LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories

Hitting Rock Bottom & the Beauty of Second Chances: Victoria Maldonado's Story - Latter-Day Lights

• Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley

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What would you do if your life was broken, and the path forward seemed impossible?

As a curious and rebellious teenager, Victoria Maldonado's life spiraled into chaos, consumed by drug addiction and a series of reckless decisions that ultimately led to a harrowing arrest.

Yet, even in her darkest moments, a small flame of faith flickered, tethering her to the hope of something greater. 

Through the pain of withdrawal, the isolation of addiction, and the heartbreak of lost potential, Victoria’s unwavering determination to heal propelled her to seek help, rediscover her faith, and reclaim her life. 

Today, Victoria’s life is a testament to transformation. Married in the temple and filled with purpose, she reflects on her journey with a powerful message: no matter how far you’ve strayed, it’s never too late to turn back.

Her story, rich with raw emotion and profound hope, reminds us that God’s love is always within reach. This episode will touch your heart and inspire you to believe in the beauty of second chances.

*** Please SHARE Victoria's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/Mep41nPxw5g

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Scott Brandley:

Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.

Alisha Coakley:

And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.

Scott Brandley:

On today's episode, we're going to hear how one woman struggling with addiction found power in showing up at the right places and choosing to believe. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today and we're really excited to have our special guest with us, Victoria Maldonado. Victoria, welcome to the show.

Victoria Maldonado:

Thanks, I'm excited to be here.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, I'm loving your background, by the way. I feel like it's the perfect framing of everything. It's very pretty. I like it.

Victoria Maldonado:

It represents the Montanas, the mountains.

Alisha Coakley:

There you go, which brings us to where you're from, correct?

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, so right now we're living in Montana. My husband and I met in Dallas and I kind of grew up all over.

Alisha Coakley:

Okay, so you guys met down here in Texas, where I'm at.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yes, we met at a Dallas YSA.

Alisha Coakley:

Oh, okay, it works. Apparently, I heard that Dallas, I think, is getting a second temple. Isn't that crazy? And was it Dallas? Or is it Houston? It's one of those cities I should know. There's like two temples are gonna be really close and I'm all excited for of course, it's not anywhere close to me because it's like five hours away still. But sure, the fact I mean like any any time that you get double temples within an hour of each other and you're not in Utah, that's pretty, that's a big deal, pretty impressive. Yeah, someone's going to fact check me and be like Alisha, you're just making stuff up, which is possible, but I swear that I thought I heard something about one big Texas city, one big Texas city maybe Houston, maybe Dallas getting another temple close by to one of them. So anyway, someone tell me what that is, someone do the research, look it up. But the show is not about me, it's about you.

Victoria Maldonado:

Today, so, victoria, why don't you tell us a little bit more about yourself? Yeah, so you know, I've been living here in montana, kind of on and off, for the past five years. Um, and that's five years ago was when my husband and I got married. Um, yeah, we're just living here, we're doing a lot of traveling, we have our own little business and it's just us and our really annoying dog, buddy. He's great. He's a lot.

Alisha Coakley:

Is he?

Victoria Maldonado:

Yes, yeah, and we're thinking about starting a family soon.

Alisha Coakley:

Oh well, that's exciting. Congratulations on that. What kind of business do you guys have? If you don't mind me asking, we have a business where we staff um construction projects. Oh okay, very nice, you are among the entrepreneurs here so yeah, my husband is a serial entrepreneur.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, just everything he has an idea for yep, it can be scary.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, oh no, it's fun, fun and scary like a haunted house. As long as you make it through, everything's good right, you might have some rocky moments exactly just watch out for the chainsaws that.

Scott Brandley:

That's the part I don't like those are the worst.

Alisha Coakley:

They used to make me pee my pants when I was younger.

Scott Brandley:

I don't even go anymore because I'm afraid of the chainsaw guy. I know it's not real, but man, it's like it's in my head.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, I just can't go because I have a really, really weak bladder now and so it's just age. I can't outrun them and I love my kids too much to sacrifice them. So I guess there there's that.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, they know me, they see me and they're like you're scared and so I'm going to scare you even more.

Alisha Coakley:

Yes, and they can yep.

Scott Brandley:

Can put a target on fear. They can?

Alisha Coakley:

Oh too funny, All right. Well, Ms Victoria, no chainsaws here in this show, not today anyway, so it shouldn't be too scary.

Victoria Maldonado:

Um, but Scott and I would love to invite you to go ahead and let us know where your story begins. Sure, so I, like I said, like I grew up kind of traveling, um, we lived in a motor home. There were six of us in my family in a 40 foot motor home from ages three to 13. So that was fun and a lot, you know. Once I was like 13, I was really ready for my own bedroom.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah.

Victoria Maldonado:

So, yeah, I would say that growing up I was always a very curious person. I wanted to make the mistakes on my own, to learn from it. You know, you could tell me not to do something because of a certain reason, and I would probably like challenge it and say well, are you sure, are you sure?

