In this episode, Roseanne Service shares her story of how God has been with her through several life threatening events including a serious car accident, a brain tumor, and 2 aneurysms. But in her darkest moments, she has learned to lean into her faith and be grateful for all of the blessings in her life.
Roseanne is an inspiration to anyone struggling with overwhelming test and trials in their lives. You don't want to miss it!
*** Please SHARE Roseanne's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/1ZDN5B_CXD4
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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
In this episode, Roseanne Service shares her story of how God has been with her through several life threatening events including a serious car accident, a brain tumor, and 2 aneurysms. But in her darkest moments, she has learned to lean into her faith and be grateful for all of the blessings in her life.
Roseanne is an inspiration to anyone struggling with overwhelming test and trials in their lives. You don't want to miss it!
*** Please SHARE Roseanne's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/1ZDN5B_CXD4
-----
Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
Hello, I'm Michael Slade.
Alisha Coakley:And I'm Alicia Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.
Michael Slade:On today's episode, we're going to hear how one woman's fight against a brain tumor and double aneurysms led her to an understanding of how to trust the Lord when things don't add up. Welcome to Latter-day Lights.
Alisha Coakley:Well, welcome, welcome, everybody. As you've noticed, I have a different bald co-host today. This is our second guest co-host that we've had, just because Scott's got some family things going on, and our last co-host he had a lot of hair, and now we have Michael, who has a lot of hair in his face, right, michael?
Michael Slade:Yes, yes, that's where I prefer it to be Perfect, I like it.
Alisha Coakley:You know, jesus had a beard, and I just think that all men should have beards. They should just all follow in Jesus's footsteps and have beards.
Roseanne Service:So you're on the right track, yeah absolutely.
Alisha Coakley:I love it. So, michael, you guys might have recognized he has been a guest on our podcast as well and he has a podcast of his own. Michael, do you want to tell everyone just briefly about your podcast, where else they can find you?
Michael Slade:Sure Name. The podcast is Choose Faith Now and there's really we're seeing and as is with this podcast and some of the things Roseanne's going to talk to us about just a need that we see for an uplift of faith and we just that's really our mission is to help people to choose faith and the urgency behind doing that. So it's just something I love, just a personal mission for me and my co-host, Angela Julie, so I'm just really excited to be able to do that. Thank you, Alisha, for mentioning Awesome.
Alisha Coakley:Well, thank you for being a guest host. I'm sure that we'll probably have you on here again in the future. So, and with that, we want to welcome Roseanne's service to the show. Roseanne reached out to us and I am so excited to hear her whole story. We were just talking before we started you know, started the whole show here about how Roseanne loves to not die. That's important. She's bad at dying and that is awesome.
Roseanne Service:You know, that's one thing you and I have in common, Alisha. We're just terrible at dying. We've been given plenty of opportunities, but it wasn't our time. So that's right, that's right.
Alisha Coakley:I have a personal goal in life to hit 101. So I can have an A plus at life. That's my, my over.
Michael Slade:I'm kind of disappointed. I would have figured you. Okay, I would have figured you are a 120 gal. Well, you know 101 is the minimum right.
Alisha Coakley:Like that's like the low bar Okay.
Michael Slade:Okay, all right.
Alisha Coakley:No, but I fully intend on living for as long as humanly possible. So so that's there. That would be fun. Well, Roseanne, why don't you go ahead and tell us a little bit about?
Roseanne Service:yourself, sure. So I am a brain tumor and double aneurysm survivor, and Michael and I were just pointing out that it's a different type of aneurysm, not the kind that's in your head, but mine was actually off the aorta. And I am a mother of five and a business owner and I am the director of the uplift community of faith and we kind of are a little tiny group of about 4000 saints and what our job there is is just to listen to those who are struggling with faith and point them in the direction of, you know, faithful perspectives so that we can continue on with our faith.
Alisha Coakley:I love that and that's a group on Facebook.
Roseanne Service:It's a Facebook group and I have about 13 admins who help with that and, yeah, I think people one on one. We call that pastoral apologetics and yeah, it's just been a really fun ride. I've been doing that for several years now and the reason I got into that is after a series of unfortunate events in my life where I learned how to rely on the Lord.
Alisha Coakley:Oh, wow, awesome. So you said your mom, how many kiddos do you have?
Roseanne Service:So five, and they are all adults, except for two that are in high school Nice.
Alisha Coakley:Nice. Well, my kids are not adults yet. It seems to be taking a very long time to get some of them to become adults.
Roseanne Service:That is the hardest part that little space in between where they're a young adult to going off and doing the things. Even teenager land. It's so difficult. I feel like that's probably the hardest part about being a mom is just being able to negotiate those last little steps of helping them to be independent. So, yeah, yeah.
Alisha Coakley:All right. Well, Rosanne, we're excited to hear your story. Why don't you go ahead and take it?
Roseanne Service:away All right. Well, in 2010, I wasn't feeling so great. I had this little lump over my eye and I wasn't sure what was going on. There Kind of felt like I had a year long sinus infection, so I really didn't think a lot about that. But I went and finally had it checked and that's what they told me that I had a brain tumor, and that's kind of like the beginning of all of the hardships that I really started to struggle with. So let me backtrack before then about the year 2000. So, even further back, I feel like a dinosaur now. I'm telling you this In 2000, I was actually in a really severe car accident and right before that happened, a feeling of like deep peace came over me, and enough to where I turned off the radio and I just sat in that peace.
Roseanne Service:I couldn't believe it as I was, as I was driving, and Because of that I knew that God was with me in that moment, right before that impact happened. And actually that was one of the hardest things to really think about is that he knew I was going to have that car accident. Why did he stop me? Why didn't he, you know, give me some other sign other than his peace and and that's kind of an important part of this story. So hold on to that, put it in your back pocket. I'm gonna swing around to it in a minute.
