Finding Love, Faith, and Strength as a Blended Family: Donna Morris' Story - Latter-Day Lights

What does it take to raise a blended family in the church?

Donna Morris shares her incredible journey of becoming a step-mother to 6 children at age 23, and navigating the unique challenges of trying to raise a blended family in the gospel.

Now a mother of 9 and a grandmother of 8, she reflects on some of the many experiences, difficulties, trials, and blessings that have helped to strengthen her faith and shape her life,

Through trials such as a major car accident, infertility struggles, and the heartbreaking loss of a son, Donna reveals the depth of her faith and the support of her loved ones.

This episode highlights the resilience required to manage a blended family and the miraculous blessings that can arise even from the most challenging circumstances.

*** Please SHARE Donna's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/bn29ASKg7pw

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To READ Donna's book "A Practical Guide for Latter-day Saints Step Families", visit (direct link): https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Guide-Latter-day-Saint-Stepfamilies/dp/173557922X/

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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.

Transcript

Scott Brandley: 0:00

Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.

Alisha Coakley: 0:02

And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.

Scott Brandley: 0:10

In this episode we learn how one woman's life in a blended family has shown her that, no matter what challenges come her way, they can make it through with the help of the Savior. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today and we're really excited to introduce our special guest, Donna Morris. Donna, how are you today?

Donna Morris: 0:44

I'm doing great. Thank you, Scott.

Alisha Coakley: 0:46

Awesome. Yeah, donna, I was so excited when you reached out to me because we've had guests who were from blended families but we haven't had that conversation about blended families and being in the church and stuff, and so when you told me your story, I was just like, oh, I love this. One of my favorite things about our show is that we really do try to connect to every member of the church. You know, like wherever you're at, however you got there, you know, whatever your family looks like, whatever your life looks like, we really really want to have a place and a story and someone to represent you, and so I just love that you were willing to come on here and to share your family story with us. Thanks, alisha.

Scott Brandley: 1:31

How did you find out about our podcast?

Donna Morris: 1:34

Do you know? I was just looking at different podcasts one day, trying to figure out which one to listen to, and I saw yours in the list when I just Googled it, so I was excited. Well, that's cool.

Alisha Coakley: 1:45

We're excited. So well, tell us, donna, a little bit about yourself. Where are you from? What's going on in your life? What kind of hobbies do you have?

Donna Morris: 1:55

Oh, I'd love to. So my name is Donna Morris. I live in Salt Lake City, I'm the mother of nine children, six of those I inherited with my husband when I married, and then we have three biological daughters together, and we love anything outdoors, we love being in the mountains, love to be on our bicycles taking a walk. I love to read and I love to talk. It's fun to talk with people and just get to know others' stories and experiences.

Alisha Coakley: 2:27

Oh, that's awesome. I love that You're among fellow readers. Scott and I are always. I think at one point we had mentioned how we have multiple books going at the same time. You know like Scott will have like four or five of them on his nightstand, Is that right, Scott? I feel like I remember that conversation.

Scott Brandley: 2:45

Yeah, he's got several going.

Alisha Coakley: 2:47

Yeah, and then I have a lot on Audible that are always going and and I reread a bunch of old books that I loved, that I haven't read in a long time. So we're, we love readers. We love it If you don't read, cool if you do on the on the outdoor side.

Scott Brandley: 3:04

Are you like a true camper or are you a glamper?

Donna Morris: 3:08

we're true campers, we're in the tent man they're organic, we're organic yes, down to earth that's funny?

Alisha Coakley: 3:20

yeah, not me yeah I've done it, I've done it, We've done it. For, you know, obviously there's Girls Camp and Boys Camp and you know. But I don't know, I feel like at a certain age I'm just like, yeah, we can go have fun in the outdoor woods and then we can go to a hotel.

Donna Morris: 3:42

Or something to that you can take so much. Yes, a hotel or something to that you can take so much.

Scott Brandley: 3:47

Yes.

Alisha Coakley: 3:47

Well, when you have nine kids, though, alisha, that could get expensive going to a hotel that's when I would probably have to leave the kids organically in a tent and then go get a hotel seriously, oh yeah see you in the morning if the bears didn't get you. No, oh man. Well, that's awesome. We absolutely love to hear that and we're definitely intrigued. We want to know how this six kids situation happened, because you definitely don't look old enough to have six kids and eight grandkids.

Donna Morris: 4:20

I don't know if I mentioned that I have eight grandkids. Oh, wow, that is crazy, yeah. So, donna, I don't know if I mentioned that I have eight grandkids, which is oh wow, that is, that is crazy, yeah.

Alisha Coakley: 4:28

So, donna, why don't you go ahead and tell us, like, where does your, where does your story begin?

Donna Morris: 4:33

Oh, so my story actually begins with my mother, and this is because she was a convert to the church and very instrumental in helping Jeff and I get together, so I'm going to start with her conversion story. My mother was born in Norway, in a little town called Moss, which is right on the ocean I've been lucky enough to go and it's just a beautiful little community, but unfortunately, she grew up with a really abusive alcoholic father, and so that proved to be a really challenging experience for her, and when she turned 18 years old, she was at this party, and, you know, she did a lot of partying. So this party, though, lasted for three days and yeah, if you can imagine and at the end of the three days, she said that she just had this overwhelming feeling that her life needed to take a different direction, and she also knew that she couldn't go back home, and so she actually asked her friends at the party if they would give her money, and that's what they ended up doing is just pulling all the resources they had, all the money they could put in the pile, and she took that money, and she used it to hitchhike all the way to Oslo, and she went to Oslo because she had an aunt there. And the really amazing thing is that she had only been to her aunt's house once and she was from a very small town and so you know, trying to find her way around this big city could have been really tough. But I really believe that the Lord helped her find my aunt's house and she was able to get there and she knocked on the door and all she had with her is what she'd brought to the party. But she basically told my aunt you know, can I stay with you? I'm not going home. And my aunt said yes and let her in.

Donna Morris: 6:29

And from that moment on my mother slept on their couch because it wasn't a very big home. They had two grown children, two that were in the home and they helped my mother find a job. But the first night that my mother was there, my aunt asked her if she would like to go to church with them the next day and my mom, being a guest, didn't feel like she could say no. But amazingly, that night, as she was thinking about attending church the next day, she just had this beautiful, warm feeling come over her that she was going to Jesus Christ's true church. And from that moment on, from the first day of going. She never looked back, she never returned to any of the party things that she was doing, and eventually she was baptized and she was just that golden investigator. It's like the Lord just plucked her out of the situation she was living in and moved her forward.

Donna Morris: 7:27

And my dad had served a mission in Norway and ended up coming back to Norway to do a sabbatical, and he met my mother at a young adult activity and then they ended up writing letters back and forth and then she eventually immigrated.

Donna Morris: 7:44

And so that's where my story starts. And I'm the oldest of six kids and, interesting enough, I decided to serve a mission and of course, I thought, since I knew quite a bit of Norwegian, that I would serve in Norway Makes sense, I've got this girl that can speak Norwegian, let's put her to work right. Um, but what ended up happening is the Lord had very different plans for me and he ended up calling me to serve in Anaheim, california, and when I opened my mission call, I was like shocked, what? But in that moment I also felt a confirmation that this was the place that I I needed to be. And it was amazing because the theme of my mission turned out to be step families. It seemed like every area I was serving in I would serve with a blended family and I got to see some of the dynamic that step families go through and you know the dropping off of kids, picking up of kids and some of the more challenging things you know.

Donna Morris: 8:52

But I also saw a lot of families that really knew how to work together and put their children first ward that I served in there was a sweet family that both sets of parents lived in the same ward and they would sit on the same bench in church with the kids in between both the couples and I ended up one of them was a part member family and I ended up getting to know the dad really well and he was the one that we were teaching and he was baptized and it was just this beautiful experience and their family just all of the family, his ex-wife everybody just rallied around him as a new convert. Yeah, it was an honor to be a part of their family situation and to be a part of his conversion story. And so when I came home from my mission, that was all my mother could talk about was this guy at work. My mother worked at the Family History Library.

