LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
Popular LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" gives members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints the opportunity to share their stories of inspiration and hope to other members throughout the world. Stories that members share on Latter-Day Lights are very entertaining, and cover a wide range of topics, from tragedy, loss, and overcoming difficult challenges, to miracles, humor, and uplifting conversion experiences! If you have an inspirational story that you'd like to share, hosts Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley would love to hear from you! Visit LatterDayLights.com to share your story and be on the show.
LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
Addiction, Divorce, and Finding Spiritual Resilience: Morgan Dastrup's Story - Latter-Day Lights
In this episode, Morgan Dastrup shares his story of how God loves us unconditionally and is always there for us, even when we make mistakes or things don't go as planned in our lives.
As Morgan opens up about his journey, he takes us through some of the highs and lows of his life—from educational challenges, to serving a mission, to online dating, and the painful impact of addiction. His raw honesty about his divorce, fatherhood, and the emotional struggles he endured is both powerful and inspiring.
Morgan’s story highlights the crucial role that therapy and 12-step programs played in his healing, underscoring the vital importance of personal responsibility and accountability in overcoming life’s obstacles
As we wrap up, he reflects on the power of spreading positivity and light, illustrating how his journey has not only strengthened his faith but also his commitment to helping others.
His story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of community support and unwavering faith.
*** Please SHARE Morgan's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/I-1zokYVNFM
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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
Hey everyone. I'm Scott Brandley and I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.
Scott Brandley:On today's episode we're going to hear how one returned missionary's struggle with addiction led him to understand that the Savior never closes the door when we earnestly seek Him. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today and we're really excited to introduce our guest, morgan Dastrup. Morgan, how are you doing, man?
Morgan Dastrup:I'm doing all right. It's a beautiful Sunday and I'm very glad to be here, Awesome, nice.
Alisha Coakley:Well, we're happy to have you. I think it's so funny how this works out sometimes, right Like I. If I remember correctly, I believe I put a post up on my Facebook page asking any of my friends if they had any guests that they thought would make you know good guests for the podcast. Things like that. Was it Daniel? Yeah, definitely Daniel Adams, one of our old guests and a friend of mine, reached out and was like you should talk to Morgan, and then we find out when Morgan gets on here that Morgan is actually good friends with. Is it your brother, sister? Who is it? Scott.
Alisha Coakley:Or somehow you guys are connected.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, so I have two of my best friends. Are his related, right? It's your sister-in-law or your sister. It's your sister and your brother-in-law, right, yeah, and we hung out. We hung out at new year's I think it was new year's, or, or. There was a party towards the end of the year last year that we, we all hung out together. So, yeah, crazy.
Alisha Coakley:Small world. I tell you it's. I love it though. I love whenever there's like all these connections. Oh, and then you said something about Devin, right, devin's a friend of ours too, so I don't know. Anyway, there's just all these connections, all these connections, and I just love it. I love how Heavenly Father gives us those little God winks and he's like hey, I see you, I know what you're doing Very cool.
Scott Brandley:So, morgan, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself, my friend?
Morgan Dastrup:Well, I was born in a small farming community called Richfield, utah, back in 1985, an 85 model, so I am the oldest of four boys and every time I say that to people, people always say, oh, you're poor mother. And I always say, oh, no, no, no, no, no. For you know, for us, because you know, there were times that my mom and I say this with all the love of the world cause I love my mother to death, but she, she was able to to handle us in a way that most people could not. My dad, he grew up in a very small farming town. Not too far away from Richville there's a little town called Sigurd, utah. My mom was born in Logan, utah, grew up in Heber City and then, when my mom was 14, and my dad met and they've been inseparable ever since then wow, that's young very cool.
Alisha Coakley:So well, where do you live now?
Morgan Dastrup:uh, my wife and I just bought a house and so we moved to Ogden, Utah, where we now currently reside. So it's just me, my wife, our dog Wilson and my 12-year-old son, who visits every other weekend, but now where it's summer, he can visit up to a week. Two weeks really is up to him, but when he's in school it's every other weekend and most of the holidays.
Alisha Coakley:Awesome, very cool. I miss Ogden. I would love to go back. Texas is great, but Ogden is better.
Morgan Dastrup:Well, we don't have the humidity that you guys down in Texas have.
Alisha Coakley:so, yeah, and you have mountains. It's not flat, there's just like lots of rocks and flat land around here. So you know. Yeah. That's the thing I miss the most is just all the beautiful views of any direction. In Ogden I feel like you just turn around and you're like, yep, it's beautiful. It is.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, so I know you play the guitar because you played it when we had that party and my, my mother-in-law just thought you were amazing. Um, what else? Do you have any other hobbies or things you like to do?
Morgan Dastrup:um, aside from uh being a self-taught, a guitar player, I am an avid magic the gathering card player oh, okay so I got into that um back in 2012 because I was, uh, roommates with a bunch of guys who played the game, who introduced me to the game and and, uh, I started playing and I've been playing ever since. I didn't really get serious in collecting my starting my collection until after I got married to my current wife right now, and so I was. I remember I was packing some things up and my cards happened to be one of those things. My brother asked me how much money have you actually spent in this game? I'm like say, well, I really don't know, but there's some cards that are worth lots of money and I don't know exactly how much money I spent so let's just leave it, let's just, let's just say it's more than it really should be.
Alisha Coakley:Oh my, gosh, that's your retirement plan right no, there's no retirement plan that's kind of like like me with makeup and stuff like that. My husband doesn't ask anymore. He doesn't ask how much anything is like. Trust me, whatever's on my face is probably enough to pay our mortgage. You know, out there I it's just one of those things. I'm sorry I don't have natural beauty, I have to plaster. Wow, well, very cool, all right. Well.
Alisha Coakley:Mr Morgan, we are looking forward to hearing your story. I know I got to hear a little bit of it, but Scott has no idea really what we're talking about. So we're going to go ahead and pass the time over to you and let you tell us. Where does your story begin?
Morgan Dastrup:Well, I mean really my story. I guess, if I could really point to a singular point, my story is just a conglomeration of other influences that drove me down the path that I've been on. I guess we have to really start with my mom really, and I hope she don't kill me for telling her story, but it's really a story of her having perseverance and trusting in the process that our Heavenly Father has put in place for us as part of his plan. So my mom, as I mentioned, she was born in Logan. She was number I want to say number five of eight.
Morgan Dastrup:My mom was born into a situation that most people would find rather appalling, calling. Her biological parents were alcoholics, drug addicts. Her biological father was a drummer for Gladys Knight. This was before Gladys Knight became Gladys Knight and the Pips. It was Gladys Knight and the Tombs, and so he was on the road doing that and, of course, her biological mom was at home trying to raise these kids and she just turned to the bottle, turned to drugs, turned to other forms of coping, coping. And so when my mom was probably around two, maybe three years old, her biological mom said that she was going to go to the grocery store to get milk and some other things. She checked out and went down to Texas and didn't come back for a couple of years.