Roseanne Service:So flash forward to you know, 2010 and I'm being diagnosed with this brain tumor, and I don't really know what that means. I mean, I'm a young mom. My last two kids are crawling. I don't understand the severity of that until they tell me that they're gonna have to Cut me from ear to ear across the top, roll down that skin and then saw out my forehead completely and remove it and then Remove the brain tumor and then put me all back together again and hope that A number of terrible things don't happen, including facial paralysis or loss of life by infection or a number of things. So I couldn't believe that news. What I thought was a small lump turned out to be this you know, golf ball size brain tumor that needed to be taken out right away, and you know how do you take heavy news. It's a little, it's a. It just takes you back. You're not really sure what to do with it, and so you just move on with your life.
Roseanne Service:I had to, the very next day, put together a birthday party for my son and and my daughter invited her friend over and I said that was fine to let her sleep over, and Unfortunately we got lice from that, and so it was just this nightmare of Just finding out that I had this brain tumor, just finding out I had lice. I'm I am just Going through the whole house Bagging up everything, spraying everything, washing everyone's hair, and then I get a phone call and I take that phone call and it's doctors office saying we're sorry, we can't get you into the neurologist yet because your PCP lost your paperwork. And that's kind of like where I just like I kind of broke, and so I spent all night just crying and in the morning I woke up and my eye was swollen, completely shut, and so now I don't know, is this the life's treatment? Is this the crying all night? Is this the? I don't know what's happening. And so I just was like, well, if you look like this, you should go to the emergency room.
Roseanne Service:Went to the emergency room and they they didn't know what to do either. They were kind of like wow, you have a brain tumor, we can't really touch that you. Here's, here's some benadryl, maybe for the swelling, we don't know. Here's some pain medication and Call your neurologist in the morning and I'm like you mean the one I can't talk to yet you know like it was just kind of one of those frustrating, but I Wasn't in a ton of pain, it was just really inconvenient mostly.
Roseanne Service:So I went home and I didn't know that the pain medication that they gave me, I was allergic to it and so I threw up the whole night long. I was just miserable. It's only in the morning I got into the tub and I was taking a shower, but like on my knees curled up, you know where, you're just really miserable. And I just said a prayer to God and I just said please tell me what I need to do. I Mean, I'm just I'm trying to hold it together as a mom here and I can't function.
Roseanne Service:And and I just had a feeling like almost as if your mind clears for just a moment and I had this feeling like Go to the hospital now. It was just so very Serene but direct, and I was like, is that me, is that God? Like I don't know what, where, what's authoring this feeling? But I got out and told my husband hey, I had a feeling that I think I'm supposed to go to the hospital right now, even though I was just there, and so he said yeah, let's do it, let's just go. We don't know what's going on, but let's go if that's what you think. And I'm really grateful that my husband believed in me in that moment because I was able to get dressed before a wave of pain that I've never experienced before in my whole life hit me. I Was at the top of the stairs, ready to walk down the stairs, and I couldn't even walk. I couldn't form words, I all I could do was just cry and puke.
Roseanne Service:And Really, the worst thing, I can't even I can't explain it to a lot of people, just because there's, you almost lack the the words or the experience for you to relate it. A Lot of women who have been through childbirth naturally can kind of understand. But even then I had two of my kids naturally and I Could, I made it through that, whereas this was something else. This was a being, a prisoner, trapped in my own body and it was absolutely horrible.
Roseanne Service:When I got to the hospital, finally, they realized the severity of the problem. Actually, cellulitis had become, had kind of like spread through my face and my eye and because that Great that tumor had broke through the orbit of my eye and had crushed up a lot of bone. It has now made a made the barrier between the brain and the body be just it. And so this bacterial infection was pretty serious and it took a while for them to like get it to calm down. In fact, I wasn't able to endure pain For very long. I felt like I would almost start passing out. It was so bad. Luckily, about two or three hours later, they were able to give me something that calmed it down enough to where I finally felt relief. And so from there, I Just I. It was just such an overwhelming experience that each of the steps are kind of a blur.
Roseanne Service:I remember them trying to shove me in an MRI machine, trying to tell me some things, having panic attacks which I've never had before in my life, just so many things all kind of happened at once. And then a doctor finally told me that he had three days to cure this bacterial infection and I was gonna have open brain surgery. And that was kind of. But I mean, can you imagine how shocking that would be like if you have such a serious infection and then you're told three days Is all you've got to clear it out. Pretty scary, a little dangerous, but they said it's more dangerous to wait any longer because of this emergent situation With that tumor coming through.
Roseanne Service:It's not like your typical brain tumor. This tumor actually grew off of my skull into part of the brain and then out, pushing out into the outside world. So it's kind of made out of bones. So it's called an osteoma and Pretty awful for the destruction that it was causing in my face. So anyways, I I Was absolutely struck by this whole thing and I'm grateful that I had a nurse that was super sweet, that helped me through a lot of it. I she became a lifelong friend of mine.
Roseanne Service:But at one point I had to turn to God. I turned to the scriptures and I read DNC 98 and that just says all things where with you have been afflicted shall be for your Lord will shall be for your good, and I took that to mean that things were going to be okay somehow, even though I had to sign my life away. That you know, open brain surgery after infection, all these risks, and I could lose my eye, I could lose, I would definitely lose my sense of smell is what I was told, but I just didn't feel like any of that stuff was gonna happen. I definitely felt like the blessing that was pronounced on me after that was that I would be okay and that's. That is basically how that went.