Victoria Maldonado:

You know, I'm just going to try it for myself. Um, and so that kind of plays in. Later too, I guess I was like that, but also very rebellious, and so those two things combined were kind of the making of like what the spiral ended up or like what ended up as the spiral. Um, so we were members, we grew up in the church. We, wherever we went, we always had a ward family, which was really nice. Um, that, even though, because we were homeschooled, we didn didn't have, we didn't go to school, we didn't have any friends that we kept up with really often. So going to church was kind of our one big social thing that I knew for sure was always going to happen, no matter where we went right um.

Victoria Maldonado:

Right, I really did enjoy church growing up. For me it was very social and like I definitely heard what they were saying about the gospel and it made a lot of sense to me. But I never took things that seriously and I just thought that things would be easy. I thought that, you know, I could make all my decisions, make all my choices and then everything would be okay in the end. So I think that when I was younger, being old enough to understand that there are things I'm going to face coming up in my life, I didn't at that point make the choice to not do specific things. In fact, I think I kind of made the choice that I was going to figure it out myself, which is very me of me. So when I was about 13, we moved into our house and I kind of got like a freedom that I hadn't known before, of got like a freedom that I hadn't known before. I think at that point was really when, you know, I had this newfound privacy, the newfound, you know, space, and I was like I just want to try some things, just experience some things.

Victoria Maldonado:

I'd say 14 or 15 is when I tried alcohol, tried other, you know, like smoking and everything, and it wasn't because I was peer pressured into it. Like I looked for it, I was excited, I was like what is this thing? I want to know, I want to know about it, I want to experience what it's like. And so me, like a 14 or 15 year old, I was absolutely determined and I would ask strangers on the street, absolutely determined, and I would ask strangers on the street you know, can you buy me alcohol? Which, looking back now, being like an older, being older than I was then, if a 14 or 15 year old came up to me and asked me to buy them alcohol.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, You're like sure. Where do you live? I go tell their parents.

Victoria Maldonado:

What's your mom's number? Yeah, Wow, I ended up, you know, having my little friend group. That, um definitely enabled me. I, if I wasn't around somebody who, or if somebody who I was around was disapproving of the things that I wanted to do. Well then, like they don't have to be around me was kind of my thought pattern.

Alisha Coakley:

Right, well, you, you had been asking people, did you actually get takers? Like like, do you remember that first experience of drinking or trying cigarettes? Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Victoria Maldonado:

My friend Emily and I. She was just the most down person I've ever met. I said to her, I looked at her and I said, emily, today I want to try alcohol. And she said okay, and so we broke. You know, we snuck out of father's house her father's house at night and we went up to to random people and we asked if they would buy us alcohol. And the first people that we asked did give us alcohol. And then we ended up like they had other people bring it to us. And then they're in a car and they said you know, if you want to come with us, we're going to go to somebody's house and we're going to drink. And I'm 14 or 15 years old.

Alisha Coakley:

Like as a parent. I'm stressing out right now. I don't know that my mom knows this story.

Victoria Maldonado:

I'm sorry. Or 15 years old, like as a parent, I'm stressing out right now I don't know that my mom knows this story. I'm sorry, mom. And so they said you know, like we can go somewhere and we can all drink together and I. That sounded like fun and so I get into like the back of a pickup truck with a whole bunch of just men that I don't know. And at that point, when we're driving is when I kind of looked at Emily and I was like, oh no, what have we done? And I think often about the fact that I put myself in so many dangerous situations that we had at that time and we definitely had, um, had someone looking after us. Those were wow.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, Um, I would say, through high school I just wanted to be with my friends and party and the friends that I had were older than me and we would get together and we would smoke and we would drink and I probably was drinking at like 15, 16 years old like three to four nights a week.

Alisha Coakley:

Wow.

Victoria Maldonado:

I, yeah, and these are like school nights, Like it wasn't it. It wasn't, it was just because I wanted to feel that good feeling that alcohol gave to me and it it not fixed, but it it kind of dampened all the other big feelings that I was feeling. Um, it made me feel good, it made me feel happy. Um, when I was 17 is the first time that I tried amphetamines and it was like, it was like I discovered me, and I think that this is something that happens a lot with addicts is that, you know, they try their drug of choice and it's like something just like locks into place.

Victoria Maldonado:

And I'm like, wow, this is what I've been looking for, this is what I've been searching for. This is the real. This is the real me, the real person that I am. Wow, you know I was. I was me, but I was doing all my homework, so interested in every single subject that there ever was. I was making amazing grades in school and I loved everybody. My heart was so full of love for everyone. Um, I was able to work out and not eat as much. So I was, you know, losing weight, which is something that you know mentally and physically. That, mentally and physically, I struggled with a little bit, and so I just really felt like I was my best self. My best self on drugs. I looked at it as you know. It wasn't really a drug to me, it was what I take in order to be the real me. Like, real me wasn't off drugs. Real me was on drugs.

