A DNA Test Unveils a 57 Year-Old Family Secret: Randy Lindsay's Story - Latter-Day Lights

What if you woke up one day to discover that you weren't who you thought you were?

In this weeks episode, Randy Lindsay shares the story of how a simple DNA test uncovered a 57 year-old family secret that rocked him to his core - the man he thought was his father his entire life wasn't his biological dad.

Join us as Randy recounts his emotional journey of reconnecting with his newly discovered extended family, tender revelations, forgiveness, and love.

*** Please SHARE Randy's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/3PE99LSN-qs

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To READ Randy's book "The Milkman's Son", go to (direct link): https://www.milkmanssonbook.com

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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.

Transcript

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Uncovering a 57-Year-Old Secret

Scott Brandley 0:00

Hi everyone , I'm Scott Branley .

Alisha Coakley 0:02

And I'm Alisha Coakley . Every member of the church has a story to share , one that can instill faith , invite growth and inspire others .

Scott Brandley 0:10

On today's episode , we're going to hear how uncovering a 57-year-old secret led one man to find the true meaning of family . Welcome to Latter-day Lights . Hey everyone , welcome to another edition of Latter-day Lights . We're so glad that you're here with us today and we're really excited to introduce our guest with you , Randy Lindsay . Randy , how are you doing today ?

Randy Lindsay 0:41

I am doing well , thank you .

Alisha Coakley 0:44

Great , perfect . So for those wondering how Randy came to be on the show he actually had . Well , one of his friends reached out to us and she was like her name's Daylyn , and she was like you guys have to have Randy on the show . He has this incredible story and he wrote this book about it , and so I looked him up and did a little research and I was like , oh my gosh , this would be amazing . So I don't want to spoil too much at all about the book or his story that he's going to be sharing with us , but I do want to ask you , randy , you're kind of a pro now at doing podcasts and sharing your story through this type of I guess platform . Is that right ?

Randy Lindsay 1:33

That's correct . Yes , yeah .

Randy Lindsay 1:37

As a writer . When I first started writing about 10 years ago , when it was first published , I was really serious about I want to succeed , I want to get out there . I want people to read my books unlike I'm an enjoyment and be able to have an effect on the world . And I did realize that if I'm going to do that , I need to be able to go out , meet the public , get comfortable with talking to people . So I've done classes on writing . I've done classes on writing memoirs . I mean , since I've done the Milkman's Son , that's been more popular is to have become and talk about writing memoirs and and such . So right and interviews and being on lovely shows like this right , I get a lot of experience .

Alisha Coakley 2:21

Very cool . So you'll have to , you know , probably teach Scott and I , because we're only a year into it . We're pretty new . You have to give us some pointers . No , that would be great .

Randy Lindsay 2:33

They're doing fine already .

Alisha Coakley 2:34

Oh well , thank you . Well , we're excited . We're excited to get to know more about you and your story .

Scott Brandley 2:40

Yeah , it's interesting . I didn't realize this until we got on just a few minutes ago , but your book was actually won an award at the LDS PMA when we were there and I remember hearing the name , but I didn't know it was you that wrote it , so that was pretty cool that it's kind of come full circle there .

Alisha Coakley 2:59

Yeah , yeah .

Scott Brandley 3:02

So , so tell us a little bit about your book and a little bit about yourself , Randy .

Randy Lindsay 3:05

Oh , I want to talk about that award in just a minute . So , oh , okay , so it's the two of you . Before we got started . Yeah , I had them . They announced that award . I had never been to the LDS PMA conference before I was , so I was really surprised . I'm just out there , I'm enjoying my lunch and there's my name and I what , and so I go up there and I accept the award and I was really grateful for it . And then I walked off the steep end of the platform and nearly face planted . So I'm like , yeah , that's great . That's really going to inspire a lot of confidence in everyone to like we want Randy to come out and talk or write another book .

Alisha Coakley 3:46

Okay , okay , I didn't face plan , though , yeah .

Randy Lindsay 3:53

You and me both . But yeah , I live out here in Phoenix . I'm in Mason now , but you know , most of my life I've been in Phoenix in about 12 years ago I decided I wanted to write . You know , it's that classic story . You pick up a book and you're reading it and you're like I could write a better story than that . And so I started and mine wasn't . It was really horrible . But I really enjoyed writing and so I kept writing and so that's kind of what I do now I write . So that's that's my life .

Randy Lindsay 4:33

My wife and I had an agreement . We had adopted two children and we kind of wanted one of us to be home so the kids could have more parent time . And so we're like , which , whichever one of us gets a , we're both unemployed at the time . Whichever one of us gets the better job , they'll work . The other parent will stay home and she got the better job . So I stay home and I write and I take . I used to take care of the kids . They're all big now so I don't do that anymore . So that's kind of that's kind of my situation , my wife and I , yeah , I was going to say how many kids you guys got nine .

Alisha Coakley 5:10

Yeah , yeah .

Randy Lindsay 5:12

Well , we call it yours , mine , ours and theirs , because we both have children from our first marriage , then we have children together and then we adopted the two . So we are a very blended family .

Alisha Coakley 5:26

Well , if you haven't written that book yet , that's a fabulous title that might be your next project Yours , mine , ours and theirs . Yeah , oh man , that's . That's phenomenal Awesome . Well , that is fantastic . So how long have you been writing for ?