Donna Morris: 9:48

She was a Nordic consultant and my future husband was also a Nordic consultant and it was funny because I had been home maybe two days and she's like you or your sister have to date this guy at work. He's amazing, he's really funny, he's handsome. He's like you know you or your sister have to date this guy at work. He's amazing, he's really funny, he's handsome, he's intelligent. Oh, and, by the way, he's going through a divorce and has six kids.

Alisha Coakley: 10:14

Oh my gosh.

Donna Morris: 10:15

I was like well, mom, you know why would he ever want to?

Alisha Coakley: 10:18

And so he wasn't even divorced yet. No, he wasn't even divorced. She's trying to hook you up.

Donna Morris: 10:26

Just like why would this older man want to, you know, meet this and date this newly returned missionary? I just thought she was crazy. So how much older? He is 11 years older.

Alisha Coakley: 10:40

Yeah, wow, your mom yeah.

Donna Morris: 10:43

Wow, your mom Go, mom, she really liked him. She really liked him. Yeah, and my parents are actually almost 10 years apart too, oh, okay.

Alisha Coakley: 10:52

So she was like chump change Only a decade.

Donna Morris: 10:57

That's right, it's okay, I'm sorry about that, but it was funny. Three days after my mission, a group of my old friends you know, my high school friends wanted to go down to Lake Powell, and so we went cliff jumping. And I had never been cliff jumping before, and so one of my friends measured the cliff we were jumping off it was 75 feet and unfortunately I it was. This is the worst decision I ever made. I would never do it again, but I none of the other girls were brave enough to do it, and I felt like I had to you know, hold the team together. So I can't. You know that female power. So I I went up with the guys and I jumped, but I didn't keep my legs straight, and so I I jumped into this water at an angle and I couldn't feel my legs for like a half an hour and I was so scared that I was paralyzed. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, but anyhow, everything was good. I've got the feeling back in my legs, but my legs were completely covered in these awful cherry bomb bruises. And I met Jeff two days after that, and so he got to see my legs. Oh my gosh. But I finally went down to the family history library, my mom introduced us. There were no sparks, nothing, and it was just this nice little meeting. You know, hello, it's nice to meet you.

Donna Morris: 12:28

And then life resumed and I didn't even think of him again until six months later when I was doing some research for a class at BYU. At that point I was a student at BYU, living off campus with some friends in an apartment, and so I'm at the library doing research and I needed to go get a drink and my path crossed with Jeff's and I remembered him and I'm like oh, you're Jeff. And he's like oh, donna, it's good to see you. And we just started talking and anyhow, I didn't think about it again. But Jeff said he couldn't get me out of his mind and he just kept thinking I need to, I need to call Donna. And so he got his courage up and asked my mother for my phone number and and then he called me.

Alisha Coakley: 13:15

Wow, so was? Was your mom playing both sides? Was she also talking to him about you? Yeah, okay, was she also talking to?

Donna Morris: 13:25

him about you. Yeah, Okay, I have a sister that's 18 months younger than me and she was like Jeff. I have two daughters that you could date.

Scott Brandley: 13:32

Oh boy, oh my God.

Donna Morris: 13:35

Backup plan huh, he went for the older. Oh, there you go. Yeah, he was so sweet. He wanted to have me report favorably to my mother and so he invited me to have dinner at the roof. And that's a fancy restaurant, especially for a book club. That's very fancy, yeah.

Donna Morris: 14:03

So I was nervous and I remember one of my roommates said to me she's like Donna, what are you thinking? You're dating a guy with six kids and he's so much older? And she's like you're gonna ruin your life. And I just said to her I'm like I'm not gonna marry the guy. You know it's just a date, right. So it was one of those ironies. But but that date was. It was such a beautiful experience. We had so much fun and it was like coming home. You know, the other guys I had dated, it seemed like over time things got worse, um, and just weren't clicking. But with Jeff it was the opposite. It was like the more I got to know him, the more I just really enjoyed um, being with him and it just got better and, uh, that was, that was a really special date. It was, you know, a little bit uncomfortable because we were sitting right over the Salt Lake Temple.

Donna Morris: 14:58

We had this gorgeous view, right by the window there's like violin music playing, you know live and this amazing food and anyways. But it was. It was so sweet, it was very special and on the way home it was amazing because I hadn't had this happen with anybody else. But we had an hour drive to get back to Provo from Salt Lake City and so we found I found myself bearing my testimony to him and expressing how much the Savior had helped me through my life and what a blessing the gospel has been and he was doing the same. You know, donna, I'm so grateful for my Savior and he has helped me so much, you know, through my divorce and you know all the transitions we've had to make with the kids, and so it was just a really special evening that is so cool, oh my gosh yeah.

Scott Brandley: 15:50

I bet you, like he was on the other side. He was like man. I don't how do I call her. She's so much younger. I have six kids. She's not gonna want to date me right. It was like well from both sides, I'm sure, right.

Donna Morris: 16:04

Oh yeah, absolutely so true yeah.

Alisha Coakley: 16:09

That's so funny. And I remember you only got four kids, if you, I mean, and we're older. But like if you ever had to start dating again, how I don't know, I like, I think, especially after, like so fresh after a divorce, right, like I know, divorces do take time, so the separation could have been, you know however long it was, but that would be, I'd be really hard. I'm like sitting here from like a single girl perspective for some reason, which I'm clearly not, you remember what it felt like you remember, yes, exactly.

Alisha Coakley: 16:46

I couldn't even imagine. Oh yikes, your husband is very brave. I don't think. Oh, I don't know if I could date someone 10 years younger than me, Just on like a maturity level, you know, like that would have been really, really hard, especially when you have kids. It's like a whole different realm of you know experience that comes with that, so wow, You're coming into a tornado.

Donna Morris: 17:11

Oh yeah, oh yeah. Lots of moving parts, it's so true, people in motion. Yeah, that's a great way to put it. Yeah, it was interesting.

Donna Morris: 17:22

So I put off meeting the kids and I also put off getting physical with Jeff, because I just wanted to be so careful, because I knew that there were all these hearts on the line and that we had to be very mindful of the children's needs, and so I wanted to make sure you know that this was really a direction. I wanted to go as far as you know, getting more serious with Jeff. And so I remember we were probably a month and a half into dating and he asked if he could kiss me and I told him, no, what a sweetheart that you asked. And secondly, that I said no, I. But the reason was, I told him, you know, it gets a lot more complicated when we open that door and I just want to make sure that this is, you know, right for both of us, and which it turned out to be. And so then I had to get my carriage up and say, hey Jeff, hey Jeff, I think that'd be nice, that was good, that's so funny, wow.

Alisha Coakley: 18:22

So how long did you, did you guys, date for before you met the kids and really had like a glimpse of like just what this could look like and how? How was that meeting them for the first time?

Donna Morris: 18:36

Oh, that's a really good question. So I think it was probably about three or four months before I met them and we decided to keep it just like really casual for the first encounter. It's just so that there wouldn't be any pressure on anybody, you know, it would just be more just like relaxed and quick and nice, and that's what we did. So Jeff just brought them by, so he parked at my apartment, came up to get me and I remember walking down the stairs of my apartment and just thinking you know what is this going to be like? Will they like me? And so I rounded the corner and there was the van and the van was literally going back and forth, like there was so much movement in the van. It was yeah.

Donna Morris: 19:20

And I was like Whoa this is a party and it was. He threw open the door and all the kids were like so excited and everybody was moving. One of our daughters had really long hair and she was whipping her hair around and I was like hey, here's the gang, her hair around. And I was like hey, here's the gang. And then we took a turn. I just I said something to each child, just ask them what their name was and to tell me a little bit about themselves, and and we just went from kid to kid.

