone disassembling his body and then all the blood draining out and he wasn't a person anymore. That was terrifying for me, but I was also grateful that he was able to give different donations to other people, because it's like his legacy lived on. He was able to give back, wow.
Alisha Coakley:So how long did you guys have to, I guess, keep him on life support before you made that decision to take him off?
Sheri Ramirez:I think it was about three days somewhere in between. There His parents didn't have the finances to come to us in California, so I was making a lot of the choices for everything that was happening and being his wife that made sense. I just was so overwhelmed and my dad could see that him and I had never had a strong connection. But in that moment he took over perfectly. He took care of everything that was costly and that needed to be paid for and arranged and he was able to provide that for me at the perfect time. And I was super grateful that he was able to have that role because his I'd never seen him break down.
Sheri Ramirez:When I was told Ryan was brain dead, he was devastated. He's like if I could take the pain away from you, I would, and we had never had that kind of relationship. The walls that I had built up with him were so high that I was almost frustrated that he wanted to be in my life at this time. Over the years we've been able to work on our relationship, but at that time I just remember being grateful for him to be willing to step in when I just couldn't do it.
Scott Brandley:Yeah.
Alisha Coakley:Sorry you got me going, oh, man, so you guys were able to say your goodbyes, I assume, right.
Sheri Ramirez:Everyone was able to do that. After he was taken off life support, his family was able to eventually get there, everyone was able to say their goodbyes, and we had the funeral. He was buried in Huntington Beach, up high, just like he liked, like the airplanes that he always talked about, and that was a beautiful tribute that we were able to give him as well, and that was the end of that. The grief, though, that took over inside of me, knowing that we were fixing things and I had finally made the choice to actually take my head out of the gutter and move towards the vows that I had agreed to with my husband and with God. I had finally chosen. That is going to be the best thing for me, but I can't do it by myself. That's when I finally turned to God, and it was only less than two weeks before his death, so it was really fresh.
Scott Brandley:Oh man.
Sheri Ramirez:This realization was so fresh. So when I learned he had passed, I felt like God was taking him from me. He's like you did not deserve my son. So I took him back. That's how I viewed it.
Sheri Ramirez:That day, when I was told that he had passed and I knew that I had a lot of work to go through, the grief that set inside of me wasn't just because he had passed. It was because of what I did, the choices that I made in my marriage to someone who was doing the best that they could with a disease that obviously they chose from heaven and he chose me. He chose knowing that I would make those choices. The unconditional love that I realized he had inside of him was immaculate.
Sheri Ramirez:After I was back with God, knowing that Ryan chose to go through every trial, I just there's no words. I just know how beautiful of a soul he is and I'm so grateful that he did choose that, because I was also able to learn beautiful lessons. Despite the hardships that I placed on myself and our marriage marriage I've learned through transformational therapy that we all get to have our journey. It's always our perfect journey. We're going to be learning lots of lessons and I got to learn a lot of lessons before my next marriage, which brought a lot in and of itself, a lot of beautiful lessons that I got to continue learning and I was shaping who I was before I got to my second marriage. I didn't know it at the time, but I was really learning who I needed to be before I got to dante right wow, yeah.
Scott Brandley:So how did that? How did that go from from that point? How did you get d from that point? How did you get Dante back in your life?
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, dante found me. Yeah, facebook. I changed my status to single a while after Ryan had passed, not too much longer. I was just going through the steps of changing all the formalities of what should shift even my bank account. I remember going in the teller was not much older than me and I said here's my husband's death certificate, I need to take him off my account. And he was so dumbfounded by this 22 year old girl who had a death certificate of a husband who was she was already married and he had already passed, and so that that was a moment of reflection for me that I was super young and learning so many things, but I didn't give myself grace at that point.