Roseanne Service:I Was really grateful. I did make them take a lot of pictures during the surgery because I was so curious as to what was going on, and so I do have a cute little picture of my tumor afterwards. Of course, I gave it like arms and legs so that it would look like I birthed this. Did you name it? I always called him Mr Ugly Golf Ball, but I don't know. Properting.
Michael Slade:Yeah, oh.
Roseanne Service:No, so because it's such a rare tumor, they actually sent him off to the, to the East Coast, to be studied. And you know he doesn't write, he doesn't call. I had it over at Desert Samaritan in. Banner Desert is what it's called now.
Michael Slade:Yeah yeah. I was just curious because I mean, as such an invasive surgery, I was just really hoping that they didn't take you down to the University of Arizona or something like that. I'm a Sun Devil and so I Really I was like, okay, we have to end the podcast now.
Roseanne Service:Great. No, luckily, because of the, it was an emergency surgery to them, so they grabbed a pediatric surgeon who really did a lot of Reconstructive surgery and these type of surgeries on little babies, and so it's really kind of like a. I was worried if this was gonna translate to adults, but no, he, he was so phenomenal, and the craniofacial surgeon that I had that that put me all back together. I couldn't have asked for a better team of surgeons to to work on me, and the end result is that, like you can look at me and I don't look any different than any other person, which I am so grateful for. I've met so many people over the course of talking about this story who have the facial, you know, paralysis or other things like that that happened to them, and I am so grateful that have me, father, for whatever reason, inspire those surgeons to do just a wonderful job. But you know that there were a few moments that were a little tricky and for the most part, everything worked out alright. As I came out of that, though, I remember looking past the superstitions, and, michael, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Whenever I look at the superstitions now, it has become a, especially that flat iron part the front of it. It's become a symbol to me of how grateful I am to be alive, and If that were the only part of my story, that'd be great. But unfortunately that story goes on and so About a year or two later I happened to be a primary president and I was attending a conference State conference and we've had Marlin K Jensen of the 70 and he's like a very Just an amazing 70.
Roseanne Service:At the time he was also a church historian, the church historian for the church. He just is really a wonderful, powerful speaker and I've never stopped Afterwards to talk to general authority when they were visiting never, and I haven't since. But this time I decided to go up and talk to him and just thank him for his wonderful message. And somehow that Got on to the topic of the brain tumor. He's like tell me about this. I was like oh, I've, you know, I have this brain tumor. It's gone now I'm good, and he just sort of stopped the conversation. He said I promise you in the name of the Lord, your brain tumor will never return. And it was kind of this right, just a shocking, shocking moment for me. I didn't know what to do with that really. So I just said thank you, I believe you. I'm going to just shove that in my back pocket. I thank you. What do you say when somebody gives you such a powerful promise? That's almost scary, you know, but I believed them wholeheartedly.
Roseanne Service:And about seven years after that is when that remember that first car accident we talked about. Well, now it's coming to call and I started having these weird pains in this in my stomach region that kind of went through my belly button and out through the mid of my back and went to see my doctor about it. It was a Friday and I just said, hey, something's not right. And she's just pushing all over on my stomach. She's pushing as hard as she can. She's like does this hurt? Does this hurt? Does this hurt? And I said no, and she's like, well, let's get it scanned anyways. And she put a stat order on it and I'm like it's Friday, I probably won't get the scan until next week.
Roseanne Service:But I called down there and they said, hey, we have an opening right now, I'm on down. So I went there and from the moment I went to see my doctor to the moment I had results it was only about two hours tops and they said are you at home? No, I'm driving. Well, can you pull over? That's not good. And they let me know that I had two aneurysms, one the sides of an orange and one the sides of a P was coming off of my aortic line that goes to your spleen and it's pretty dangerous because if that goes, that's one of those things that you can die of pretty rapidly.
Michael Slade:Yeah, we were talking because, as my background as a paramedic, there's very few things that can kill you within a minute and that's definitely one of them, especially that size, you know, that dissects, you know just burst open, then you know you're gone and there's unfortunately, my dad has that right now and they've been watching it because it is growing slowly, but it's growing and they told him the same thing.
Alisha Coakley:They said if it does burst you won't even feel it like you'll be gone before you even make it to the ground, you know, and so it's. That's scary, that's really really scary. What did you do in that moment? I mean, like, what do you do? Do you go to the hospital? Do you just go home?
Roseanne Service:So in that one they were like this is an emergent, this is emergency, so you do need to go directly to the emergency room. And at that point I at least had the wherewithal to say I need my husband to meet me. I don't think I should drive, because I was kind of freaking out, obviously for obvious reasons, and I actually could. I mean, this sounds terrible. I actually could feel a ripping, I could feel something awful going on on the inside, and so I was like it just it literally it really felt like tearing was happening in there.
Michael Slade:Yeah, that's exactly what it feels like. That's what patients will tell you this, and it just feels like something's tearing in my chest, and so it's. It's one of those things. I'm surprised that they didn't say just pull over, we're going to call an ambulance, they're going to meet me, because you don't really want somebody driving that's that has those symptoms, right then.
Roseanne Service:So I know I wish I wish they'd have told me that. Instead I just made that up on my for myself. I was just like you know, this doesn't seem right, and so I just had my husband meet me and take me the rest of the way because I just didn't feel right driving. Like you said, if something were to happen, that could not be good. I just know that for the size it was, that was very shocking because I had had, since that car accident that I told you about in 2000,. I had had four more kids since then and I'm a part of a few groups survivor groups and some of them did not know that they had an anurensum until they were pregnant and you know, for whatever reason, maybe the baby kicked it or something happened and they lost their child and almost lost their life in the process. So I was extremely grateful to my body for wrapping it up in so many layers. It just it kept trying to wrap it in all sorts of connective tissue and it tried to hold it together as much as it possibly could, but eventually it couldn't hold on any longer and there was two of them. So you know I'm grateful for this body of mine. It was working so hard.