Morgan Dastrup:And so, while in the process of this, um, while her biological dad was on the road, her uh, my, I guess you could say my mom's biological grandmother on her paternal side called her, called her biological father up and said hey, the state's taking your kids, you need to get down here. And so he left the band, left the his drums, left everything, bought a car, drove it till they broke down and walked the rest of the way into the state of Utah. But by the time he got here, my mom and her siblings were all ready, dispersed, they had all been put into foster homes and or adopted, wow. And so my mom was adopted into and into a family who were, to me, my grandparents. But, uh, she was adopted into this family and you know, I can't really as much as I I joke around and I tease about my mom's adopted parents being not, shall we say, the best grandparents.
Morgan Dastrup:But you know, find me a set of people who are the best at being parents or grandparents or whatever, because, granted you, you're given the tools that you have and you work with the best that you have and so. But my mom was given a a stable, albeit somewhat toxic situation, but she did the best she could in that situation and so when she met my dad when she was 14 and she saw his situation, she said this is what I want and this is how I want to raise my kids. And because my dad grew up in Mayberry pretty much, where everybody knew who you were, everybody knew your business.
Morgan Dastrup:Yeah, and everybody, you know, looked out for each other more or less. And so when my mom saw his upbringing itself, saw how his parents and that dynamic, and saw how his parents and that dynamic worked Because my dad is the youngest of six and so he was in that dynamic and so she said this is how I'm going to do things. So I enter the world after my dad goes on a mission to the Philippines. They get married like six months after he gets home. I come into the world in 1985 and I mean my life was pretty great. I mean I couldn't have asked for a better childhood. You know, my brothers and I we had it pretty good as I good as far as normal childhoods are concerned. But I'm going to fast forward to when I was 10 years old and I'll never forget this day. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was December 9th 1995. My mom gets a phone call out of the blue and it's her biological brother saying this is so-and-so, we've been looking for you. Aww.
Morgan Dastrup:And my mom implodes. She just implodes. And because she had she as far as my recollection is concerned she wasn't really looking, but she had always had that question in the back of her mind, you know, and she. But when she found her biological, uh, siblings and everything was starting to come out of the woodwork, like I said, she imploded and she had to go to therapy to deal with these things. And so when you know, mom and dad say, you know, we're going to the grocery store and you know they don't come back with any groceries, you're 10, 11 years old and you start to ask those questions what's going on here? But the more I watched my mom go through that and the more I saw her interact with her biological siblings, along with her adopted family and watching that balancing act, it just really I mean, you don't think about it when you're a kid, what kind of a trauma that would bring. But now that I'm a lot older and I see things in a different way, I am very appreciative that my mom chose not to allow that situation to destroy her. It uplifted her, it made her realize I can have this family and I need to make sure that I cultivate that, those relationships and, to her credit, she's done the best she that she could, and so that that was a really big uh thing for me.
Morgan Dastrup:And so when I was going through school and most kids who were in my position were picked on a lot in school. Now, when I was five years old, I was diagnosed with having attention deficit disorder or ADD, and so when it was when that diagnosis was first announced among you know, kids of my generation that was a very not a lot of information was prevalent about, about how to deal with that, and so it was just a matter of my mom said you can do it, you can just push through it. You, you can do it. And she went to bat for me a lot.
Morgan Dastrup:She went to the schools every day. She went and fought the principals every day and it was like clockwork. They could just put, set their watch to and say, okay, here comes mrs dasher, what kind of hell is she gonna raise? But um. But I always had a thirst for for knowledge and learning. But as I went into junior, high school and high school, I just noticed that it wasn't so much that I did not, I was not interested in learning, it was, I was bored.
Morgan Dastrup:I was really bored and I was not challenged enough, but it was people trying to fit the the round. The the round peg in the square hole. Right. And people like myself who don't think in those terms. We were just seen as oh, you know we don't have time for for people like yourself, so we're going to put you over here and let other kids get pushed through.
Alisha Coakley:Right.
Morgan Dastrup:Which which kind of made a person like myself feel a little ostracized and a little not wanted, I guess, is the best way to say it, and so. But I had to learn really quickly. I have to make a choice and fight for myself a little bit, and so that's why I dropped out of high school my junior year. So I did not graduate high school. I do not have a college education, I do not have any certificates or anything like that. That might change in the future At least that's what my wife is hoping for, and I'm hoping that for myself. But I became a voracious reader. For and I'm hoping that for myself but I became a voracious reader. I started reading anything I could get my hands on and as part of that, I came to the.
Morgan Dastrup:I had to come to a decision when I was 18 years old do I really know if the church is true? Do I really know if the church is true? Do I really know if Joseph Smith is a prophet? Do I really know if the Book of Mormon is what it says to be? And so I had these questions in mind, and on my very last youth conference conference, we went to martin's cove, wyoming. Now, just to give you a little historical background on that, martin's cove is where the martin and willie hankart companies were on their way from nebraska, but they left late in the season. Right.
Morgan Dastrup:Even though they were warned not to. But the fire and the seal to get to Zion was so strong in them that they just went anyway. So they got to Martin's Cove in October 1856, and the things that they had to endure were beyond, I guess, beyond what we cushy people would not want to go through because we haven't so good. But I had these questions in mind and I remember the third day we were there, we went to go into the cove itself, and I'm walking through. They led us into the cove, you know, one by one, just so that there would not be any distractions, would not, you know? So that the spirit would not be unimpeded. And so I went in there and I started asking, you know, heavenly Father, is this, I mean, was it worth the sacrifice? Was it worth all this? Is Joseph Smith really the guy that you called? Is the Book of Mormon really the book that it says it is? But then I asked this next question, and it was not the question that I originally had Did I serve a mission? And I won't go into detail because that was a very sacred experience that I had there, but suffice it to say that when I came out of the cove.
Morgan Dastrup:I was still wrestling with those questions and then that night I couldn't sleep. I was tossing and turning in my sleeping bag and so I got up and they had these skewn log benches sitting around a fire pit and the fire was still going. I guess someone forgot to put out the fire that night. But I'm sitting there with and I'm just having these thoughts run through my mind and so I'm like, ok, I'm just going to put out this fire and, just, you know, go to bed. So I put out the fire and make sure that all the embers are out, but I just happened to find myself laying back on those human blocks. And if you've ever been out on the prairie in Wyoming on a cool summer night, you're looking up at the stars, the vaulted heavens are before you, and it's a very humbling experience. And then that's when the confirmation started to come, and it was more it was not like, yes, this, yes, that, yes, that.
Morgan Dastrup:It was more like, morgan, you already know these things are true. So go and do. And so, shortly after I get home from my youth conference, I go to my bishop and I say I want to start filling out the papers. But here's the catch Every roadblock was in my way, trying to get trying to do that, and it seemed like, no matter what I did, no matter what I tried to do, it was not coming to me. Other guys my age who I was in the same priest quorum with. They were getting their mission papers filled in, sent out and getting their calls, but I wasn't getting mine. And so my parents.
Morgan Dastrup:We moved out of that ward, moved into into the ward that my parents are in now. I walk up to the bishop and I tell him I'm ready to serve a mission, I want to start filling out my papers, and he's like, okay, let's get it filled out, let's get it going. Well, if I would have thought it would have been that easy, I would have done it a long time ago. But the part that I did tell you is that the bishop in the previous war was just having me do. All these things, you know, make me jump through every hoop. And every hoop I jumped through, he would set up another one. I would jump through that one, he would set up another one. So when I say roadblocks, that's what I mean. Gotcha.
