In this episode, Trevor Heninger shares his remarkable journey of triumph over a 30-year battle with addiction, and how the practice of self-love was the compass that guided him through his darkest hours.
His story is a testament to the transformative power of the atonement through compassion, forgiveness, and brotherhood.
Trevor also shares his inspiration behind the creation of his support and empowerment organization, Rise Undaunted, and how it's helping men to break the cycle of addiction and unworthiness, and reach their full potential.
*** Please SHARE Trevor's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/RqT0wu9nInQ
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To LEARN more about Rise Undaunted, visit: https://riseundaunted.com/
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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
In this episode, Trevor Heninger shares his remarkable journey of triumph over a 30-year battle with addiction, and how the practice of self-love was the compass that guided him through his darkest hours.
His story is a testament to the transformative power of the atonement through compassion, forgiveness, and brotherhood.
Trevor also shares his inspiration behind the creation of his support and empowerment organization, Rise Undaunted, and how it's helping men to break the cycle of addiction and unworthiness, and reach their full potential.
*** Please SHARE Trevor's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/RqT0wu9nInQ
-----
To LEARN more about Rise Undaunted, visit: https://riseundaunted.com/
-----
Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
Hey everyone, I'm Scott. Brandley and I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth and inspire others.
Scott Brandley:On today's episode we're going to hear how a 30-year addiction and near suicide led one man to discover that the commandment of self-love can help win the battle against the adversary. Welcome to Latter-day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Latter-day Lights. We're so glad you're here with us today and we're really excited to introduce our guest, Trevor Heninger. Trevor, how are you today?
Trevor Heninger:Doing really great, thank you.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, did we say that last we? It's Scott. Did Scott pronounce Heninger? I was going to say it. I think Scott botched that Like.
Trevor Heninger:Stephen Henninger.
Scott Brandley:College. Yeah, oh, it is Heninger, so the end is silent.
Trevor Heninger:Yeah, that's why I was saying everybody sells it wrong, because it's Heninger, heninger, that's okay, we'll keep Scott on as a host, I suppose. At least one more time anyways.
Scott Brandley:I only have to do it one more time.
Trevor Heninger:This one more time right here, since we're already recording, you know? Yeah, there you go.
Scott Brandley:No, this is fun. This is a fun gig. Yeah, trevor. So we were talking before the show and discovered that we actually grew up in Alberta, maybe 15 minutes away from each other. That's pretty crazy, and now we both live in Utah.
Trevor Heninger:Yep.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, you guys could have been best friends. You know that there could be a whole separate universe out there, where you guys exist as best friends. What do you?
Scott Brandley:think of that. That couldn't happen because I grew up in McGrath and he grew up in Raymond and they are huge rivals, so we would actually be enemies.
Trevor Heninger:Right, we would have actually been each other and you know, and made up for something later.
Scott Brandley:Gotcha, we could be secret friends, I guess.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, we're friends.
Scott Brandley:Right.
Trevor Heninger:Although it's funny because I was born in McGrath and lived in Raymond, so I guess, is I mean I'm an enemy with myself? I don't know.
Alisha Coakley:Now we're just going down the rabbit hole.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, right. So, trevor, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Trevor Heninger:So let's see, I grew up in Raymond, alberta, canada. I've lived kind of all over the place. I married an American citizen, served my mission in the New Hampshire mission, mostly in Maine and Vermont, and then met my wife in Vermont actually, and then we were married in Alberta and then kind of lived all over the US after that and we have three children, ages 23, 20 and 15.
Scott Brandley:Nice, that's kind of about it. I was married in Alberta too, in the Cartston Temple, yep.
Alisha Coakley:Well, I'm just going to let you guys talk.
Trevor Heninger:I mean, Right, Alisha's down in Texas all by herself, sorry, well, Trevor that would be a rarity, Alisha, because usually you're the one that talks.
Alisha Coakley:I know I was going to say like, so far I don't know, I have hair and that's like what I have in common with Trevor right now.
Trevor Heninger:So Ouch, that's it.
Scott Brandley:Scott knows, I love it I guess I'll stop talking now.
Trevor Heninger:Yeah, I'm the only one with hair in my family too, so it's all good.
Alisha Coakley:There you go.
Trevor Heninger:So what do you?
Scott Brandley:do for a living Trevor.
Trevor Heninger:I actually drive a dump truck full time. There's a lot of construction here down in the southern Utah St George area is growing really, really fast. That's what I do to pay the bills, but I'm what I'm passionate about is coaching men. Been a men's coach for a couple of years now and that's so. I'm moving into that, hopefully full time, in the next few months.
Alisha Coakley:Awesome, that's the goal. Love it, I love it. I'm a huge advocate of coaches. I feel like I just love to surround myself with them because they're so good at like giving perspective, no matter what area you're coaching in. Like I feel like coaches just have this like different level of thinking that I love being around. So I always am excited whenever I meet a new, a new life coach or whatever kind of you know coach. You want to call yourself Men's coach, right?
Trevor Heninger:I love about that perspective. I love the analogy I use is like it's like we get stuck in a forest. If you were like been lost in a forest, you get turned around. You're like where am I? There's trees everywhere. I can't tell which way I came from. You know if you're not paying close attention, right? Well, coaches, like the guy in the helicopter or girl up in the helicopter, and they can see you from way up high and they can actually see where you're meant, where you need to go, and so they can tell you go straight or turn right or you know, and they can just guide you to where you're trying to get. And it's just just by having a different perspective it changes everything. Yeah, I like that.