Roseanne Service:But eventually I got to that point in the hospital where they were like you need to take a medical shower because this surgery is emergent. We're going to do this right now. And in the shower is when I kind of just like fell apart completely. That's when you just know like this is too much. God, I'm so tired of fighting, I'm so tired of surgery, I'm so tired of feeling terrible, and I know how hard recovery is and I didn't really want to do it. I just felt so low. I just got to the point where I felt like I was in a vacuum, almost like spinning out of control down an abyss of just hopelessness, where I didn't really I just I was really worried because they had told me that this surgery could be very invasive, that I could lose quite a few of my organs along with it, and it was just really a heavy blow.
Roseanne Service:And so in that shower, as I got lower and lower, I almost started. I basically just started begging God that maybe he could just like take it all away and just take me back and not let me continue on with this. And I've never had any dark stuff like that my whole life. And in that moment I realized that this isn't what I wanted, this isn't the voice of God, and I need him to help me. So I started praying, I started begging him to help me through this moment, to find a way through. I didn't know what he could possibly do, but I just thought I'll try it.
Roseanne Service:And I was leaning on this metal post. You know, in those medical showers they kind of know you're a little fragile. So I had this little metal bar and I was just leaning on it because I needed the strength and I had this feeling that I do believe was from God, and that was lean in to thankful, lean into being thankful. And I really felt that that was stupid and I really thought that that was years of primary coming out of me and I really really just counted it in ways that maybe I shouldn't have at all. But I was like you know what, if this is what you're going to give me, if this isn't just me, I don't know, but I'm going to try it.
Roseanne Service:And so I really just struggled with that.
Roseanne Service:I was like, well, I'm grateful for my son being on his mission, even though I can't talk to him, or I'm really grateful for my husband, even though he's in the other world but he doesn't know.
Roseanne Service:I'm struggling and I mentioned that because sometimes it is kind of like this awkward ugly, fumbling thing what we try to do, what we've been told works and it really was very awkward and fumbling and a little bit rude, but I just went for it and as I went through this list of things, I did feel my brain chemistry almost changing.
Roseanne Service:It was almost as if I was slowly being enabled and I was slowly becoming closer to God and I really don't have a lot of great words to explain that process, but it was almost like God being right there with me suddenly and I went from being unable to do anything at all, unwilling to go through surgery, hoping that I wouldn't make it through the surgery, to an absolute thing that I would be okay, that he would be with me, that he would guide me, that he would enable me, and it's kind of just one of those shocking things that gratitude can do. That I didn't understand. I didn't understand the power behind it. I didn't understand that vision of gratitude changes everything about you, changes the way you look at life, and I mean you can imagine going through a surgery where you're not wanting to live through it. What is your prognosis on recovery?
Roseanne Service:Yeah not good.
Alisha Coakley:Not at all. No, they say a lot of times that the ones who have that almost like a vision of healing and after the surgery and being healthy and having like a good life and something that like those, are the ones that do tend to cover a lot faster, with a lot less pain and a lot less like side effects, versus the people who go into it with a very bleak outlook. You know, I love that you, that you had that experience of gratitude because that was something that I didn't learn about until a few years ago was just the power Like I had always heard it right, like be thankful and all things, and there and it was like yeah, okay, like I need to be grateful for it. But I didn't understand that being grateful was literally giving us a creative power from God to be able to to manifest, I guess is probably the best word to manifest a new reality in us.
Alisha Coakley:And gratitude I like Girl Scouts on our I swear to goodness me showing gratitude for my body and for for health and healing is 100% what I attribute to me being able to get off the chemo that I was on for seven years, you know, and I've been off for a few years now and haven't, like I haven't had to go back on it, and this is supposed to be a lifelong leukemia. So I know personally like there is so much power and gratitude that directly corresponds with healing. And I'm not saying that if you're grateful you're going to heal from everything, but everything shifts. It really really does. So even if that's not the path that we're speaking, we can still find so much joy in walking that journey where you don't have to reach and awareness and anger.
Michael Slade:This is this is really interesting and, Alisha, we're in a group together that there's a lot of big talk about being open and receiving, to receiving us right, and so, as you're saying this, I'm thinking to myself.
Michael Slade:You know, showing gratitude can help you be opening to receiving healing, because if you're against it, then or in denial it's, it's a lot harder to heal. And I and I'll give you another kind of metaphor, so I do this practice, this art called Kintsuchi. It's where you have, you know, broken pottery or whatever, and you put it together with gold. And one thing on the fur I learned at the very beginning was when you get to a point where you can see what it's going to look like healed, put back together, it is so much easier to continue on, because there is a point where you're just like I don't know how to fix this Like, and you just like I don't know that I want to continue on. But when you get to a point where you can see what it's going to look like it's, it's energizes you to make, do hard things required to do to get that healing.
Roseanne Service:Absolutely In fact. Oh sorry, go ahead.
Alisha Coakley:Oh go ahead.
Roseanne Service:I was going to say, actually, michael, you hit on that. That really poignant thing about the no SIBO effect. You've heard of the SIBO, right Well there's an opposite of that and that's the no SIBO, that nothing anyone will do will work, and that is a documented thing. Like that happens to people, whereas if they are against it, they do poorly, very poorly, and it's almost as if they will that into being. That's interesting. You brought that up.
Alisha Coakley:Sorry go ahead. I love it. So how did you pronounce it? I always pronounce it Kintsugi, is it?