Randy Lindsay 5:48

I probably started about , I'd say , like 18 years , and I mean , that's when I wrote that really horrible story that I was sure is going to be better than the one I read , and that started the process . So there was a lot of learning . So there was a lot of like , okay , I like this , I really want to continue to do this . So I picked up a ton of books , read a ton of books , attended community college for the creative writing courses , right and then , probably about 2012 , I actually started writing . So I started on my first book and I was . I really loved the process and I've been doing that since then . I was first published in 2013 . So Cedar Fort published series of sorry , not a series , the first in the series . I'm just finishing up book five right now , but that book is about the events leading up to the end of the world from an LDS point of view , and so , yeah , speculative fiction .

Alisha Coakley 6:54

What is that called ? Because I'm going to want to read it now the Gathering , the Gathering , okay .

Randy Lindsay 7:00

So book five they're formatting it now and I'll be putting it out . It'll be available on Amazon probably in a couple of weeks .

Alisha Coakley 7:09

Oh nice . I'm just writing my first book . Scott's written a couple of books already , different genre than what his recent one is , but my first book has some leeway into that whole apocalyptic second coming and stuff . It's funny . It's harder , I think , writing about things that you don't know for sure how it's going to go down and having to create it Because you have that whole like poll to like . Oh .

Alisha Coakley 7:40

I just I don't want to be wrong . I'm writing about something that I know is going to happen and it's going to be true , but I just thought I don't really know how it's going to all happen .

Randy Lindsay 7:48

So it's I am struggling with it . That's my speculative fiction , right ? I mean , you're just speculating on what it is . Now , for me , what's been kind of odd is I've got a lot of fans who have really enjoyed the series so far and they're like that's spooky . You really nailed a lot of that stuff back . That's already happened now . I mean , I talked about the Russians taking over the pipeline and yeah , there's a lot of stuff . I'm just at this point I'm just kind of hoping that I am wrong . I'm kind of like the opposite direction of you , like no , please , I don't want to make work to come through .

Alisha Coakley 8:24

Oh man , you might have manifested it , Randy .

Randy Lindsay 8:28

And if that happens they're like it's Randy's fault . He I want to write about it and I don't blame people .

Scott Brandley 8:35

Every time something comes true , you're like , oh crap .

Randy Lindsay 8:38

Dang it . And then I also get people and they're like oh my God , randy , your stories are really scary because they're about normal people . So in this series I don't talk about superhero characters and a lot of these books right , you've just got someone and they can do everything . No , no , these are just normal people , a regular family , right , they do regular things and God sometimes comes in and protects them with miracles and everything . But by putting that in a family , I mean just regular people . Then it gets scary because then people are like that could be me . And now , of course , that was the whole point for me to write that and for people to be thinking that could be me .

Alisha Coakley 9:21

Yeah , Wow , interesting . I'm going to have to look into them and go look at the gap .

Scott Brandley 9:27

Umm the book we're going to talk about today , the Milkman Son . What book was that in your journey ?

Randy Lindsay 9:37

Umm, it was . I've had one since then . So Book Four and the Gathering came out , and then getting ready to do Book Five , and so the Milk man Son was the one prior to that and it was not one that I had planned to write . I have a friend , a writing friend , and she's like you have to write that . And I'm like , oh my goodness , no one wants to read about me . And she's like , no , no , no , it's not about you , it's about the situation , which is that people take DNA tests and then , surprise , you find out that there's family you didn't know that you were related to , and people are gonna be looking for I don't know some answers , some thoughts , because they're in the same situation .

Randy Lindsay 10:21

I mean , maybe how should they react ? Not that I try to tell anyone how to react . I mean I just wrote about my experience just so people don't feel like they're alone on this journey . I mean a lot of people . This happens a lot . In fact , when the book came out , I attended RootsTech and I attended a lot of book signings and events and I'd have people come up and like , yeah , that happened to me too , or that happened to , and they'll name a relative or a friend , right ? I would say about 80% of the people I talked to they had someone . Either it happened to them or they had someone they knew very well , and it happened to those people . So it's a very common event .

Alisha Coakley 11:08

Well , with that , I think that's a really good segue into your story . Do you wanna kind of tell us where did this all start ?

Randy Lindsay 11:18

Well , there's two ways that I could tell that , and the first is I could just like start way back when I was little , and that's not the right way to do a memoir . So I'm gonna practice what I preach and I'm gonna talk about an event that kind of changed , kind of set everything in motion .

Discovering Biological Family Through DNA Test

Randy Lindsay 11:36

So I went out to visit my dad . It's a fairly long trip so I don't go visit him very often because it takes a while to get out there .

Randy Lindsay 11:45

Then I had smaller kids who wanna sit in a car for an hour , so we go out there and we're doing all of our normal visiting and everything , and then my dad he goes . I've been having dreams and immediately I'm like what ? I mean ? I know everyone has dreams , but my dad's okay . So my dad is like John Wayne . Think of John Wayne in the cowboy movies playing a Marine . My dad is a cowboy , he was a Marine . He looks like John Wayne a bit right . So he's like the real deal . So you can imagine that we don't have conversations about son . I had a dream .