Alisha Coakley:I haven't been lost in a forest, but I've been lost in Lubbock. I still use my GPS. I've lived here for like seven or eight months now and I still have to use my GPS. I got lost bringing my kid to work, which I've done four or five times every week for the last few months, and I went the wrong way the other day. I'm like oh so, I don't know about forests, but we did have a guess. That did get lost in the forest and one of our early guests, caden Laga you should definitely go watch his episode because it is the craziest story. I'm sure he would have really loved to have someone in a helicopter to guide him out of that.
Trevor Heninger:I think it's like the Boy Scouts. You know, as a kid we were always in the forest in the mountains and stuff.
Alisha Coakley:So right.
Trevor Heninger:So we didn't get lost.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, exactly, yeah, for sure.
Alisha Coakley:Awesome Cool.
Scott Brandley:Well, trevor, we're excited to hear your story today, man, so why don't we turn this time over to you? Thank you.
Trevor Heninger:All right. Well, I started, probably like many young men in the LDS Church, with a pornography addiction addiction back in when I was in my early teens, probably like 13 or 14. I did everything that I was told to overcome that addiction, but it didn't work. I prayed all the time, said the scriptures all the time, confessed to my bishop, listened to hymns, you know like, did everything that I was told was needed in order to overcome, and it never worked. And sure I'd be able to, like will power, through it for a few months at a time, or even, you know, for a couple of years.
Trevor Heninger:I started the mission, but it was still there, it still came back, and that sort of a thing can really affect a person and it really affected my relationship with God. I felt like, I felt betrayed. I felt like, no matter what I did, I couldn't overcome it. And so, back about seven years ago, 2016, I had a really low point in my life where I was actually unemployed. My wife and I and the kids were living in a travel trailer, which is really tiny.
Trevor Heninger:Been there done that Right, you know which. It's cheap living right so you can actually survive, but it's just definitely not the best sort of living.
Alisha Coakley:It wasn't even that cheap for us, but it was it was. It was hard. Yeah, yeah, it was really hard. So yeah, yeah.
Trevor Heninger:Super tough. You don't have the privacy that you want. You don't have, you know, a lot of the things that you would have normally, like your own bedroom, you take for granted, right. But yeah, I was also struggling. So I struggled with a lot of things, but one of them was was the pornography. What I was, I was going through this point of I wasn't going to act out in the pornography, so I was willpowering through it, right, and I scheduled, scheduled my suicide. I was, oh yeah.
Trevor Heninger:So one of the other things I was going through because, because of all the stress, not being able to pay my bills, not supporting my family I felt worthless, if you would, you know in the world, I wasn't able to really do. What I felt like was my responsibility as a man was to provide for my family. I felt pretty worthless. I didn't, I didn't love myself and I ended up developing shingles. I don't know if anybody here has ever had shingles before. It's usually doesn't happen until you're much older in life 60s or later is more common age.
Trevor Heninger:I was like or so, and shingles. It was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, like the skin on my back and sides, rib cage area just hurt so bad. And so I had all these you know medicines and things that they wanted me to take, which I wasn't taking because I don't want to I didn't want to get addicted to opioids, but anyways, I was like, well, I just, I just can't deal with this any longer. I really fell into the depths of despair. So I scheduled my suicide for an evening where my wife and kids were going to be gone to like young men, young women, that sort of thing, society activities and stuff, and I was just going to take all my pills. I had a whole bunch of different, you know, and I was just that I wanted to be messy, and and then I received the text just a few minutes before everybody was gone. So I was getting ready to do it and I received this text that said what's wrong?
Trevor Heninger:And I was like that was this conversation about. True, you know, I don't know exactly why that text came in it, it doesn't really matter, but the point was that text to me, um, felt to me like God was telling someone to reach out to me.
Trevor Heninger:Um and that someone actually cared, because I didn't believe that anybody really cared enough for me to stick around, and so it was um, that was huge for me. Obviously I didn't go through with it Um, but it started me on a journey of trying to figure out what was wrong, like why was I, uh, doing this and why was everybody else doing like suicide? Like I just heard us this the other day. It's like the suicide every, I think, six seconds or something in the world.
Alisha Coakley:Isn't it a high rate of it is is? Is men right Like yes, yes, yeah, I'm glad you brought that up, actually, in the church itself, um, there's the different organizations.
Trevor Heninger:You have the Relief Society, you have the elders quorum, young men, young women's primary those are the different, you know, sections of the church, right, different organizations and the. The elders quorum is the highest rate of death, um, in the church and it's actually also the lowest budget. The elders from has the lowest budget in the church too. I feel is actually part of the problem. Um, men need to be able to get together and develop friendships and bond with each other. I know it seems weird, you know women just naturally do that, but men actually need like some help. For some reason we just don't automatically do it. You know, you go to one of those activities and the women, I'll just, I'll just, you know, collect together and talk and the guys are just like off by themselves. You know, right, yeah, some reason we need a little help. So you know, anyways, uh, but I discovered that uh, over over going to some different seminars, uh started reading books avidly, um in this area and really, uh discovered that what I was truly lacking was self love. Um, it's.