Michael Slade:And I've heard I pronounce it Kintsugi, and I don't know what the official pronunciation is.
Alisha Coakley:Whatever it is, I know what to talk about. I love that you brought that up, because I'll have to see if I can add a picture in here or whatever, of it. I did that, too at this retreat that I mentioned for women who survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and I remember what we did was we took this, this bowl, this like ceramic bowl, and we had to break it and one.
Alisha Coakley:When that, when we did that, I didn't realize like how much that resonated with me feeling broken you know, it was almost like, oh my gosh, I had to break it and I had seen examples of other women who had created these, these bowls. And then you put it back together with this gold lacquer and in in the I believe it's Japanese art form, is it's?
Michael Slade:Japanese yeah.
Alisha Coakley:Right, and so in that culture, what what they do is, they actually will use gold or some other type of precious melted metal.
Alisha Coakley:So then, after the the bowls go back together again, it actually holds more value than it did originally and it's incredibly unique. It's like one of a kind you know you're not going to get any two bowls that break exactly the same, and when you put them together the pieces are going to fit. And I thought it was interesting because during during the time that I did that to this day, one of the pieces of my bowl just disappeared, like I could not find it anywhere. And so I put my whole bowl back together and I had a hole in my bowl and I was like I mean two holes, I guess technically I had the top hole, but then I had a hole in the side of my bowl.
Alisha Coakley:And I remember at first being so disappointed like what the heck? Like I couldn't even put myself all back together. And then I realized, like I had this moment where Heavenly Father told me, for me personally, that was my willingness to be open to not only giving but to receiving things too, like I could take what was inside of me and I could let it go through that hole and out into into the world, but that I could also be open to receiving new things from Heavenly Father.
Alisha Coakley:And I came to love my broken bowl with my little hole and all this gold back around it, and, and I think that it's so powerful sometimes like just the vision of something right, the analogy and I love that the Savior always used analogies when he was teaching lessons, because it's there's something so solidifying in actually, like you said, michael, being able to see something in the way that you want it to be and being able to get to that point. And so I think that's what gratitude does for us, right, like when we're gracious in the way that we want it to be, in thanking our Heavenly Father for things, even if we don't have them yet, even if it's just a picture in our mind, that gratitude literally opens up the ability for us to receive those blessings. And I might have said this before. I think I have.
Alisha Coakley:I truly believe that our Heavenly Father, the reason why he wants us to be like him, is because we have that power to create, and he's endowed us with that, with that priesthood power. You know that we all have that ability to create, and that was one of the first commandments that was given to Adam and Eve is to multiply and replenish the earth. Well, that's creation, that's literally creating, and it's not just about having babies although that's fun too, you know, but it's about being able to bring something to life, you know, whether it's your healing or if it's your testimonies, or if it's a positive relationship or a family or a career or a purpose that you have, it's just creating something and replenishing the earth with that thing over and over again. So I love that you've like brought that in. That was such a good analogy, michael.
Roseanne Service:I really love what you're saying here, and this is actually really relevant because we kind of need to understand the attributes of God if we're going to interact with him. And sometimes people look at gratitude as like, oh, I'm having to offer him this, when in reality it's just a law, that is, and he is offering it to us and asking us to embrace it right. And so I think a lot of times, why people aren't able to get there, there's a thousand reasons, but some of them are simply that we do not understand the nature of God and who he is. There's a propensity for us to pattern him after our own earthly father, and so we don't always look at him as this loving thing. Sometimes we look at him as being busy off in the cosmos, too busy to hear us, and so I think that there has to be some element of understanding you know the attributes of God if we're going to really embrace his commandments. It just makes a little more sense and why we want to do them. So for me, you know, having gratitude changed everything.
Roseanne Service:I did something that I never thought I could do, and that was get up on the gurney and go into the surgical room and not need any medication to, like you know, help me through that. I, because of the brain tumor, I lived with PTSD. I didn't know it right away, but a few years later it was pretty. It was pretty obvious that I would have terrible panic attacks anytime anything remotely resembled being trapped. So I thought a lot with all of those things that are pretty heavy. I'm actually writing an article right now on post-traumatic growth because of what I've learned throughout this whole ordeal, but I was able to really find that piece was lasting.
Roseanne Service:There's this odd idea and of course CS Lewis points this out in some of his books that you know hell is this horrible, awful thing, and just as horrible and awful as it is is how good and wonderful God is and Heaven. And in reality, when we're weighing those two as if they were equal and opposite, they're just. It doesn't hold water. One is truly horrible, but the other, heaven. It's so much better than anything that you can imagine. It is so much more than even the worst of the worst.
Roseanne Service:And so it rises. It towers above the worst parts of hell could ever take us, and so that enabling power of gratitude really, really lasted. I couldn't believe how powerful it was and I was able to have that surgery and of course, I did lose everything. So I lost my spleen and part of my pancreas as my body, you know. It did its job, but unfortunately I had to lose a few organs and I was kind of sad about that at first, like I really was expecting God to give me that miracle. But that's okay, because the miracle is I'm alive. Yeah, wow.
Alisha Coakley:So how did that look for you? Because you didn't have time to prepare your children or your friends or your family or yourself, how you know. How did you, I guess? How did they take that? How did your support system, you know?
Roseanne Service:I really credit my husband with so much because he really held it together. He was able to, you know, get the kids to where they needed to be. I'm the oldest of six, so I have siblings, and my husband really held everything together in a moment's notice and he became my rock in some ways. You know, like he just was always steady, and every time I would get freaked out he would just be steady. One thing that he was really good at was like telling me it's going to be okay. I kind of needed to hear that a few times too. You need someone to tell me it's going to be okay, anyways.