Donna Morris: 19:48

Whitney was our, our oldest daughter was in the front, and then the, the two next kids in line and the three youngest were in the back, still in their car seats. I think Isaac was in a booster seat. But they were all so sweet and and it went really well. It was just, you know this, this little meeting. And then, when we were done, jeff got in the van and he, he started driving off and I remember our oldest daughter was hanging out the window, waving, and it was just like I shouldn't say hanging out the window, but she was leaned over waving the window and it was just really sweet and just a good experience.

Donna Morris: 20:23

And from there then Jeff invited me to be with him on the weekends when he had them, and so I got to spend more time with them and, and you know, start connecting on a deeper level, and it was a lot of fun. We had a really great time and they're just amazing kids. So when I met Jeff, they were all under the age of 10. And now we're all 20 years Wow, very 20 years, and so it's just like it's amazing how time goes and how much has happened. Oh my gosh.

Alisha Coakley: 21:00

So what did those conversations look like? Like when you guys started getting really serious and you were like, okay, this, this could be a, this could be a forever, all in type of thing. How did you guys have those conversations, especially cause you do have you know, you know an ex wife that you're going to have to coordinate kids and schedules and meetings and all of the things with and you know, yeah, no, that's an excellent question, I should tell you.

Donna Morris: 21:25

When I met her so, yeah, I was nervous about meeting the ex-wife and, yeah, as we got closer to getting engaged and then, you know, preparing for a marriage, there was a lot to think about with how to balance things. But while we were dating, the kids were still in Utah. She ended up moving to Pennsylvania right before we married, and so I feel like we were really blessed that we had that time for me to get to know the kids before they moved, to get to know the kids before they moved. And I remember the first time meeting his ex wife, we drove to the house that they had shared and that they had lived in for a while. So that was kind of weird too.

Donna Morris: 22:08

And I just remember we got to the house and all the kids were like so excited we were there and they ran inside to get her and and then there she was, on the porch and I got to see who she was, and it was nice for me to see that she wasn't like a Greek goddess and that she wasn't also, like you know, a wolf woman. She was just a regular, which was good. We just exchanged niceties, Um, just talked a little bit, um, but it was, it was a good meeting and yeah, it was good. And then from there, because she had the physical custody they shared joint legal custody, but she had physical custody of the kids. They had decided to keep them all together and then she ended up moving to Pennsylvania right before we got married and so, to be honest, we should have had more conversations about how that would look for the families and we didn't. We just didn't really know what we were doing. You know what? I mean? Neither of us had been in this experience before. He had never been a long distant parent.

Donna Morris: 23:12

His ex-wife was very kind and drove cross country to get the kids to our wedding, which was such a blessing for them to be a part of our special day, and so we were really lucky I should say this too Before we got married if you've already been sealed previously in the temple, you have to get clearance from the first presidency to be remarried in the temple. And 20 years ago my experience with the state so I had to have like a meeting with the state president, and during that meeting he asked me he's like so you understand, you might be a second wife in the eternities, because Jeff and his ex wife had never had a temple cancellation of the ceiling, and so it was just this awkward interview. But that's something I also talk about in my book is, just as I was interviewing people and families, there's a lot of pain surrounding, like you know, who's sealed to who, what happens after you're divorced? Have a temple cancellation, like a ceiling Anyhow? There's just a lot of questions around that, and so I think today the leaders of the church are doing a much better job at quieting people's fears and helping them understand that the Lord has their best interests at heart and that anything that seems messy or confusing it will be taken care of and we don't have to worry about that.

Donna Morris: 24:38

So, but as a young person. I was 23 at the time when I married Jeff and had that interview. It was, it was stressful. I was like, could that be? I don't know if I want that. I really don't want that, you know. So, anyhow, it was interesting. You know, since that life has gone on and she ended up getting a temple cancellation of her ceiling to Jeff and remarried someone else.

Donna Morris: 25:04

But there's many, many members that don't have that happen.

Donna Morris: 25:07

And so we just have to be mindful of people's situations. But anyhow, jeff and I were lucky enough to get the temple clearance, and so we were blessed to have a letter come in the mail that said that we'd be just fine to be married in the temple. And Jeff's father at that time was a sealer in the Salt Lake City temple and so he was the one that sealed us and that was so special and it was wonderful, like when we came out of the temple my family was there with the kids and they were just taking care of them and, you know, playing with them and amusing them until we got out. Right, we got married in November. So it was a cold day and I remember my my future sister in law. She wasn't my sister in law at that time, but she was a close family friend. She had bought hot cocoa for all the kids and it was just a really special day.

Donna Morris: 26:03

But I wanted to bring out that all stepfamilies are born from grief. Whether it's the death of a nuclear family or the death of a parent or a spouse, stepfamilies are created from loss. They that's how they're. They're formed. You know it's um or not formed, but that's how they come into existence. Right? There's something that happened that was traumatic, and then you know that that parent or that spouse has to move forward, and so, anyhow, I remember on our wedding day, one of our older daughters was crying, and I really think that you know it was the death of her dream for her parents to get back together and you know, even though we got along and she was happy for her dad, you know she's a child and I think every kid of course wishes that their parents could stay together, course wishes that their, their parents could stay together.

Donna Morris: 26:59

And so, um, you know, when you first enter a blended family or a step family, um, it can be, there can be a lot of complicated emotions for the different people in the family, especially the children, um, who might still be holding on to, you know, the dream of a nuclear family. So, yeah, I learned, I learned that early on that there was a lot of pain that we would have to work through, and that's one thing I talk about in my book. I should mention that too. I wrote a book called A Practical Guide for Latter-day Saint Step Families and in my book I talk about some of the things that you should really look at before you step into a blended family.

Donna Morris: 27:39

And we really didn't understand our rights either, like how often we were supposed to see the kids and who was supposed to pay for visitations and things like that. And these days things are a lot more squared away. I think the process has become a lot more refined, but 20 years ago it was, you know, more complicated. They didn't even have a lawyer representing them, they just did the paperwork with a judge and so, and that proved problematic, that that created problems, you know, after we were married.

Alisha Coakley: 28:10

So Well, in 20 years ago I mean, they've almost from what I've heard, it's it's almost always been in favor of the mom. Like everyone just kind of instantly assumed that the mom was always the best option for the kids to be with, predominantly Right Um, and nowadays, I think they're, I think they're getting a little closer. I, I, I, you know, I think there's still some things that need to be worked out there, so it's a little more fair. But I can see how that would be. Yeah, like you don't even know what to ask or what to do, cause it's not like you've been in this situation before, so you kind of have to wait for something to come up, to be like wait a minute. That doesn't feel right.

Donna Morris: 28:51

Exactly, yeah, and on top of that, jeff, jeff was grieving, you know, having the kids taken out of the state and away from him where he wouldn't have as much time with them, and so that was a component to. You know, when you're going through really stressful things, you don't always think as clearly, and so I think that weighed into the you know the situation as well.

Scott Brandley: 29:13

So how often did you see the kids?

Donna Morris: 29:16

Yeah, so we were, we were see okay, so, um, so in the beginning we just saw the kids three times during the year and we were lucky enough to have them for usually around two months in the summer, um, but then just two other holidays. So, and then we just supplemented with phone calls. At that time zoom didn't exist, you know, and so we were doing phone calls and those phone calls lasted, you know, two or three hours. With six kids it was. There were long phone calls, and so that's what we were doing in the beginning and then later, like so my husband and I have been married 20 years, so it's it's been a revolving door at our house, you know. Eventually, other kids came full time and so we'd have the kids that live with us full time, that we're visiting throughout the holidays, and then we added ours children to the mix. So it's been a lot of different dynamics playing in our home.

Alisha Coakley: 30:15

Yeah, Well, how long was it from the from your first date to your, your, wedding? How long of a time period was that let's see.

Donna Morris: 30:25

So we started dating in February and we were married in November, so is that 10 months? Less than a year than a year, which is incredible, yeah. So it was fast, yeah, and he had been divorced seven months. Let's see, I think it was seven months, uh, before we went on our first date.