Trevor Heninger:It's interesting because we see the conflict, what the, what they call the great commandments are love God, love thy neighbor, as they self right, um, and we often forget the by self part, um, which is pretty foundational for loving the neighbor as they sell as ourselves, we need to love ourselves first, um, in order for that to happen and you know, I don't mean like loving yourself, if I was to ask anybody, 99% of the time, do you love yourself? Oh, yeah, of course I do. You know, like there's no question, right. But? But then I might phrase the question Do you truly love yourself? Like every part of you, the good, the bad, the ugly, the center? You know every part of yourself, because that's what loving yourself truly, truly is. You know, I can love myself superficially. I can always love the parts that do good.
Trevor Heninger:You know, but do I love the parts that screw up A part of me that kept acting out with the pornography addiction? Um, that's a lot harder, right, yeah, of course God loves that part of me. God loves every part of me, unconditionally and all of us. Right, he would have, like he gave his son to the Atonement of Jesus Christ for all of us, and even if it was just a part of me, he would have given his life for any one of us. Yeah, but, but do we love ourselves the same way that that that he loves us?
Trevor Heninger:You know, I, that's what I discovered in that, through my research, I also discovered what, what what some people call nice guy syndrome. That was, it was really kind of weird. I was like, oh, nice guy syndrome, like I'm a nice guy, like of course I must have that, and it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was I like of course I must have that. And it was true, I did Big time and I, and I realized what I realized.
Trevor Heninger:Nice guy syndrome is just people who are trying to make others happy, they're trying to please others, they're trying to be to to well. What they're doing in essence is searching for external validation. I hope I'm not shooting all over the place and confusing people, but I wanted to let everybody know like the pornography addiction is because, because I didn't love and validate myself, I was constantly looking for external validation, and the pornography would give that to me temporarily I would. The woman on the screen wasn't going to reject me, she wasn't going to say no. She was always going to be there, no matter what.
Trevor Heninger:When I was struggling, there was always going to be that external validation, and so I might look at it and say, well, that's a bad thing, it's a coping mechanism, right, it's just like anything else. People use TV as coping mechanisms, or social media, or food or whatever. You know. We all have our coping mechanisms, whatever we're coping with. But the problem that I found was that it's it was the. The deep down, foundational belief was that I didn't love myself and so I needed help.
Alisha Coakley:So, like the pornography addiction was was the bleeding, but it wasn't the actual wound right.
Trevor Heninger:Correct. Yeah, it was just a symptom, the wound or the problem. The foundational problem was that I didn't love myself.
Alisha Coakley:Right, that makes sense.
Trevor Heninger:And so once I actually learned to truly love myself even the part of me that was acting out that's when I was able to just walk away from the addiction because I didn't need it anymore.
Alisha Coakley:Well so? So what did that look like? I know you said you started reading a whole bunch of books and stuff. Like what kind of things did you read? Was it all gospel centered, or did you start branching out and reading other things? You know, and I guess how long did that process for you take to where? Where you felt like, okay, I understand what the problem is. I need to love myself too. Okay, I feel like I'm doing a good job loving myself now.
Trevor Heninger:That's a good question. Actually, very few of the books were gospel centered or LDS books. It's unfortunately, that's not something that in the, in the church, that's the people really understand and that's why I believe about 70 to 80% of men in the church struggle with pornography. 70 to 80% is a massive number, I believe. It's right around there and it's it's an epidemic. But I there's, there's a lot of books, I mean learning to love yourself by gaining Catherine Hendricks. There's so many no more Mr Nice guy. By Dr Robert Glover. Those were a couple of books that really helped me out Trying to think there's, there's. I read about a book a week.
Alisha Coakley:Oh good.
Trevor Heninger:Because I because I'm now a men's coach I'm like always trying to learn and discover how I can better be that instrument in God's hands of helping men to become a better version of themselves and overcome their struggles. Yeah, so I'm kind of drawing a blank on the books, but there's, there's a lot of them out there and I'm, if anyone wants to reach out to me and be happy to share a whole bunch of books that can help you with those things.
Scott Brandley:But so, along along with what Alisha said, like what was that, what did the process look like? Or feel like loving yourself, like how did? How did that happen?
Trevor Heninger:Hmm, it's a good question. I'm going to have really thought about that before it was. It's one of those things that like it kind of just because it took years, even after discovering it took years because no one was teaching me, no one was coaching me. It was like I was just kind of discovering it like a little bit at a time, like through each book or each podcast or each seminar that I'd go to, I just discovered a little bit more. And it was really interesting because once I did discover, like figured out, that I needed to truly love myself deep down, every part of myself, that's when I started really developing my relationship with God.
Trevor Heninger:I feel like what happens is when we don't love ourselves, we kind of at least for me, I was really like kind of in a survival frame of mind, if you will, because I was constantly trying to get love from other people and so when that's the case, you tend to nippy like people trying to get them to love you, because you don't really know how to love yourself. So you're just like, hey, love me. So you're doing all these things. That's where the nice guy syndrome comes in right, just this constant digging for more love, fishing for compliments, fishing for all the different things that might represent love. It's really not true unconditional love, but anything would be helpful. And when you're in that mode, I kind of like to compare it to the analogy.
Trevor Heninger:I remember who was about the welfare program, but whoever was a developed welfare program within the church? He said something to the effect of people have a really hard time focusing on their spiritual life, their relationship with God, if you will, if they can't meet their own physical needs. And so that's when the church came out with the welfare program was to help people who are really struggling financially for being able to meet their needs, whether it's their home home or food or whatever. The church would step in to help meet those needs so that way they could focus on what's too important, which is their spiritual welfare, right, and so when people don't love themselves I feel like it's the same type of thing they're in this desperation of survival mode, whatever you wanna call it, and so they can't really focus on their relationship with God because they don't even have a relationship with themselves.