Roseanne Service:So basically after that, I went to recovery, and that took several months. So after losing the pancreas and spleen, I definitely felt still not okay, and so on my 25th wedding anniversary, I went down to the hospital the last place I want to be on earth and just said I'm still hurting and I don't think I should be after two months. Something I think is wrong in there. And so they did a quick scan to reveal that there was something. In fact, I was walking the hallways and I hear this guy go tell a nurse. He's like oh no, I got to go tell this woman he just had this surgery to remove aneurysms that she has another one, and I don't even know what to say to her. It's going to be hard and I'm like, no, I just book it back to my room, because I'm like I have to worry about it now.
Roseanne Service:Yeah, you just told me, friend, you just told me. And I went back to my husband, who has always been my rock, and he just I was just like hold me together, because I think they're going to tell me the worst thing that I can't take right now. I don't think I can do this. And so when they came back in to tell me they looked at their findings and we noticed that he was saying it incorrectly. It was actually a pseudosis that was growing off of the pancreas. Basically, what that means is that the pancreas was losing amylase, I believe, is what it weeps. Sure, anyways, it's really awful. And it was getting bigger every day. And so they were like we're going to have to probably go in there and put the drain in and some other things, and I was like I mean, that really threw me for a loop. But what really broke the emotional bank is the fact that I felt I just felt pain in here again and I went to go see my doctor right away and I said I'm feeling pain up here again. Should I, can I have a scan? And they scanned me and they found that the brain tumor had returned.
Roseanne Service:So those two back to back within just a day or so was just absolutely destroying. That was destroying in a lot of ways, especially my spiritual beliefs about who God is and how he is supposed to protect us if we do all the right things. And also, can't he just kill me faster? Like why? Why this long torture session? Right, and I had to hit my knees because at this point I was ready to start abandoning my beliefs, starting to really question, and I just began to pray and I did maybe throw a kind of a tantrum Definitely, father. I cried very angrily. I think he screamed into my pillow like why are you trying to kill me? Just, it wasn't pretty. But I mentioned it only because I feel like God understands our humanness. He really does. He really understands what this is and he can take all of that. He really is there for us. He doesn't turn away in those moments. And so I really did feel I truly believe that he was real, that I'm so grateful was never taken from me. I have always believed that he was real.
Roseanne Service:But there were moments that I really started to question if I was talking to myself or something, because things are not adding up and when I prayed I felt like he was communicating this to me have patience and my hand will be revealed. That also was just like a knife in the wound. It just felt like so sour and so painful, like how could you ask me to have more patience? I have been patient this whole time and now you're asking me to have patience again and wait for you. I feel like you know, I feel like I've done enough waiting, but in that moment I think I had just enough faith left in me to go all right, I'm going to try, I'll try, I will try to do what you ask.
Roseanne Service:And so in that moment, I just said the hardest words that I've ever had to say, and that is Thy will be done. And I just, I just put that up on an offering for him. Like here it is, here's everything that I am on a altar, please, please, hear me. And so from there I got really sick. You're like God. What else can happen to this woman?
Alisha Coakley:Stop asking. Yeah, if you keep asking.
Roseanne Service:You know, and and so I got really sick and I called down there and I'm like, I know I'm supposed to have the surgery, but I'm really sick, what do you want to do? And they're like, actually, can you come down here? We're going to assess how sick you are. And so while I was there they were like, hey, you know what, maybe we'll just do another quick scan before, just just see how how much worse it is, because if it's real worse, you're not leaving, you're just we're just going to do it right now. And so I went into that scan and I came back out and they said Good news, bad news, you know. Bad news is you're definitely sick and so you're not having that surgery. But you're not having that surgery because there's nothing there. It has. Your body has repaired itself all on its own. And we probably wouldn't have found that until we were already inside, because we'd already had preliminary scans. You know, they only did redid that scan because they weren't sure, you know, if they could give me time to kill from that sickness.
Roseanne Service:So it really felt like Heavenly Father in that moment was saying I understand, you know, I'm with you, I wait on me because I will, I will come through, and so that gave me a little more hope. But here now I am going into, two days later, the surgery for the brain surgery. Again, this was a little different, because this surgery, instead of opening up me completely, it was going to go right up my nose because they felt like it was towards the front and they could get it to it easier that way, and technology has come further from 2010 to where we are now, to where they felt like they could do that, and so I really felt like, can we just forget about this surgery? Can we not do this one? But that wasn't the case. I went into that surgery, but I can't tell you how amazing it was to feel again this overwhelming peace come upon me, and in that moment I actually asked God what is this peace? And he said this is the prayers of the faithful who were praying for me, and I didn't. Even before I could even finish asking the question, the answer came, and I'm very grateful for all of those people who are praying for me my stake president, my friends and family because I felt it. It really uplifted me. In fact, I think that's the true nature of prayer it's not necessarily to take God's hand and wield it to your will and to make all the things disappear. But in many ways it's a powerful effect upon those who are suffering that they can feel that uplifting power as you pray for them. So I went into that surgery and as I came back out they said, hey, good news. We repaired and rebuilt a lot of your sciences while we were in there. But when we went in there to see where this brain tumor was, it wasn't there, there was nothing. There was nothing at all. I think they said that the imaging this took some mucus as a as the tumor had regrown, and I'm very grateful.