Scott Brandley 12:24

Right .

Randy Lindsay 12:25

I'm like , okay , what was in your dream ? And he said I see the faces of people and they come up to me and then I know that these are my ancestors , my dead ancestors . I'm like , okay , so this is definitely not something that my dad talks about . He's not a person that is accustomed to having visions or visitations by spirits on the other side of the veil , so this was very strange for me . I'm like , okay , and what do they say ? And he's like they don't say anything . I just know that they want me to do the family history research . Like , oh well , good luck with that . He's like , no , you're gonna do it .

Randy Lindsay 13:11

I'm like I'm not having dreams .

Scott Brandley 13:15

That's all I was gonna say .

Randy Lindsay 13:16

They didn't come to you , they came to me they came to you , you're like I don't know computers , so you're gonna do it . And that was it . That's all he said . So I started doing family history research and I very quickly learned to love it . I mean , especially years ago there was a lot more looking through a lot of documents searching for that clue that might lead you to the next ancestor farther back in time . It's not like today you get on an ancestor and they've got tons of suggestions and it takes very little working in detective work . But back then I felt like a treasure hunter , going out on a great quest right , and every time I found a name I was like , yes , I scored , I scored another name . So I did get into family history and I'm the only one in the family that does family research . So there was a lot of work to do and I rested on me to do it and so I went back . And so the Lindsay's I can go as far back as 1800 , William the immigrant Lindsay and obviously that's not as real name , that's just what I call him , cause he's the one that comes over to the States and settles down in Ohio . I can't go farther back than that . I think he was born 1800 , because that's what it says on the census rating . But who really knows ? There's not a birth record . And the thing about Northern Ireland if any of your people are any of the listeners are researchers they know that if you're a Protestant in Ireland there's really no records because the Protestants and the Catholics they don't get along . They don't get along today , so they haven't got along for a really really long time and so it's pretty much impossible to find any records and so it's just it's kind of dead in there .

Randy Lindsay 15:10

And I moved on and I continued to research and the other family lines and then I finally , like you know what I'm going to take one of these DNA tests and that will help me , cause what will happen is then I'll find other matches and I'll find other matches who have lenses in their name and I'll know that they're related to me and that will help the research . So I'm like that is a great idea . So I take the test and I send it in and I wait and I wait and I wait and finally I get the results back and I get on there and I look at all the matches and so I see match after match that I can tell us from my mom's side . I mean cause I've done the history , so I know , I know the family names and everything . And then I have all these people . I have no idea who they are . I'm like I don't recognize any name anywhere and I'm like this has got to be wrong . And so I sent off a terse email to Ancestry saying you guys messed up my test , you guys got to do something , you got to go find my right test , cause this isn't right . And they're like no , we don't make those mistakes . So I'm like , okay , and I'm checking , and I'm checking and I think you know I come up with this theory .

Randy Lindsay 16:24

My grandfather was a traveling salesman . I'm like I think my dad has extra siblings , that's probably what it is . And so I went with that theory for a while until I got an email . So I got an email and from Tammy , and Tammy's like well , what do you think about it ? Like I think it's probably my dad , and so it probably means that you're my cousin .

Randy Lindsay 16:49

And she's like did you really pay attention to the score ? Like well , yeah , it said close relative . Yeah , it said close relative or sibling . And I'm like , no , no , no , you're crazy , we are not . We are not siblings . And so for a long time I called her the crazy lady , and I still call her the crazy lady , but for different reasons now . And so it was a shock . I mean , I thought about it and I thought about it and I was like how no , that can't be . I looked up the information , sure enough . That is what it says is it's a half sibling close relative or a half sibling , based on how many centimorgans of the DNA match right . So that range , that number , puts you in the half sibling or a close relative .

Scott Brandley 17:47

So , Randy , was this Tammy lady ? She was one of the people in your test that said you were related to . It was a match .

Randy Lindsay 17:57

Right , it was one of my matches . It's my close match because no one on my side , none of my family I know well , has taken the test . So it is the closest match I have to anyone out there . Got it , got it and yeah . And so Tammy is my sister out in New Jersey , so she sent off a couple more emails . If I , would you send a picture of our dad when he was in high school ? So when he was in high school he was out here in Phoenix and like I don't want to hear that , and she told me where I'm like yeah , that's where my mom was . That definitely during that time my mom lived in that area so .

Alisha Coakley 18:44

So , you basically just found out this John Wayne cowboy of a man that you've called dad for 57 years right .

Randy Lindsay 18:56

Yeah , he's not your dad , Not my biological father . But what convinced me was she sent it the senior picture from high school for my bio dad . And yeah , he looks like me . I mean I look like him , right , I mean it was so similar . And I call in my son , my oldest son , and he comes in and like look , and he starts laughing . Like is what are you laughing at ? It's like that's your dad . Look at those lips , dad . Is that he's gotta be your dad ? I'm like , yeah , you're not funny , go away . Yeah . So he laughed and left and I called in my youngest daughter and like , what do you think ? And then she laughed and like don't tell me . Yeah , look at those lips , dad , dad , that's your dad . So and I got rid of hers Well , I go away , you're no longer my favorite child . And but right , dad , that point . I was convinced , obviously , that that was my , my biological dad . And and that was shocking it took a long time .