Trevor Heninger:Well, yeah, so part of what I do as a men's coach, I coach all Christian men, it's not just LDS, but you notice, in the background. I've got a sword, a bow, you've got a hatchet over here. You've got the man up there, the golden man. And it's just different, because very much I like to focus on the battle, because in the church we're taught hey, there's Satan's real. We had a battle in the pre-mortal life and we won, and so we got bodies right, we got to come to earth, but that's kind of like the extent of it we might talk about. Well, you'll get tempted by Satan or whatever, but the church doesn't really go into details of how to battle the devil and one of the things that he loves to do is make himself disappear. You think about society? Society doesn't even believe he exists. So how much easier is it for him to win the battle with us when we can't even tell he's there?
Alisha Coakley:Well, even more so than that, he doesn't just disappear, he camouflages himself as if he's us, so he makes us believe our thoughts are, or his thoughts are our thoughts. And it's like whoa, wait a minute, like he's so stealthy. He's so stealthy, you know.
Trevor Heninger:I like Paul and the world's greatest ventriloquist.
Alisha Coakley:Yes, exactly, I say that all the time and it's so true, it's so true he really, really is. See, we're all disconnected. Maybe we're all supposed to be friends, I know Right.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, I love that. I love that. I've never thought of it that way, but it's true, because I mean, he actually gets you to think and say things almost as if it's you saying them.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, you believe it's so hardcore. Well, this is my feeling, and you're like is it Right? Don't think so Exactly, wow, wow.
Trevor Heninger:He really likes to isolate us, because that's how he takes us out, that's how he gets us to commit suicide, for example.
Alisha Coakley:Because he isolates us.
Trevor Heninger:He tells us nobody loves you, nobody cares your problems, you know about your problems or about you or whatever. He does whatever he can to isolate us. And it's just like any other battle. If you are all by yourself fighting against a battalion, him and his minions, like a whole bunch of evil spirits, who do you think is going to win? It's not rocket science. You're going to lose. In a real battle you are going to lose. If it's you on 10, 20, 100 men forget it. And so we have to constantly be aware and be vigilant in fighting these battles. Otherwise, you know, and otherwise we're going to lose.
Trevor Heninger:And the thing is like how do you do that? By yourself, you don't. You bond with other men or women, with women or whatever. Get friends who believe the same way you do, in the sense that, hey, when I'm struggling, I'm going to reach out to my friends. I've got a group of men that I can reach out to, that I can send a message, and I know that any one of them is going to call me within seconds or a couple of minutes. Hey, what can I do to help you out? You know, do you have those kind of friendships? When you're struggling. You can reach out. They're just going to call you. You're going to drop anything and everything you know and be able to reach out to for help, because that it makes all the difference in the world. Well, and I love that you mentioned that's a great insight.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, I love how you mentioned earlier just about, like the budget for Elders Quorum, right, and how Elders Quorum yes, like you guys have this huge responsibility to take care of the families in the ward, Like your ministering assignments are for the families, right, Whereas women, we have our ministering assignments just for the sisters. And I do think that there definitely is a gap there that can definitely be filled with priesthood holders, with men in particular, in creating more opportunity for you guys to do things that just strengthen your relationships. You know, yes, you guys have to serve, because that's part of being a priesthood holder Like we definitely need to have those opportunities. But also, I love the idea like Relief Society does it all the time, Like we just had a dinner the other night where we learned crafts and we ate food and then we talked about ministering, you know, and it really helped us to build relationships with one another and everything like that. And, yes, it did still teach us to serve.
Alisha Coakley:But I don't see a lot at all ever of Elders Quorum getting together and just having something for you men where you can enjoy your time together but you can also learn how to serve or to improve yourself in some way. I just don't really see that. I've even seen in the past where Elders Quorms budgets have been taken and put into like award activity or to you know oh, we're just gonna give this to, you know, the youth for girls camp or you know whatever it is, and it's sweet that they are willing to do that. But I do think that you're right that there's a stigma that men can, like a real man, can do it himself and he doesn't need anyone else, and that's not the case. Like we know and here okay, this is gonna be my pedestal Jesus Christ surrounded himself with a bunch of other men and they went fishing together, they went on long walks, they went out to dinner, they also served, right, but they did have this actual relationship one with another and they talked about everything.
Alisha Coakley:It wasn't just Christ, you know, preaching all the time, there were questions that were being asked and there was a lot of reflection on, like, the disciples' parts, and so I do think that you're 100% right Like elders quorum, start using your budget to hang out and to do stuff together and make it like a priority to incorporate, you know, that manly relationship and stuff like that. So let me ask you both, Because I think that a lot of the times, people think that in order to be a godly man, you have to be like not just humble, but like almost weak right. So what do you guys think when you think about Christ and when you think about Heavenly Father and you think about really living up to that role as a godly man? What does that look like to you guys?
Scott Brandley:Before I answered that question I wanted to say on the last point, with the elders quorum, it's hard to organize guys together. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's that drive to like we feel like we have to work all the time or provide, but it is kind of hard to get us together and do an activity. But I do have to say the things that I remember the most as far as elders activities is when we, when somebody was in need and we could get together and all go help and it felt like we were all in it together and we were doing something good together and that was a good bonding experience For sure.