Sheri Ramirez:It was just a time of reflection Now. When Dante reached out, we were already in different states, because I had already moved back to California and he was in Utah, our snowy state here and he reached out and he said hey, I don't know what happened, but I noticed your status changed. So if there's anything I can do, let me know. And I was like, oh, okay, well, this is cool. I mean, I don't know any sign language anymore, but it was still.
Sheri Ramirez:It was suppressed inside of me that actually I couldn't talk about sign language For the whole time I was with Ryan. I couldn't even talk about it because it was so sad to me that I couldn't feel like I could do sign language anymore, because I just wasn't confident enough. Wow, he brought it back and we started Skyping to age myself a little bit. We Skyped back and forth and we started connecting through text. I was not looking for a long-term relationship. I was just connecting with someone who was so beautiful in my life that I knew had a purpose. But I didn't know he'd come back to my life. I really grieved the fact that I probably wouldn't see him again or talk to him again. Really, when he started talking with me back and forth and this connection came so naturally. It was very odd for me because I felt like I was cheating on Ryan again.
Sheri Ramirez:I felt like I was now crossing another line, even though he had passed. It's like that carried over into my life. Still, I just mentally didn't understand where I was supposed to be and how I was supposed to move forward after messing it up so badly.
Scott Brandley:Right.
Sheri Ramirez:But Dante was super patient. He brought his own suppressed childhood, no-transcript thoughts that I had thought of another person outside of my marriage. I disclosed those things to both of them, just knowing that I really, really wanted to move forward. I just didn't really know how. In my mind he was kind of this segue into a different life, unplanned.
Alisha Coakley:How did he so you did that before you guys started dating or like when you guys were getting serious? Like when did you share all of these things with Ryan?
Sheri Ramirez:I know right, I keep I shared with him. I feel like like a couple months after it was, we were super connected fast. It may have been trauma bonding, I don't know. I'm sure some of it was. It was pretty quick after, I want to say maybe a couple months, so we weren't super serious. But I'm the type obviously I like to share. I've always been that way, except for when I'm in the midst of shame.
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Sheri Ramirez:And when I'm outside of that and I've been able to find healing I do like to share with people who I trust is who's very understanding of what had happened and he knew of the past that I was bringing in to a possibility if we were going to date seriously and that was never something that was a hard no, I feel like with his own different circumstances of childhood, he also knew that he was going to need someone who was understanding, and I learned more about him as we went on. But we really connected fast after that in visiting each other and then things picked up really fast and a year after that we got married.
Alisha Coakley:Wow. So, how much time between Ryan's passing and your second marriage?
Sheri Ramirez:About a year.
Alisha Coakley:So literally like really just almost a year Wow.
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, wow.
Scott Brandley:Did you have any reservations marrying someone that was deaf?
Sheri Ramirez:Good question.
Scott Brandley:Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I'm just like I had. I had a deaf friend growing up. Right, I had a deaf friend growing up and I mean there was some. Sometimes it was hard to communicate properly.
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah.
Scott Brandley:Right, yeah, were there any reservations there Like.
Sheri Ramirez:I feel like I really didn't have reservations as long as I knew I was going to learn the language. However, my dad this is where he comes in with his concerns we were on a drive one day and Dante and I were serious at this point. It was just him and I. He goes. You know, it wasn't that long ago that Ryan passed. He's like I just bringing it to the front because and I just worry with you dating another man who can't take care of you I just don't know how I feel about that. He said he's deaf. It means that he may.
Sheri Ramirez:My dad was in the high council and he was able to go to the deaf branch in Riverside and he said I've had lots of experiences seeing deaf individuals who also have other multiple disabilities or physical limitations. And he said I worry that you're not going to get taken care of again. And I told him Dante's probably more physically fit than I am, so I'm not worried about the physical part. It's really I need to learn the language. That was the biggest concern for me, because I wasn't fully able to express my emotions. I could spoken or on a text, but being able to really connect with someone deeply, I knew that I had to pick that language up fast and, really being with him, that brought it right back in to where I had to pick it up fast.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, so were you? You were still in California at this point, yes, and then he was still in Utah, yes. So where did you guys meet in the? I mean like physically, like how did you guys actually start dating together in the same state?