Scott Brandley:

Wow.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, Um, I went through high school, the rest of high school, and, man, I got such good grades it was really just, it was the best. I graduated high school, moved on, was going to college. One of my friends was living with us and we were going to college together and one night I took my friend over to another. I took Miranda, my friend who was living with us, over to another person's house and I left the room for a minute and then when I came back, something was just so wrong with my friend Um and I had been drinking a lot that night and I had also been on amphetamines, which are stimulants, so kind of an up and down.

Victoria Maldonado:

And so I'm asking my friend like what happened? Why are you acting like this? And she said, like actually it's okay, Like I'm just gonna go and sleep in the car because we were going to spend the night there. No, you're not going to sleep in my car, I'm going to drive you home, make you feel bad. So we're driving home, I'm probably going like 90 in a 70. And I'm yelling at her because she made me leave the place where I wanted to be. She told me that something inappropriate had happened with somebody there and I didn't believe her and I just kept on yelling and speeding. As I'm yelling, she looks at me and she says you're being pulled over.

Victoria Maldonado:

And I think, just in that moment where she said you're being pulled over, and I think, like just in that moment where she said you're being pulled over, like my emotions, everything, just I'm being arrested tonight and there's nothing that I could say or do to get out of it. So kind of I just dissociated and my body did what it had to do. My body did what it had to do. Um, he, he did a breathalyzer and he turned it toward me and he said do you see what that says? And I saw 0.06, and I was 20 at this time, so I was like it's 0.06. That's over the legal limit of 0.08. So because I'm drinking and I'm underage, he has to arrest me. It wasn't until I got the blood alcohol results back that I realized that what I probably saw was a 0.16 because my blood alcohol was a 0.19.

Alisha Coakley:

Yikes.

Victoria Maldonado:

And I know that, unless something crazy had happened that night where, like another car was being unpredictable, I would have made it home probably that night. But I'm so, you know, ultimately I'm so thankful that I was arrested for all of this because and my license taken away for a very long time Because eventually I was going to hurt either myself or someone else, and I, I'm so sure of that.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, yeah, wow. Well, I want to touch base real quick on just for our listeners, because I'm sure that there's probably a lot of people who aren't familiar. So amphetamines I'm not sure what it was someone's prescription pills, right, and some people use them for like ADHD and stuff like that. So it actually does help them out when used properly, under doctor's orders, for your size and stuff like that. So when a lot of people they might have heard you saying like, oh, you're your best self, well, it could have been because you miraculously were taking the right dose you know what I mean. Like it could have been something like that where, even though you weren't doing it in the right way, maybe it was the right medicine for you.

Alisha Coakley:

It just wasn't your medicine and so that's what was illegal and dangerous about it was that you didn't have a doctor. You know, maybe you did have like an ADD or ADHD that was kind of calmed down so that you could focus more on your schooling and you could focus more on on the things that you needed to do. But the danger in that is that you just don't know when a doctor's not watching you Right. So, like Scott and I just want to make it clear, you know, if there's teenagers or someone in here listening don't go asking your friends for amphetamines, right Like, if you're going to get them, you need to go through the right channels. Make sure that you get a doctor and stuff like that, because it could be helpful in the right way, in the right dosage, under the right care. But yeah, like you were saying, you were so lucky to you know so many times when you were pushing the envelope, that you had that, that protection around you somehow.

Victoria Maldonado:

So yeah, absolutely. And I also want to say uh, as, as well as obviously you know, being prescribed and having a doctor watching over you, I know people who use drugs for ADHD, medication for ADHD, that absolutely need it and it just it helps them so much with their life. There is a point where you overdo it, where you, I guess you're right. I mean I wasn't, I had not built up the tolerance in my system. So I think absolutely it was helping me to combat a lot of the ADHD symptoms that I do have and did have. Um, but it was after that kind of the increase in. Well, if one is fun, two must be great gotcha yeah, yeah, um did your?

Scott Brandley:

did your parents know what, like that you were taking these drugs or that you were drinking like did? Did you hide it from them?

Victoria Maldonado:

Like did you hide it from them? I did try to hide it as best as I could. I got caught a few times and always with this resolution, to like I'm not going to do this again, I'm going to be better. I'm going to, you know, not be around people that I know are I can get drugs or alcohol from.

Alisha Coakley:

Right.

Victoria Maldonado:

Um, but I eventually did tell my mom that I was taking my friend's ADHD medication and she was very upset at me and lectured me for sure. But I said, like you know, this is something that I want to talk to a doctor about getting on the medication. So eventually I did get prescribed this medication.

Alisha Coakley:

In the right way. Good.

Victoria Maldonado:

However, in the wrong doses and the way that I was taking them was what was not okay.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, what? What happened with that? With the doctor giving you wrong doses, doses.

Victoria Maldonado:

So, yeah, I eventually went to a psychiatrist when I was about 20. And he ended up prescribing me about double what a regular doctor would have started the prescription for. I mean, he really went from almost, you know, like something real low to something really high. Um, he knew what he was doing. Like it, it was really a like. When I took it I was like, oh my gosh, yes, like this is what I want, but like times a million.