Trevor Heninger:I agree. I mean I don't know that the elders quorum budget really helps a whole lot. I think it's about a hundred dollars a year for most elders quorum as. I've seen. That's basically nothing. We've got 50 men, like a hundred boxes, like you know, and the last time we had an elders quorum activity was before COVID, you know, like that's the last time I remember ever having an elders quorum activity. So that was like what four years ago, you know that's so sad.
Scott Brandley:On that same token, I would love to have a relationship with the elders in my quorum. Like it would be nice to have some true friends, and I do feel like they would have my back. But just to take it to the next level, where it's you know, where you actually have a personal friendship with them, would be nice. Yeah, which is why I like what you're doing, trevor. And then, as to your other question, lisa, I don't feel like I'm like being, you know, being a good father or priesthood holder makes me weak, although it could maybe be perceived as weakness, because I am, you know, like all the attributes of, you know, christ, like attributes are like peace, long suffering, you know, gentleness, meekness, kindness, right, there's. It's not like asserting your authority or, you know, like being defensive or assertive, like that's. Those aren't the attributes, that Christ, that you think of when you think about Christ or the church. So, but I, it might come across that way, but I don't feel that that makes me weak. I don't know. What do you think, trevor?
Trevor Heninger:Yeah, no, definitely so. I guess one of the things we do in Ryzen Dotted we have groups of men right all over the place. We meet on Zoom, but we also we have enough guys in the local area then they get together on a regular base, like weekly. They spend time together and my groups literally 12 is the maximum for a local group, because I know, like you said, scott, how hard it is to get 50 guys to show up. Yeah right, you're not going to have very many guys, because all our schedules are all over the place, right, we all have responsibilities and so, like, maybe in the elders' corner we could take districts and we could say this district does an activity and that district does an activity. It'd be a lot easier, you know to, and then that would also bond that district together, like create like a group of where they, you know, kind of have each other's backs, because the smaller the group, the more intimate the close relationship is going to be.
Trevor Heninger:That's part of the problem that we're having in the elders' corner now is that they combine the elders' corner with the high priests. So now the group is massive, it's so huge, and part of what we struggle with as men is we don't really like. I'm just saying we don't really have a safe place to share. You know we're thinking they're going to judge us because we had a pornography addiction, you know, and we were taught that we're not supposed to be, we're not supposed to reveal our sins from the pulpit, et cetera. So there's so much tradition and misunderstandings.
Trevor Heninger:I think elders' corner needs to be that place where men can safely share something they're struggling with. I've noticed that any time anybody ever does share something personal, then other guys will start to share some things that they're struggling with as well, because they're waiting to see if it's a safe place. They're waiting. That guy just shared that like oh, and nobody actually jumped on his throat or, like, you know, nobody said anything and so maybe I can actually share too, like many of the safe space, just like women do.
Trevor Heninger:You know, it's no different, but as far as like, like one of the things. So we have what's called a divine king manifesto in Ryzen and Donut and we have, like these, different principles that we live by that help us to really Make us into what I call a divine king. One of the things we one of the principles, is I'm humble enough to change when others illuminate my gaps and I credulously help others do the same. Here's another one I have the integrity to take responsibility for every aspect of my life and don't give my power to others by passing the blame. There's just a lot of different things that we we've worked on constantly together to support and love and and become the best version of ourselves.
Trevor Heninger:I think the best example, like our first principle, is I choose to follow and strive to emulate Jesus Christ, the perfect example of a divine king, because literally, he is the perfect example. He served others when they needed to be served and if you remember when the people were disrespecting the temple, he did. It was necessary to to actually stop the people from disrespecting that temple and the strength, the masculine strength, came out when it needed to to to actually set things right.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, and along that line, trevor, like what's the you know? Tell us more about your program. How does it work with? Somebody needs to help? How did they get?
Trevor Heninger:involved. Sure, they can simply go to riseundondedcom. That's the website, and then there's a spot just gives a quick description, click Join us, I'll take, take you to the Band of Brothers program. I tried really hard to create this program to be free, and what I noticed is it is free, doesn't work, because there needs to be some skin in the game. It needs to be something to get the man to actually want to be there, to show up for himself, actually become a better version of himself.
Trevor Heninger:When it was free, I tried it for free for a whole year and it just it just basically collapsed on itself. There was a couple of guys who showed up at the rest, but there was just so many that were there for the wrong reasons that that it just ruined it for everybody else. And so, anyway, it's $25 a month. I know that's a lot of money, right, it's huge, but it's free for the first 30 days. You can check it out, get involved and see if it's for you see if it's going to help. And then we have another program that's $100 a month on top of that.
Trevor Heninger:That goes into not just the weekly get-togethers and discussions but also daily accountability, monday through Friday, each morning. That can really set someone to be able to move them so much faster towards whatever it is they're working on, whether it's overcoming addiction, or whether it's trying to get a promotion at work or be a better husband or whatever it is. It doesn't matter. You choose what you want to be accountable for. We help you to settle up and just be a better version of yourself. That's the key. I like to call it a rising tide. I've probably heard the phrase. A rising tide raises all ships.
Alisha Coakley:That's what rise and dawn it is.
Trevor Heninger:It's just a rising tide. So get in your boat, hop on that tide and let's rise together and support each other every step of the way. It's so much fun to see all these men just be coming better, like getting better relationships with God and with themselves and with their spouses and their children, and just it's so much fun.