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah. So it first started online and then he flew into California. He didn't have money, so I was like I'll pay for it. I've saved up this money for my job. I just want to see you. He goes. Are you sure no one's paid for anything for me? I said, yeah, who cares? But I was so eager to be able to see him again and then I finally was comfortable going out of the state of California. After so much grief, I finally got to a point a few months after where I'm like, okay, I can do this.
Sheri Ramirez:And I went to visit him and his family, who I had met back when we were 18. So it was very strange Like I vaguely remembered his family, but there had been so many divorces on mom and dad's side that I didn't keep any of the information in my head. But he had a brother who doesn't have autism, but he has a brain I want to say disorder I'm not exactly sure what the label is, but he does function as if he would have autism. So Dante always thought he had autism, never knew that it wasn't the case, but he was Dante's tester. Dante's like. None of my girlfriends have ever really passed the test of my brother and being able to connect with him and not feel like he's just annoying or in the way. But I love.
Sheri Ramirez:I loved him from the moment that I met him. There was never any doubt for him. That was kind of his answer as to I. I'm really serious about her. There were different things, but that was one of the the one factors that was important to him when I went to Utah. Now he decided then to stay in California for the summer because he had to go back to Utah to finish school. So summer is when I had to decide if I would go back to Utah and the snow or if I wanted to stay at the beach that I'd worked so hard to get to. And it wasn't just a relationship, it was now. Well, now we got to make a choice. To go back in time is how I felt, back to square one, and obviously I decided to go to Utah. Obviously, that was the choice. I got back into sign language, and he was also a person who taught me sign language because we used it obviously every day.
Sheri Ramirez:So I went back to college and I felt like, okay, I'm going to be interpreter the sign language interpreter that I had originally sought out to be. My mind was stimulated. I was so excited to be on this new adventure. We were doing well. I feel like there was always a lot of suppressed grief between the two of us, but we were really good at the honeymoon phase after getting married and just going with the flow of whatever was happening.
Sheri Ramirez:Right happening Right, and he, uh, it was about a year, a year after we had been married. So we get this trend about a year, Uh, and we realized that we were pregnant super exciting, but we also were not taught tools to go through our grief. So there's the two of us barely kind of getting through life every day. We're thinking, oh, it's fine. But you know, in that honeymoon phase obviously I feel like both of us knew there were things that needed to be healed through. But it's, it was kind of triggering when I talked about Ryan at that point. He didn't really want to hear about it because he wanted to move forward with our life. So I learned to suppress all of that after we got married and I didn't feel like I needed a therapist. I wish I did go to a therapist, but that was a point in my life that I was still learning.
Sheri Ramirez:And we learned we were pregnant not only with one, but with two. That's when we learned we had two heartbeats.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, grow you in the deep end, huh.
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, starting with fire.
Sheri Ramirez:Oh wow it was very shocking to learn that, but we were very excited as new parents. We did the best we could when we got these two babies and we brought them home. They were all ours, these preemie babies. My mom did stay with us for a little bit.
Sheri Ramirez:However, a few days in, she said hey, I'm going to be going home. And I said mom, what are you talking about? You can't leave me. No, don't go home. There's no other grandparents helping us. What do you mean?
Sheri Ramirez:And I could sense like something was going on, but she wouldn't tell me. She said well, I just feel like you guys are going to be a great team, so I'm going to let you guys do it. And I said what do you mean, mom? Like you're here, I actually get naps in the day and I can function. She said I really I feel like you guys are doing a great job, so I'm going to book my ticket. And she did. I learned real quick that my husband had been very much good at telling her what she was doing wrong, or kind of like wanting her to go to the side because she was burping them wrong or feeding them wrong. I feel like she was alienated and knew that. It was just tough for Dante. However, for me, it was this woman who I was finally able to have in my house after bedrest for five weeks and I, finally, was having connection with somebody.