Victoria Maldonado:

He also prescribed me water, like barbiturates, in a dosage that was very, very inappropriate. I didn't even like, I knew at the time that it wasn't appropriate for me. So I didn't even tell people exactly how many, like how much, he was giving me, because I knew that it was not a safe thing for me and you know my, my body and what I actually needed. But he prescribed it to me in that way because, in order to, in order to be all the way up here, I needed to have some way to come down, and if I, if I didn't have that, then I wouldn't be able to sleep. I wouldn't be able to, you know, uh, get rid of the anxiety that the, that the uppers can cause.

Scott Brandley:

Wow Interesting.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, I read an article just a few days ago and I knew that the doctor had gotten in trouble for something in the past. But he's been completely like. His medical license has been taken away. He's been investigated by, you know, the, the board of medicine. Yeah, Multiple times, so it wasn't an isolated case. You know this was a doctor who was over over prescribing everyone.

Alisha Coakley:

That's terrible.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, I, I, hmm. So at a certain point I definitely to take more of the drug and then the drugs just weren't working for me the way that they used to and I didn't feel the way that I used to. I, it was probably one of the most like lonely times in my life, because I would take the you know amphetamines and I would stay up all night and I would be awake all night by myself, like realizing that I'm not even doing the thing that I wanted to take these drugs to do, which was to like be better at school. Honestly, that was like my biggest thing. My biggest motivation was I want to be better at school and then somehow I'm failing all of my classes. I withdrew from a whole bunch. Um, I couldn't, I couldn't focus, like I was only at that point like medicating myself to feel normal.

Alisha Coakley:

I wasn't trying to get high, I was just trying to not be so low that you know like being going through withdrawal and yeah, Did you, did you know that that was kind of what was what's normal for that medicine or for that that prescription to do, like where you have to kind of keep adjusting levels because your body's going to become resistant to it? Like, were you aware of that or was that a shock to you?

Victoria Maldonado:

I was aware of that. I didn't really listen to the doctor's guidelines. You know if if they said, like, take 30 milligrams of this thing per day, when 30 didn't feel the way that I wanted it to feel, then we went to 40, and then we went to 50, and then we went to 60. And, um, yeah, I never. I never really thought of it as a problem, as an addiction. I looked at it like just my medication. My medication sometimes works, my medication sometimes doesn't work.

Scott Brandley:

Gotcha.

Victoria Maldonado:

Um, but after I had, you know, went to jail and gotten my conviction, I was put on probation for 18 months. I had to use an at-home breathalyzer three times a day because I didn't have a car and my parents absolutely refused to let me put one of those in their cars. They said, you know, you got yourself into this mess, you can get rides. So I had this breathalyzer that I had to do three times a day and I really considered myself as, like I thought, I was doing, controlled drinking, because what I would do is I would weigh myself and then I would look at the little chart to see how much I could drink and if I breathalyze at this time, then if I drink that fast, then all of it should be out of my system by the time I have to breathalyze again. I really thought that that was controlled drinking, like honest.

Alisha Coakley:

Oh, my goodness.

Victoria Maldonado:

So I ended up failing a bunch of times. My probation officer eventually said you know cause? She had given me extra community service hours. She had given me 15 hours of AA to complete. And she said the next thing that I'm going to do is I'm going to give you jail time. And that was really scary for me. I did not want to go to jail. I don't think I would do very well, so I had that going through my mind. Also, at this point in time I am not well. I probably lost like 40 or 50 pounds and I'm not like a big person, like I'm not a tall person.

Alisha Coakley:

You look small, already A lot yeah.

Victoria Maldonado:

My dad one day said that I looked ratty, so yeah, I was like oh yes, thanks dad, wow um. So yeah, I um everyone wants to hear oh yes, thanks dad. Wow, I mean, they had expressed to me before that I was looking too, you know, too small, I just I didn't eat. I didn't really eat because the amphetamines eat.

Alisha Coakley:

I didn't really eat because the amphetamines um, just don't completely blocked my appetite.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, and I was lacking nutrients, and so I would get bruises everywhere. Anything any little bump would cause bruises.

Alisha Coakley:

Um, and you're still drinking at this point with the medication right, which is also a suppressant, like people who drink typically don't get as hungry Wow.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah.

Scott Brandley:

So were you numb at this? Like what was going through your mind? Were you just trying to beat the system? Were you just trying to feel normal? Or trying to make your feelings go away? Like what was the purpose of doing this?

Victoria Maldonado:

I think what I told myself was that I'm doing this so that I can be good at school, because being good at school and achieving things, accomplishing things was a very important thing for me. So I knew that. You know from my experience of when I was taking it in high school that you know I can get so much done while I'm taking these medications. I think eventually it did turn into me just kind of trying to feel normal. Yeah, there comes a point with especially with stimulants, where you take it one time and you go way up. You're like wow, that was amazing. And then maybe a few times later you go up, not as high, but there's always that dip. So when you take it the first time, the dip kind of brings you back to baseline. You're like that's not a big deal.