Morgan Dastrup:And then, all of a sudden, no more roadblocks. And then all of a sudden, no more roadblocks. I get my mission paper sent in and I would dare say it was like two or three weeks later I get my mission call. And by this time I had already turned 19,. And I get my mission call back and I've been called to go to the Washington DC South Mission. And yeah, I mean I was like, okay, here we go, we're ready to go. But I was like, well, what's in Washington DC that would make?
Morgan Dastrup:me want to go there in the first place Because I kept hearing oh, that's the murder capital of the world.
Morgan Dastrup:You know, you're going to be in the ghettos, you're going to be dealing with all the gangs, all the violence, all the drugs and all that stuff. I'm like, good golly do I really want to. I had that confirmation. I was not about to turn back on that confirmation. I get the letter from the mission president. I write him back saying I'm coming, I'm on my way.
Morgan Dastrup:So I get to the MTC and I thrived in the MTC. I had a blast Three weeks in the MTC to learn what you needed to learn, and I was on the plane on my way. You needed to learn and I was on the plane on my way. And then I get to DC and I'm like, ah, the Lord knew what he was doing. Because I love history, I study history. I study history as a hobby. The Civil War is a big, big subject for me, and where was the civil war fought? In Virginia, and you know. Along with that I got to meet people from all walks of life, from all over the world. I met people from 93 different countries from all over the world wow and you want to talk.
Morgan Dastrup:I mean, you know people talk about the culture shock and all that of being a missionary. You know a missionary is going to foreign countries and having a culture shock. Well, the culture shock for me was I'm just this ignorant, snot-nosed kid from Backwoods, utah. I go to the seat of power that the free world is at and I'm meeting people from, I mean Iran, afghanistan, pakistan, india, japan, I mean you name it, I probably. If you name the country, I probably could say, yeah, I met people from there. But along with that, I met ambassadors, diplomats, congressmen, congresswomen, senators. I met the gambit.
Morgan Dastrup:But the best part, the best part about my mission was I got to go serve in the more country, the countryside of Northern Virginia, and I got to meet some salt of the earth people, me, some salt of the earth people, and that was something that I needed, because it opened up my eyes, because I I saw these people living in situations where their homes could fit inside my kitchen.
Morgan Dastrup:They had no running water, no indoor plumbing to speak of, but they had electricity, flat screen TVs and dish so they could watch NASCAR.
Morgan Dastrup:But in all honesty, though, I mean they had what they needed. That was what I needed to see, because when you think of America, you think you know we are a very prosperous, very forward-moving country, we are a very rich, abundant country of which we are but then you see these people living like they have been living for the past 200, 300 plus years, and I mean have been living for the past 200, 300 plus years and I'm talk about an opportunity for me to appreciate the things that I have even more, and I could not have asked for a better time. It was a difficult two years, don't get me wrong, because you go from meeting salt of the earth people who are thirsting, hungering for for something that is otherwise outside of their reach, and then you go to the most affluent zip codes in the nation, where you can see DC across the river, and I met people who rake in incomes at least $500,000 a year, if not more.
Morgan Dastrup:And there they say I have everything. What more could you offer me? You're just a 19-year-old, 20-year-old, snot-nosed kid. What do you know about life? Well, I mean, obviously you got me there. I don't know anything about life, but what I do know is this, and this is the answer to a lot of problems that you might be having and if I could have stayed there, I would have I would still be there to this day if I could have had that chance, because what the mission gave me was structured and thank God I had the mission president I had. Thank God I had the mission president I had, and because he was a former director of the FBI in Los Angeles. Wow.
Morgan Dastrup:He was the personal bodyguard to three presidents of the church and while he was on assignment with President Gordon B Hinckley. That's when President Hinckley gave him the assignment to be the mission president of the Washington DC South Mission.
Scott Brandley:Wow.
Morgan Dastrup:So I came at a very, very critical time because he gave me structure, he gave me purpose and, as a kid who has ADD, we need structure, we need to get up at a certain time, we need to do things at a certain time and it was regimented and I thrived in that environment. But, all good things must come to an end. I come home what's a kid to do? So I went right to work.
Morgan Dastrup:I tried to get my GED numerous times and that little voice in the back of your head always said you're not good enough for this you're not smart enough for that, and the devil played its tune over and over again, and so I just decided I'm just going to stick to what I know, and that is read, read, read. And so it's funny whenever I tell people that I did not graduate high school. The classic come up is well, you don't sound uneducated like, well, what, what that's that's supposed to mean? How am I supposed to sound to you?
Morgan Dastrup:yeah but it's because I chose to sit down and read books that actually mattered. And I have a, and I have a person to thank for that, and her name is Christine Brinkhurst. She's no longer with us now, but she was my English teacher when I was in eighth grade and she taught me how to read William Shakespeare in the old English and enunciate and dictate and dictate perfectly.
Morgan Dastrup:And so she taught me how. It was not so much the reading or the phonetic part, it was read with purpose and meaning. Let the book take you where you want to go, right. And so, because of her, I read all the shakespeare's completed works.
Morgan Dastrup:I've read plato, socrates, dante, I mean, you name it, I've probably read it and I said, my wife will tell you to this day if I'm not out busy doing something like working in the yard or doing something, I have my nose in a book. Now, obviously, right now all my books are packed away, so we haven't got unpacked those yet. But reading was just, was an escape, and so when I so, I just started working and reading. But then I decided, you know, I think it's time that I need to start settling down a little bit. I need to get married. I need to, you know, bring that chapter of my life into full focus. Well, there's not a lot of pickings when you're not in college, a lot of pickings when you're not, uh, not in college, or you don't have a high school diploma, or a college degree or anything like that I'm a blue, blue collar working guy.
Morgan Dastrup:I work when the sun comes up, and so I decided to go do the online dating thing. Now I can obviously tell that was a disaster in the making, but hindsight's, 2020. And so I meet this gal from Phoenix, arizona and I'm not going to mention names because that's I believe in protecting the innocence of their names. So we meet and instant head over heels. Well, we get into I mean, it was a whirlwind romance and with those come problems, and the first problems that arose were things that should not have happened. Well, being the honorable person that I am, that I was raised to be, I go to the bishop to tell him what's going on, and I had to go through a bishop's court, a disciplinary action, and I tell her that we can't get married until this is resolved. She said, well, how long will that take? I said about a year, if not more. Out, she's gone and we were engaged, and so she took the reins. She took other things, and so I was like, okay, well, I I'm not gonna let that deter me.
Morgan Dastrup:So I wait a couple of months till you know what the wounds a little bit, let salt get out of the wound, then I get online again. If you know, fool me once. Shame on you, fool me twice. Shame on you. Know, fool me twice. Shame on me. I meet my ex-wife on there and we date for about six months, a little bit longer. We get married April 24th 2009. Get married in the temple. You know everything, at least in my mind, was going great and then I started seeing, I mean obviously in myself, that I was not completely happy with how things were going and obviously, if I I wasn't happy, she sure was not. Because you know, it takes two there was not a lot of communication going on, and where there's no communication, you're not feeling validation, you're not knowing where you stand with your partner, where you stand with your partner.