Sheri Ramirez:So it was devastating that this was happening. But I didn't understand at the time. How do we ever get through this? So here's where I'm starting to feel. This heaviness again just sink in my gut. I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do to find happiness. I feel like that's always been what I was trying to find this happiness and joy that was just not ever coming.
Sheri Ramirez:Of course I'm learning in different ways, my own path, but I feel like having twins really rocked our world and we both weren't having our cups filled. They're both being depleted constantly.
Sheri Ramirez:And I feel like that's what started the downfall of the next pattern, which is where I again kind of had thoughts of other men. However, I didn't reach out to anyone, it was just the thoughts of like, hey, I really want to talk to that person when I see them. And I was noticing these things pop up here and there without acting on anything. And as time went on, I noticed this cup was just depleting and it was so raw. We were not connecting, we weren't functioning except for co-parenting. He was struggling, spending money financially, so I was always resentful of the fact that I felt like I was stuck in Utah because he was not ever able to provide for us or he was just using our money behind my back. So that was very detrimental for the both of us.
Sheri Ramirez:I feel like both of us contributed with all this trauma of unhealed pain and we suppressed it at the same time while trying to raise young kids. This is where the ugly comes in and this is where I just doubted who I was as a human At this point. We had my daughter now, so there's three young children, almost three in diapers. I'd barely got the twins out of diapers before she came. Almost three in diapers I'd barely got the twins out of diapers before she came Working full time, always providing working two, three jobs, sometimes to provide for everyone.
Scott Brandley:He stayed home as Mr.
Sheri Ramirez:Mom. Grateful as I was in that tunnel vision of my mind, I felt like when are you ever going to get a real job? When is this going to be us thriving instead of us always in the negative? So, I feel like a lot of it was financial all over again and that made me feel stuck. I was making this money I was actually donating eggs to be able to pay off debt and then to find out that you're spending money again it was very devastating for me.
Sheri Ramirez:So that started a huge block in my mind to disconnect from him, because I felt like we were just not making it work. And there was an individual who came into our life, actually into Dante's life, so he was a mutual person in our life. And this is where I found an emotional connection outside of my marriage, nothing physical. This was the emotional connection that upturned our whole lives. It was, you know, texting back and forth, kind of like flirty, just getting to know you, but things you would do to kind of get to know if you're compatible with somebody.
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Sheri Ramirez:But that was enough for a few months, actually a while back and forth, then cutting things off, and then again, when I felt like my cup was too depleted, I would reach back out to this person. Finally, it got to a point where I just knew I either needed to end things in my marriage or I needed to figure out what was going on with me, because I still didn't understand who I was. My self-worth was in the garbage.
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Sheri Ramirez:It was so low at this point that I was doing this thing again. That totally destroyed me. Why didn't I learn the first time this is a common. Why didn't I learn that first time? When you put yourself through all that pain, I feel like the dopamine addiction to something that you're so in tune with. When you get that hit again, that excitement, you're like, oh my gosh, I know what that feels like. I really want that.
Scott Brandley:What.
Sheri Ramirez:I felt with that rush of excitement in connecting with a male outside of my marriage and getting that when I needed or wanted. That was like a reward. So I felt like I was rewarding myself each time I was able to connect and get a reaction or a response. Now I got to the point where I finally knew I needed to tell Dante that I had been hiding an emotional connection with this person that he worked with and that made it really tough. Because he worked closely with this person and I did not. I was just the wife. Because he worked closely with this person and I did not, I was just the wife.
Sheri Ramirez:When he learned that this was all in my head and I had doubts about our marriage and thought about other males just in my head or connected with them through work this all came out all almost at once. It was a lot for him to handle. Handle it like Ryan. Everyone handles it differently. I was struggling to even tell him all of it at once. I felt like I had to tell him in pieces because it was just so heavy for me. I almost couldn't spit out all the details because I didn't even know where to start to. It gets blurry when you're doing things that you probably you know, you obviously know you shouldn't be doing.