Alisha Coakley:

Right.

Victoria Maldonado:

But as the highs get lower, the lows get lower, and so eventually, you're not using for the high, you're losing, you're using just so that you don't get baseline. Yeah, just to get back to baseline.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, now, when you were in high school, I'm sure your parents were still having you go to church and stuff. What was? What was your activity like at this point, when you're free and you're on your own and you're in your early twenties, you know? Did you kind of just like push church away, or Did you kind of?

Victoria Maldonado:

just like push church away, or I always, through this whole thing, had such a strong feeling like God was there, he was watching over me, like I knew that, even though I was kind of breaking rules, like I knew that this church was true, I knew that this is what I wanted for my life. I knew always like how to get back to him. I would and it happened when I would get in trouble with my parents too, like I would get caught, and then I would realize what I had done and then I would say like, okay, I'm going to repent, I'm going to move forward. I was such good friends with the Bishop. He knew when I was. You know, when I said I needed to make an appointment, he was, he knew. So I always knew how to get back. Um, but that's.

Victoria Maldonado:

I guess the thing with addiction is that it doesn't matter how badly you want something. It's an addiction of, or it's a disease of, your body and of your brain. So I couldn't want to not use as much as I possibly can, but eventually, if I don't fix the problem, I'm going back to it. Mm-hmm, I would kind of go back and forth between people at the YSA, like hanging out with them often, and then people who would enable me to drink and drug. But again, like I always, I knew how to get back.

Victoria Maldonado:

Eventually, I couldn't. You know, I was scared. I was scared of going to jail. I was scared of the drugs not working anymore. I was scared of myself, because I thought to myself, like what's next? You know, like this isn't working for me, so what is the next thing that I can take to feel the way that I was feeling? And then I thought to myself, like, oh my gosh, what are you thinking? What do you? Are you seriously thinking about like, graduating to you know? Uh, and that really scared me.

Victoria Maldonado:

So I got into an outpatient program, was going through the outpatient program, relapsed during that and ended up having to go to a psychiatric hospital, which, like I, I have so many good things to say about psychiatric hospitals, at least the one that I went to. It was phenomenal and it really, like it really saved me a little bit. Yeah, so during my time at the psychiatric hospital, I was able to bring like a few things with me. One of the things that I had was a Book of Mormon. Another one was just like something that a prophet had written and as these days are going by and I'm like reading this book, I started to feel that I don't know, just a joy of life kind of Like. I found myself smiling where I felt like I hadn't been happy for no reason for a very long time been happy for no reason, for a very long time I really felt super close to God and I was, you know, leaving the hospital.

Victoria Maldonado:

I was ready, I was ready to go out there and you know, keep on doing the good stuff. Get back to church. I, you know, I got out. I did all my outpatient stuff. It was really good. I'm trying to be better, trying to live on the straight and narrow. Going to my parents' home ward and somebody asked me if I would go to the YSA to help with knitting. They wanted me to teach people how to knit, wanted me to teach people how to knit, and so I went over there and I started teaching people how to knit. And then my future husband came up to me and asked me if I would teach him how to knit. You don't want to learn how to knit. I know you don't want to. So I taught him how to knit. I tried to teach him how to knit. He does not knit currently.

Alisha Coakley:

You just want to knit your souls together. Exactly, yeah.

Victoria Maldonado:

Too smooth and so we got engaged maybe a little while later. And it was during that time between when we started dating and then getting engaged that one day I heard somebody say something about church history. Completely out of context I it just was some you know throwaway statement that somebody said. And I had never heard about anything surrounding those topics before. And just hearing that and pondering on it kind of it shook me. I had kind of a a moment after I'd been pondering on these things and considering where I was like well, am I even sure that there is a higher power? Like maybe none of this is real. Like what are eyeballs and fingers? You?

Alisha Coakley:

know, like crisis didn't know and I wasn't really trying that hard to figure it out.

Victoria Maldonado:

It was back burner. I was getting married, I was me to be the secretary for the young women in my ward, which was frightening because I didn't know. I didn't know myself, I wasn't sure, know myself, I wasn't sure. And it was kind of at that point that I decided, you know, it's time to kind of buckle down and figure it out. So I began reading, reading, praying, everything with the intent, like with, with, with intent. I, I felt like, you know, it was always going to be this one, it's going to be this prayer. You know, this is going to be my story that I tell people.

Victoria Maldonado:

You know, there I was praying during this time, and then I felt this feeling, I was so convinced that it was going to happen for me and it never did. And I read the entire Book of Mormon and I didn't. I never got that confirmation that everybody talks about. You know, they said read this book, read it and God will tell you that it's true. True, and as much as you know, maybe that would have been evidence that it wasn't true. For some reason I continued, for some reason I decided like, okay, maybe this time I'll just move on to the Bible, and I'll do Bible and Book of Mormon a little bit. I continue praying, even though I guess, like the factual side of me was telling me, like you have gotten nothing from this, so why continue? And I did ask myself that a lot and I think that eventually I reasoned out that you know, if I was getting absolutely nothing, I wouldn't. So there must be something Right.