Morgan Dastrup:And so I started to turn to alternative means of validation, which led me to pornography. And I mean, you would think that me reading would be an escape. Well, still read, but I was. I kind of put away the books for a little while because I found that pornography stimulated something up in here that was fulfilling a need yeah now, pornography is a very is is highly addictive drug and people don't. In today's society people don't look at pornography as a drug.
Morgan Dastrup:Because, when you think of drugs, you think of heroin, meth alcohol, marijuana. You know marijuana and fentanyl and all those things of which they are, are, they are a drug, but the, the high that I was getting, the dopamine and the serotonin that was coursing through my veins gave me the sense of oh, you know, I can, you know I feel good. But the catch to those addictions is that later on the high falls away and you're left feeling down in the dumps again mhm and you know I tried, I hid it from my ex for a while, and then things started to take a turn.
Morgan Dastrup:Now I'm not going to go into too much detail, because that's a chapter of my life that I have closed, but suffice it to say that abuse was running rampant in the marriage Verbally emotionally, mentally and at times physically, and that is something that I would never wish on anyone. But it happened and so we own it, we see it for what it is and we deal with it. And so we find out and I will, and this is a time I'll never forget either In July I believe it was the end of July, beginning of August we find out we're pregnant. Now I'm thinking to myself okay, this is a fresh start I have. You know I'm about to become a dad. This, this is a big deal. You know I'm about to become a dad. You know this, this is a big deal. And and you know any, any, any person who will tell you being a parent is a big deal.
Morgan Dastrup:it's a very scary deal yeah and I decided to, you know, put the pornography away, because I did not realize I had already become addicted, and but I, you know, again, it's that hindsight deal, you don't think about it until until it's right here in the face, and so I decided, okay, to put that away. Big deal is, changes are coming. So by mid-August we go to the hospital and I hear the heartbeat for the very first time and that stark focus. Stark focus came into play, and so that made it very real, very, very real. But at the same time I was not feeling emotionally validated.
Morgan Dastrup:And I was still thinking pornography to fill that void. And and then my ex decides to head up. We were my ex and I, we were living in saint george at the time, so she decided to that she needed to go see her mom for a little bit and I thought you know, no problem, go see your mom.
Morgan Dastrup:you and your mom need to connect on this. You know a mom, a daughter, needs her mom because she's gonna, you know, be a mom and she needs needs her mom because she's going to, you know, be a mom and she needs to have that connection. So I thought, you know, no problem, go ahead. This was over Labor Day weekend.
Morgan Dastrup:Sunday morning I get a phone call from my ex asking if she could stay an extra day and I thought to myself what harm could it do? So I said, sure, you know, stay an extra day. And I thought to myself, what harm could it, what harm could it could it do? So I said, sure, you know, stay in, stay an extra day. I'm sure you and your mom could use that time to connect. So I ended up staying at my parents' place. I go back to my apartment, our apartment, the next day, that evening actually, because I had to work that day and I think I'm robbed. The tv is gone, the dvd player is gone, a lot of stuff is gone and when you're in that mode of oh my gosh, I've been robbed, you don't?
Morgan Dastrup:you don't really process. Uh, quite right, so I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm like, so I'm on the phone, I'm calling her, but it's going straight to voicemail. I must follow her at least 12 times, all straight to voicemail. And while I'm on the phone calling her for the 13th time I guess 13 is is a magic number I look on the bookcase and there sits an envelope with my name on it and I knew immediately my heart sank. I grab it, I open it and it's listing the reasons why she's leaving and what she took. Wow.
Alisha Coakley:So can I, can I ask real quick, cause I mean and obviously you don't have to give us all the details or anything but um, were you guys still going to church and stuff when all of this was going on? Had you kind of wow?
Morgan Dastrup:No, no, we were going to church, we were going to a young married couple's ward and we were going to the temple as well. And that's the crux of the whole thing is, you know, people will always put on a facade of you know that, like even if there's turmoil at home they don't want that to show in public. So I can't speak for her, obviously, but for myself. I put on this facade of everything is happy, everything is great, everything is fine.
Morgan Dastrup:I'm going to be a dad, dad, you know, huzzah yeah, but really things were, things had fallen apart long before she, she left yeah and so when I saw that letter and I, everything went black for me and I mean I was.
Morgan Dastrup:I mean my mom will tell you I was a broken man. It was just everything that I could do just to get up in the morning and just function, if functioning was, you know, functioning like a zombie, if that's what it means. And there that part of my life is very blurred, because there was moment I I still, to this day, get moments of clarity and as to what happened during during time, but I was pretty much non-existent Mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. I was not present. I was present physically, but everything else I had checked out, and so I had moved back in with my parents. I had moved back in with my parents and I'm not even there, not even a week. There's a knock on the door and I opened the door and there stands constable serving me a protection order.
Morgan Dastrup:Really. And my mom is standing behind me and she's like what is this crap? And so she and I, in front of the gospel, start reading this thing. And my mom is living, she is lit, she is ready to throw down and you know, Alisha you're a mom, I'm sure you would.
Morgan Dastrup:You can sympathize with that, yeah, and. And so the the she, obviously the list of reasons why that protection order was being served, you know, obviously were bogus. Obviously because she felt like I was going to go up there and exact revenge and violence. I'm not a very I'm not a violent man by nature, but if I'm pushed into a corner I will come out swinging to do what I need to do, but I'm not going to go out of my way just to inflict harm or bodily harm on another person. That's not who I am, because I was raised by parents who said you never start the fight, you finish it. And so I had to go to court and luckily, thank. We had a lawyer in my mom and dad's ward who said I will take on your case, I will, you know, and he was a divorce lawyer as well.
Morgan Dastrup:So, I already had that guy in my corner. He said what we need to do is get affidavits from people who witnessed things, in case she comes down and wants to fight. He said I don't think she's going to fight, so we go to court. Guess who doesn't show up. The judge looks at me and says mr dastrup, I'm sorry that we wasted your time today. Case dismissed with prejudice. Be on your way.
Morgan Dastrup:And that's the problem that started the process of me. You know feeling anger, feeling resentment, feeling emotions I had no idea existed. And so, with that, you know trying to. You know talk, and you know she's given me updates on the pregnancy which I was not a part of. I did not get to be a part of the emotional bonding that happens with the pregnancy, right, right. So I don't exactly remember the day that I filed for divorce, but I remember that after I walked out of my lawyer's office, I called her up and said we've run our course, we back here, I'm not going back up there, we can't meet in the middle at all. Then I get. So while we're in the middle of the proceedings, march 2012 rolls around.
Morgan Dastrup:I get a phone call at one o'clock in the morning by my ex-mother-in-law saying that my ex-wife had gone into labor. And you better get up here, done. I'm there, I pack a bag, I get in my dad's car and I drove all night. I did not stop, I did not do anything. I get to the valley. I get to the valley, I get to Salt Lake. I just get into Draper. I call my mom because my parents had come up to Ogden to visit her sister, her biological sister, who lives here in Ogden. And I said my ex, she has gone into labor. And I said my ex, she has gone into labor. And after I had got done with that phone call, I got a picture. My son had arrived.