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Sheri Ramirez:And it was very, very devastating when he found out. We went through a lot of separation physically, a lot of back and forth, and then it finally got to the point where our bishop offered to assist with therapy, where it all finally finds light. We finally finally find some light here. We finally find some light here. Now we needed a therapist who signed fluently, because Dante did not want to have an interpreter mediating the message back and forth, because that would have tweaked what was going on and made it worse Yep long time. So we didn't have what he felt he needed to be heard correctly.
Sheri Ramirez:So once this service was offered, we dug, and we dug really deep. It took years. He in the beginning would say comments like I just don't feel like this is working, and I was like no, I just know this is working, please no. And it took a lot more sessions for him to really feel like the therapist wasn't against him or siding with those types of things, and that gave him the ability to finally heal through his childhood, which were actually the things that bled into our marriage.
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Sheri Ramirez:Since we hadn't healed from our past, we just brought all of that into this marriage with kids, and kids just highlight your struggles and your weaknesses. They make things worse. We're the ones that brought it into our marriage and we didn't know that until we finally went to therapy.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, you know, I remember going to this um like marriage conference or whatever, because my husband and I had a really rough, you know decade plus of our own marriage Um, very similar to yours, where we just felt super disconnected. We didn't think that we could do anything. I, you know, would emotionally connect with someone that I wasn't supposed to be emotionally connecting with and it was like really, really tough for a long time. So we went to this marriage seminar hoping that, you know, that it would fix things and it would help a little bit. But it was never. It was never deep enough to fix everything.
Alisha Coakley:But I remember at one point they had this visual representation of, like what happens when we bring our unhealed trauma and our hurt and our baggage and all the things into a marriage. And so they had this couple and on the couple they had a bunch of like strips of paper with words written in like black Sharpie marker, you know, like abandonment, right Obesity, like low self-esteem, sexual abuse, like whatever it was that they were bringing into it. And I remember they got up on stage and they started taking their strips off and putting it onto each other and they just kept putting it onto each other and then, all of a sudden this is the part that really got me Then, all of a sudden, they called the, the children up of the couples, and the couples started taking it off of each other and sticking it on the kids. And it was like this powerful, like I was just like, oh my gosh, this moment of clarity for me, where I was like I have to heal myself, like I can keep blaming him, like I have to heal myself, like I can keep blaming him. You know, I can keep blaming my husband and I can keep saying, well, it's because you did this or you're not doing that or that, but if I don't take care of what's on me, it is just going to stick on everybody. And then when those two kids, you know, like when those kids grow up, they're going to take all of his and all of mine and then all of their own that they developed from having all of those you know stuck to themselves. They're going to do the same thing over and over again.
Alisha Coakley:So it was, it was so powerful, knowing like one that I have to take responsibility for me, like I can easily read all his words that he has stuck to him. I can read all of his baggage, right? I think it's very easy for us to point out all the things along with everybody else, but for me to take them off myself and to look at them and be like, okay, I'm holding onto this, I don't want to stick it on anybody else. So what do I have to do to get rid of this completely? You know how can I transform what's on me now? And I think that's kind of where the atonement comes in full force.
Alisha Coakley:I love therapy, I love life coaching, I love, you know, reading the self-help books and doing all of the work, but I almost feel like none of it is complete until you include the atonement. Yeah, you know. So can I ask kind of um and I guess it's more of a sacred question, maybe, and if it's not, okay, that's okay, you don't have to answer but did you, did you have an experience where you felt like you needed to reach out to the savior and you know, like, where you really had to figure out what the atonement was for you to move forward from all of the things you were carrying in the marriage?