Alisha Coakley:

You wouldn't keep reading it if you weren't getting anything from it.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, yeah, um, I started going to alcoholics anonymous and in alcoholics anonymous, the whole thing is based upon the fact that there is a higher power that he can take this from you. And so you know, I know I had already admitted. You know, step one admit that you have a problem, I got it, I know. And step number two, um, and three, are really about like believing that if there were a God that he could take it from me, and then deciding, choosing that I'm going to give this to God. It took me a very long time to, because I kind of got to a point where I said, okay, maybe there is higher power, maybe I believe that, but then to hand it over to a higher power that I really didn't know that well and wasn't super sure about was something that I wasn't ready to do for a super long time. But I think, you know, going through AA and gaining that that testimony of a higher power helped me, you know, helped like that foundation of something. A while later, we started a little Spanish branch here in Montana and I was asked to be the young woman president of this little branch. So again, I was like I don't even know for sure. I feel so weird teaching these things to the impressionable youth if I'm not sure. That doesn't feel right. Right, and you know I had done it multiple times where I sat down and I said once and for all, we're going to figure it out Once and for all.

Victoria Maldonado:

And so I just started asking myself questions, you know. Do I believe in a higher power? Yes, do I believe that that higher power is God of the Bible? Yes, do I believe that Jesus Christ was a real person? Yes, okay, do I believe that Jesus Christ died for a specific reason? And at that point was really where I kind of went into, you know, I went into the scriptures. I, you know, everybody always says search, ponder and pray, and I had never actually searched, pondered or prayed on it before and I was like why don't people tell you? Why don't people tell you how to do this.

Victoria Maldonado:

Um, so you know, when I'm getting all my answers and I'm figuring out these things and they're making sense to my brain which was kind of the biggest thing for me was making things make sense to my logic head, and so I'm having a really good time I Mm-hmm a specific situation and say like I see God's hand in that situation. And then the other side of me would say, well, it's as much evidence of something as it is of nothing, like there's no, there's no sure way for you to know. And so I'm going back and forth in my head and it got so overwhelming because I couldn't I mean, I guess I was just going back and forth, I didn't know what to do, I didn't know who, like what part of me, to listen to. At a certain point there's a quote that says either God is everything or God is nothing. Either God made the whole earth and you and me, or he didn't. There are two options here.

Victoria Maldonado:

And so I thought about that. I think that God is everything, I think that he is, and I kind of believe that he is. So I'm making a choice to believe, and I kind of said it out loud. I said, like I choose to believe, I choose to believe. And once I had like fully, I guess, accepted what I was doing, immediately I felt just peace, just relaxation. I had been like holding myself really tight because I was sobbing on my couch, and then I felt peace and I felt like my whole body just relaxed. And I was even thinking in my head like what is this? Am I going crazy? Like, is this bipolar right now? It could be, I don't know. Your brain just keeps throwing doubts.

Alisha Coakley:

You're like oh, I'm having a moment here, let me just have the moment. Exactly, I'm having a moment here, let me just have the moment Exactly.

Victoria Maldonado:

So I felt so sure and so like comforted in that moment, knowing that, like you, made the right choice and it wasn't, it wasn't until I made the choice that God showed me that it was the correct answer and I think that, for me, I think I really needed something big in order for me to finally have that big realization. There's another quote, and I am going to butcher it, but more or less it says and I am going to butcher it, but it it more or less it says the greater the doubt, the greater the realization. Or like revelation yeah, the smaller the doubt, smaller the revelation. No doubt, no revelation.

Alisha Coakley:

Wow.

Alisha Coakley:

So yeah, and I mean, there wouldn't be really a point if we didn't all doubt at some point. Well, and we know I believe it was Uchtdorf years ago, he, you know he brings that up. He's like we're going to have our doubts. It's it's just important that you doubt your doubts. You know, just make sure that you're always having that internal conversation Okay, well, yeah, okay, well, yeah, okay, I get that. That, that's, that's this and that's that. I love that.

Alisha Coakley:

You just kept trying, though you know that you didn't just like throw in the towel at the first doubt, or the second, or even the hundredth doubt. You know that you just kept saying I don't know, something doesn't feel right about throwing in the towel. You know, like you really did doubt your doubts long enough to get to the point where you were finally ready to receive that that revelation. You know, in in a way that heavenly father knew was going to be right for you, right, like some people need the big pillars of light, right, and some people need those tiny rays Most of us need those tiny rays, and so I, I love that you like kept trying. I guess that's kind of a a testament to your, uh, perseverance. You know like you're gonna do what you're gonna do.

Victoria Maldonado:

Dang it, it doesn't matter yes, the blessing and the curse yeah, I'm smiling.

Scott Brandley:

When I was listening to your story too, because Scott wrote a book.