Alisha Coakley 20:04

I was gonna say what , what were the emotions that you were feeling in that moment ?

Randy Lindsay 20:10

Well , confused and , frankly , a little concerned . I mean , prior to that I had what I thought was a normal family . I had three siblings , you know , and Normal set of parents . And then that news kind of changed that . So now I don't have any full siblings , all I have are half siblings . Right , and Okay . So I've got family out in New Jersey that I've never met , I didn't even dream that they existed , right . And then then you start thinking like so my family out there gonna accept me , or they maybe they don't want to have anything to do with me . And Then there's like this really brief moment , like maybe they're rich and I I don't care if they're rich , so that doesn't matter . So it's very troubling . I mean Really upends your view of the world and your place in the world , because you're just not sure when you stand anymore , because you're not Exactly the person that you thought you were , or at least that was my thinking then that version of you ?

Randy Lindsay 21:18

Yeah , that version of me . So but you know , then it's not me thinking and I I Now I'm gonna go back way back , because now I think it feels more important . So I've always been the odd child and I'm still the odd child and so you know , if I come over and hang out with you I'll probably be the odd friend because I'm just an odd person . But there was definitely a One of these things doesn't belong . You know sesame Street , they did that whole thing right . So you put me and my brother , my two sisters , in a you know that Divided box and your people are gonna meet you . They go oh , he does not belong , he is not part of this family . And my brother and sister Mercilessly tease me about it . They called me the milkman son Because I don't look anything like him and really I don't , yeah , and I don't act like them . So my brother and sister are my brother and one of my sisters are nurses , right , and they'll talk about it at Christmas time and like and they do that because they know All that talk about blood and guts hanging out and everything else makes me , it ups ups , it upsets me kind of makes me a little bit queasy . They can do that and it's great me .

Randy Lindsay 22:40

I'm like oh , those poor people , um , someone falls down . If my mom were to fall down , they would laugh . Now I would be like , oh , mom , are you okay ? Right , I was over . And my brother and sister , they would rush over to help too , while they were laughing . That means you don't love you . But they have a very different take on life than I do , and so I've never fit in and Way back like did I be adopted ? I mean , always at the back of my mind I'm so different from everyone else . Am I adopted ? And it turns out that I guess I guess I am by my dad , that the man who raised me . I've kind of been adopted by him . So that turned out to be true .

Alisha Coakley 23:28

So I'm curious because I know , you know , for women it's a little bit different , right , like we get married and we change our last names and so we don't carry that that last name kind of lineage with us . But for you all of a sudden finding out , you know you're not a Lindsay , right ? So what , what ? I Guess what is your last name like , what was it supposed to have been ?

Randy Lindsay 23:52

Yeah , that's kind of interesting . So my bio dad is Bill Petrowski , and that was kind of difficult To learn how to pronounce , right , so very different . But now here's the kicker . So when I went out and visited the first time , I Found out that when he was roughly 57 he found out that his dad is not his biological father . Yeah , so not actually a Petrowski , he's not really a Petrowski , he is a lot . So biologically I'm a lodge yeah a lodge Okay .

Scott Brandley 24:35

Wow .

Randy Lindsay 24:39

Which is a lot easier to pronounce than Petrowski and a lot easier to sell , too right and then you get to keep your same initials , right . Absolutely right oh .

Reconnecting With Biological Family

Alisha Coakley 24:53

My gosh and he had no idea either .

Randy Lindsay 24:58

Right , he didn't know I existed , he was kind of hesitant on the situation . So I , when I got the picture , I was convinced and I'm like okay , tammy , you're right , I you know I guess I can call you sis now because we're related and everything and she was really great through the whole process . But my bio dad , he was like I don't , I don't have any of children in Arizona . Even though I lived in Arizona , I don't have any children out there . So he took a , he took a DNA test and , yeah , he came back and we're on his son . So he's like okay , I got a son . I got a son in Arizona that I didn't know I had and he felt bad . And he felt bad because all these years I've been out here and he didn't know existed and for him that was time lost , that was family activities , you know , holidays , opportunities for memories that he never had because he didn't know existed .

Alisha Coakley 26:01

No , I was sad how did that conversation go with your mom ? I mean , did you have that conversation with her ?

Randy Lindsay 26:09

Yeah yeah , my mom , to to this day , refuses to tell me anything . So and her mind is sharp . It's not a case that mom's old and she doesn't remember she is , you know , for an old gal . She is really sharp . Her head , or her mind , is all there . She knows .

Scott Brandley 26:35

She's just not gonna tell me , does that impact ? Did your relationship at all ?

Randy Lindsay 26:42

It made me upset at first , right , I mean , mom , that's this is my life we're talking about . And it upset me , my , my siblings upset me too , because they knew , right , that's why they were making fun of me , that was why they were calling me the milkman's son . And I'm like , if everyone knew , why didn't anyone tell me ? And my sister's like , because we knew you'd get upset , just like you are now . You're all upset , so that's why we didn't tell you .

Alisha Coakley 27:06

oh , my gosh and did your , did your dad that you grew up with ? Did he know or did he find out later , or how did that ?