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, I felt like a huge piece of that was, first, being honest with my partner, and I also was honest in therapy. But Ryan was. He was with me throughout my healing journey Pretty much. He's always been with me. Obviously he's with me. He healed, oh, he healed parts of me that I never knew could be healed from someone on the other side.
Sheri Ramirez:His love, I feel like, healed a big part of me, connecting me with my Savior, because he was a living example of someone who would take these trials and say I can do it because I love her that much. Say I can do it because I love her that much. So, seeing his feeling his love, even pass the veil in moments of excitement and accomplishment, he would be there through music. I connected and I connect with him through music. During certain moments I'll hear a song and I'm like, yep, I know, ryan, I know you're here, thank you so much. I do. I talk to him out loud. I feel like that healing with him has connected me to my Savior and I've learned to pray more and actually have those conversations with my savior, my brother. I learned that only through examples of people able to love me and then me to be able to love myself. If I didn't love myself, I would not be able to connect with my savior in a way that I can now. I had to learn to love me. I was made from God. He made me, he made my brother my savior. He made all of us from his light until I finally could feel that in the depths of my soul, knowing that I had let out all the secrets. I repented on my knees many times throughout different processes, going through that repentance process with Ryan, with Dante, and then by myself. It was a long, long journey, but I feel like the ultimate goal of being here on the earth is, yes, to be perfect, but we do have to go through our life lessons and we do get to choose. We get to choose if we want to stay stuck forever or we get to choose to be brave and be uncomfortable and get out of the situation and the habits, the coping mechanisms that are keeping us trapped.
Sheri Ramirez:For me, it was sharing my story. Sharing my story, first with the truths of it, with my spouse and then with my mom, and then with different people. My therapist, trusted friends, trusted friends. Sharing that story of what happened strengthened me to realize that I am not shame, I am not all these things that, like you, meant I stuck on myself. So I chose to take them off, and it took lots and lots of trainings and really just digging deep into who I am and what God made me for, and a big part of that is my patriarchal blessing. He said live your life, that you may be, as you are, a light upon a hill to others whom you may associate, but you have to live to be that light, and so that always stuck with me. I was like if I keep living this type of life, I will not get that light. And I didn't realize that until I had gone through all the healing and felt that I was worthy. I was now worthy to be that light that he had made me to be this whole time.
Sheri Ramirez:Wow that he had made me to be this whole time.
Scott Brandley:Wow, yeah, I really like your story because you know, when we go through life and we make mistakes, we would like I think human nature is we want to when we do go through the repentance process and it's sincere we'd like to think that we've learned the lesson, that we're never going to make that same mistake, right, but? But we do Right, like we're human, and so I like, first of all, like you have a lot of guts to come on and share your story, so I appreciate that because I think that'll help a lot of people, but also that when we make the same mistake again, god is going to be there. We're going to still be forgiven for that and we can be pure, we can be clean and we can. Life is just a school we're learning.
Scott Brandley:Right, and you know we can. We can fail over and over and over again, but eventually every time God will forgive us. But also we will get better, we will learn and we'll grow and we'll become more like.
Alisha Coakley:Christ, wow, I agree. So can I ask you know where does that take us? I mean, you guys went through this years of work, and how are things now?
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, I feel like we, separately, have been able to love who we are, and that was key Each of us healing through everything that we deserve to heal through and then we were able to connect deeply with each other, without walls.
Sheri Ramirez:It was like living with dirty glasses and telling myself that's as good as it's going to get, so you better accept it. However, after taking those off, doing the healing, after taking those off doing the healing, doing all the things that let me see my self-worth, I put on these new glasses that were so clear, and it was the accountability that I took for myself. That's what it was the accountability of everything that I choose to do or feel. So nothing ever gets shifted to him. I always choose how I feel or how I respond. With me taking that accountability, I've noticed we've been able to truly connect on a deeper level, being able to feel that connection beyond the veil, instead of just searching for this earthly connection that may or may not work out Right. Being able to truly connect with ourselves first has been able to bridge that gap of what we were not understanding why are we not clicking? Why are these things happening and we're pushing each other away all the time?