Morgan Dastrup:And so my mom and dad meet me at the hospital and soon as we walk in the door we're greeted by a social case worker. And you want to talk about a mom who's again riled up, lit and livid. That was the case. But to spare the details of negative emotions, I remember sitting in the room they wheel in my son. Details of of negative emotions. I remember sitting in the in the, in the in the room they wheel in my son, and I remember holding him in my arms. I mean, he fit, his head fit here, his butt fit here, and I and I just remember holding him like this, you know, and supporting him with my other arm. But I just remember looking down and my mom took a picture. But I'm looking at this kid and I'm thinking to myself what in the hell am I doing?
Morgan Dastrup:I'm sure that's a natural reaction for most parents, but for me this one was different, because I'm looking at him and in the back of my mind, I'm saying to myself you have no business raising this kid being in the position that you're in. What are you going to do about it? Well, obviously I could not answer that question because I was still in the throes of addiction. No matter what my parents did, I still found a wraparound to get what I needed. I had left a wave of destruction in my wake because of this addiction.
Morgan Dastrup:Every person that I had talked to, met, tried to have a relationship with, they were destroyed. And so I'm like, well, I'm not about to destroy this one, because this one will have eternal, lasting impact. And so I go, I leave the hospital that night, that day, and I'm still trying to figure out what the heck am I going to do. I have no idea how I'm going to get over this, get through this. So, because of I'm stressed out, I'm anxious and out of my mind, you know, there's the addiction it's there I was triggered.
Morgan Dastrup:So there, you don't fulfill that need. So a few months later, I would I remember and this is very, this is a very clear day for me.
Morgan Dastrup:I remember I get out of the shower and I'm getting ready for the day I'm shaving, and I happen to look at myself in the mirror, and this is a behavior that I would tell anybody to look out for. Addicts will never look at themselves in the mirror. They never will, because they don't want to see who or what they have become, because it's a reflection of who they really are. Right.
Morgan Dastrup:And so, but for some reason I'm looking at myself in the mirror making sure I don't cut myself shaven, but for some reason the gaze would not let me go. And that's when I came to the realization I had no idea who I was. I had zero recollection as to who I was. And I like to think that as to who I was, and I like to think that I know my own mind, I like to think I know who I am pretty well. I mean, we all like to think that in some form or fashion. But the realization came that I had zero idea who I was and that scared me. I mean, it scared me so bad that I remember literally dropping the razor in the sink and I had to grab the sides of the sink and I'm physically shaking because I'm so scared. And so, after a couple of days of dealing with that emotion, I had to go talk to my bishop that by this point I had gone back to the young single adult ward.
Morgan Dastrup:I was 27 when all this was starting to go down now if you want to talk about a recall stamp being put right here that's a young single adult or that will do it for you.
Morgan Dastrup:Yeah, but luckily I had a bishop that was very understanding and so he sat, we sat down and I started talking to him and I told him well, I gave it I, I vomited pretty much on his desk everything that was going on. He sat back and he's like well, brother Dastrup, what are we going to do about this? I honestly don't know. I don't know what to do. So he pulls out a piece of paper and it has addresses and times on it. I'm like Bishop, what's this? He's like these are addresses and times for the church's 12-step program. Along with that, brother Dastrup, I want you to go get help. I want you to go to therapy. I want you to go get help. I want you to go to therapy. I'm like Bishop.
Morgan Dastrup:The last thing I need to do is tell the guy you know my problems, where he can't even relate to my problems. You know the classic addict notation. You possibly can't understand what I'm going through because you're not going through it. Well, you know, that was obviously a lie, excuse me, but he said I will help pay for your first couple of sessions and then after that, you just tell him how much you can pay and we'll take. You know, take care of everything else. I sat on that piece of paper for days, weeks, because I don't, I could not bring myself to say that I needed to go here, because it was frightening to me because, I thought to myself you know when, you when, when the first thing that I came to that came to my mind was 12-step program.
Morgan Dastrup:Isn't that for Alcoholics Anonymous? Isn't that for people who do drugs. I'm not doing any drugs, or so I thought at the time. Luckily, my parents, especially my dad at this time the intuition of a parent still scares me even to this day. My dad said what do you have to lose If you go, you go, and if you don't get anything from it, you don't get anything from it.
Morgan Dastrup:You just go to a different one that will fit you. And so I was like dang it, dad, why do you have to be logical? Why do you have to be logical? Why do you have to do that? And so I decided to go, and I remember it was on Sunday night.
Morgan Dastrup:I went into the seminary building at a high school in St George and I'm thinking I'm sitting there, you know, arms folded, you know very closed off. I'm looking around, I'm seeing these guys. There's no way these guys are as bad off as I. There's there's no possible way. And boy did reality hit me in the face that night. And boy did reality hit me in the face that night. I mean, it hit me so hard that I was stunned into silence that night. And so the moderator was sitting at the head of the room and it went around and I'm hearing these stories of these guys. Some are younger than me, some are older than me, some are divorced, some are still married, and, you know, trying to patch things up. And then it got to what do I say?
Morgan Dastrup:But what's crazy about that is I found myself talking about what was going on and back in my mind I'm like Morty, shut up, you don't know these guys what are?
Alisha Coakley:you doing.
Morgan Dastrup:These are complete strangers. They're going to judge you. So shut up, stop talking. But I couldn't stop talking and then, all of a sudden, I stopped talking and I moved on, and so I'm sitting there, I'm thinking to myself what just happened? What the heck, was that all about? But at the same time it was liberating.
Morgan Dastrup:And anybody who tells you when they go to a 12-step program meeting it is frightening because you're being I like to describe it as walking into the cafeteria butt naked for all the world to see. Now, obviously that's metaphorical, but still it's that feeling of insecurity. You're like, what am I doing? Why am I talking? Because you're bearing your soul out, you're getting things out, you're spewing. But then I was like, okay, you know, that was just one meeting, but I kept finding myself going back. It was like the spirit of the Lord was dragging, kicking and screaming to these meetings and kicking and screaming to my therapy sessions. And thank heavens I had the therapist I had, because he was able to connect with me in such a way that all he did was say go and sit back and just listen. And that's something that I needed at that time. I needed someone to just listen. And I was doing that on and off for about three to four years three to four years and that was a very hard time, very therapeutic time.
Morgan Dastrup:So I'm in, I'm still going to church. I hadn't gone to the temple yet because I didn't, I felt like I wasn't ready for that, I felt like I wasn't worthy for that, but I'm. But while I'm going to the Young and Single adult ward, I met a girl, and this girl saved my life and I owe her everything for this, because she taught me how to come out and trust again.
Morgan Dastrup:And I'm not going to mention her name, but I owe her everything. I mean literally everything. We were together for two years. Wow. And because we met in St George and we ended up working together at a clothing store in St George.
Speaker 4:And then she decided to move up to Salt Lake and I chased after her.
Morgan Dastrup:But that was the blessing in disguise as well, because it gave me the opportunity to be closer to my son, who was in diapers at the time. He was probably one, maybe two years old at the time and that was something that I needed to have happen. But again, when you leave your safety net, when you leave your sport system and you try to go and venture out on your own, you start to feel those old demons come back again, and I tried to swear that as much as I possibly could, but old habits, as they say, die hard.