Randy Lindsay 27:16

he found out later and I'm not , I think my youngest sister told them they figured it out . I mean , so there's , you do the math right . So mom and dad met and when I say dad , that I mean the man who raised me . So mom and dad met in April and I was born at very beginning of October and it was a very fat , healthy baby . So , um , brothers like , yeah , he couldn't be a fat , healthy baby at that at that point in a pregnancy , so there's something wrong here . And so my dad had known for quite a while , huh , okay , he had not really done the math . He just , yeah , he didn't care . Um , I mean , so here and here's the great thing . So I'm , I'm really dreading how I'm gonna tell dad that I found this out .

Randy Lindsay 28:09

And so we have Thanksgiving and everyone comes over to the house and I get a moment where we're in the front room with the tv and the football game's going . Like dad , I gotta talk to you . And like dad , I found out that , um , you're not my biological father . And he said , yeah , what a hoot . No , it is not a root , it's it's . It's a big thing . Is I is not a big thing ? You've been my son all these years , you're still my son . I don't Feel any different . You're my boy , it doesn't matter . Uh , can you turn the tv up , because the game's back on .

Alisha Coakley 28:48

Wow , oh my gosh . Yeah , I can see from his perspective . I mean , that makes sense because he loved you , having known .

Scott Brandley 28:58

Unconditionally .

Alisha Coakley 28:59

Yeah right . He's my biggest perspective .

Scott Brandley 29:02

It's different , right .

Randy Lindsay 29:05

He is my biggest supporter as a writer . So my family , uh , basically , are construction workers and he's a carpenter and my uncles are carpenters . I was a carpenter for a while . So for me to get into writing , uh he felt was an amazing thing because I was kind of going against the , the family tradition , right , and you know my brothers and sisters they're all like they let's go out and do sports and go out to the dunes , and I mean they're very active and very sports-minded .

Randy Lindsay 29:36

Me growing up , I mean I like dinosaurs and aliens from space and you know , I was always that weird kid and , like I said , it hasn't changed . I'm still that weird kid . Um , but I taught myself how to write for the most part . I did attend some classes , but you know , most of my learning came from , uh , reading , forming critique groups , where I got to work with other people and kind of build the skills and everything . And so for him he's like you know , randy had to do this by himself . He Uh , you know , no one else in the family helped him with that . That's just something he pursued . And so he's like super proud of me Because I've done something that the other people in the family don't do , and I mean he's just , he's just great yeah .

Scott Brandley 30:24

Oh man . So what was it like meeting your , your Biological dad ? What was that like ?

Randy Lindsay 30:31

No , it was amazing . Um , so one of the things about my biological dad um , he suffered a stroke when he lived here in phoenix , so that kind of has limited him , and then he had suffered a brain injury , he had had trauma , uh , during one of his jobs . So he has a difficult time speaking , so he doesn't say very much and you know , I kind of moved slow because of that and everything . Uh , but it was , it was an amazing experience . So , uh , my wife and I , we'd rate we fly out and we visited me in new jersey and because that's where that family is from is new jersey and he they're all outside on the back porch when we pull off and we , there he is , I go over and I give him a big hug and , um , I could feel the love of coming from him just flowing through his arms into my body and it was just such an amazing thing .

Randy Lindsay 31:34

I mean , I just yeah , we're gonna weepy . It was an amazing thing . I could feel that love . I knew that he Really loved me , which , you know , it was weird . I mean , he doesn't know me , but I was his son and that was enough for him . So it was a great experience .

Alisha Coakley 31:55

How has it been connecting with that side of the family , like , have you been able to Kind of get ingrained in some of their traditions and learn more about yourself that way ?

Randy Lindsay 32:06

I have and that is one of the great uh revelations that have happened for me during this process Is , while I was the weird kid in the family I grew up with , I mean it's still loved they . They loved me . Yeah , that hasn't changed . Um , these are people that I look like and , uh , they are emotionally more like me . They don't laugh . If , if my one of them were to fall down , they wouldn't laugh . They would be more like me . They'd be like , oh , are you okay ? And they would be worried about it . They would be worried about people's feelings . So they are much more emotionally based , like I am , than the family I grew up with . So I mean , that was one thing . And also , like I said , physically , yeah , I look like them . So I may meet my sister and , okay , that's my sister , she looks like my sister . You , you put me in that picture and I look like I belong in that family . So that was great .

Discovering Family and Identity

Randy Lindsay 33:07

But it has given me a chance to kind of uh contemplate , um , nature versus nurture , and there's a lot of things that I found out about my bio dad , uh , that were amazing . So when he was young , he used to draw pictures of dinosaurs and aliens , just like I did Right . And so I'm like , wow . And as I found more and more out about him , I discovered there's all these things that he does that I do . I mean , so this is someone I've never met , it never had an idea even existed , and yet that we have so many traits in common Mm-hmm , yeah , so yeah , it was amazing .

Randy Lindsay 33:50

And then , obviously , uh , my dad that I grew up with . I've learned a lot from him . There's a lot of traits I have from him that I've learned from him . My dad is a great storyteller and that's really helped me with the writing . In fact , both dads have . So my bio dad , he would do some writing . So what he would do ? Not not professionally , but he would , uh , read from the bible and he'd write little Discourses based on some of the verses , right , so he had a passion for writing . He had an interest in writing .