Alisha Coakley:

Yes, the blessing and the curse. Yeah, I'm smiling when I was listening to your story too, because Scott wrote a book and I mean there are just so many things that you said that Scott wrote in his book. I want Scott to take a second just to talk about that Cause I feel like it needs to be mentioned.

Scott Brandley:

It's just so good. Well, I mean similar to you. Like, there was when I was a bishop, actually, I had a faith crisis and and I kind of I I went down a path similar to you, right, where I had to break down my faith into basic elements and then build it back up again by asking myself questions very similar to what you did, and fortunately I was, you know, I was able to do that and build that faith back up in a relatively quick, uh fashion, right, but uh was, there was a couple of weeks there where it was really hard because I was the bishop and people counted on me and I had to figure that out, but I did and it and it I mean it it's awesome, like the things that I discovered were incredibly powerful and it actually strengthened my testimony. That's why I wrote the book, wrote a book about it. But, yeah, it's, sometimes you have to get to the bottom in order to come back up.

Scott Brandley:

I mean, you you probably know that more than most people, right, just because of you know some of the, some of the places you've been because of the drugs and the alcohol and things like that. But, um, you know, we all have our. We all have to go down certain roads, and some of them are dark, some of them are great, you know, full of light and and hope and joy. But we have to. We have to take both types of roads in order to really, you know, appreciate the gospel. You have to have the highs and the lows and that is who you, who you are and who you become. So I guess that's a really good segue into where are you now and and looking back on your life, like what are some of the lessons you've learned?

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, um, now I'm really good. Um, my husband and I just got married in the temple.

Scott Brandley:

Um last.

Victoria Maldonado:

Tuesday yeah, yeah, it's very yeah, oh, wow, okay, yeah, it's very recent, but yeah and it's. You know, it was that five-year journey. You know we were married for five years before I kind of had that breakthrough and I knew the entire time that he wanted to get married in the temple, that it was something that was so important to him. And so finally having that realization and and being able to tell him about it, being able to say, like I understand now, you know, oh my gosh, he has had so much patience with me.

Victoria Maldonado:

I can't imagine it being reversed yeah yeah, but yeah, so we're married in the temple. We, um, we want to start a family soon. I mean, I say it all the time and maybe it's not very nice to me, but I don't know what I did to deserve the life. I have to deserve the lottery, and I really, you know they are who they are because of the faith, because of the church, and I'm so grateful for them and for my opportunity to to be a part of their family.

Alisha Coakley:

Wow.

Victoria Maldonado:

That's family. Wow, that's awesome. Yeah, lessons from from the past, man. You can learn from other people's mistakes.

Alisha Coakley:

You can A little less painful when you do.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah, a little less painful when you do. Yeah, um, not everybody's bottom looks the same. I always thought that rock bottom would be. You know, I'm homeless and on the streets and you know, like not able to, not able to house myself, but but able to get drugs. That's what I thought bottom looked like, um, but for me bottom was fear, the fear of what was coming next was fear, the fear of what was coming next.

Victoria Maldonado:

And yeah, I think that there there's sometimes like a stigma about you know well, maybe like it needs to be something more intense for it to really be my rock bottom, but it really doesn't. Um, there are many points I feel like that could have been. I could have taken as my rock bottom, but instead I I continued um, um, I know I've learned that God knows us so personally that he knows how to talk to us. He knows the best way to communicate with us and it's a two-way relationship. You know God is always going to be there and always going to you. Know love you. The more effort and time you put into the relationship, the stronger the relationship is.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah.

Scott Brandley:

I like that.

Alisha Coakley:

That's very true too, even if you can't really feel it in the moment. I think that's one of the things that, like I've learned throughout my life is that my relationship with my heavenly father can always be increasing, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm always going to feel him stronger and stronger and stronger. It's just more of this assurance that I know he's there, he's listening, and that he's got my back when I'm really going to need it, and that sometimes, when, when I think I'm going to need it is not actually what I'm going to need it. You know what I mean. Like, sometimes he's going to let me walk alone, sometimes he's going to let me figure it out on my own. You know he's really no you can do it.

Alisha Coakley:

Come on, and sometimes he's going to be like I'm not giving you anything right now because you're not ready to hear it, you know, and that's okay, but keep asking and then when you're actually ready to hear it, you know, okay, I'll go ahead and I'll give it to you when you need it. So I love that. You know that. You mentioned that relationship with heavenly father and I.

Alisha Coakley:

I really love the quote too, about how either God is everything or God is nothing, because I think that's ultimately what it comes down to, you know, and and the fact that you have to make that conscious decision every day to either choose to believe or choose to doubt. Sometimes that, I don't know, might seem like an oversimplified statement, but it really takes a lot. It takes a lot to keep believing and it takes a lot to keep doubting. Right, like it's going to be hard either way. So you might as well choose to believe, because then at least you get something out of it in the end, and if you're wrong, you're wrong, and then you didn't, you know, didn't waste anything anyway.