Alisha Coakley: 30:48

So so not too too soon, but still, but still fast. Yeah, so fast for a first date being seven months later, Like well, I don't know, I maybe it is, maybe it's not fast, I don't know, I haven't been there, but I could see how kids could feel like that was fast. And then, of course, like you were saying, just navigating the grief of, okay, you know, my parents are divorced, well, hold on, now my dad's dating, and then I'm sure they probably had, like you know, I don't know if the ex wife was dating too, but that could always be, you know, like another layer to the grief and to the hardship.

Alisha Coakley: 31:28

And then just leaving Utah and going to Pennsylvania where they have their support system and all of their friends and their school and like now you're really having that, so that that's a lot of compounded grief for the kids. And and I I think it's amazing that you were at this stage in your life where you could see that and that you were okay taking things a little slower and just really making sure that, like you weren't, you weren't just playing fairy tale, you know, like you weren't just like oh, it's a boy and he likes me and he wants to kiss me, so I'm going to kiss him.

Alisha Coakley: 32:02

You know what I mean. Like you, you really took it seriously. I, you know that's. That's really hard for anybody at any age, but, um, wow.

Scott Brandley: 32:12

You're just kind of wise wise beyond your years at 23. Yeah for sure. And there are a lot of dynamics going on there. I mean, my parents got divorced when I was a teenager and that was hard because, yeah, there is a lot of grief. And I did have that same thing where I always wished my parents would get back together, yeah, of course.

Scott Brandley: 32:36

There's a lot going on in in those kids lives. Um, did they have a hard time bonding with you, with you being marrying their dad and and then them moving like, how was the bonding experience?

Donna Morris: 32:49

that's such an interesting question. So what had happened is, um, jeff's marriage had been on the rocks for a while and she had found someone else that she wanted to be with, and so they had already had enough. After the two were separated, she introduced this other man into their lives pretty early on, and so they already had that dynamic playing where they had this other man living with them, and so, yeah, it was complicated. It was really complicated, but for me, I think, because their mother had been so interested in her new relationship, they were excited for any attention that they could get, and I love, I love kids, I love teenagers. You know, I was a high school teacher, I, so I really enjoyed just doing fun things with them, and so in the beginning it was the bonding came, I would say, pretty easily in a way. But with that being said, I only had how many months was it before they? They left, you know what I'm saying so like, and they were so young, they were all under the age of 10, and so in the beginning of the marriage I felt like things were um easier that way as far as connecting with them. Um.

Donna Morris: 34:08

Later on, um, as we talk in the interview, I'll talk about some other things that happen in our family, um, but it's interesting, like when there's trauma in a family, if there's been trauma earlier, to like that trauma can come back and it compounds experiences kids are having. And we saw that happen later in the marriage. So when our some of the kids were teenagers, that's where it got really hard. And, you know, sometimes the step parent can become a target because they're an outsider on the family. They're like an intimate outsider but they're still not a parent, and so sometimes they are the ones that the kids you know direct their anger towards or you know, right, so, and I found myself in that situation later on in the family.

Donna Morris: 34:52

So, yeah, it's relationships are so complicated and it's no-transcript, another that was like a layer of something of excitement and anger, and I don't know I can, I'm sure there's emotions there too, so so there's so much and I should share this too like before, we had our first biological daughter, so my husband had had a vasectomy before he was divorced and so we weren't able to have children for 11 years. And so, on top of you know me trying to navigate a new role as a wife and a mother, and you know all the transitions that come with taking care of a family. You know me trying to navigate a new role as a wife and a mother, and you know all the transitions that come with taking care of a family. You know, in the summers and and eventually when other kids moved in full time, on top of all that, jeff and I were also navigating infertility, and so for those, we started infertility treatments.

Donna Morris: 36:13

It was like a year after we married, and what you don't always realize about step family sometimes is that you know there's other big issues dependent on what happened, you know, before the original couple divorced. And so for us, we were trying to save money. On top of paying child support for six kids, we were trying to save money for fertility treatments, you know, and and so that was stressful as well to have these financial obligations and, you know, try to really stretch money as far as it would go and and so yeah, anyhow, that was part of it too for 11 years, and during those years we also had just a lot of experiences with the other family. We. We found that we weren't always how should I say this in a diplomatic way? It was difficult to see the choices that they were making in the home. They weren't choices that we would make, and the values differed from our values. And so another layer into it. You know, not only are the kids navigating two households, but there's different values and different ways of doing things, so it just gets complicated.

Alisha Coakley: 37:28

It does, it does.

Donna Morris: 37:30

And then, three years into the marriage, our kids. So we were okay. So what ended up happening is, um, they ended up moving like 11, 11 times I think within 20 years they were moving, and so that also made it really complicated because the kids were having to start over with new schools, new friends, um you, new places that they're living and early on. So they moved from Pennsylvania to New Jersey and then to Colorado and they were there by like our third year of marriage in Colorado. So that's when for holidays and you know, and for the summer visit, we were meeting them halfway, we would both drive like four hours to meet in Rollins, wyoming, and then we would have the handoff of the kids. And a really big thing that happened during this time was that they had just the other couple had decided that they would be driving during the night, just to save time, I guess, and it worked with his schedule, with work, but unfortunately it was a visit in October and they hit black ice and so they had this horrific car accident and the van ended up rolling off the road three times and then it landed on its tires like it landed upright.

Donna Morris: 38:51

During that accident one of our daughters was ejected from the car and she was hanging out of the window by her seatbelt and when she had gone through the window it had ripped open her back. Her back had just like taken this gigantic bite. She ended up having over 60 stitches just to stitch up her poor back. Her leg was broken in two places. She ended up losing eyesight in one of her eyes and she was just purple, blue, black everywhere and she had broken ribs. I mean, it was just awful. And then our other daughter, her head ended up getting pinned under the top of the van between the seat and the ceiling, and she wasn't breathing when her mother found her Our oldest daughter she had. I didn't even know that your ribs go all the way up to like your neck, but they do. And one of her ribs had been broken off and the doctor said later that usually when that rib is broken it punctures the heart and you bleed to death, oh my gosh, by a miracle, like she was spared, her life was spared, and our sons?

Donna Morris: 40:01

they had minimal damage and they had. And then the ex-wife had two little boys with her new husband and they were in their car seats and so they were untouched.

Donna Morris: 40:14

But our girls were in really rough shape and usually you're not supposed to move someone that has a head injury, but their biological mother ended up moving Hannah and that's what helped her to start breathing again, and she was in a coma for I think it was like three days and I was the one that ended up staying in the hospital with her for over a week while they helped her with therapies physical therapy, occupational therapy experience for everybody and it also threw both sets of parents into a situation where we were all together trying to do everything we could to help these kids, you know, get better, and there were just some logistical things that had to happen, like showers, and I had never thought about what it's like bathing someone that has a bruised, broken body.

Donna Morris: 41:09

But, yeah, that's the situation we found ourselves in and I wrote about it in my book and it was just unbelievable. We ended up having to bathe Catherine, and she's the one that had broken her leg in several places and her back was just ripped open. And this poor kiddo, he was just in so much pain and I found myself holding her leg in the shower while her mother was trying to scrub her hair and her body. And then, at that point, you know like, the suppository started working for Hannah. So you know, the the other dad is like running her to the toilet to try and help her through a bowel movement while she's screaming and Catherine's screaming because she's in so much pain, and then their baby started screaming and crying and so runs to go grab the baby and try to comfort the baby and I'm like looking around, going this is unbelievable like is this real? Wow, it was. Oh man, but it was. It was a positive experience for our family because we found that we could work together effectively and efficiently with this other set of parents.

Donna Morris: 42:20

And at that point, it had been pretty rocky, you know, like it was not a very well functioning relationship, and so it showed me because I had a lot of anger towards Jeffrey's ex wife because of the choices that were made concerning the divorce and things that happened around that, and also, you know, she had decided to be with someone else and had allowed him to go through a vasectomy and that ended up being an 11 year road for us and I, you know that was very hard for me. And so to see her in this light, where she, you know, I could see the good parts of her personality and just see how she was working for the good of her children and like she wasn't a completely awful person, like I get what you're saying, yeah.