Randy Lindsay 34:22

And then , from the dad that I grew up from , I I gained a really good storytelling ability . So my , my cowboy dad , he , you know , he finished high school , so that's only the only education he has . So it's not like he's an accomplished writer that I've learned from . He's just someone that knows how to tell a good story , and , from a very young age , I was able to listen to him , story after story after story , and I learned how to put together a good story based on him doing the same . Uh , him doing that and me listening to him . So my life has become this interesting blend of both fathers and their traits , putting me to a point where , yeah , I became an author that I have an interest in writing . I have a talent in storytelling that I've learned , you know , from my dad growing up . So , yeah , for me it was amazing to see how much both individuals influenced my life , one that I knew , one that I didn't know . So it's , it's been very educational .

Alisha Coakley 35:22

Very cool .

Alisha Coakley 35:23

So I'm gonna ask you kind of a deep question here , and I don't know if you have an answer to it , so if not , that's totally okay . I'm just I'm thinking about , you know , the um , the experience of of having a father that you've grown up with , that you know , and then having another father that you didn't know , and then how that correlates with your relationship with your heavenly father . You know , like you you've Talked about how you've realized that you have traits from a father that you didn't even know existed . Do you ever think about that relationship between you and your heavenly father and like , like , how that Maybe mirrors or even differs from the relationship you have with your other dads ?

Randy Lindsay 36:02

Well , I think Everything in our life here mirrors in some way To heaven and I'm not saying that there is like bloody war in heaven and you know All the crime and everything but relationships and the important things there . I think there's a mirroring and , yeah , that we're gonna see a lot of . I think when the veils removed we're gonna find so many similarities similarities To what we experienced in heaven and what we experienced here . And maybe not that they are exactly the same kind of experience , but maybe they're the natural progression of what we were doing before .

Randy Lindsay 36:49

I don't know that I I draw a comparison between my two dads now and to heavenly father , but I do know he had a hand in all of this . So I paid Dr Argo blessing and I don't normally talk about the patriarchal blessing , but it talks about that . My parents had covenanted with me to be my parents and I believe that that is the dad who raised me . I mean , that's the dad that's being talked about and I think of the mercy of a heavenly father . You know , we could say that my mom made a mistake and the Lord's hand came in and I ended up with the parents and I was meant to be with .

Scott Brandley 37:49

So you talked about this dream that your dad had growing up to do genealogy , right ? And that led you down this path ? I mean , that's all about family . How has that opened up your family and your journey ? How has that impacted your life's journey and your family ?

Randy Lindsay 38:17

You know I'm a Lindsay . I haven't changed my name . I know we talked earlier about being a Petrowski or being a Lodge , but I haven't changed my name because that's the man who raised me and I believe I belong in the Lindsay's and I believe the ancestors of the Lindsay's would look down and they're like Randy did all this work for the family history . Yeah , he's ours , he's a claimant and he's part of our family . So I mean there's that . I love doing the family history . You start making the connection to those people as you learn about their lives and what happened to them and who they were and where they were and what they did . It's a fascinating thing . I really highly recommend it for people to get out there and do their own family history . It's just so fascinating . You know I have lost . I've lost what you asked me . I'm sorry . So how has that ?

Scott Brandley 39:11

impacted your . How has that impacted your family now and your family story ?

Randy Lindsay 39:20

Um , well , I learned , uh , I learned a truth through all of this . So when I was first he asked me about , when I first found out how I reacted , what I was thinking about it , and I kind of was like , what is family ? I mean , where do I really belong , do I belong , do I not belong anywhere ? And what I've discovered , I mean . So I have a stepdaughter that , yeah , she might as well be my daughter . I mean , she , she acts like me and she does a lot of the same stupid things that I do , and so , you know , she's not by blood my daughter , but you know what ? She is my daughter , right ? Uh , and I just learned that family is who we love and who loves us .

Randy Lindsay 40:07

I think it's too easy to get caught up in uh , I don't know the titles like a half brother or you know , or a stepson , or whatever it might , or adopted . We have two adopted boys and we are so glad that they came into our family and we don't think of them any less , uh , our children , because they weren't born to us . So this experience with the discovering , uh , you know , the family in New Jersey and and all the other stuff , yeah , we just , uh , you know , hold on to those people that are in your circle of love and that's your family , and you know , don't worry about the other bits of it . Those things are unimportant details .

Alisha Coakley 40:55

Right , right .

Randy Lindsay 40:57

Uh , and then I would also really encourage people um , I have a sister in law out in New Jersey and she found out . She took a DNA test and she found out and it didn't turn out well for her , I mean . So she found out her real father was and he's he's a jerk and he doesn't want to have anything to do with her , and there's a lot of people that that happens . But I would still recommend that people um take a test . There's a chance you might find out that there's a surprise in your family , but I think that the possibility , the chance that you'll learn more about yourself , outweighs the fact that you're going to be uncomfortable for a little bit and you might have to meet new people . Uh , I mean , cause I found out so much about myself and why I'm the odd one and everything else , and I think people other people will discover that same thing and , instead of focusing on this is a family that's uncomfortable , maybe cause they're uncomfortable with their lives in themselves . They're uncomfortable with reaching out and embracing me now that they know I exist , Right ? Uh , there's a lot of reasons why families might not want to do that and , okay , that's not ideal , but that's not going to be the case all the time .