Alisha Coakley:And it is men, so it's over 18. Correct, but you are working on maybe a youth thing eventually, but you're trying to focus on just men right at the moment.
Trevor Heninger:Right yeah, right now we're just working with men 18 and older. We have all ages. We have unmarried men, we have married men, we have divorced men, we have everything in between all over. We've got United States and Canada and we're working on getting some groups down in South America and stuff as well. But, like I said, it's all on. It can be on Zoom or it can be local, whatever. So it doesn't matter, just join us, because the more you join, more people join, the more we can create these little groups all over the place. But yeah, we're working on a youth program because I feel like the Scouting program was a pretty good youth program but it's gone now. I feel like there needs to be something more than what the church provides and these men are going to be able to mentor these young men, the men that I'm working with. So it's mostly just a group coaching atmosphere, but it's just, it's a lot of fun.
Scott Brandley:And is it for any men Like they don't, or is it for addiction specifically?
Trevor Heninger:Nope, it's for any man who wants to change something in his life period. It doesn't matter what it is, it could be anything. I mean, if you think that you've got it all, then we probably don't want you to be in the group, because you need to be humble enough to know that you need to change. We don't really want a private, conceded, toxic masculine men in this group, so we'll probably kick you out if you join.
Scott Brandley:Is it like you talked about, like a safe place? Is that kind of the idea, like you talk about things that you might not, you might be afraid to talk about outside of a safe environment.
Trevor Heninger:That's a huge part of what Rise of the Dead is all about. We create a safe space so that anyone literally can come in and be able to share and, like I said, it's in small groups, so there's not a lot of men there, but we all. It's 100% unconditional love and acceptance. So, no matter what someone is going to, they have that always. And confidentiality, 100% confidentiality, so there's never nothing's ever going to be shared about what's going on there. And it's so powerful how having that space, that safe space with unconditional love, can actually heal the wounds of the things that we're going to. It's amazing because God literally is love and so you provide. If you can be that source of love for someone else, you can actually help them heal. And it's so powerful.
Trevor Heninger:It's amazing to see these men's lives change. Like I see, just in a few weeks, massive changes in their relationships, in their finances, all areas, whatever it is they want to work on, and sometimes it's all areas. They're like they work on one thing and just everything gets better. And I'm like wow, like it's just it's truly true, you work on one thing and it helps with everything. But yeah, it's amazing, it's fascinating to watch. I feel like God, like once I figured out, like, what I needed to do and did it. God was like okay, you know you need to create a program so that you can help men do the same thing you did, but instead of it taking four years, it takes, you know, a much shorter period of time. You know because you're guiding them through the process.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, so I know that a lot of the time there's there's many men who are like oh, I don't want to sit around and talk about my feelings. So what would you say to those men? I mean, because I assume that that's part of it right is not maybe just your feelings, but just your struggles, or do you guys have like something that you concentrate on each week where you're like okay, this is what we're going to discuss? You know, how do you? I guess, how would you talk to the man who doesn't want to talk?
Trevor Heninger:Right, right. So I mean, most men don't want to talk. I'm just saying, like this is pretty common here, but I think part of that is because they don't have a safe space. They're feeling like they're feeling judged, you know. But it's not just about feelings, it's just about it's being able to say I'm struggling, you know, and there's all these other guys who are also struggling, like you're not alone, like everybody's struggling. But when you get into a group of men who actually are willing to admit that they make mistakes, that they have problems, like oh, okay, well, geez, like we all have issues, okay, no big deal, you know, it's not a big deal to admit that you do think, like I still have issues and I've been working on my soul for years and years and you know I still share things that I'm struggling with, you know, and it's just not any better than anybody else, you know.
Trevor Heninger:So we're all work. Our whole goal is to become like God, right? How's that going to happen if we never are willing to admit that we're struggling with something? Like it's just. It's so much harder to try and do it all by yourself.
Scott Brandley:It's kind of counterintuitive actually if you think about it.
Trevor Heninger:Yeah, Well, that's why Satan gets us to think that we're the only one struggling with it, right Like he's telling us no, you're the only one.
Trevor Heninger:You're a loser man. You just you suck Like don't fail anybody. You know like he's just telling us constantly in our heads don't you dare say anything, because he knows as soon as we start sharing it we're going to realize oh, everybody else is struggling with this too. Like if I had known that 70, 80% of young men were struggling with pornography like me, I like that would have been so much easier to deal with that burden right.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, right, yeah. And not that it makes it okay to go do it, it's just knowing that you're among other people who are dealing with the same thing. You're like, oh okay, satan, he, he has greatest strength is secrecy and shame. Right, it's how he gets stronger, is? He just tries to keep everything secretive and he tries to to keep us feeling shameful. And so, you know, it sounds to me like this group that you've created.
Alisha Coakley:Like you said, it's not just about the addictions and the struggles. It's also about the other areas of your life, maybe like your career or your education, or your health, or your relationships, anything that you're kind of feeling like you need a little bit more of a boost, like anything that you'd like to improve. Right, you guys, I assume, have that camaraderie where you're able to kind of give each other advice, give each other support, hold that space of you know creation and and just like leveling up. Is that right? That's exactly right. So it's not like you're, it's not just like a boohoo fest, right, like the men don't have to be worried about, oh, I'm going to go in there and everyone's crying, and it's not like that. It's just like you guys are just creating plans and just taking actions to elevate each other and to elevate your own lives, right.