Donna Morris: 43:13

I hate to say that, but like just how I had thought of her in my mind and the consequences we were living because of her choices, I it was good for me to see. You know, nobody is just. You can't think in black and whites. Like everybody has many different colors of their personality and their decisions, and I think it's so important that we stop and look at everyone through a Christian lens, like a Christlike lens.

Alisha Coakley: 43:35

Yeah.

Donna Morris: 43:37

Yeah, so that really was like a for me, having that experience with them.

Scott Brandley: 43:43

And we all tell ourselves stories, right?

Alisha Coakley: 43:47

Yeah, we do. Well, and you know, here's the thing too like at one point, john and I my husband, we had, we had, we were like on the verge of divorce and stuff, and I remember just like everything that we were going through and all of the things that we had gone through, um, that were negative experiences, that was the only thing that I could see. You know, like he was about, he was about to be my ex-husband for a reason. The reason wasn't because because I loved him and you know he made me happy and he was sweet and whatever else it was. It was crazy to me to think how I could go from loving someone and just being like passionately in love with them to, all of a sudden, like I can't stand being in the same room with you and I don't even want to see you again, type of thing.

Alisha Coakley: 44:32

And so I think you know, coming in as a, as a new wife, right, like you really only get the hurt perspective you know, like your husband's not going to be toting over all of the good things that happened and how amazing his ex was, and you know all the reasons why he married her in the first place. Right Like he's, he's going to well, and it's human nature to want to explain why we make our decisions Right, and so we want to feel justified, we want to feel like we have a good reason for especially divorcing. You know, as members of the church, because we do hold such a a high regard on families being like eternal. So I can see how you. You didn't really get a chance to see any of the good things that made her who she was, and so it was really easy just to only have negative things to kind of pull from.

Donna Morris: 45:24

Yes.

Alisha Coakley: 45:24

And not that those negative things were wrong, that you know they weren't lies. They just weren't the complete truth.

Donna Morris: 45:31

So exactly and I'm only getting one side of the story too, you know what I mean like that's real.

Alisha Coakley: 45:36

so, yeah, no, that's a really good point, yeah, so yeah, so well, and, like you said too, not you know. Now, all of a sudden, this other person's decisions in the past affected your future, right? So now it's like, not that they even knew you or they owed anything to you, or you know what I mean Like, and, of course, they made the decisions based on their best knowledge at the time. Um, but you know, but it's a real thing, especially cause like, yes, you got to be a mother, but you also wanted to experience, you know, what it would be like for you to be a biological mother as well as a stepmom.

Donna Morris: 46:12

So yeah, I can see how that would be very, very rough it was rough and you know, having these kids that bring so much joy and and fun and laughter and and sounds and noise, you know, like all of that big, roundabout, functious family, and then when they leave to go home it's like just so silent, you know, and I that was painful and then, on top of, we couldn't have our own kids for a long time and so it was. It was tricky and I remember I got really bitter, I was angry and I was working on a master's degree at the time and I, on the side, I had a job where I was cleaning houses and I remember scrubbing floors for hours and just complaining in my brain oh, you know I'm so upset about this and you know why did they do this, and blah, blah, blah. And that's really an awful way to live, like just to let that poison, you know, take over. And I recognized that I needed to change my thought process and to forgive them.

Donna Morris: 47:09

You know I and that was an interesting journey too, because it seemed like, no matter what I did, I was praying for her, I was praying for them as a couple and for their success, and and that helped a little bit, but I still was, you know, angry and remember I finally got to a point where I was like Jeffrey, I need to go talk to the bishop and just ask him if he has any, you know, direction for me to be able to let go of this pain and and these feelings towards your ex wife.

Donna Morris: 47:37

And I went and talked to the bishop and that sweet man, he recommended an article by Brother Wilcox and he didn't know that Brad Wilcox had performed a miracle in my life when I was a teenager and just hearing his name, I just knew in that moment that the Lord knew me and that he had a plan and I was going to be okay. And I let go just in that moment, like it was amazing, a lot of toxic anger and it didn't all go, not even reading the talk, just hearing Brad Wilcox's name, just the name, wow.

Donna Morris: 48:15

That's powerful. It was. It was a miracle. It was an absolute miracle in my life, and from that moment, things were so much better. I could start to heal and let go of the yucky stuff. So the Lord is so good.

Alisha Coakley: 48:34

Yeah, wow, so, and it's so funny, I love, I love what you said, that you know, heavenly father just knew you, like he knew exactly what you needed. You didn't need the whole talk necessarily, you just needed to know. You know who it was that was giving that talk and what that recommendation was. That's that's interesting. Exactly, we had a.

Alisha Coakley: 48:59

We had a guest on not too long ago and he talked about this. It was like a 30 year anger that he had towards someone who he considered a bully and you know, and how he, like, ended up just out of the blue, forgiving this guy and then finding out later on that a lot of the stuff that he was holding against him never even happened. It wasn't even a thing. He had been mad at this guy for 30 years over things that weren't even true and didn't even happen. But he talked about how quick it was, how the change happened instantly.

Alisha Coakley: 49:28

It was so hard and it took so long and it built up and built up and built up. But he talked about how quick it was, like how the change happened like instantly. You know, it was so hard and it was. It took so long and it built up and built up and built up, but then the actual change was just boom, it was just Nope. Oh okay, like all of a sudden you have something that you needed and you know your whole perspective can change and you feel like you can move forward. And you know I love when he's know, I love when he does that I'm like, yes, you should do it more often and faster.

Donna Morris: 49:57

Yes, but he knows that it's like it's not wrestle you know it's not wrestle with challenges. That helps us grow and just stretches us and helps us to become better and it's refining. And so you know, looking back, I am grateful that I had that opportunity. How can you learn forgiveness unless you have someone to forgive right? And that's what it is. We need to have practice and we need to be in those experiences so we can grow. So I'm so grateful, so grateful.

Scott Brandley: 50:29

I remember I had an experience similar to that, where I had some bad feelings towards somebody and I couldn't get over it and I went and talked to the bishop. That's another podcast. So I went to the bishop because I couldn't get rid of it. It was just like carrying like always with me and I went into that office and I walked out and it was completely gone and I just felt the spirit like just, and it's never come back. Oh, so I think there is some. You know God, god knows us and and he puts people in our lives to help us and bishops can help oh, there's some inspiration there there is.

Donna Morris: 51:15

There's a special mantle that comes with that, calling absolutely yeah.

Scott Brandley: 51:20

What a blessing yeah so let's, let's, fast forward to your, your first baby. How did that happen? Like what?

Donna Morris: 51:29

oh, what is that? Like you are so sweet, ken, is it okay if I share one more thing before we go to?

Scott Brandley: 51:34

yes, is that?

Donna Morris: 51:35

okay, this is your story I'm excited to talk about my babies though they're sweethearts, but, um, it was interesting because that car accident was like a pivotal turning point for me as far as just like seeing the other parents in a new set of, like a new light, you know, with more charity and in a healthier way. And and then what ended up happening is we started having our more older kids they came for, like their junior, high and high school experiences, and so we started having kids full time in our home. And then we had one of our daughters that she came for her summer visit and then at the very end, she just looked at us and told us I'm not going back. And we're like, oh, you want to stay? Okay, that's good, but we're gonna have to talk with the other parents about this. And she's like I'm not going back. And she ended up staying and that caused a lot of problems between her and the other set of parents and eventually, what ended up happening with this daughter is that probably about six months after she came to live with us, she came out with abuse that had been happening in the other home, and so that was another big turning point for our family and another opportunity to try and see a situation in a Christlike way, to look at things, with charity but also to protect, you know, kids. And it was very complicated because we hadn't been there. We didn't really know exactly what had happened, of course, because we weren't living it, and so it ended up going to the authorities and the authorities got involved with the families, lots of interviews were conducted, there were counselors and psychologists involved, and what ended up happening is that the abuse was substantiated but couldn't be proved, and so that caused a really deep fissure between the relationships of some of our children, because some believed what she was saying and others did not. And some of the other kids they were too little to really understand what was going on, and so that was like a bomb and the repercussions were like tidal waves.