Randy Lindsay 42:14

There's lots of instances where , like mine , you discover you have a new family and then you go out there and they're great people and you just have more people to love . That's what my wife would always say you just have more people to love now . And she's right . I mean so I love them . I love to go out and visit with them . I really enjoy it . And why miss out on that possibility ? Because it's such a great thing to be able to meet that new family in New Jersey and get to know them and hear their stories and yeah , I do wish I'd been around for those stories , but I still enjoy spending my time with them . So I'm glad that I took that chance and that I met them and accepted them in as part of my family .

Alisha Coakley 43:03

You know you're sitting here and you're and you're talking about this and I actually I have a friend of mine , troy Dunne , who had a show I don't know 10 , 15 years ago , I think is something like that called the locator . Have you heard of this ?

Randy Lindsay 43:18

It's a show yeah .

Alisha Coakley 43:19

So so he would reunite families , and you do . You see some of some of the episodes where , like it turns out you know happier than than maybe what they anticipated . And then there's the tough episodes where it just doesn't . It doesn't turn out very good . Or even in your situation , like you , you were able to meet your family , but then you also have where your mom's not telling you anything about what happened .

Alisha Coakley 43:42

And so one of the things that I've I've kind of realized in in through watching these different experiences , is that the people who really try to not have expectations typically are the ones who are able to move forward in a healthy way . You know it's it's kind of like when we put those heavy expectations on our family and what our life is supposed to look like and you know , like we , we get so caught up in like how , how everything should be right , like they should want to talk to me , or they should want me in their life , or they should tell me what happened , that all of a sudden you're creating . You're creating a , a place where you can be hurt and disappointed .

Alisha Coakley 44:22

You know , and instead , if you just kind of try to nix the expectations right and just say , you know , I'm just going to do this so I can find out more about myself , and maybe I'll be able to find out a lot , and maybe I'll be able to find out a little , but in doing my family history , maybe going forward and taking those , those tests right , taking the DNA tests and stuff , at least it opens up , like you said , the possibility of having something good happen .

Alisha Coakley 44:46

But even if something wonderful doesn't come to fruition . That's okay , right ? Because I think personally that when we all cross over and we're done with this life , I think we're still going to have an opportunity to be part of those memories . I really do . I just , there was an apostle that said something about and I'm sure you guys probably know this this one I can't think of who it is right off the top of my head , but he said you know , not to concern yourself with the way that everything's going to work out in the eternities , right ?

Alisha Coakley 45:19

Like that family relationships will be more beautiful than we can even imagine . And so I just I think about that . I just think , gosh , like I like the idea that you're , you're encouraging everyone , just you know what , just go find out for yourself . Like it doesn't mean you have to dictate how everything is going to go , and it's okay if things just don't feel awesome , because , guess what ? We have eternity to figure it out . We don't have to know everything right now . We have eternity to get all the answers and to figure it out later .

Randy Lindsay 45:50

And I think you hit on a really good point . I'm going to go back to the question you asked about my mom and everyone . That's generally . That is the first question people ask me . If they've read the book and they meet me , they're like what did your mom say ? All right , and I ? She really hasn't said anything and I don't want to share what she has said because I don't want to embarrass my mom .

Randy Lindsay 46:15

And I think what's important here yeah , I was upset with my mom because she wouldn't tell me , because I just wanted to know some details , any kind of details , right . But then I came to the decision that when I started writing the book that I was just going to leave her mostly out of the book . So the memoir so if you pick up and read the milk man son , there is very little about my mom there . In fact the publisher is like we need more about your mom . I'm like there's just not stuff there . So I don't know , I kind of dug up and it's nothing significant , but I had to make the decision that my mom has been a good mom and she loves me and it's not worth it to me to totally upset her by talking about it or pushing for it . She's not . She's just not ever going to tell me .

Randy Lindsay 47:11

So I just have to accept that she's not going to tell me and if I don't know then I guess it doesn't really matter . I mean , I , I know who my dad is , I know something happened , I know the important things . I've met that family in New Jersey , how they mad and any of that other stuff . It'd be interesting . But it's not going to improve my life by knowing it and I could horribly destroy my relationship with my mom if I push for it . So I think sometimes we need to not be upset , we need to just let it go , and the savior teaches us that just you know , to let a lot of that stuff go and to , you know , embrace our family and love them and accept them for who they are , and that's what I've done . So yes , I would love mom to tell me a couple of stories about him and her and how they met , and you know that would be great . But I can live a fully functional life if I don't know any of that .

Alisha Coakley 48:11

So , yeah , exactly .

Scott Brandley 48:13

I think that's kind of what Alisha where you're alluding to there .

Building Family Through Adoption

Scott Brandley 48:18

I think it's interesting that you adopted kids because you brought them into your family . They have different biological parents than you , Sort of they're my nephews . Oh , okay . So they are they are related , okay , but still adopting them , I mean , that's a , that's a big thing , right . Showing that anyone can be a family . I think that's . That's kind of cool that you did that .