Trevor Heninger:Exactly. I feel like, before we came to earth, our father in heaven, our mother in heaven and whoever you know, our leaders, those who looked up to sat down with us and helped us create a plan, because, just like he created a plan to build the world spiritually and then Christ carried it out physically, right, I feel like he did the same thing for us, for each one of us. He, they, sat down with us and said what's the plan? Like, what do you want to do with your life? You know, and kind of helped us lay out a plan and and and find, you know, like, what purpose do you want to have? But you know, like, obviously we talked, we we learned about in the scriptures, about coordination, right, so we know that a lot of this stuff was already chosen for us to do. Well, I believe I don't think it was a secret. I think it was like, yeah, we're going to do this, right. The only reason we think it's a secret is because we went to the veil and we forgot everything, right, and so part of our purpose on earth here is to discover what that is Like. What was it that God and I sat down and figured out together what I was going to do? How was I going to make a difference? How was I going to change the world? Like, if you're still on this earth, there's a reason you're still on this earth. You're still alive because you think of how easy it would be to die at any moment Like car accidents, people, thousands of people were dying every day, like suicides, every every few seconds. Like there's so many ways to die. If you're still alive, there's a reason for it. You need to figure out what it is, and that's part of what we do in Rise and Donate.
Trevor Heninger:We help you to step into your authentic self. Who are you truly? Not who are you trying to please or who are you trying to become because someone wants you to become that way? If someone expects you to do this or that, you know who are you truly. You know who is Trevor Henniger. Well, I look the way I look like because I feel like this is who I am. I feel like this is what my spirit looks like. So this is what I look like. It's my authentic self, right? So let's help you discover what that authentic self is. Let's help you figure out your purpose. What are you passionate about? What's your genius? What are you amazing at doing Like you're the best in the world at doing something? Do you know what that is? Most people don't have a clue what their genius is.
Alisha Coakley:I love that perspective.
Trevor Heninger:Yeah, I never thought about that.
Alisha Coakley:I am the best at the world, but something I just don't know what. It is yet Really annoying my husband no.
Scott Brandley:I think that. I think that's it. Yeah, figure it out.
Trevor Heninger:Yeah, like. So this is all all of these things we discuss and we, if men really want to level up, we always have an audio book that we're, that we're going to. Now they can choose. If they don't want to go to the auto book, that's fine, but it's pretty easy to listen to an audio book on your way to work and back every day for a few minutes.
Trevor Heninger:And if someone, if these audio books are always teaching us something about whatever you know, personal development type stuff, so that we can become that better version of ourselves, you know, so they really want to dig into that book and they can really learn, and then that book might come up in some of these discussions like hey, guess what I learned from the book today, you know.
Trevor Heninger:And then it's like oh yeah, that's so cool, like I learned something like that too, like you know, just creates this great discussion about how they're applying it to their life. And you know, we're just, we're just all leveling up together, you know. So it's, it's, and it's not just about these discussions Like we, if you're, if we have, if we can get, like it's not if it's when we get enough guys in your local area, when you join us because we only need six guys to create a. Look. We call a local clan, like the Viking clan, right? So we create a clan and then every month we get together and do something like fun, we call it. We call them feasts, we do feasts.
Alisha Coakley:So I love to eat right.
Trevor Heninger:So we go eat whether it's like bringing food together, or we go out to eat at a restaurant, go to a buffet, whatever, and we'll do something fun after we go bowling or go shooting or whatever. You know, the guys kind of get to pick whatever they want to do as a group and they go do it. They pick the date and the time and the place and we go have these feasts and it's just a ton of fun. Like everybody needs a group of friends that they can go to, they trust with their life and they just go have fun with and they can share things with.
Trevor Heninger:And I'll tell you what every marriage Thank you all for coming, have fun and catch you tomorrow, Bye, Bye needs a group of men that the husband can be with Every marriage 100%, Because it improves that marriage. Because if you want your husband, your man, to show up strong and whatever word you want to say like healed, like someone who's actually working on himself and becoming that man that you want to lead your children, then having a group of men who are all doing that together, it's actually going to happen, right.
Scott Brandley:So, it makes all the difference in the world.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah Well and, like I mentioned earlier, even Jesus had a posse, right, he had his own little clan, he had his own little group of men and yeah. So if we're going to be Christ, like, go get yourself a group of guys to hang out with.
Trevor Heninger:Yeah, exactly, it doesn't have to be part of Rise Undone. You can do it yourself. We've just added, we just created this so that it's easy for men to plug in and go for it. But if you want to do it on your own, do it Like it's life changing it really is.
Alisha Coakley:Cool. Well, thank you so much. Trevor, can I ask, do you have any last thoughts? I always like to kind of ask about a testimony takeaway, like how has this whole story that you shared today and all of your perspective, how has it really helped your testimony and helped you to understand who you are as a son of God? And then, is there anything else that you'd like to leave with our listeners before we go?
Trevor Heninger:It's a great question, I believe. Like I said before, I believe that God really has a plan for each one of us and for me being able to discover that plan, it's helped me get a like President Nielsen has been saying ever since he got made the prophet basically has developed that personal relationship with God. I didn't really have one before. I learned to love myself and discovered what my purpose was, but now I have that personal relationship with him and I can more fully like he's just guiding me every step of the way, like I could tell you like how unpassionate I was before, like when I was, like I still work a job that I don't really like, like I'm still driving truck, but I see the end result, I see like what's coming, because I and so I have so much more hope. I'm doing what I love, I'm passionate about, I'm making a difference in that in his life, I'm literally changing the world. But it's not me.