Morgan Dastrup:Yeah, and the relationship that I have with this girl. It fell apart and we were engaged as well, and so she. It just got to a point where I was using manipulation to get what I needed. I was not exactly, shall we say, the best person to be around during that time and I own that I fully take. I take full responsibility for that. Own that I fully take, I take full responsibility for that. And so she I was living, I was, I was roommate, I was living with her best friend and her husband at the time, and so she gave me back the ring, we broke it off. I had to find another place to be, and that's I know. I had relapsed a few times and and I did not know where there was a support group up in Salt Lake, at where I was living at the time, and so I know I relapsed. But again, that's part of my life. That is very, that's very fuzzy. I don't have full memory recall of that part of my life because of you know everything that was going on but.
Morgan Dastrup:I know every last that part I do know. And so I'm working at a factory down in midvale, of all places. I'm commuting from downtown salt lake to midvale and my dad gives me a call and says I'm coming up to visit just to see how you're doing. Well, he gets there, he sees how I'm doing, he gets on the phone with my mom, says I'm bringing him home he needs to come home and my mom's like don't bring him home, I don't need that here, I don't need that. I don't need that stress here.
Morgan Dastrup:But my dad's like he needs to come home. He's in a very, very bad way. So my dad helps me pack up my truck, pack some stuff in his car Back to St George. We go and I'm in communication with my ex at this time to honor what's going on. And so by that point we had started doing the every other weekend deal and thank heavens for my dad's intuition to bring me home, because it was there that I started back on the track again.
Morgan Dastrup:I started going back to therapy, I started going back to the 12-step program and started going back to the temple, started going back to church because it was there during those times that, back to the temple. I started going back to church Because it was there during those times that you know, you think to yourself I'm alone in this. I feel alone. I don't know who to count on. But my Heavenly Father was looking out for me. He put people in my path. The girl that I dated for two years was one of those people. He put her in my path to show me you know, hey, I'm looking out for you. And then I I was going to another therapist and going back to the 12 step and this therapist's name, you know, know.
Morgan Dastrup:And I gotta say his name because it's funny his name was dr phil, and so when I, when I, when my bishop told me about him, I was like are you kidding me?
Morgan Dastrup:that can't be right sure enough they're, they're just business card, dr Bell. And so he was another one of those therapists that just talked, just talked, and I talked Probably more than I really should have. But when you're in that frame of mind, you really you're just a word vomit machine. You're just getting everything out, and I'm glad that that happened, because that was coming father's way of saying okay, it's time to let go.
Morgan Dastrup:Let it go, not to bring them frozen, but that's the only thing that comes to mind. That movie, but whatever. And so again, you know, I started dating again and my dad again. To his credit, he sat me down one day and said you need to stop dating and just learn to love you yeah because how can you love someone if you don't love yourself? Right I'm like, thanks, dad. Way to kill my groove here, dad, but he was right, he was absolutely right. I needed to figure this out before I could figure everything else out.
Morgan Dastrup:And while I was doing that, I was being a dad. I was able to, you know, get my son every other weekend we make, you know, my ex-wife and I we co-parent. We were able to get that figured out and make it work. I mean, it wasn't always easy, because I remember one day my ex was feeling rather salty toward me for what I don't know. But this is where I learned to really stand up for myself and I looked her in the eye one day. I said look, I don't care how you feel about me. What happened to us in the past is in the past, but you will give me the respect that is mine because I am his father and I am a person of worth and someone who is worth, who is worth loving. If you can't jive with that, that's on you. And after I got back in my truck I played that back again. I'm like, wow, where, where did that come from?
Morgan Dastrup:yeah because I had never, ever said that about myself to anybody. But then I realized therapy is working because I could say what I need to say and not feel guilty about it and talk about a liberating feeling because now I am able to speak and actually be okay with it. Yeah.
Morgan Dastrup:And while I'm going through this process, heavenly Father is putting things in my way and I started reading again. I started to read books, not necessarily self I don't like to call them self-help books but just for hyperbole. That's what they were. One book came to mind, one book that came to my way. It was called Wild at Heart by Pastor John Eldridge, and this book gave me and I hate to use the term that this book gave me permission, but it really did. It gave me permission, but it really did. It gave me permission to be a man again.
Morgan Dastrup:It taught me that God created men and women for specific roles, and the man's role in this world is to be a hunter, a gatherer, a provider and to be a violent creature. Now, I know that term sounds obtuse, but I'll explain that.
Morgan Dastrup:Men are inherently violent creatures and we have, we need to move, we need to express our bodily function in a very violent manner. That's why we roughhouse, that's why we wrestle, that's why we fight, because that's what we do, that's our makeup, that's how God created us. But society will tell you that boys need, don't need to do, they should do that, they should fit square box, round hole. And we boys are not designed to be that way and so and that is book that I would highly recommend Get Wild at Heart by John Huffridge, and again it gave me permission to be okay, I'm a man, I can be this Because that's how God designed me. Another book that came into my life was Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, and that is a fantastic read for anybody. I highly recommend that book because it gave me a perspective that basically says that we could choose to be happy. Or we could choose to be happy or we could choose to be angry Right.
Morgan Dastrup:This coming from a guy who survived Auschwitz. Yes, I mean I. Of all the places in the world to find God is Auschwitz. Yeah.
Morgan Dastrup:I mean you kidding me, but that was one of those books that really came into, came to start focus in my life. And while I'm reading this one, I'm reading the scriptures as well, and at the same time I'm reading another book by Jeffrey R Holman, called For Times of Trouble, for times of trouble, and in the back of the book, on the back cover, was a DVD of a fireside that he was, that he had hosted. So I'm like you know, I need something to watch. So let's watch it. You know, I like, I like Holland, I like, I like some of the stuff he has to say.
Morgan Dastrup:Little did I know. I grabbed a pen and notebook and I'm taking notes on everything that he's saying. And then he said something that has forever stuck with me. He's talking to a young lady and he's and she told him uh, you know her a little bit of her story that she had been dealing with some things in life that were very, you know, existentially, you know, critical. And elder Holland looks at her and in his eloquent way that elder home president holland has, he says that man's extremity is god's opportunity. So I, I, literally, after he said that, I stopped writing, I sat back and paused the video and I thought on that over and, over and over again Man's extremity is God's opportunity happened, where the spirit basically said you know, that addiction thing you were dealing, you've been dealing with. That's God's opportunity to teach you a lesson.
Morgan Dastrup:Yeah, and I remember I started sobbing and begin emotional, still thinking about it to this day, because I had been through so much extremity at that time and I've kept saying, oh, what was me? Why me, why is this happening to me? Why did I have to deal with a divorce? Why did I have to deal with a divorce? Why did I have to deal with abuse? Why this, why that, why, why, why? Then it led me and I've got my scriptures here it led me to read and joke Because we read, you know, because, joseph.