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Sheri Ramirez:We didn't have him. God was not in that marriage. When we were choosing to do things our own way because we weren't choosing him, he was waiting. He was just like hey, I'm here, so I'm going to force it. I will wait until you choose me, and you know that I'm always here.
Alisha Coakley:And.
Sheri Ramirez:I knew that once I was truly able to go through enough healing on my own, we were able to really bridge the gap of what our family was missing.
Sheri Ramirez:I feel like that regrowth, this livened life that we've been able to recreate, was really the start of when we moved to Florida. That's where we've really flourished and we worked as a team and a family. We've discussed therapy with our kids. We've discussed and pointed out mom and dad's weaknesses. I've actually sat down with my twin boys and I let them know what mommy chose to do in her past and that's what the book is about because they never really understood what book I was writing. They've always seen me write since they were born, but they didn't understand what I was actually writing. And Dante said you need to talk to them because they're at the right age.
Sheri Ramirez:That was a really tough conversation, but I got to show the boys that I grew up with a mother that I didn't really know. She was on robot mode and I didn't know her till she was an adult and she's still trying to find herself and who she is. I don't want to be that mom. I want you to know that I own my mistakes and I'm okay with them. I'm okay that I started here and now I'm over here You're allowed to do that too. I just want my kids to give themselves grace that I didn't feel like I gave myself or felt like I was allowed to have when I kept falling short of the standards.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, oh, I love that. I think that in and of itself is such a huge step towards healing the next generation. You know like when we work on ourselves, we instantly have less that we're going to put on. You know, our kids and our grandkids and so on and so forth, and just giving them that space to mess up, you know like just letting them know like I'm still here, I still love you.
Alisha Coakley:And you know, yes, like sometimes we're going to do dumb stuff, sometimes we're going to do it repetitively. You know like sometimes that's going to happen, but the best thing that you really can do is take responsibility for it. You know like sometimes that's going to happen, but the best thing that you really can do is take responsibility for it. You know, regardless of the outside circumstances, regardless of how many factors played a role, at the end of the day, when we take responsibility for our part in it, you know, regardless of whatever what else happened, I think that we take so much power back and being able to move forward and to heal and to, you know, develop that, that love, that I think really that comes down to it right, like it's tapping into the love that our heavenly father and Jesus Christ already have for us, you know, and being able to feel that and accept it. Right, because I think a lot of us know that it's there but we don't accept it because we're so hard on ourselves and we just think there's no way, right, wow?
Sheri Ramirez:I would agree 100%.
Scott Brandley:So you've been writing this memoir. When did you decide to turn it into a book?
Sheri Ramirez:This memoir was my therapy. I feel like this is where I told all my secrets to. This is how I processed what I was doing and who I was in my own world, because I was able to say whatever I wanted and turn it into a solid story. That manifested over eight years and it turned itself with lots of feedback, lots of eyes on it. It's turned itself into a solid, shaped book. But the hard part is getting a literary agent to grasp onto that and you have to have a platform when you want to sell a memoir, and what we've been doing and my platform has been Instagram, where we have thousands and thousands of followers on there, but it took a long time and I knew that this was the feedback that I keep getting is you need to grow your story and your platform, and I've been really passionate about doing that alongside my family. They've been able to really your platform and I've been really passionate about doing that alongside my family. They've been able to really support that and that's where it grew is when my family started wanting to be involved with my videos, and I feel like, yes, you have to look at the numbers, but it's not even about that for me.