Trevor Heninger:It's like God helped me do this whole thing step by step. He gave me all the tools I needed. He helped me go through the process of everything that I know now I know that he guided me through that whole process and so it's helped me develop a better relationship with him and gain a stronger testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, because the Atonement of Jesus Christ is what truly helped me to go through that hard time when I was suicidal, because I know that he suffered all of those things. For me it's not just sin, he didn't just pay for our sins, he also understands every struggle that we go through, and so understanding that more fully has completely changed my life, and I believe that I know that he loves us unconditionally, and so that's allowed me to be able to pass on that love to others, and it's just completely changed my life. So I love it. Thank you for asking.
Alisha Coakley:Awesome. Well, thank you so much, trevor. We really appreciate having you on today and for you being so open and for giving us all of these great insights and perspectives. I am very, very excited to hopefully have some more men join the Rise Undaunted and you said it's just riseundauntedcom. Yep, that's it. Okay, perfect, and we'll go ahead and we'll share that link and stuff like that in the description. And if anyone has any more questions or anything for you, what's the best way for them to get in touch? Should they go through your website or?
Trevor Heninger:I'm on Facebook, instagram Threads, tiktok, whatever. It's all Rise Undaunted. So you just look up Rise Undaunted or at Rise Undaunted or whatever. That's my tag or whatever on all of the social media, so it shouldn't be too hard to find, and I've got lots of videos and different things on there. So Awesome. It's awesome. Yeah, thank you so much for having me, you guys, what's that Scott?
Scott Brandley:I wanna say I think there are well, when I was a bishop, I remember the state president telling me a statistic, like you were saying earlier, about pornography. But I also like if you put yourself in the shoes of other people that are struggling with low self-esteem, marital problems, addiction, all those things, and they don't have someone to talk to. They just bottle it up and they just, you know, like they do, separate themselves from the rest of the world, and I love that you're giving men a place to go and not be alone.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah.
Scott Brandley:Right, like I just think that's the coolest thing and I just wanna thank you for doing that. I mean, that's just a really cool thing that you're doing and I think it's gonna change a lot of people's lives and give men hope that don't have anywhere else to go. So I just wish you all the best with your project and I hope that if you're a man out there and you're struggling and you don't have somewhere where you can go, that's safe, that you can just talk to other guys, go, check this out and I think it could really help you.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah, even if you're not struggling, even if you do feel like you have some things you know that you're doing pretty well at, I feel like you know your group definitely could use all of the levels right, like the ones who have been there, done that, the ones who are doing it, the ones who might do it in the future, you know like I think it definitely helps for everyone to be able to learn from different ages and stages and experiences. And so, yeah, just if you're a guy in general, just go check out Ryzen, danted, see what they're all about. I love that. You know, trevor, you've offered a 30 day free trial where you guys can really just, you know, look into it and see what it's all about and see if it's something that you know would work well for you or maybe it'll work well for another man in your life that you think, hey, maybe they could use this support, and then you have a resource to give them.
Trevor Heninger:So For sure. Thank you so much, thank you. The phrase I like to use is sometimes some men are gonna be getting lifted and others are going to be doing the lifting, you know, and we're all at different stages in our lives. We're all like it doesn't matter, you know. So we've actually had a lot of life coaches join Ryzen Danted recently because they see the value in being able to help in a community atmosphere, not just one-on-one.
Trevor Heninger:How powerful that community is when we're all helping each other. It's just so much more fun than trying to do it all by yourself, right?
Scott Brandley:Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
Trevor Heninger:Thanks for having me on. You guys are amazing oh thank you.
Alisha Coakley:Thank you, yeah, we really really appreciate it. And to all of our listeners, we appreciate you guys tuning in today as well and listening to Trevor's story. We are just Scott and I. We love doing this. So we've been doing this for over a year. How?
Scott Brandley:long have you been doing this for? Oh yeah, definitely A year and a half, Almost two years.
Alisha Coakley:Almost two years.
Alisha Coakley:Yeah See, it's just going by so quickly.
Alisha Coakley:But Scott and I, I know every single story that shared we get uplifted and edified and we just feel so good knowing that that there are people out there like Trevor who are willing to step up to the plate, who are willing to take their struggles and take their experiences and their stories and to be able to turn it into light and turn it into something beautiful and something that can help bring that joy and that happiness and that direction and purpose in life for one another's.
Alisha Coakley:And so I just I think you guys, as our listeners, for tuning in and for supporting us and for supporting our guests, we really, really love that sense of community, and so we're just going to ask that you guys continue to do so, that you do your five second missionary work. You go ahead and comment, you know you can ask Trevor a question, you can comment on some of your favorite things, you know insights or parts of his story and then share, share, share, share his story, get it out there. There's definitely a need for men to be able to connect to one another and to rise up to their purpose that Heavenly Father has designed for them. So you just doing five seconds of missionary work clicking that share button. That would help out tremendously.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, and if you have a story, go to Latterday Lightscom and share with us and let's have you on the show. So once again, trevor, thanks for being on, Thank you, and we will talk to you guys next week.
Alisha Coakley:Until then, we'll see you later.
Scott Brandley:See ya.