Morgan Dastrup:Smith asked the same question while he was in liberty. Jail yeah, how long? You know why? Why? Why is this happening? In that sweet answer that only our heavenly father could give and I've committed this one to memory because this one has shaped my life as well he said my peace be unto thy soul. Thine afflictions and thine adversity shall be but a small moment, and if thou endure well, god shall exalt thee on high. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hear thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands. It's the next line that says Thou art not yet as joe, and, and so I grabbed.
Alisha Coakley:I grabbed my scriptures immediately and I you know, I kind of had an idea of what joe was all about.
Morgan Dastrup:But I didn't really know, and so I go to job. Chapter 40, verses 7 through 10, and they read gird up thy loins now, like a man. I'll demand of thee, declare thou unto me what thou also, this and all my judgment. Well, thou condemn me that thou mayest be righteous. Hast thou an arm like god, or cast out thunder with a voice like him? It's this last bursting was the gut punch for me. Deck thyself now with majesty and excellency and array thyself with glory and beauty like laid it on a little bit thick there.
Morgan Dastrup:Tell me father okay, see what you're doing here, See what you're doing here. And then that next verse led me to read what was going on in Jonah. So we all know the story of Jonah. You know he goes to Nineveh, you know he's called to go to Nineveh. He's like hey, I'm going this way.
Morgan Dastrup:Well, obviously he gets thrown into the sea, swallowed up by the fish, goes to Nineveh and Nineveh repents. But it's the last part that we don't talk about. So we see Jonah sitting on the side of a hill under a lean-to and the sun is beating down on his bald head and he's looking at Nineveh, waiting for Nineveh to be destroyed by God. And God comes down and says Jonah, what the heck dude? Why are you so? What are you so mad about? They did as you asked. They did as I commanded. You know Jonah's like, but I want you to destroy the city. This is, you said you would. He's like. Well, should I not have spared Nineveh? And the should I have not spared Nineveh part is what really drove the point home, Because I had thought that there's no reason why I should be spared.
Morgan Dastrup:But God asked the question and I put my name in there Should I not have spared Morgan? And yeah, yeah, wow is exactly right and so. But then that started having me go and read the Psalms, and I'm still in the middle of studying the Psalms, but the Psalms have become a thing of solace for me and thank heavens to this. I mean. When you read the Psalms, you think to yourself man, david, stop. Yeah, you messed up. You messed up pretty bad. You know Bathsheba and standing on the rooftop and you know sending her husband out to the front line, yeah, yeah you pretty messed up, dude.
Morgan Dastrup:But you know, stop feeling. You know own it, move forward. So why are you feeling so down on yourself? But I had that mindset. But I did not realize that the Psalms was David's way of paying penance, saying God, I know what I did was wrong, I am a wretched man, accept my offerings of repentance. And that's when I was like accept my offerings of repentance. And that's when I was like okay, god, can you accept me for where I am now, and thank heavens he has accepted me. Then enter stage. Left my current wife, because by this point I had been going to the mid-single adult ward for ages, uh, 31 to 45 I had aged out of the ysa ward and I had been going there for three years and we hadn't known about each other.
Morgan Dastrup:And then one day it was my birthday, and for me my birthday is just another day. Another year old would be. But she wished me a happy birthday to my face and I thought you know big deal.
Morgan Dastrup:But as she's walking away, that little voice in the back of my head said go talk to her, go ask her out. No, no, I've been there, I don't want to do that again. Go talk to her. So I asked her out that you know. Talk to her and ask her out on a date. Much to my surprise, he said yes, but again, it's just when you're in a position where the spirit will work with you, great things come about and I can say thankfully, to this day I've been sober.
Morgan Dastrup:I have a great relationship with my parents. I have a great relationship with my wife. Has it been a bed of roses?
Morgan Dastrup:No, but it's been worth it but most importantly, most importantly, I have an awesome relationship with my heavenly father and with myself. Because I am, I can be able to look at myself in the mirror and go. You know you got some things to work on, but you're, you're okay. You're not as bad off on, but you're, you're okay, you're not as bad off as you think you are. Yeah, you're okay, so I guess that's my story really. I mean, the rest of the chapters are not yet written. So, as is what everybody else's like, chapters are not yet written.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, man, that is like a roller coaster. I, you know, I think about it and I think about like how many times and just in my own life where I've gotten down on the things I just can't seem to get through you know what I mean like I just can't seem to put this addiction away, or I can't seem to get this. You know this thing right in my life. I just keep messing it up over and over again and and it gets, it gets so exhausting, you know, and so I'm, I'm curious, like how, how do you keep going? You know, like how you said, like you're, you're at a point where you feel good right now, but you also know that you still have some things that you're trying to work through and you still want to grow and you still want to progress. So how do you, how do you, I guess, um, keep the faith in in those times when you're just like, oh, I did it again, or I can't get this right.
Morgan Dastrup:Well, for me, I always go back Um. Another great book that came into my life was Rules for Life An Antidote to Chaos, by Dr Jordan B Peterson, and that book really was a paradigm shift for me, because in that book he talks about when Jesus tells his disciples to take up their cross and follow me. You know, yeah, we always think about. Yeah, carry the cross. You know I'm walking through.
Morgan Dastrup:But no, it's a lot deeper than that when Christ tells us to pick up our cross and follow him. And the next verse after that is know, my yoke is easy, my burden is light. But here's the thing, and this is what helps me maintain the faith God Jesus will not take the problem away from you, but he will help you carry you through the problem. He's not going to take it away because you need that as a learning experience, but he will help you carry that load, even when you feel like you're going through it by yourself.
Morgan Dastrup:And another reason and another part of how I've been able to keep the faith, how I've been able to keep moving forward, is I have surrounded myself with people who will hold me accountable. My wife, a great example of a person who will hold me accountable. My parents hold me accountable. My brothers hold me accountable. My sister-in-laws hold me accountable.
Morgan Dastrup:My friends, devin being one of those guys, will hold me accountable when I need it but, ultimately, I have to hold myself accountable because if I don't, then I will fall back into old habits. And I've ridden that roller coaster, I've got the T-shirt, I'm done with that. It's boring. But back to your point. Yes, it is exhausting. It is exhausting because we, as human beings, do not like change. We despise change. We like to have, do not like change, we despise change. We like to have things thus and so, and if anything disrupts that thus and so, chaos ensues. And we don't. But unless we are given the tools and accept, okay, change comes. So how can I use this change to the most and the best, to my advantage and the way I've been able to use change to my advantage?
Morgan Dastrup:I still struggle with change. I am, again, an ADD person. We like things regimented thus and so, but when change does come, I am able to take a step back. You know I should do this more because my wife has pointed that out to me. I need to step back and say, hey, what's going on, pull people in and ask questions, hey, how can we deal with this, how can we move forward in this? But yeah, it's keeping the faith. Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable and just accept and embrace the change that comes.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, what about communication? I think that kind of goes along with that accountability right, you've got to be open and honest and be able to talk. Yeah.
Morgan Dastrup:Yeah, be able to talk, yeah, yeah. But you know, guys, men especially, we are conditioned and trained to to say you know, I got this, I can plow through this, I, you know I'm a guy, I, I'm, I gotta do this, but that's the lie, that's the the great lie. Yeah totally Men, as much as we are not wired to be in that frame of mind, as much as women are. Women are great communicators.