Sheri Ramirez:I just really truly want to get my book out there. I just want to be able to find what the path is of what it's supposed to be and be able to share the story in a solid, you know method. Yes, someone to be able to see oh, I've struggled with that. Or, okay, I'm not the only one who's gone through this difficult journey, whether they're LDS or not. My story is there's so many people that struggle with infidelity and especially emotional infidelity for women these days. Yes, very much shamed, because it's a very hurtful thing and it's very hard to discuss in public platforms. I share it in little bits and pieces, as I could on social media, but being able to share it in a trusted environment is very, very important to me because I just want other people out there to know you don't have to live in shame the rest of your life. You do get to heal through it and you don't have to have that label. That's not who you are. Those are just the choices that you've made in your life that you get to heal from.
Alisha Coakley:Right, if you choose, wow, yeah, well, what's your? Let us know, I mean cause. Okay, so you're saying right now your book isn't out for people to to grab, right, you're in that process of getting it picked up and all the things, um, but your Instagram is there. So if they wanted to, if they wanted to look you up and support you and and help you out, where do they go?
Sheri Ramirez:I am salty S A L T Y. Self-love on Instagram that is my main platform. Self love on Instagram that is my main platform. I also have my website, which holds other pieces of information of how to reach out to me, and that's just my name, so it's www. sheriramirez. com.
Alisha Coakley:Perfect, that's so fun. We're like kindred spirits like mine's, the salted beauty, you know, and it's like not salty like a bad thing, it's like a good thing. You know what I mean we're, we're two souls here. I love it, oh, awesome. Well, Sheri, do you have any any last thoughts? You know anything that you'd like to share last last minute before we wrap up here?
Sheri Ramirez:Yeah, I feel the last message that I'd like to share is truly to reach out to the hearts of others who are struggling with shame and who are struggling with their self-worth. Just know that your choices are not who you are. If I can have two husbands who can unconditionally love me beyond everything I've done, that's a testament to God and Jesus that they love you that much and it's just you choosing to love yourself because they're always there. It's just a matter of you wanting to reach out to them.
Alisha Coakley:Right, oh, that's wonderful. Well, thank you, Ms Sheri, for coming on today, for you know, lighting the world with your story I definitely agree with you know everything that was said in your Patriot Girl Blessing, that you have a voice and you have a light to you that I think can do a lot of good and can help bring a lot of people into that light. So thank you so much for being you and coming on here today and thank you so much to all of our listeners. Guys, we would so so greatly appreciate it If you guys wanted to hit that shared button, do that five minute or five second missionary work that Scott talks about us doing all the time, and just get this episode out to others who might need to hear it.
Alisha Coakley:There were so many really good nuggets today and, um, you know, I still have some makeup on, but I definitely did cry. I've learned to just stop putting eyeliner and mascara on the bottom there and I cried with my eyes open. But, yeah, so we would. We would love to have you guys, you know, share the story today, All right, Well, anything else? Scott?
Scott Brandley:Nope, Really appreciate you being on the show, Sheri man, you've got a lot of guts and but you have, like like Alisha said, you have a great spirit about you and you have a light and no, we're happy. I'm glad that we get to help you share that a little bit.
Sheri Ramirez:Thank you for having me on. Truly, I was so excited for this because a lot of what I do is I don't fully talk about the LDS religion because I want it to reach a general public as much as possible. I want it to reach a general public as much as possible, so it's very healing to be able to share the big connections that I've had with my religion. So this has been extremely important for me. So I'm just super grateful for you guys.
Alisha Coakley:Well, we're happy that we, you know, had the opportunity to let you do that.
Sheri Ramirez:I truly appreciate it.
Alisha Coakley:All right. Well, guys, that's all that we have for you today. Remember, if you guys have a story that you'd like to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others, we would love to hear from you. Go ahead and head over to latterdaylightscom. You can fill the format at the bottom of the page or you can leave a comment for us, send us a private message on Facebook. Um, we would be more than happy to hear more, more stories out there and and more testimonies. Um, it all does good things. So don't be shy, reach out to us and make sure you share, uh, this episode of lottery lights, and until then, we will see you next week. All right, take care. Bye-bye, bye.