Roseanne Service:Now I always struggle telling that part of the story, because there's so many people in this world that go through life and they have hardship after hardship after hardship and those happy, feel good feelings aren't always there for them where things all end well. But I know that in this particular instance that Heavenly Father was giving me His blessing that things would be okay for me and then I could continue forward. The weight that I bear for the rest of my life will be PTSD from the things that I've been through, but I'm grateful that right now I'm healthy and then I'm able to, you know, live almost a pretty normal life. Yeah, but because of that, it made me uniquely suited to talk to people through faith crisis, those who are struggling, those who are questioning, those who are wrestling with their faith, and I'm so grateful for that because two years later I was able to do that. I was able to be a part of a group that does that nonstop On Facebook. It's a Facebook group, yeah.
Alisha Coakley:Wow, that's incredible. So how are you today? I mean, I guess, where's your health? And obviously your attitude and your testimony are really strong and good to go. And do you have any like statistically, I guess, are they anticipating that this could be something you have to keep up on all the time, or are you completely in the clear?
Roseanne Service:I'm pretty much in the clear. I mean, I have to be careful. Without when you don't have a spleen, you're susceptible to bacterial infections and things like that. So I'm really grateful for that. As far as my body, I feel almost no difference than the average person. I do have to be careful to not eat any refined sugar, so I can't have cookies or other things Because I am missing a big part of my pancreas.
Michael Slade:That's probably the worst part.
Roseanne Service:That would be the worst part.
Roseanne Service:I know, I've always been an ice cream lover, you know, and then now it's like no, but hey, there is a whole world of keto stuff that I actually can have, and so there's that. But there you go. I feel like my whole entire attitude for life has shifted because of these things. I no longer look at. This body is being so horrible and I wish I was prettier. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm just, I'm grateful for it.
Roseanne Service:I am so grateful that this body was strong and that it was somehow held together, and I hope I never say anything bad about it. I am so grateful for the body that Heavenly Father has given me. And isn't that an interesting takeaway? Because you're like, it feels like your body tried to kill you, but in many respects, though, from my lens, I feel like it has done its job, it has worked hard, and I think that's another thing that is important Looking at things either from a charitable light or a non-charitable light. In life, you really can look at things. You could paint this in any way you would want, you know, but I choose to look at it from that charitable lens of how grateful I am and my life has been so much better because of that practice of gratefulness.
Alisha Coakley:I love that.
Alisha Coakley:I really, I really appreciate you saying that, because I have a friend of mine, her name is Marilla, and she posted this and I know it's different, you know, because yours was like life-changing and could have been fatal and it was so much bigger.
Alisha Coakley:But she had posted a picture of her when she was was heavier, she was, you know, pretty overweight and stuff like that, as she had gone through college and had babies and all the things and and then she posted like a current picture of herself and she said I'm not posting a before and after to show you how horrible, you know, my heavier version of me was.
Alisha Coakley:And she's like I'm so grateful for that version of me because she was so strong, she was able to carry her babies to full term, she was able to, you know, go through school and she was able to provide these beautiful memories for her family and she was able to work full-time and and she was so gracious about, yes, her body may not have been as lean and as strong and as healthy as what it is now, but she was so appreciative for how hard her body worked when she wasn't necessarily taking care of it the right way, like even though her body could totally have just been like oh well, you know you're messing me up by not giving me all the sleep that I need and exercising in the nutrients I need, so I'm gonna mess you up, but no, like she loved looking at that perspective and ever since she she shared that it's I don't know it's been like this huge perspective change in everything that I do you know, like, just like you said, we can choose what we're going to look at, and it doesn't mean that we're picking a lie or that we're not seeing the whole truth.
Alisha Coakley:It's just what. What part of the truth are you gonna focus on? Because what part of the truth is gonna be the most helpful? You know?
Roseanne Service:I really do. That really resonates with me. I feel like my whole lens for life has changed through this, most especially for my body, but also for my relationship with Jesus Christ, because during, through this whole ordeal, I I actually started pulling that all apart and going, huh, what is God to me, what is Jesus Christ to me, what's the Holy Ghost to me? And really looking at them as what, what are they doing? Right now, while I'm struggling, I'm falling apart, you know, and so for myself, in that moment, I really had to think about who I thought Jesus was beforehand and who I thought he was now. And then, during, I ended up writing a bunch of things I love writing, and one of them was this little poem just basically talking about how I thought I knew him and I wasn't expecting Jesus to.
Roseanne Service:I mean, I think there's this odd thought when you're younger that you're just gonna be protected. You pray for protection all the time, but that really is the opposite of what we came here to do sometimes. Sometimes it's really about having experiences, and your perception and your learning is limited when your experiences are limited, and so I was really shocked to find that, instead of rescuing me out of the storm, that Jesus crawled into it with me and stayed in that with me and I think that was the real takeaway was that his power. Whenever I turned to God in Jesus Christ, it was extremely enabling, to where I felt like I could finally do something that felt absolutely impossible. That was really the the real, the real life-changing thing that happened for me was to really find how enabling the atonement is, because we always talk about the atonement as a racing sins right right. We don't always really capture the enabling power that gets you that's just a little piece of it yeah, yeah, just a little piece, you know, I mean.
Michael Slade:I go ahead you know I was, so it's gonna. I got in a conversation just a few hours ago with a man that I was in church with and he said to me or I was telling him actually I said you know we talked, I was talking about surrender, and I said how will you follow? Their loves us more than we love ourselves? Not only that, he wants us to be happy more than we want to be happy. And that may be a hard concept, that's hard to understand.
Michael Slade:I think it's like really, our edit place of surrender, which sounds like where you were. But he knows how that happiness is achieved and we don't necessarily know, or at least don't comprehend it or all of it. And so it really comes to a point, like when you talk about getting to this point where you have that faith and that surrender to his will, that you can say, okay, and I know beyond my knees we're actually kind of admitted those things it's like, okay, I know that you love me more than I love myself. I know you want me to be happier more. I know you know how to achieve that better than I do and I will give this to you. I'll just let go of that. That is a moment where you can really find joy and peace.