Victoria Maldonado:

But yeah, something that I said to Christian cause. I actually did tell him like I was ready to get married in the temple before I had my big conversion moment, but I felt good enough in the fact that there was higher power and good enough about just what the meaning behind everything was that you know, I said, if this is true, then like that's so nice and I like, if it's true, then that's everything. If it's not true, then the meaning behind it is that I'm getting married, I'm getting sealed to the person whom I love for time and all eternity. It's just really nice. It is. So if I'm wrong, then I got to have such an amazing experience with my partner that you know we get to share and we get to have for for the rest of forever.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah, you get to live your best life, right, right like. That's what I love about the gospel is the gospel teaches us to live our best life. You, if you follow the teachings of the gospel, you're not going to have any regrets at the end of your life because you, every day, you chose to live the best version of yourself yeah and you know, and you can only like that's only good.

Scott Brandley:

You know what I mean. Like there's only good that can come out of it. And so you know, living the gospel is a huge blessing that we, that we take for granted for a lot, I think, um, just because that's the life we live every day. But a lot of people don't live that way and I think they really miss out on that opportunity to just to continue to choose to live your best life every day, and that adds up to a great life.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah.

Scott Brandley:

So we're grateful that you're, that you're choosing that path, victoria.

Victoria Maldonado:

Yeah absolutely. Every day that path.

Alisha Coakley:

Victoria, yeah, absolutely Everything. I I've shared this, I think, once before and I believe it was actually with um, with Ashley, um, what is her last name, I can't remember. Now she has her own podcast to the comeback podcast, which I'm going to encourage you to go reach out to her because you guys have some some similarities in your stories and stuff like that. But, um, I think I shared this with her in her podcast that my, my brother, right after he had passed away, um, his best friend, had told me this story about now his best friend had struggled with addiction and stuff like that and uh, when he was going to um to narcotics, anonymous, he invited my brother to come with him and just kind of like, just sit with him, just be with him. And so my brother did, zach did, and uh, he listened to everybody share their story and share their you know how much success they were having so far and if they had relapses and all the things.

Alisha Coakley:

And at the end of the meeting, um, my brother got up and he said, can I say something? He said I, I know I'm not like really part of the group, I'm just kind of observing. Um, you know, my brother didn't struggle with the addictions or anything like that, but um, he's. He got up and he said um, I just want all of you guys to know, cause I don't know if you have anyone in your life to tell you this he said I want you to know that I am so proud of you, and when my brother's best friend shared that, I thought that is just the epitome of Christ, christ-like love to be able to get up and to tell someone who is going through it, who's been through it, who's getting ready to go through it, Um, I'm so proud of you, and so I just want to extend that to you too.

Alisha Coakley:

Victoria, I know we just met, but I am so proud of you for making those choices and for getting through the things that you've gotten through and for being a light to others and for coming on today and sharing your story and sharing your, your testimony with us. I definitely was able to feel that spirit through this interview and I just think you've got some great things ahead of you, so keep doing what you're doing.

Victoria Maldonado:

Thank you.

Scott Brandley:

Any last thoughts, Victoria, before we wrap things up.

Victoria Maldonado:

Last thoughts Choose, wrap things up. Last thoughts, choose. I mean every single day of our lives we have so many choices. So you know, choose the thing that is gonna bring you the most happiness, even if it's tough or weird.

Alisha Coakley:

There you go. I love that. Oh man, all right Was that Ashley Stone?

Scott Brandley:

Ashley Stone, yes, I was like thinking Fox Smith.

Alisha Coakley:

I was like I know it's a one syllable last name Ashley Stone. Yes, yes, it's a one syllable last name Ashley Stone. Yes, yes, we'll get you connected.

Scott Brandley:

So, yeah, Awesome. Well, thanks, Victoria for coming on and yeah, thanks for everyone for us for tuning in and listening to Victoria. We really appreciate your support and let's do our five second missionary work. Hit that share button. Let's get Victoria's story out there so that we can help share her light and her story with others that might need it.

Alisha Coakley:

Absolutely. And remember, if you guys have a story that you'd like to share, we would love to hear from you. So reach out to us. You can either go to latterdaylightscom and fill out the form at the bottom of the page or you guys can email us at latterdaylights at gmailcom. Like I said we would, we would love to hear from you, guys.

Alisha Coakley:

Guys, this is the only way that we can continue to share light through the world is by sharing our stories, sharing our experiences, sharing our testimonies. It's you know. I was thinking the other day about how we could spend our time defending our faith, or we can spend our time defining our faith, and I think that in sharing your stories, you're just defining what you believe in and you don't have to worry about being on the defensive, um, you can just share what's true and and what's right and what you've learned, and people can't argue against that because it's your experiences. So it really has a lot of power and we would love to hear from from more you know, more of you out there who are listening, to know what you've been through and what you're going through, and how, how you've been able to draw closer to the savior through that. So that's our invitation. Thank you guys again for tuning in to listen. Thank you, victoria, for coming on here today. We really appreciate you and we hope everyone has a great week until next time.

Scott Brandley:

Take care.

People on this episode

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Scott Brandley

Host
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Alisha Coakley

Co-host