Alisha Coakley:Sometimes. Sometimes they are, but sometimes we're not very good at that.
Morgan Dastrup:But my wife is a great communicator. She communicates in ways I can't and I am striving to keep up with her. But yes, you are right, guy, it's about communication, being able to be in a place where open, honest communication can thrive. And allowing for that to happen. You have to create an environment where it's A safe, b it's open and honest, and C where, if you don't come to a consensus, you put it aside and revisit it at a different time with a different perspective.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, one of the things I love about the 12-step program, because I went a couple times with when I was a bishop. I would go with some of the people that were struggling and I loved the open communication and I mean it's crazy, but I felt the spirit there so strong. Oh, yeah, you know.
Morgan Dastrup:But the problem I will say this as a caveat as great and as inspired as the 12-step program is and it is an inspired program what I found, and why I don't attend them anymore, is because too many people use it as a crutch. They used it as a crutch. They would always talk about the problem, never the solutions. And I got to a point where I was like guys, and we are not supposed to cross talk or anything like that, but I broke a cardinal rule because I felt like it needed to happen. I said, fellas, if we do not talk about the solutions, we are always going to talk about the problems. We will never progress. So let's talk about the solution and I think that's a part of the communication that needs to happen is what are the solutions? And let's find the solution and let's move forward, not focus on the problem.
Alisha Coakley:You know, I really need to be addressed.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, I really love that because you know, when I am in a little bit different situation, you know it wasn't it wasn't the 12 step program, but, um, after I lost my brother, I went to a grief group and at first it was just really overwhelming and it was so hard for me to talk about what happened and um, and then it kind of got to the point where, like, okay, like I was getting a little more used to it and then I can talk about it. And it did get to that point, like you said, where it felt like, well, I don't want to keep talking about it, I want to know how do I move forward? Like I can't change anything that happens. So what do I do next? And I actually got really mad. I got really mad, so I tried to change everything in grief group and I'm like, no, we need to have all these solutions and we need to do this. And then I realized, probably about a year after I had tried to like get in there and make everything perfect, was that grief group was the first step. Right, it was the first thing. It was I I needed that to get to the point where I was tired of reliving the trauma, and then I could go, and I could go find the resources for the next step and the next step and the next step.
Alisha Coakley:And I think that's the way that heavenly father works with us. Right, like he, he really does give us that, you know, milk before meat type of thing. Right, when we're ready, he will keep introducing the little things, the little things, the little things. He's not going to ask us to go change everything all at once in this big, huge, grand gesture. Oftentimes it's going to be like, hey, let's first start here. Right, like, let's, let's just go to church, even if you have your addictions that you're struggling with and you have a horrible relationship that you're trying to keep secret right now and you're not the type of person that you're portraying to everyone else, let's just go to church. Right, like, let's just go, and then later on it can, it can be something else, you know, and to where. Even now, you know you have therapy and stuff, but you're going out and you're seeking those other books. Right, you're still looking to educate yourself and to learn and to grow, and so I, I, I totally agree with you that, yes, it can be so frustrating sometimes going to those meetings because we just want the solution.
Alisha Coakley:But there is something, I think magical, that happens because of the way that we're designed, where sometimes we we need to start little, even if it feels like it's not really doing much at all, you know, cause it gives us that place to be open. It gives us, like Scott was saying he felt the spirit there and so, like, maybe that's the place where the people feel the spirit more than when they're sitting in sacrament meeting or something, because they're constantly in their head thinking about how everybody else is going to know Right. So I, I totally, I agree with you. I agree with you. It is, it is, it is so frustrating being in that situation.
Alisha Coakley:But also, I think it's a really vital step for a lot of people to you know, to be open to, whether it's 12 step or grief group, or just talking to your Bishop, or or admitting that you have a problem to, like we you were saying one of your bishop. Or or admitting that you have a problem too, like we, you were saying one of your friends or family members, someone who's going to keep you accountable. You know, I think, um for sure, the best thing that I've ever done was to vocalize what it is that I needed to change. You know, like you start with that and then you keep trying to figure it out and it is exhausting. I still I have me, I try everything. I mean my husband, he's just like, yeah, you're gonna do that. Okay, well, have fun, have fun with that type of therapy, have fun with that type of work. Happen, you know, but. But it's that's what we're here for right To learn, to grow to progress.
Scott Brandley:Just a work in progress, Alisha. Yeah, I just got a lot of work to do.
Scott Brandley:A real work in progress. Well, morgan, I appreciate you sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of courage, honestly, to get on a podcast and talk about addiction, on a podcast and talk about addiction, but I think that it is. I mean it not only can it help you as a person to be able to share your story publicly I think that helps you but also, like it, gives other people hope and courage that if they're going through something like this, they can get through it, and that's a big deal. And so I appreciate you having the courage to do it.
Alisha Coakley:I agree.
Scott Brandley:You know well. Is there any any final thoughts you might have? Well.
Morgan Dastrup:I was just going to say that, yeah, I figured that and, I'll be honest, I was nervous to even do this, but I felt like I needed to do this because I know that there are many people who are, and have been, in my situation, who don't know how to vocalize like you were saying, Alisha how to vocalize the frustrations that they have, and so I understand that this is going to be out in the world now and anybody can find it and all that.
Morgan Dastrup:But I guess the big takeaway that I want people to take away, not just from my story, is that no matter what happens in life, no matter how bad you think you are off.
Morgan Dastrup:God will always provide a way for you to come out on the other side. Yeah, because ultimately, we are engraved in upon the palms of our Savior. He took every lash, every beating, everything for us, and I trembled to think that, while he was in the garden, how many drops of blood were spilled on my account. That's something that I can't even begin to fathom. That's something that I can't even begin to fathom, but I am nonetheless very thankful that he decided to take on that challenge and to give me the opportunity, and all of us to give us that opportunity to be able to be okay with who we are and ultimately recognize that we are his greatest creation, of all the creations. We are his greatest, and that should give us comfort.
Alisha Coakley:I agree, wow. Well, thank you so much, morgan. I think that was beautifully said and I think that's like the perfect way to end your episode today. I really, really love that. I want to also thank you for coming on here, for sharing your story, and thank all of our listeners for tuning in. You know, guys, we say it every week we love hearing these stories, we love providing a platform for light to be shared. We know that, truly like when we say every member of the church has a story to share, we mean it. Every single member of the church, no matter where you are in your testimony, no matter where you are in your personal life or your struggles, your weaknesses, your strengths, whatever it is, we know that there are stories out there that really can do good and be a light to the world and we really, really, really would love to encourage you to reach out to us and share those stories with us. You know, find out if you can be a guest on the show even if you're nervous, you can do a scared, it's okay.
Alisha Coakley:We're not that scary, um, but we, we would just really appreciate everyone tuning in and listening and we're going to ask that you guys do your five second missionary work. Please hit that share button. Let's get Morgan's episode out to everyone and see if we can. You know, continue to spread some light.
Scott Brandley:Yeah Well, thanks again, morgan for being on the show.
Morgan Dastrup:We really appreciate it, and it's my pleasure.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, thanks everyone again for being on the show, and we will talk to you again next week with another episode. Till then, take care. See you then. Bye Bye, bye, bye.