Donna Morris: 53:50

And when the kids that weren't living with us full time would come to visit, then we had to navigate relationships where there was a lot of anger and hurt and confusion between home that weren't used to living with each other all the time, and so that got complicated too, and we did a lot of praying, a lot of soul searching and just tried to do right by everybody in the situation, and we found that every kid in our family and this is true for any family deals with pain differently, and some of our kids turned to God and they found peace in Him and through Him. Others one of our kids turned to God and they found peace in him and through him. Others one of our sons turned to drugs as part of his coping mechanism. And also, you know, just from choices and it was just an interesting time to see how different kids were choosing, you know different choices that would impact their life in really deep ways. So when there's trauma going on in the home, and especially in a step family, unfortunately the step parent can be targeted. And that's when I found the relationships with some of my children to be really difficult, and that was heartbreaking for me because I adore my stepchildren all of them. I love them deeply, I would do anything for them. And to be put in a situation where I didn't really understand why they were targeting me or why people were acting a certain way, that was really hard, and that was another reason I started researching stepfamilies, for my book is just trying to get answers for how to deal with these complicated situations and how to offer the best support that we could, and so I forgot to say this earlier.

Donna Morris: 55:40

But Jeff and I, before we got married, we had looked for a resource to help us be the best you know stepfamily we could be, and that I could find a reason, would help me be a good stepmom and help me prepare for whatever was coming. And we couldn't find anything. You know, 20 years ago and and then, when all this really complicated stuff started happening in our family, I went back to the bookstores and I was looking for resources and there was nothing from a Latter-day Saint perspective, and so I just started thinking. You know, at that time too, I had just finished my master's degree and was looking for a job and there were no history positions, and so that's why I started writing and I just started compiling, and it was a project that I would, you know, put aside and then start again, and it took like it was a 12 year span, but, interestingly enough, you know, it felt like another situation would hit the family, so I'd write it down and research it and add it to the book, and, anyhow, it was a great blessing to have that project to help me work through the feelings and issues that we were encountering.

Donna Morris: 56:48

So, yeah, it was a really hard time, but the Lord also really blessed us and, uh, eventually, you know, things settled down more and, uh, people got the help they needed. Um, and then we eventually had older kids that serve missions and we were transitioning that way with, you know, kids that were moving on and and flying with their wings, making choices, and and that brings me to the birth of our first child way with, you know, kids that were moving on and and flying with their wings, making choices, and, and that brings me to the birth of our first child you've got kids going on missions and then you're having babies exactly, isn't that crazy.

Donna Morris: 57:25

So it was like like two families because of the age gap between them so, um, yeah, the daughter that was living with us full time, we we had Anya and oh, I should also say this, my kids, my stepkids, are amazing. They, they were so kind all those years that I was trying, that we were trying to get pregnant. They were rooting for us. I mean, they really want children. And even our youngest son, even as young as like four, he was asking me, you know, and they called me mom, mom, when are you going to born a baby? I remember he was so sweet, but when they had watched me, I mean, cause we did so.

Donna Morris: 58:07

Jeff is amazing and he actually had three vasectomy reversals. We thought in the beginning that that would make it so that we could just have kids naturally, but he has keloid scarring and that was the issue that we came up against after the reversals. And so we ended up having to do in vitro. And we tried the first in vitro and it was not successful. And we tried the first in vitro and it was not successful. And unfortunately, during that procedure, my ovaries ovaries are usually the size of about an almond or a grape and my ovaries exploded to the size of grapefruits and it was so incredibly painful, it was awful. My stepkids watched like they were there for a visit and I was on these. You know fertility drugs and I'm walking, I would walk around the block to just try to curb the pain and they were so sweet, they would Mom you. Okay, how are you doing? You know I'm so sorry. I mean they watched me go through all this shots and you know so they were. They were wonderful, and so when we finally had our daughter, they just rejoiced.

Donna Morris: 59:13

It was a party. They were so happy for us to have kids and we had kids that were living in Virginia at the time and kids that were living in Utah, and I think we had a child that was on a mission. We were all over the place, but all of them they were just so sweet. And our one daughter, before she left on her mission, um, I had been battling fertility for so long. I think I had like five showers. People were so happy for us, they just threw showers. She bought presents for each one of them these little gold pants and different sizes, different showers, and these sweet cards. I mean I just can't say enough how, how wonderful my step kids are. They're amazing and I just love them so deeply. And then she went on her mission and so it was a great joy and the kids were, were wonderful with her and our, our son that ended up dying. He he also.

Alisha Coakley: 1:00:09

He was engaged to be married and they got pregnant, and their daughter is the same age as my biological daughter, so well and and I apologize, I want to back up just a little bit, because you mentioned that you, you guys, lost a son at the time that you were gaining a daughter, and I mean, is that okay for you to talk about?

Donna Morris: 1:00:31

is that something?

Donna Morris: 1:00:32

you know, I'm glad that. I'm glad you asked, alisha, thank you. Um, so my oldest stepson is, um, his name is Dexter and, uh, I'll probably cry when I tell you guys this, but, um, he, we had a really special relationship, like he got my humor, I got his humor, like we could just make each other laugh. We had a really fun time together. You know, I would be driving down the street and I'd say something like, okay, dexter, you know, my gut is that this, this green light's gonna, or this red light's gonna, turn green now, and he'd be like mom, your gut is only right about 75% of the time. You know, just cute, like we just had a fun jokey, like fun relationship and anyhow, what ended up happening to him. So when Anya was born, he had just gotten out of the Marines and I want to share experience with you guys.

Donna Morris: 1:01:28

I'm going to have to back up, like back to my mission. I'm going to show you this book. This is a book that I brought on my mission and it was a book that I brought with the intention of my companions, my investigators, you know anybody that was special to me. They could write their testimony in this book and it would be a treasure that I could take home, and so I did. I filled the whole book with all these meaningful witnesses of Christ and it was one of my most treasured possessions of my mission. And when I got home I had a companion that hadn't signed it and so I let her borrow the book and unfortunately she lost it and I was devastated because of all these beautiful testimonies I no longer had.

Donna Morris: 1:02:16

And after I married Jeff you know Dexter, his testimony was not always solid and I just kept thinking, oh, if he could just read my, my testimony book, it would be such a blessing to him. And so I started bugging her. You know, hey Stoneman, have you found my journal yet? You know what's going on. And you know she basically told me eventually that she had sent it to my parents and they never received a package, right, so I just assumed that it was lost forever. But ironically, through the years I would come back to that thought oh, if Dexter could just read my testimony book, it would be so special for him. And he had eventually, as a teenager, decided to leave the church and he was getting into some trouble and experimenting with marijuana and some other drugs and eventually he ended up going into the Marines and after he got out of the Marines, we were really lucky because he got to come to Utah for a whole month, just him, to stay with our family, and at that point it was just Anya and Jeff and I. Our other kids were to college admissions or in the other home and so, anyhow, he came and we just had this wonderful summer together, this wonderful month, and he got to know Anya and his. His fiance was pregnant with their child and so and she was getting ready to give birth to their baby, and so he was so excited to spend time with this little one and it was just so special.