Roseanne Service:Absolutely. I know for myself that has been true. In fact, I no longer fear. You know how people say after they've died that they're scared almost of having to review their life with Jesus. It's almost like this terrifying thought and to me it holds zero fear now Because the more I've become to like understand how God works and his motivations, I no longer see Jesus as an accuser or as a person who is not on my side. I now see someone totally different and I'm willing to face all of the dumb things that I've ever done. I'm willing to face all of that with him because I trust him now and I think that's kind of the hope for this life that we will learn how to trust in our Heavenly Father to the point where we no longer fear them.
Roseanne Service:Because there is some trepidation there. I mean, all of us, to some degree or another, have like worries, like ah, what does he think of me? Or you know, there's just aspects of the attributes of God that we do not understand very well, that a lot of us are, we're kind of questioning or we don't get. In fact, that's why the lecture on faith that Joseph Smith gave, the third lecture, was just know the attributes of God. If you know them, then you will stop running, you'll be ready to face things with them rather than run away from them and type the things that you've done.
Roseanne Service:So for me now it's become like this very positive relationship where, as a girl, it was very transactional I pay my tithing, you give me blessings, I go to church, you give me blessings and now I realize that that is not God's intention at all. He wants me to have a relationship with Jesus Christ that is transformative, that it will transform you into something else, into something greater, and I feel like that's. The message I really got from this experience was that you can grow in a deeper connection with your Heavenly Father, and it's all there through the power of the Atonement that Jesus provides you.
Alisha Coakley:Wow. Well, thank you so much, roseanne. I really love that and I feel like just to piggyback on that. I think that the more that we learn about the Savior and the more that we learn about our Heavenly Father, the more we understand who it is that we're meant to be Like.
Alisha Coakley:It's something that has been commanded of us to be able to learn and grow and to become more like our Father in heaven and to follow the footsteps of Jesus Christ, and so I do think that you're absolutely right, like one of the best things that we can do in this life is to learn of them and to learn who they are and how they think, and to develop as many of the same qualities and attributes that we can that they have, and it doesn't mean that we need to do everything the exact same way that they did it, because I do think that there's a beautiful truth in knowing that we have, like our own piece of the puzzle that we need to contribute to the whole image.
Alisha Coakley:Right, like Heavenly Father is this puzzle piece and he shaped this way, and so there are gonna be things that are different, but ultimately, it's that inner peace and love and faith that we really need to grow, to develop and stuff like that too, to become creators, just like our Father in heaven. So thank you so so much for today. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Alisha Coakley:Are there any other last thoughts that you wanted to leave with our listeners before we go.
Roseanne Service:I can't think of anything. Off the top of my head. I really have like thrown so many concepts out there, but I guess the last thing I would say was you know, I feel like there's that scripture that I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me, and I now use that all the time to do hard things, and the growth that I've been through is basically just you know, using that phrase in total, as I try to push against all the things that trigger me and face them, and the more I face them, the less PTSD I've had, and so I feel like I've grown a lot through this whole process. So I really wanna thank both of you for being here to listen to that long story. For whatever, reason.
Alisha Coakley:Thank you, yeah, yeah, it's been a pleasure Well thank you. Thank you again, rosanne, and thank you, michael, for coming on and being our co-host today. I really appreciate it. Thank, you, you have all your insights and everything and definitely gonna welcome you back for whenever, whenever we need another co-host.
Alisha Coakley:Don't wanna give me a call To our listeners. Guys, we so appreciate you taking the time to hear Rosanne's story. Do us a favor, make sure that you comment below, let us know what your favorite part of her story was or what kind of you know inspired you to maybe think a little bit differently or to have that godly perspective shift in your thinking. And be sure that you guys do your five second missionary work and hit that share button. We definitely wanna get Rosanne's story out there and go check out her Facebook group. It's what is it called? Uplift.
Roseanne Service:Uplift community of faith.
Alisha Coakley:yeah, Okay, uplift community of faith. We will go ahead and share the descriptions in the or sorry, we'll share the links in the descriptions so that you guys can head over and check her out. Do you have, I guess? If someone's interested Rosanne in getting in contact with you, what's the best way for them to do that?
Roseanne Service:Through that, Usually through Facebook Messenger or through social media or even email or Instagram. I'm all over the place. I'm even on Twitter, so you can be able to search me up, because the internet does not believe that the last name service is a real last name. I have to always jump through a million hoops, so on Facebook I have to have like my actual entire full name as listed on my driver's license. It's like Roseanne Colvin service, like the whole thing, Gotcha. So yeah, but I should be able to be found pretty easily on Facebook, so I'll put that in the comments as well.
Alisha Coakley:Perfect, I love it. All right guys. Well, remember, if you have a story that you'd like to share, if you wanna come and join us and be a guest on Latter-day Lights it's not very scary, Rosanne did it, Michael did it we would love to hear from you. So be sure to head over to Latter-dayLightscom and at the bottom of the page there's a place where you can contact us and it'll send us an email and you can tell us a little bit about your story and that email, and then we can go ahead and get you on the schedule to being a guest. And be sure to go check out Michael's podcast as well. Michael, tell us again the name of it.
Michael Slade:Choose Faith Now.
Alisha Coakley:Choose Faith Now. Be sure to do that. We will put that link in the description as well, and if you guys need anything from us, we would love to hear from you. So with that, thank you again, michael and Rosanne. Thank you. We really appreciate you guys. Thank you, thank you to our little more listeners. That's all we have for you guys today, so we hope you guys have a great week and we will see you next Sunday. So bye.