Randy Lindsay 48:48

Um , so yeah , there's a story that goes with that . So Lucy's my youngest daughter , she's our youngest child together and we're like , okay , we're done , we don't have anyone . We're done , that's our last child . It's one day we get a call and like we're going to bring Nicholas and Patrick over and oh , I'm sorry , we're going to . We have a couple of boys we're going to bring over and like , do we know them ? They're like , yeah , your nephews , nick and Pat . Yeah , like , okay , okay , and you're bringing them over , why they're going to live with you . Okay , we're all right with that , we're fine , that's , that's okay . So the state had taken them away from my nephew and his wife and then eventually we adopted them because that was going to be a healthier environment for the boys . So it was kind of a funny story that they didn't give us any details , just like are you going to be home so we can drop these boys off ? Yeah , sure .

Alisha Coakley 49:47

Wow , that's awesome that you were able to just like step up . You know what I mean , like it wasn't part of your plan . Maybe that's kind of just like your life thing is just things just aren't going to go according to plan , but when they all come crashing down , you're just going to step up . You're just going to be like all right , let's see what we can make of this .

Scott Brandley 50:05

Right , we're all family here , right , right .

Alisha Coakley 50:10

Oh , wow , that's incredible . So so , overall , Randy , how , how has this helped with your testimony ? You know what has it done for you spiritually to go through this crazy experience .

Randy Lindsay 50:30

It's just expanded my mind on what family is you know and learn to . You know , be content with those , the loved ones around you you know maybe not bigger as much , and everything Right . So it's more of a testimony builder and just just accept and love and be content with that and don't yeah , don't be as worried about the titles and the you know what the appearances are , are any of the minutiae that really in the long run doesn't matter . What matters is my relationship with each of them and that they feel loved and that I feel loved and we do . So . That's that's the important thing . That's I . If I don't know , is that a testimony builder ? That's what I've learned from it .

Alisha Coakley 51:20

Wow , that's awesome .

Randy Lindsay 51:22

And that the Lord , and that the Lord , lord's hand is in these things . So without his hand being there , none of this would have happened . And you know , looking years after the fact , I'm so happy that all of these things have happened to put me into position where we , my wife and I , are today , where our family is today , that's awesome .

Scott Brandley 51:45

Yeah , we never really know what , what God has in store for us , until we look back right and we just see all these things come together and like , oh okay .

Alisha Coakley 51:56

I see what you're doing .

Scott Brandley 51:58

Exactly .

Randy Lindsay 51:59

Yeah .

Alisha Coakley 52:01

Oh , that's great . Oh , randy , this has been such an enjoyable show . Thank you so much for coming on today , for being our guest and for sharing your incredible story of family . I really think that's just that's . That's what it is . You know it's yeah , there is a secret and there is this , this whole thing , but ultimately it led you to family , yeah , and I just think that that's so beautiful and just put a smile on my face . My cheeks hurt . That's always a sign that it's been a really good show is when either my mascara is gone or my cheeks hurt , like those are my things .

Randy Lindsay 52:33

I think that's true , yeah Well , thank you so much for letting me come in and talk with you . Yeah , yeah , anytime .

Alisha Coakley 52:42

So if our listeners are interested in getting your book the Milkman Sun , or any of your books , where's the best place for them to find them ?

Randy Lindsay 52:52

Milkman Sun . You can find it in Deseret Books . I think you can still find it . I know they featured it last year so that's been a long time in the book industry . If your book is in the bookstores six months later , that's fantastic . So I believe you can still pick it up if you go to Deseret Books . If not , you can go to Amazon and all my books are there . I've got my fiction books there . You can pick those up if you're interested as well .

Randy Lindsay 53:20

If you want to scary read about what's going to happen in the world and everything . Yeah , those are available too .

Alisha Coakley 53:29

Awesome .

Randy Lindsay 53:29

Very cool .

Alisha Coakley 53:31

Well , we'll be sure to go ahead and share some links with everybody down in the descriptions too . So if anyone's looking to get in contact with you over those , we can add some links .

Scott Brandley 53:44

Yeah , definitely . Well , and if anybody wants to leave a story and share a story , like Randy did go to Latterday Lightscom , we'd love to have you on the show .

Alisha Coakley 53:57

Yeah , absolutely , or if you're a friend and like Dalen right .

Scott Brandley 54:02

Yeah .

Alisha Coakley 54:04

Oh goodness , that would be awesome . All right , well , listeners , we just want to thank you guys so much for tuning in today for another episode of Latterday Lights . Randy , you were an awesome guest , thank you . We wish you all the best in your future endeavors and in your building of more family memories .

Sharing Randy's Story and Seeking Feedback

Alisha Coakley 54:23

And for our guests . Guys , leave us a comment . We would love to hear what part of the story you know really touched you , and what kind of questions do you have for Randy . Do you have a similar experience that maybe you're struggling with , or that you've gained your own testimony in different ways by going through ? We would love to hear that kind of feedback from you guys . So be sure to comment and to do your little five-second missionary work . Push that share button and share Randy's story , make sure that you get his light out to those that are around you in your life , and with that , I think we're done for today . Is that all right ? Yeah ?

Scott Brandley 55:04

Yeah , hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you next Sunday on another episode . Until then , have a good one , we'll see . Bye .