Donna Morris: 1:03:50

And we had this experience where it was fourth of July and we were watching the fireworks and I was sitting there with Dexter and my husband decided to take Anya home and I got to stay and Dexter sitting right next to me, and all of a sudden, one of the fireworks from across the street, like one of the big ones that goes up into the sky, one of those aerial I don't know what they're called, but it like flipped over and it shot right into my abdomen, it like went across the street and landed in my lap and I watched. I like looked down and I watched this thing explode right like this huge flash of green light and Dexter, who's sitting next to me, saw it too and all of a sudden, like my clothes were on fire and it was so crazy and I'm like running. I was not thinking stop, drop, roll, right, I'm just like I gotta get away from this fire. Right, I wasn't thinking straight, and so I'm like running and my brother like had to tackle me and he put the fire out and when I stood up, like my garment was still intact. My, my shirt wasn't, it was like burned away, but my garment was still intact. My, my shirt wasn't, it was like burned away, but my garment protected me. I still had some bad burns, but I think it could have been so much worse. And my, my step, my son, my stepson, dexter, saw this happen and it was just like this miracle, right, I, and so we went back to the house and I got, you know, cleaned up and my burns, we had to take care of my wounds.

Donna Morris: 1:05:19

But then, you know, the next day I found my husband and I and Dexter sitting at the table after we'd put Anya to bed, and we were just talking about, like the amazing experience that we'd had and how blessed I had been to be protected with my garment. And once again I found myself like bearing witness of our savior and telling Dexter you know, jesus Christ lives and he loves us and if we try to follow him like, he will protect and help us. And I kid you not, there was a knock at the door right then, right after I bore my testimony. Jeff goes to the door, he opens the door and he brings back a package and I'm like what is this? It was like nine o'clock at night, right? Nobody's delivering mail. I opened the package. Guess what was in the package? I found myself angel on the cover, and I looked across the table and I said Dexter, this is for you. And I told him how all these years, I had wanted to share this book with him and how sad I was that I couldn't. And he's just like dying, he's like whatever mom. He's like what? He's just I mean it blew his mind, but it's it's true. And that night he stayed up the whole night. He said he read all theies and it was the first time he had prayed in five years. He got down on his knees and he thanked the Lord for this miracle and it was just such a blessing have that happen for him.

Donna Morris: 1:06:48

He had struggled so much, you know, with his testimony and his faith in Christ, and so fast forward again to when Anya was born in Christ, and so fast forward again to when Anya was born. He got out of the Marines and unfortunately, dexter got really mixed up in drugs. He also dealt with mental illness and you know, mental illness and drugs is not a good combination and unfortunately that just really took him for a really awful ride and so he ended up having to be medicated, hospitalized, and then my daughter was going, she was going to be getting married and he flew out from Virginia to be at the wedding. And you know, him and I are sitting next to each other and he's just been through so many awful things by this point because of the drug abuse and mental illness, awful things by this point because of the drug abuse and mental illness, and he's telling me mom, I am so low, like I am so low, I don't know if I'm ever going to be okay again. And I was. So I just I don't know. I just wasn't thinking and I didn't have the tools I needed. So what do I do? I give him a pep talk. I'm like Dexter, you're going to get through this. You know what, if you can just put one step in front of the other, like one foot in front of the other, it's going to work out.

Donna Morris: 1:08:06

And I had no idea how low he was, because then, about three months later, we got a phone call from my other son that Dexter had shot himself and he had died, and so it was just like this, this awful, and so it was just like this awful reality that we found ourselves living, and it was really really hard for the entire family. Even though we knew he had had all these problems, I just never, ever thought it would lead to suicide. So, amazingly, we had a lot of miracles that happened around his death, and one of the miracles was that there were five journal entries that were found. He had actually burned most of his belongings just for a fresh start, and so most of his journals and letters and things had been destroyed before he died. But there were five trees that were found and one of them said today, mom's journal came God has not forgotten me, and it was just.

Donna Morris: 1:09:10

The Lord knew. He knew even before anything happened, that we would need that comfort, that we would be reminded that the Lord has a plan for all of his children and when really awful you know catastrophic things happen, that he's still in the Lord's hands and it's going to be okay. And you know, at that point we we ended up getting a blessing that night from a really dear friend and ironically, that friend had never shared this with anybody outside his family, but he was dealing with the same type of type of mental illness that Dexter was and he shared that with us that night. And anyhow, he gave me a blessing and it was like the room was on fire, like it was lit, like there was so much light and warmth and love and I could feel Dexter's love for me and for the family and I would never have expected this, but he felt grateful. I could feel his gratitude for his life and if you knew how messy his life was before he died, it's like amazing that that would be as valuable as I think it was. I think the pain and the hardships that we endure are so valuable. We don't recognize how happy we will be for those experiences in the next life, but I felt that with that blessing and anyhow from then on I've just been so comforted. I know he's around, I know he peeks in on the family and helps us in ways we don't understand. But I was really blessed to have a really special relationship with his fiance Before he died.

Donna Morris: 1:11:00

They had broken off the engagement because of some of the really bad choices he was making, but she still loved him, she still cared for him, but I was the one he actually called me the night before he died. I, that's another thing, oh my goodness. I had been out with a group of friends. I had a friend that was dying from cancer. She had five different types and a group of girls in the ward had gotten together to just take her out for a girls night.

Donna Morris: 1:11:28

And so Dexter tried calling me on the way home from that girls night and I just thought to myself I'll call him later. You know I don't, I won't pick up right now with you know what was going on, but um, anyway, I'll call him later. You know I don't, I won't pick up right now with you know what was going on, but anyway, I've regretted that. But we just, we just don't always know, do we? But I I was the one that called his the mother of his child and told her what had happened to him and since that experience like we have just had this relationship. I just love her. She is like one of my daughter-in-laws. Even though they never got married, she is such a sweetheart and we just have this amazing relationship. So it's just, it's amazing how the Lord can take the most ugly, awful situations and bring really beautiful things out of them, and there's so much we don't understand. But I just know that the Lord's gonna make it okay, it'll all work out, yeah.

Alisha Coakley: 1:12:29

Yeah, wow. So, my goodness, you've been through a roller coaster For sure. You know, I I've been. I've had this thought in my head all day and I don't know if I'm going to say it the right way or if it's going to come out the way that it's in my head. But I'm thinking a lot about how there's so many people who misunderstand.

Alisha Coakley: 1:12:54

They think that Heavenly Father maybe delights in our suffering, or that he just doesn't care if we're suffering. You know, and and I think about it and I think about how you know, when we suffer with a purpose, that is what brings heavenly father joy. Right, it's not the suffering, it's what we do with it afterwards, it's the blessings that come from it, it's the way that we learn. That's part of the purpose in coming to this life and in dealing with the things that we have to deal with and in going through the suffering is so that we can reach out and we can mold our lives with one another. Out, and we can. We can mold our lives with one another. You know, it's for for us to be able to grow, to be come closer to who we're supposed to be, closer to the savior, closer to my father, closer to each other. You know, it's like you had said in in the beginning that, um, you know, blended families originate from a form of grief, something. Some kind of suffering has to happen in order for a blended family to um to take place. You know, and, and I don't know, I still feel like there's like something else in my head there that I'm not quite getting to yet, but hopefully, hopefully, the spirit will fill the gap and kind of get it across to to listeners and to everyone.

Alisha Coakley: 1:14:19

But I love that that you one, you didn't shy away from the challenge. You know, like you knew, going into this marriage with six little kids, um, and not even knowing all of the details of it, but just knowing that details were going to come, that things were going to be hard, it wasn't going to be all sunshines and rainbows, sunshine and rainbows, and that you trusted the Lord enough to take that suffering and to turn it into something beautiful. You know that you knew that there was a bigger picture, even if you didn't know what that bigger picture really was at the time. I think that that is such a testament to how strong your testimony is of Jesus Christ and of the atonement especially and I I love that. He's been a part of your story from before you even existed here on this earth.

Alisha Coakley: 1:15:10

You know, way back with your mom, right Like, your mom had to go through her own suffering in order to make the change to become part of a blended family where she was living with her aunt, and and then for you guys just to carry that on. You know, I just think it's such a it's just such a beautiful thing, and so I really appreciate you coming on today and just sharing, you know, some of the stories and the experiences that you've had as a step-mom and as a second wife and as a biological mom, and, you know, as a sister in Christ and just all of the things, because it's it's beautiful, it's a beautiful story.

Donna Morris: 1:15:47

Thank you, Can I? Can I share really quick. It's really amazing too, because in so a year later, what ended up happening is our youngest son got his mission call and so he needed to go through the temple for his endowment. And so our other son got to take Dexter's name through the temple for Dexter's endowment. So all of my three sons were represented that day in the temple, Plus my daughter was getting married the next day, and so she was going through. Let's see, she had already had her endowment. My daughter was getting married the next day, and so she was going through. Let's see, no, she had already had her endowment, but she was there, and the other two girls were there too. So everybody was in the temple together.

Donna Morris: 1:16:26

And that was when I was pregnant with our twins. And we didn't know. And I got pregnant with twins and it's crazy because I ended up having the twins three weeks later. But for that experience in the temple with everybody, I was in a wheelchair because I could hardly walk, I was so big. And it turned out to be such a special experience because, because I was in the wheelchair, I got to be wheeled up in front of everybody and go through, you know, the temple ceremony first, front of everybody, and go through, you know, the temple ceremony first. And so I got to see all my kids as I was being wheeled through the temple.

Donna Morris: 1:17:04

And it's just amazing the special experiences that the Lord blesses us with and he is just so good, he knows what our families need and it was really fun to just be a part of my youngest stepdaughter's wedding. And here I am huge and pregnant and she's getting married and we have the funnest pictures. I think they'll include some in this podcast. But, oh, but you know, you just never know what twists and turns your life will take, Because we had our whole family every, you know in the temple.

Donna Morris: 1:17:34

Everything seemed to be really good. And then, you know, fast forward a couple more years and we've had several of our kids that have left the church and, you know, one of our kids decided to embrace being a lesbian and that caused a divorce. And you know you, just, you don't ever know where lives will wind. You know what, what way the roads will wind, but I can say that the Lord just always walks with us, no matter where we are on the journey, and we can always have hope that there's good things in store and he is the master, healer and fixer and he just, he just makes things okay or makes it long enough to bear them.

Scott Brandley: 1:18:15

So yeah, Going back to your 23 year old self. I'm guessing you would. I'm guessing, if you had to do it all over again, you would. You would right.

Donna Morris: 1:18:27

Absolutely. You know, just because something is hard doesn't mean it's not the most worthwhile thing you'll do, and I love my family so much I wouldn't play them for anything. I love my family so much I wouldn't pay them for anything. So I'm just truly grateful. My husband is my best friend. We have such a sweet marriage and where it's just been such a great opportunity to grow. I think the Lord knew I needed every person in this family to help make me the best I could be and just keep walking, and so it's a great blessing. I would tell that 23 year old, you got this lady. Just keep walking.

Donna Morris: 1:19:06

And I would give her up because there were hard things coming, oh man. But we can say that for all of us, no matter what type of family we're in, there will be some hard times.

Alisha Coakley: 1:19:17

Yeah, for sure.

Scott Brandley: 1:19:19

So, how old are your youngest three now okay.

Donna Morris: 1:19:22

So right now we have a nine-year-old and two four-year-olds in our home, and they're turning five next week so you make me tired you've been raising kids for like over 20 something years.

Alisha Coakley: 1:19:42

You still got 13 more to go. Oh man, wow. Well, donna, you are just, you're just wonderful, wonderful, I. I am so grateful to you for coming on here today and just sharing your story and everything like that. Um, before we, before we officially end, is there anything that you, you know, would like to leave with the audience? Any last words?

Donna Morris: 1:20:13

is it okay if I put a plug in for my book? Yeah, if course. Yeah. If any of you are in blended family and we're having a hard time in any way, please pick up a copy of my book. It's the book that I wish that I'd had when I married my husband. It's called A Practical Guide for Latter-day Saints Step Families, and it has everything in it, from communication skills to discipline to how to navigate relationships with a co-parent or ex-spouse, if you want to call them that.

Donna Morris: 1:20:43

I wanted to write a book that would be a one-stop for step families. So, no matter if you're dealing with grief or abuse or addiction, it's all there and will help you with the resources that you need. And I'd just like to bear you my testimony that I know our Savior, jesus Christ lives and that he loves his families, and I really think he has a special place in his heart for people that have the courage to try again and have the courage to create a step family, and I know he'll bless your journey and that he'll be there every step of the way If you turn your heart to him and look to him for answers. He's done that for me and I've seen so many miracles.

Alisha Coakley: 1:21:26

Wow, I love that.

Scott Brandley: 1:21:29

I know we could have benefited from your book when I was young, so thank you for taking the time and all the effort that it takes to write it. I mean, 12 years is a long time to pull all that information together, right, yeah?

Donna Morris: 1:21:46

And the nice thing is, with the Latter-day Saint perspective, there's some wonderful books out there, but I really think the gospel is the key element for success, and so I've included lots of advice from the brethren, and I wove our story with other people's experiences as well, with all the research and, you know, leading family therapists and their advice, so I hope it will be a resource, yeah, for sure when can they get it? They can get it on Amazon, barnes and Noble Walmart.

Alisha Coakley: 1:22:19

Okay, awesome. Well, we can definitely share a couple links so that it makes it easy for people to go ahead and find it. I think it'll be a really, really great resource for a lot of people. So thank you.

Donna Morris: 1:22:32

Thank you.

Scott Brandley: 1:22:33

Any last thoughts?

Donna Morris: 1:22:35

Thanks so much for having me on the show. I'm grateful I could share our story and yeah, no, I just believe that the gospel is such a blessing and that the, the Lord, is the answer.

Alisha Coakley: 1:22:49

Yeah, yeah, you're right, absolutely, Wow. Well, thank you again, donna. We really really enjoyed having you on here today and it just taking us on that roller coaster of an emotional ride with you. We really really appreciate you being so open and excited to see just what else the future holds for you and for your family. I would love for you to keep us updated and just let us know whenever you have those. You know, other little miracles pop up and I think that would be so, so fun. So, thank you, thank you.

Scott Brandley: 1:23:19

Yeah.

Alisha Coakley: 1:23:21

Yeah.

Scott Brandley: 1:23:22

Well, and thank you everyone for tuning in today and, um, you know, listening to Donna's story. Hopefully that it's helped you, you know, inspire you and bring some light into your life. And, if it has, you know, go ahead and hit that share button and let's do some five second missionary work and and get Donna's story out there so we can help other blended families to be able to tackle life's challenges a little bit better. Right?

Alisha Coakley: 1:23:50

Yeah, yeah, exactly, all right, guys. Well, and remember, if you are like Donna and you guys have a story to share which I know you do, we all do, we all have stories that can, that can be shared, that can bring light to the world, we want to hear from you. So please, please, please, head over to latterdaylightscom. In at the very bottom of the page, you can fill out a form to be a guest on the show. I promise it is not scary, it's not scary. You may think it's scary, but then you get here and it's just like, oh okay, cool.

Scott Brandley: 1:24:21

You know what's gotten, alisha?

Alisha Coakley: 1:24:23

Exactly. But we really would love to hear your stories. And more than that, guys, we know that your stories count. Your stories are important. Heavenly Father knows you, sees you and loves you. Your stories are important. Heavenly father knows you, sees you and loves you, and a lot of the times I think that he shows that love for other people through us sharing our stories of him.

Alisha Coakley: 1:24:45

Um, so, you know, reach out, be brave, let us know if you, if you want to come on the show and if you're, even if you're not sure, if you're like I don't know, I have a story but I don't really know, is it like something that can be shared? Whatever else, uh, let us know. We would love to have a phone call with you and to go over it and and see how we can get it out to the world. So, with that, um, guys, make sure you leave a comment for Donna to just tell us what your favorite part of her story was. And, uh, if you need anything, let us know. We're happy to help. We hope you guys tune in for another episode next week of Latter-day Lights and that you have a great, great week. See you later.

Scott Brandley: 1:25:26

Take care, see ya.